u/Ok-Lawfulness-4545

I (36F) have been exploring my submissive side (bedroom only) and one thing I’ve noticed is that I have two perspectives/persona’s/roles. The first I feel most comfortable with: it is the pleaser, the one who wants to serve (sexually), who wants to give and take to serve and please her Dom.

The other is something I crave, but there is definately a blockade, mostly because it feels much more vulnerable: the needy, desperate, wanting Sub. In general, I’m the type (eldest migrant daughter) who finds it difficult to ask for help and accept help, care and nurturing. However, I’m always ready to jump in. I’m proud of that side, but I sometimes wish I could receive the same care from someone else. So I desperately want to be that begging and needy Sub, but it feels so damn scary and vulnerable.

My question to you is basically how to bottom? I know there is not one flavor but many different ones, so I’m curious to hear how ya’ll navigate that or have navigated it to find out what fits best in what context and how to actually go to the place that feels most vulnerable?

I do have a bratty and switchy side to me as well, and especially when being the pleaser I do tend to be more assertive then I’d like, I still feel a certain pressure on me, its a mode of taking care instead of being taken care of which is also part of the Sub’s role I guess, but when I go into that mode I do tend to take initiative and control over the situation and I really want to get to a place where I don’t feel that need. I hope this makes sense 😅

I already read the new bottoming book and the submissives training by Cramer.

I (36F) have been exploring my submissive side (bedroom only) and one thing I’ve noticed is that I have two perspectives/persona’s/roles. The first I feel most comfortable with: it is the pleaser, the one who wants to serve (sexually), who wants to give and take to serve and please her Dom.

The other is something I crave, but there is definately a blockade, mostly because it feels much more vulnerable: the needy, desperate, wanting Sub. In general, I’m the type (eldest migrant daughter) who finds it difficult to ask for help and accept help, care and nurturing. However, I’m always ready to jump in. I’m proud of that side, but I sometimes wish I could receive the same care from someone else. So I desperately want to be that begging and needy Sub, but it feels so damn scary and vulnerable.

My question to you is basically how to bottom? I know there is not one flavor but many different ones, so I’m curious to hear how ya’ll navigate that or have navigated it to find out what fits best in what context and how to actually go to the place that feels most vulnerable?

I do have a bratty and switchy side to me as well, and especially when being the pleaser I do tend to be more assertive then I’d like, I still feel a certain pressure on me, its a mode of taking care instead of being taken care of. I hope this makes sense 😅

I already read the new bottoming book and the submissives training by Cramer.

Was I turn-off or was he insecure?

Yesterday I (F36) finally got to experience my first D/s / bdsm playdate irl. Overall it was good. I had a rule that we’d have a vanilla date before actually playing (which is the bare minimum, i know). That date was nice. He isn’t the type I would usually go for but our chats and his vibe during the date were appealing and I felt safe enough to want to start this exploration with him.

After much anticipation yesterday was finally the day. I enjoyed it, a lot, I’ve been the nasties, greediest, slutty brat I’ve been craving to let out. But I am left with a feeling that I’m not sure what to do with. And that is the question: was I a turn -off for him or was he insecure?

It all started great, I gained the most definite confirmation that I excel in giving head. I was complimented for my passion and the use of my wicked tongue ☺️ his moans and grunts were furhter confirmation I was doing a great job.

However when we got to actually have sex I think he came too early and I didn’t really. I did when he used a toy on me but I wanted to orgasm on his D. But it wasn’t a big issue, we were still playing. I did joke a bit and tell him he’d been naughty. After a while I wanted to try again and while he did get hard from me giving head he just couldn’t keep it up when penetrating. He told me I drained him (after one time??). This kind of stuff does go to my head, so I did get extra bratty, its like a “hah(!) I won” type of feeling, and I did hint at that a couple times.

So then he made me give him head again until he came in my mouth. As I was giving head I did hint that we could maybe try again but he didn’t go along. After he came I did say well its a shame that we didn’t use this round to actually fuck, he said that we had to wait. We then wrapped up, cuddled a bit and left.

At first I was giddy because I thought look at me being a hot filthy and irresistable slut. He was beinv very “nice” and attentive, checked in with me, praised me, helped me try out new stuff. But then I started to doubt myself: maybe it wasn’t that i was being hot, maybe I was a turn-off, my body, or my heavy breathing, or just the way I have sex. Because he also didn’t go down on me. We only had sex in doggy style. So those things make me doubt myself: maybe he thought I was ugly or he didn’t really liken my body after seeing it naked (i am on the curvier side)

Or I was indeed “too good” as he said and that got him a bit insecure? He told me I was too good and that he didn’t know if he liked it or if it annoyed him. I, as the brat I am, enjoyed this immensely which further annoyed him.

I have been single and sexless for awhile. Started dating recently and so far its been anxiety inducing and disapointing. This experience was by far the best in terms of benig treated decently, but I am a bit sad that I didn’t get to experience the mind shattering orgasm I have been anticipating for the past 2 to 3 weeks because my guy couldn’t keep it up. I want to be fucked, hard, i want it to hurt, i want my body to leave a dent in the matress and my hips to carry the bruises of his fingertips, is that too much to ask 😭

Has any of you experienced something similar. This guy has been in the scene for a while, he already has a sub and is, from what I’ve gathered, experienced. Me, not so much, this was my first time doing anything of the sort.

Also I kept thanking him when we tried somethimg new or when he deepthroated me for instance, is that ok? Or was that bratty instead of subby?

Yesterday I (F36) finally got to experience my first D/s / bdsm playdate irl. Overall it was good. I had a rule that we’d have a vanilla date before actually playing (which is the bare minimum, i know). That date was nice. He isn’t the type I would usually go for but our chats and his vibe during the date were appealing and I felt safe enough to want to start this exploration with him.

After much anticipation yesterday was finally the day. I enjoyed it, a lot, I’ve been the nasties, greediest, slutty brat I’ve been craving to let out. But I am left with a feeling that I’m not sure what to do with. And that is the question: was I a turn -off for him or was he insecure?

It all started great, I gained the most definite confirmation that I excel in giving head. I was complimented for my passion and the use of my wicked tongue ☺️ his moans and grunts were furhter confirmation I was doing a great job.

However when we got to actually have sex I think he came too early and I didn’t really. I did when he used a toy on me but I wanted to orgasm on his D. But it wasn’t a big issue, we were still playing. I did joke a bit and tell him he’d been naughty. After a while I wanted to try again and while he did get hard from me giving head he just couldn’t keep it up when penetrating. He told me I drained him (after one time??). This kind of stuff does go to my head, so I did get extra bratty, its like a “hah(!) I won” type of feeling, and I did hint at that a couple times.

So then he made me give him head again until he came in my mouth. As I was giving head I did hint that we could maybe try again but he didn’t go along. After he came I did say well its a shame that we didn’t use this round to actually fuck, he said that we had to wait. We then wrapped up, cuddled a bit and left.

At first I was giddy because I thought look at me being a hot filthy and irresistable slut. He was beinv very “nice” and attentive, checked in with me, praised me, helped me try out new stuff. But then I started to doubt myself: maybe it wasn’t that i was being hot, maybe I was a turn-off, my body, or my heavy breathing, or just the way I have sex. Because he also didn’t go down on me. We only had sex in doggy style. So those things make me doubt myself: maybe he thought I was ugly or he didn’t really liken my body after seeing it naked (i am on the curvier side)

Or I was indeed “too good” as he said and that got him a bit insecure? He told me I was too good and that he didn’t know if he liked it or if it annoyed him. I, as the brat I am, enjoyed this immensely which further annoyed him.

I have been single and sexless for awhile. Started dating recently and so far its been anxiety inducing and disapointing. This experience was by far the best in terms of benig treated decently, but I am a bit sad that I didn’t get to experience the mind shattering orgasm I have been anticipating for the past 2 to 3 weeks because my guy couldn’t keep it up. I want to be fucked, hard, i want it to hurt, i want my body to leave a dent in the matress and my hips to carry the bruises of his fingertips, is that too much to ask 😭

Has any of you experienced something similar. This guy has been in the scene for a while, he already has a sub and is, from what I’ve gathered, experienced. Me, not so much, this was my first time doing anything of the sort.

Also I kept thanking him when we tried somethimg new or when he deepthroated me for instance, is that ok? Or was that bratty instead of subby?

So….. I had a “coffee date” with a potention Dom today. It was a red flag parade. The only thing he respected was me saying Red and then using that as an excuse to show that he isn’t out to hurt me. There are just too many red flags to list in this post.

I had explicitly asked for an out of dynamic vanilla meeting to meet each other, to get to know each other a become comfortable. So already before the meeting he send me a text indicating that we would not be having a “coffee date”. I was dissapointed. Thought about reminding him of our agreement, but at this point I was tired of repeating myself, I was horny and was like f it, lets just play and see. So I went along. We didn’t talk, we “played”, he did give me an out because at some point I point blank said “you are a bad Dom”. But then… I saw his D and my brain just melted. So, I went along. Enjoyed bits of it, but was also uncomfortable because this was not what I had prepared myself for.

I’ve written an honest reflection of our meeting (it was a task he set), and have expressed that I am willing to move forward but with a bit more hesitance then I’d like. And I’m still playing my part because we have an actual playdate set for this thursday and I just can’t help but want this man to tear me apart. But I know, with every fibre in my body that he is not just “role playing” a predator he IS one. Yet, eventhough I feel shitty and know that I deserve the respect of having my wishes honored, I will not cancel and continue meeting him Thursday. After that I’ll be done with him. There is no way this will become a long term, legit D/s dynamic. Maybe more as a fuck buddy, of he can indeed make my eyes roll into the back of my head.

My question is: do ya’ll recognize this? Wtf is wrong with me? Mind you I am in therapy. Why can i not pull the plug on this man already. Where the f is my self-respect? The curiosity is winning. And this is not new, it is a very obvious pattern. I understand you can’t diahnose me or offer therapy, but I doubt I’m the only one? Any other women who have experienced this?

Hi all,

I’m (36F) just venturing into the world of D/s. I’ve found myself a Dom through Feeld. We’ve been getting to know each other for the past couple of days and the chemistry is off the roof.

We’ll be meeting next monday, just for coffee which he reluctantly agreed to 😬

But then if all goes well we plan to have a playdate if you will on Thursday. He is predatory, into CNC and DDlt. He is a Master/Daddy and a brat tamer.

So far I’ve been mostly a serving sub, because I feel like we are still getting to know each other and I need to “earn” my place as his sub. I agree to his task but also communicate when I feel something is a little too much for this phase. He is very responsive and respects my boundaries when I put them firmly.

But I also want to let my bratty side out. I was thinking maybe either after the coffee date or after the first playdate (because I’m afraid what he might do 🙈, there is already 2 weeks of built up tension by that time so I dont think he needs extra stimulation).

How would you go about this? What is usual in such a dynamic? How do you find the balance between being a good sub and a brat? Especially in this phase of building a relationship? Help a baby brat out please 😬

I’m a 36 yo single mom, 3 years post divorce and I just ventured into bdsm territory. And its been so great!!

I felt the need for intimacy so downloaded the classic apps, had 2 horrible experiences and countless boring chats. To revamp my profile I edited my bio and posted it on reddit for feedback. Someone suggested Feeld and I said why not. I downloaded it, immediatly so much nicer vibes. I matched with a dom and we started talking. I’m exploring with him and it is a breath of fresh air. The honesty, the opennes, the room to discuss boundaries, what you like or dislike.

At first I was cautious because I’m not so good with protecting myself. But eventhough he challanges me, a red line is very clear, my feedback is heard as precisely that and not as an insult. Today i experienced edging for the first time. I wasn’t allowed to masturbate without his permission and man oh man!!! Then he tried to push my limits to “deserve” to come, but I was very transparent about how it made me feel, that I needed more care from him for me to go there and that I understand and respect that he couldnt provide that yet. And that was it. He totally understood and respected it. For me jt was almost like a breakthrough: practicing boundary keeping. I can just cry, I’m so happy, I’m so excited for this journey.

Also as we were playing these past couple of days (online, we’ll be having coffee next week) I discovered so much about my desires and what kind of sub I like to be. I even wrote a little “Playbook” that I keep updating 😄

Thank you also for the wonderfull reddit community, I’ve been reading up on vetting a dom, red flags, what to expect and how to move safely ❤️