u/Pristine-Hospital-23

So you finally worked up the courage to tell her. She said no. Now what? I noticed 90%+ of the responses say accept it or move on. No one actually provided advice. Well my wife said the same thing once, and 15+ years later we are finally doing it. So here is what I did.

First. Accept it. Say ok. Say you will never do it. She is yours always and always will be. Let her know it’s purely a fantasy. That’s it. Telll her it makes you want her more when you feel like you have to fight or compete for her. Tell her it’s just a sex fantasy. That is it and you just wanted to let her know. And now she does.

Now you need to really accept it. This isn’t a garuntee way to make it happen. It just happens to be my luck.

Now feed off what she gives you and let her know that is what got you going. Even the tiniest thing, like seeing the drive through guy smile at her. Show her how those things make you feel about her. And when you accept that your fall will never do those things, those little things will absolutely turn you on.

Never push or ask her to go further with your fantasy. In the meantime discover hers and give them to her to the max. Tell her how much you love making her feel when you do them. Over time she will resipercate or push her own boundaries for you. For us it was when I bought a ‘discover your fantasies’ sex game that broke the ceiling.

This is my own experience. 26 years together, 15 years between me telling her and her finally agreeing on my fantasy on her terms. Be patient my guy. Now I have to keep her on a short leash; so to speak, becasue she likes the attention from other men more than I do.

She claims I Pavlov’s (?the right name?) dogged her over the years. She said she noticed how much better I fucked her or how excited I’d get which mad sex hotter for her. She said her brain connected those thing naturally. “oh, I stay and chat this guy an extra second and it get 3 more orgasms tonight.” Then she said she would do it on purpose and it naturally turned her on because she knew what was coming. :)

A random guy I talked to at a lifestyle party put it like this - a guy is willing to step out of his comfort zone and explore their partners’ fantasies when he has been with that same girl in bed 1000 times. It takes a woman 3000 times to have the same amount of comfort to openly sexually explore what she doesn’t care for.

Good luck.

I spent time trying to give advice and they deleted their post. I felt this should not go to waste.

For the new - post nut clarity is that feeling of shame or regret you get after fooling around. It’s normal. It’s what some get off on. But some of us don’t like it.

This is the scenario that helped me get over post nut clarity.

Dirty talk would come to the point where one of us would talk about where he would cum. I tell her to imagine how hard she would cum as another man is cumming in her, the usual stuff. While she was using a nicely endowed toy I was posted up between her legs stroking myself in one hand and touching her with the other. It was so fucking hot watching and driving each other crazy. I asked if she wanted me to cum on it while it fucked her. I was in the perfect pisition to aim and shoot. Holy shit. It was so hot. We both finished.

We talked about it and when we had what we termed the ‘itch’ or ‘poison’ we would do it. Then one time during dirty talk I asked what would she do if I finished first. She said she’d keep going. I say let’s see. So I nut on the toy then sit back and watch her pleasure herself.

The feelings where intense. Like normally you are done. But there she is. Still going. Jealousy, excitement, confusion. All mixed together with the post nut clarity. Sitting there as a non-horny man, watching your beautiful wife; if you are sitting there still jealous of a fantasy and toy doing this, you are not ready for a real man to be doing it.

Over time those feelings were easier to handle. Or I guess I got used to them. When you yourself can watch post nut as your wife continues to have fun, and you stop shaming yourself for the pleasure you provide to one another, then you know you can do this.

Don’t pull back and say “I’d never do this in real life” or reaffirm you’d never really do it. Tell her how hot it was. Tell her how much fun it was. Say things like “Top 10 ever’ as soon as you are done.

if you cannot get past post nut clarity maybe the “Hotwife” category isn’t for you. In your head, her being alone with someone she may connect to is where the fear comes from. Possibly losing her. This is normal. Maybe try a different route. Swinging, swapping, MFM. Something where you are always there. You’d be surprised what may work out.