u/OkProcedure8558

My wife previously bought me a prostate massager without prompting. She fingered me and used the massager on me and honestly seemed to enjoy it, or at least pretended convincingly so.

But she seems uncomfortable with pegging. The reasons are all over the place, from “what if you like it too much” to “I’m busy with work.” I am getting the message she’s just not into it and I’m going to stop bringing it up because i respect her choice.

My question is whether this is a common situation to be in? I suspect she’s turned off by the strap on looking too much “like a man” and just doesn’t want to tell me that directly.

First time pegging for both of us, so I’m trying to anticipate any difficulties in advance. I have seen conflicting reviews online about the Tantus Silk medium, with some saying it’s too floppy and others saying it’s perfect.

Have others here found it hard to insert because it’s too floppy? Is there another dildo that’s smallish, smooth, and relative non-phallic, while also being more firm?

Also, is there any double ended vibrating dildo that meets those criteria? Or is that a bad idea for first timers? My wife has inserted a prostate massager in me, but she’s never actually strapped anything on, so we’re pretty new. Thanks!

So right up front, this is kind of r/relationships material, but I don't think this is a great post for that community. And I know the answer to my questions ultimately boils down to "communicate better," but that's kind of what I'm here to try to understand.

I'm a middle aged man married to a smart, funny, caring woman. Like a lot of people here, I have kinks, whereas she's more on the vanilla side of things.

So I was a bit caught off guard when my wife asked me while we were watching TV if I'd ever want to try pegging. I said yes and asked if she'd be down, which she said--on two different occasions--she would be. Wow! I felt like I'd hit the jackpot.

OK. I figured a trip to the adult store would be a logical next step. When she got to the harnesses, she said "I'm not there yet," and even asked "why would you want me to do that". When we discussed later, it sounded like she thought I had been joking about ever going through with it. My impression was that seeing the harnesses really triggered some sort of revulsion in her. OK, so no dice? But then she kind of softened and promised me that she is interested. Eventually she actually sent me a link to a harness. Well, color me confused.

I'm treading carefully with my wife right now because I don't want her to feel pressured into this. Also I feel very confused, and quite honestly, crushed by all this. I definitely got my hopes up and now I feel like they've been dashed. Has anyone encountered this type of response from their partner? How do you gauge their interest without pressuring? Is her behavior a sign I should just forget about it? Thanks for any advice.