u/ModelAmberFaith

When I was first married, I wouldn't have even admitted that I was attracted to women. Now I can't get enough, especially when they're submissive like Abby and will do anything I tell them. She is AMAZING!

My other post was removed, so I've changed the photo and put this back to help facilitate discussion. If you posted comments previously, that's why you may not see them any more.

This question surprised me, and I've received it many times. Sexual liberation, depending on your background, is something that has been railed against (pun intended) quite often. I know I heard a lot about it when I was growing up, and I've heard it preached and taught against repeatedly now that I'm more keenly aware of that discussion.

This won't be as long of an answer as some of the other AMAs, but I hope that the discussion in the comments will be as good or better. This is a topic where there's a lot to discuss, even though this post is mostly about definitions.

My understanding of what it means to be a "sexually liberated Christian" is not that there are "no rules" with regard to sexuality, but that one takes back control of their sexuality from a group that has no right to it in the first place. Many churches and denominations try to control their congregants sexuality, defining what is and isn't acceptable. We, as believers, are not beholden to any denomination, council, hierarchy, magisterium, etc. to decide what we can and cannot do and be when it comes to our sexuality. This is what is means to be liberated: we take back control from the churches and councils; our sexuality is between ourselves and the One who created us.

Rather than meaning there are no rules, it simply means we have removed the middle man and discuss our sexuality directly with our Creator rather than some council. I decide, based on what God reveals and has created in me, what my sexuality entails, where and when that is limited, etc.

What do you think? I would love to hear more in the comments!

This question surprised me, and I've received it many times. Sexual liberation, depending on your background, is something that has been railed against (pun intended) quite often. I know I heard a lot about it when I was growing up, and I've heard it preached and taught against repeatedly now that I'm more keenly aware of that discussion.

This won't be as long of an answer as some of the other AMAs, but I hope that the discussion in the comments will be as good or better. This is a topic where there's a lot to discuss, even though this post is mostly about definitions.

My understanding of what it means to be a "sexually liberated Christian" is not that there are "no rules" with regard to sexuality, but that one takes back control of their sexuality from a group that has no right to it in the first place. Many churches and denominations try to control their congregants sexuality, defining what is and isn't acceptable. We, as believers, are not beholden to any denomination, council, hierarchy, magisterium, etc. to decide what we can and cannot do and be when it comes to our sexuality. This is what is means to be liberated: we take back control from the churches and councils; our sexuality is between ourselves and the One who created us.

Rather than meaning there are no rules, it simply means we have removed the middle man and discuss our sexuality directly with our Creator rather than some council. I decide, based on what God reveals and has created in me, what my sexuality entails, where and when that is limited, etc.

What do you think? I would love to hear more in the comments!

AMA: Have you ever shared with someone from the church where Pastor was currently preaching?

This is long, so the tl;dnr version is: yes, it was good. We were careful.

Yes, we did, and because we were very careful about it, it was a good experience. Though, we fully realize that not everyone has good experiences when this happens. You have to be very careful, and things have to work out just right. We would both tell you that you have to decide if the risk is worth it because you're much more likely to get caught than not. Having said that, yes, we did it one time, and in a way that still feels too good to believe. It’s one of those stories I hold close because it shows how God can weave together deep faith, genuine love, and unashamed desire in ways that surprise us, heal us, and set us free. It's one of the things that has convinced me that what we're doing is good, right, holy, and what God would have us to be doing. That doesn't mean it's for everyone, and we don't expect everyone to agree, but we have this as part of the testimony that we're headed in the right direction.

There was a woman in her late 30s at one of the churches where my husband was preaching. She had never been married and only had a few serious relationships, which weren't very good according to her. She had this beautiful, aching longing inside her. I was pretty sure that she was bisexual or lesbian, but being able to tell that is a different question.

She wanted a man who would be completely faithful to her heart, loving, kind, tender, and supportive. She needed a steady presence of love and strength, and she had prayed for someone to bring this to her since her early teens. She saw these things in Pastor, and I could tell that she was smitten with him, but was working very hard to be a "good church lady" who didn't lust after someone else's husband. BUT I wanted her to; more about that in a bit.

All of these things would make her a pretty typical late 30s single woman at many churches. Chances are if you're a fairly good size church, you have several people there I could have been describing. Regardless of anything sexual, if you have a way to help support the adults in your church who aren't married or don't have children, please find a way to do that. It's often a very lonely place to be. People are made to feel that if they aren't married with kids that they're somehow less of a person. That is absolutely not the case, and most churches don't do a good job of making them feel accepted or faithful. I'm not saying churches go out of their way to ostracize, but it does tend to happen since so much focus is put on parents and children.

All while trying very hard to be a good, faithful member, she struggled with her sexuality and as I got to know her better, she confessed to always having had VERY strong sexual desires. She had been taught that shame was the appropriate response to human sexuality, so every time she wanted to express that part of herself, she was scared and terrified that someone might find out or that she was somehow offending God. She craved real, passionate, intense sex, and she wanted it, according to her, almost all the time every day.

She struggled because despite these desires, she had always been told it was wrong for anything even remotely sexual was sinning. If anything were to happen outside of marriage, even kissing someone, it was one of the worst sins a woman could commit. That didn't stop her desires, and she felt terrible because it. She had grown and matured some on her own, and she was starting to realize she had been abused spiritually when she was youngers (spiritual abuse is another question for a different AMA). She was slowly starting to overcome, and Pastor was the person she needed to be set free.

Needless to say, she was a little more than conflicted. Especially after she found herself intensely attracted to a married man: her Pastor and my husband. Her heart felt like it could never be reconciled with her faith. That more than anything else about her situation made me sad and drew me to her to help her. At the end of the day, if we never did anything sexual, more than anything else, I want her to have a healthy faith without fear that embraces all of who she is as a person.

I first noticed the way she looked at him during services—soft, lingering glances filled with both admiration and quiet hunger. A woman can generally tell when another woman is interested in a man. Obviously not always, but I've generally been able to tell based on the way she looks at him. If you're a married couple, chances are your wife has been attracted to people at church. If you learn what to look for, you will see instances where she is attracted to someone. There is something that women generally tend to wear in their expression that shows interest and admiration. That doesn't mean they will always act on it, it just means it's something you can see. This coming Sunday, watch a young, newlywed couple, and you will most likely see the look I'm talking about when the wife looks at her new husband.

When I saw hints of that in her, instead of feeling threatened, something in my spirit stirred with excitement and compassion. Anyone drawn sexually to my husband is usually someone I end up loving fiercely. I knew that at the very least she and I had a beautiful friendship in the future, so I started reaching out as a friend. Coffee dates turned into long talks and Bible studies, deeper conversations in our living room, meals together, working out together, and all sorts of fun things. She needed a good friend, and she needed someone that she could trust with her struggles.

As trust grew, I began sharing more openly about our marriage. If you lead these kinds of conversations with extremely non-traditional notions, those conversations are not going to end well most of the time. Conservative Christians typically have a "circle the wagons" mentality and it takes time to help someone feel safe. I simply started by saying things like we take everything the Bible says about marriage when we consider it, about sexual relationships, and we allow the Spirit to lead us, too. That usually means that we wind up at an understanding that is different from Victorian ideas of sexuality. The Bible decidedly does NOT take a Victorian view of sexuality.

As we opened up, she started to share more about her own sexual experiences and desires. I feel like I should pause right now to let the guys here know that I have had so many women tell me they fantasize about sucking cock. Not every woman has said that, but So. Many. Have. Chances are that cute lady at church has thought about gobbling cock and drinking cum at some point during any given Sunday. If you aren't weird about it, there's a cumslut hiding inside many, many women. I know that was me for a long time, so I'm speaking from experience here to some degree. More about that later 😘

As we talked more, we talked about a lot of the "non-traditional" things about sexuality in the Bible (if it's in the Bible, maybe WE are non-traditional 🤔). There have been several studies that talked about polygamy in the ancient world and how common it was. One day during while we were talking, and I confess I helped walk her down this line of questioning, she asked me how I would feel if my husband was with another woman. Remember, I knew that she wanted Pastor, and this wasn't the first time we had talked about these things. We had been spending a lot of time together for about 6 months at this point.

I know this is already a little long, but I can't emphasize enough that it takes time for people to accept and trust most of the time. Social theories say between 30 to 90 days before someone starts to really trust. Please don't just jump into an intimate conversation with someone. Even if they like it in the moment, they will likely ultimately feel pressured and regret it. That can lead to a lot of trouble.

Back to her question: I told her that I would love it. I had been thinking about it for a long time, and I would love to see another woman love my husband the way I do, share intimately with him the way I do. I want him to be happy and to be pleased, so why wouldn't I want someone else to do those things for him? Pleasure isn't bad and sharing ourselves isn't bad, so I would love that.

We walked about that for a while, and after explaining a few times about the true, authentic joy I would feel when I watch other women receive my husband’s love and touch, when I see her use her body to please him and make him happy, I could tell that she was excited about the idea. For the first time, maybe, being with Pastor wasn't just a fantasy. It could be a reality.

I also need to say here that jealousy isn't for me. If you're a jealous person, then don't share yourself or your spouse with someone else. You have to work on that and overcome that first. There have been so many bad stories about people who just jumped into sharing, and in less than 10 years they're divorced. If your marriage is struggling, sharing and opening the marriage will not fix it. You really need to work on your marriage first and make that happy and healthy before inviting other people into the intimate parts of your life.

Okay, I'm not a jealous person (anymore, long story). I don't need to be jealous because by sharing we fulfill many spiritual pictures. I explained that I see it as an extension of the generous, abundant love God gives us. Eventually I gently introduced the idea that if she truly was interested in trying something, she could think of herself as a devoted concubine to Pastor: a cherished servant in a loving, committed relationship, not necessarily a wife (long story why this was an important distinction for her), but someone who belonged to him in a special way. That biblical-sounding language removed so much of her shame. It gave her permission to receive what her body and heart were longing for without feeling like she was destroying a marriage or living in outright sin.

During that conversation she also said again that she carried a deep craving for structure and surrender, a true Master/slave and Dom/sub dynamic, which fit perfectly into the concubine scenario. My husband was able to hold both realities for her beautifully: the tender, protective, supportive covering she needed spiritually and emotionally, along with the firm dominance and discipline she ached to submit to. Ultimately, it was never and has never been one without the other. He pastors her heart even as he masters her body, and she flourished under that care.

I ended that discussion by saying that I would love to see her lips kissing him. I told her to come to supper the next evening, and I wanted her kissing Pastor before she left our house. This gave her time to think about things, to pray and meditate, to let the Spirit lead her, and to make sure she really wanted to take this step. I always make sure that I'm never forcing anything. That always leads to regret.

She showed up the next day, wearing a nice dress like I told her to (did I mention she's super submissive?), and we had a lovely dinner. Afterward, I told Pastor that I wanted her to kiss him. Within 15 minutes, she was on her knees in my living room sucking his cock and loving every second of it. I absolutely LOVED seeing how happy she was with his cock in her mouth, and as I gently ushered them into the bedroom, I enjoyed myself while I watched them for a couple of hours. It was one of the most beautiful and wonderful experiences I've had watching Pastor with a woman.

Eventually, as we continued to talk (you have to keep talking!! Often and openly) she told me that she always felt like she was at least bisexual. This is another thing that doesn't get talked about much in churches. My experience has been that MOST women are bisexual. Certainly not every woman, but most. Maybe even a very high percentage. She got to experience her very first lesbian moments with me—gentle, patient explorations that helped her accept her attraction to women without fear. She had her first threesomes, learning how exquisite it can be to share pleasure together. She was able to explore and try new things without judgment, and it was a beautiful thing to see her faith grow along with her better understanding of herself. She told us many times that she learned more about who she truly was—sexually, emotionally, and spiritually—in that season than in all her previous adult years combined. Watching her bloom from a shy, shame-filled woman into a confident, radiant, sexually free believer was one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

Of course, we had to be extremely careful. At church we followed strict, unspoken rules. No holding hands, no lingering touches, no sitting too close on the pew. I always positioned myself between them if she sat with us. We were mindful of every glance, every tone of voice, every moment we were in public. Once she began exploring her feelings for women, she had an extra layer of caution so she wouldn’t accidentally reveal that part of herself either. It required discipline and sacrifice, but it also made the private moments we had together feel even more precious.

I was never in a hurry with her. I didn’t want to push or rush her attraction to me or to women. I let her feelings develop naturally, answered every question she had (sometimes late into the night), and made sure she always felt safe, seen, and loved exactly where she was. She started out drawn almost entirely to my husband, and that was more than enough for me. The rest unfolded in God’s timing.

When work eventually required her to move away, it was bittersweet. But we didn’t lose her. We still talk regularly, texts every day, calls, etc. Whenever she’s anywhere near us, I clear my husband’s schedule so they can have uninterrupted time together. She remains one of my closest friends. I love everything about her, and I love hearing about her continued journey, laughing with her, praying with her, and I especially love the rare times all three of us can be together again. Those visits feel like coming home.

Looking back, I’m so thankful God brought her into our lives. She received real, committed love and passionate fulfillment while staying connected to her faith. We all grew closer to God and to each other through it. It’s a beautiful reminder that sometimes the most unexpected relationships can bring the deepest healing and freedom when they’re built on honesty, care, faith and surrender.

This can be a really tricky question for a couple of reasons.

First, how do you even approach a couple from the same church? If you've been there long or aren't in a leadership role, it's a little different. As the Pastor and Pastor's wife, it's VERY tricky. We can save this discussion for a different AMA.

My opinion on playing with a couple from the same church, assuming the above, is that you have to be careful. This is especially true if the church isn’t "liberal" or generally very open-minded about these things. Most churches aren't, even ones that are considered be traditionally progressive with sexuality. My experience has been that most people in most churches are not open to sharing, polyamory, etc. Now, you have to understand that I run in a VERY conservative circle, so your experiences may be very different. Just be aware of your surroundings, and tailor your path with others in the church based on that.

Another thing to consider is how long you've been somewhere. The longer we attend some place, the more connections we make and the more "plugged in" we feel. If you're going to open yourself to sharing with others in the same church, you've got to be ready to give all of that up. Hopefully that will never happen, but there's a very real possibility that you might have to leave the church. Be prepared for that, and if you're not willing to take that risk, then the answer is simple: don't play with people from the church.

If you do take that step and find someone to share with, you have to be careful about a couple of things. First, people notice connections and how friendly you are with others. It's pretty easy to tell, as the Pastor's wife, when people develop crushes and attractions to others. I've been trained to notice things, but most people have an innate ability to tell when someone is becoming extra friendly with someone else. You will have to be VERY careful that you don't let play time bleed over into church time as far as the way you interact with other people. This is especially true with each other's spouses. People will become VERY suspicious if a man is suddenly "too friendly" with someone else's wife, or vice versa. Oddly enough, in most religious traditions, women are viewed as the threat even though statistically that's not the case. So, more than likely, any changes in the women's friendliness will be noticed first. It’s really hard to hide that kind of intimacy once it’s happened, and other church members will notice "out of place" changes in the energy and vibe between couples. Unfortunately, church folks can be pretty observant.

A second thing to be careful of, especially if you're in a smaller town, is that people talk. If someone sees you being overly friendly in public, chances are they might have common connections. Juicy gossip—even the hint of juicy gossip—spreads quicker than a grass fire in a gale during a drought in July. Church folks are -THE WORST- when it comes to gossip. Be careful where you go, what you do in public, who sees you, etc. The larger the town, the less this will likely be to impact you, but you still need to keep your head on a swivel. The best bet is always pretend like you're being watched by someone from church in public, and then only let that guard down when you're in private.

I believe sharing love and connection is always a beautiful thing when it’s done consensually and with respect. If you can find that within a church, I think it's a good thing, just with the above caveats and maybe some others I didn't talk about depending on your particular circumstances.

Also, make sure you set very clear boundaries and have some long, honest discussions beforehand about expectations, limits, preferences, and what everyone is comfortable with. It’s incredibly important that you’re all on the same page about whether this is a one-time thing or potentially ongoing, what the hard limits are, etc. Clear and direct communication at the very beginning will go a long way to stopping drama and trouble later. I cannot emphasize this enough. If you don't want to do this, then don't share with someone at the same church.

The first time you meet together for play, I’d strongly recommend keeping it same couple, same room. That way you can feel out the chemistry and see how comfortable everyone is together without jumping into anything more complex. Then move forward very slowly from there. You can always go forward, but you can never go backward. Once something is done, it’s done, and it will impact relationships, etc. from that point forward forever.

You may even want to get together a couple times and just watch each couple. Watching two people make love can be an incredibly erotic experience, and it is an even more careful first step. If you're at all trepidatious about sharing with people from the same church, this is the best place to start. There's almost "no harm, no foul" at this point.

Basically, any time you're at a point where you're making a decision together, carefully consider how it will affect you, your marriage/relationship, the other relationship, and your shared experience in your faith community. Protect your peace and your place.

I hope that helps! What are your thoughts on it? Let me know in the comments 💗

I'm sure there are often questions that get asked about faith, sexuality, etc. I am happy to help answer questions that anyone might have or just have discussions about faith in general. I'm glad to be here! 💗

I need a workout partner so that I always have someone to flash