u/Love_a_Slut

Sir wanted me to write a public journal-type post about my first week of denial, so here I am, detailing just how much of a horny fucktoy I apparently am lol

I think the biggest thing I’ve realized is just how obsessed with masturbating I actually am. Like seriously. I’ve always known I masturbate a lot, but I didn’t realize how automatic it had become. Horny, bored, reading, trying to sleep… my hand just ends up there without me even thinking about it. Which becomes a problem when I’m supposed to ask permission before I cum and I kept deciding not to 🙃

One thing we’ve been experimenting with is transparent medical tape as a makeshift form of chastity. I’m using it to basically seal my clit away during the day so I can’t absentmindedly start touching myself whenever the urge hits. And honestly, the mental aspect might be my favorite part. I may even be starting to enjoy how horny it makes me just seeing myself sealed away and knowing I’m not supposed to have access to it.

Sir also wanted to remind me that I’m supposed to be his ready-to-use fucktoy, so he’s been having me wear lingerie every day to help keep me in that needy mindset. Welllll… I keep forgetting and wearing comfy underwear instead & also keep needing reminders to send proof of the tape. I also sent Sir a video showing him how needy I was while trying to rub myself over the tape. Apparently I don’t understand that “no touching” means no fucking touching. Oops.

So all of that earned me a punishment involving a whole lot of teasing and stimulation without being allowed the release I wanted. And honestly, it was torture. Everything in me wanted to stop thinking, indulge in what I was feeling, and chase it until I got what I wanted. Instead, I had to sit there wanting it and accept that wanting something doesn’t mean I’m allowed to have it. And the numbing cream on my clit with a vibrator on high was awful.

And THAT is probably the part of denial that’s finally starting to click for me.

Before this, denial mostly meant “I’m not allowed to orgasm.” Now I’m realizing it’s also about breaking this weird little cycle I’ve created where every sexual urge needs to be immediately satisfied. Horny? Masturbate. Bored? Touch myself. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Something feels good? Keep going until I cum.

Sir wants me needy for him. When I give myself whatever I want whenever I want it, I’m basically taking away the exact neediness and frustration that he enjoys creating in me. I’m starting to understand that staying needy is kind of the whole point. Which sounds super obvious now that I'm typing it out haha

So, one week down. At least one more to go… but probably longer because I ALSO keep forgetting to add my toys to our online inventory. I’m supposed to add 10 toys per day and every missed toy adds another 2 days of denial.

Holy fuck, while writing this I just realized I think I missed TWO DAYS 😫

Actually, I’m also currently writing this in my pajamas without the tape or lingerie on, so apparently this journal entry has turned into me documenting my crimes in real time. Fuck.

OH! And I forgot to mention the best part: this whole denial thing was my fucking idea in the first place 🙃

Sir wanted me to write a public journal-type post about my first week of denial, so here I am, detailing just how much of a horny fucktoy I apparently am lol

I think the biggest thing I’ve realized is just how obsessed with masturbating I actually am. Like seriously. I’ve always known I masturbate a lot, but I didn’t realize how automatic it had become. Horny, bored, reading, trying to sleep… my hand just ends up there without me even thinking about it. Which becomes a problem when I’m supposed to ask permission before I cum and I kept deciding not to 🙃

One thing we’ve been experimenting with is transparent medical tape as a makeshift form of chastity. I’m using it to basically seal my clit away during the day so I can’t absentmindedly start touching myself whenever the urge hits. And honestly, the mental aspect might be my favorite part. I may even be starting to enjoy how horny it makes me just seeing myself sealed away and knowing I’m not supposed to have access to it.

Sir also wanted to remind me that I’m supposed to be his ready-to-use fucktoy, so he’s been having me wear lingerie every day to help keep me in that needy mindset. Welllll… I keep forgetting and wearing comfy underwear instead & also keep needing reminders to send proof of the tape. I also sent Sir a video showing him how needy I was while trying to rub myself over the tape. Apparently I don’t understand that “no touching” means no fucking touching. Oops.

So all of that earned me a punishment involving a whole lot of teasing and stimulation without being allowed the release I wanted. And honestly, it was torture. Everything in me wanted to stop thinking, indulge in what I was feeling, and chase it until I got what I wanted. Instead, I had to sit there wanting it and accept that wanting something doesn’t mean I’m allowed to have it. And the numbing cream on my clit with a vibrator on high was awful.

And THAT is probably the part of denial that’s finally starting to click for me.

Before this, denial mostly meant “I’m not allowed to orgasm.” Now I’m realizing it’s also about breaking this weird little cycle I’ve created where every sexual urge needs to be immediately satisfied. Horny? Masturbate. Bored? Touch myself. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Something feels good? Keep going until I cum.

Sir wants me needy for him. When I give myself whatever I want whenever I want it, I’m basically taking away the exact neediness and frustration that he enjoys creating in me. I’m starting to understand that staying needy is kind of the whole point. Which sounds super obvious now that I'm typing it out haha

So, one week down. At least one more to go… but probably longer because I ALSO keep forgetting to add my toys to our online inventory. I’m supposed to add 10 toys per day and every missed toy adds another 2 days of denial.

Holy fuck, while writing this I just realized I think I missed TWO DAYS 😫

Actually, I’m also currently writing this in my pajamas without the tape or lingerie on, so apparently this journal entry has turned into me documenting my crimes in real time. Fuck.

OH! And I forgot to mention the best part: this whole denial thing was my fucking idea in the first place 🙃