u/SoKandid

So couple I hook up with regularly recently wanted to invite another guy over with me around. They found him. Mid 20s dude, looks good and all, not a loser by any means. Couple wants to video (which I never do with them). This guy is down for it.

Anyway. We end up shooting him and her. I'm completely out of the frame. But this guy just genuinely did not seem to care at all. Tons of faces. He's on video talking as well. I know a lot of people make all sorts of promises about not distributing any of the footage or not getting faces but the guy apparently genuinely did not care, did not ask for it at all.

I didn't actually try to creep on the guy but I am willing to bet money he's got a white collar career lol. Genuinely amazed. Curious if this is just the culture now? Do guys you invite also not care?

I feel like the MFM community is full of people who'll tell you how much it's helped their relationship and how their relationship is better than ever before they started messing around in the LS. Curious if people have opposite stories here?

I recently tried reconnecting with a couple I knew from 2019 or so. Turns out they're divorced. I ended up hooking up with the (ex) wife and from the sound of it it was all downstream of hooking up with guys. She got really into it and constantly wanted to meet younger guys. He didn't like it. Boom.

I've also met people who tried, very quickly discovered that it would lead their relationship astray and pulled away quickly.

So, of the few solo guys I know and have kept up with a couple are in relationships and it's kind of interesting to me.

One is a married guy in Chicago, wife and kids. Wife knows and is ok with it mostly because she views the MFM stuff as different from common cheating. Honestly really respect that dude. Says he never takes his wedding ring off when he meets couples. Super upfront with everything and seems to find quite a few couples that are either cool with it or actively seeking out married guys.

Second guy is a bit different. Joined me a few times when I lived in Cleveland. Currently in a long term relationship but definitely screwing around on the side. He told me he will often gauge whether or not to disclose this to a couple and that some couples actually like cheaters.

Curious where the solo guys here are at?

• Does your wife / gf know?
• Do you disclose?

Something I was thinking about recently.

The couples I've met in the lifestyle broadly fall into two categories.

1. Married couples who started meeting guys years into their marriage. Sometimes after some kind of event, going through a dry spell or whatever. Sometimes just after being bored.

2. Unmarried couples (usually dating only a few years). Perhaps some of them ended up marrying but a few I've kept up with other just stayed dating or broke up.

I actually happen to know one couple that did swinging and MFM while dating, then dropped all of that after getting married.

So I'm curious if there are people in this sub who were in the lifestyle prior to getting married and remained in it after?

So - I’m sharing this experience partly because it’s fun and partly because I think some of the logistics here might be useful for people.

Couple months back (around Easter to be precise) I was back home visiting family in PA and met up with a couple I used to hook up with on and off. They asked me to help them organize a train for her. 

At first I was really not into this idea as the whole thing sounded like a massive sausage fest. That said, we have a good relationship and I love helping people experience the lifestyle. This couple is very shy and doesn’t really do much outside of a few people they know. They really wanted to have someone trusted around them during the process in case things got unruly and I figured it was fair for me to help.

I told the husband (N) that he was responsible for finding the guys he wanted to invite. I’d have veto power on who we invited mostly because I think I have a pretty good smell for people who might end up being a problem but otherwise I really didn’t care. The general idea was that we’d invite guys one by one. N and I would hang around as the wife (G) played with them. We figured we’d get involved if we wanted but otherwise we were there to mostly watch and keep things safe.

The day of the event we got an airbnb. Doing this in a hotel would have been a pretty bad idea, IYKYK. We got an early dinner and then headed up to the place around 4:30pm. 

N had engaged over a dozen guys across a few platforms. The goal was to try to get to 10 that night. The message to all guys was fairly similar. Be ready to come over at an agreed upon time. Every guest was given the expectation that this would be oral only (come, get a blowjob and leave). In reality G intended to have sex with everyone but we intentionally set the expectation low. N&G wanted to record so we pressed this with everyone and to my surprise most guys were ok with it.

The logistics of meeting people were pretty straightforward. My rule for whenever you meet guys online is to get on a phone call or video call within the first few messages, so basically prior to anyone being given directions we’d make sure we had voice or video confirmation. We’d then give people directions to the street block. I’d parked my car across the street from the airbnb and told people to just park behind it. Depending on the vibe we’d either give them directions to the actual house or I or N would go out to meet them first.

The airbnb itself was a 2br ranch, but both bedrooms were small and we ended up utilizing the living room which had a large sectional couch and a pull out couch. 

Long story. We didn’t get to 10, obviously lol. We did however get to 7 which was way more than I expected. I honestly thought we’d be lucky to get two guys to show.

Obviously we had a bunch of no-shows, time wasters and otherwise clowns. I think we basically did a really good job weeding those out early but you can only do so much. We got guys who’d tell us they were on their way over the phone and then stop picking up, etc.

Surprisingly we didn’t have to turn anyone away at the door or kick anyone out. Not everyone was great but for the most part every guy that showed up was generally normal, appeared clean and not drunk and did not behave like a douche. Again, I think the filtering we did helped here a lot and I think having two guys present kind of prevented poor behavior.

First guy in the door was around 5:30. Last guy out was around 2am. I think we could have honestly gotten at least one more person in the door but a) we were getting tired and b) the quality of responses was starting to get pretty crappy at this point. 

The oral only expectation was a really great move here. As I said, all of the guests were generally fine, but it was clear that G wasn’t really into a couple. She got them over with and out quickly with a blowjob. Basically, guy 2 was the only really obvious “bad fit” and got a 15 minute date. Guy 3 would have probably graduated to sex but he came really quickly from the bj and left. By Guy 7 things were kind of really slowing down, I think he’d probably get more if it was an earlier time but G just decided to be done there.

Highlights of the night were Guy 1 who went a solid two rounds with almost immediate rebound and Guy 6 who had a) the largest dick I’ve seen and b) went really hard.

N and I didn’t really join any of the action while G was with a guest and mostly just watched with a beer. We did jump in for something quick in between guys showing up. We’d alternate between hanging out really close to the action or just hanging out in the kitchen area. 

Overall, I was genuinely surprised by how well the whole thing went and how much fun it ended up being. 

Things I’d do differently next time

• Start earlier lol
• More snacks (we really forgot about this and only had beer)
• We spend a lot of time trying to choreograph when people came and went and it was really unnecessary. Guy 5 showed up while Guy 4 was still going at it and it honestly was perfectly fine and pretty hot.

Wanted to share this tidbit with people - maybe you’ll find this useful, maybe hot, maybe it’ll just resonate.

We’ve all been there. First time meet at a bar, you’re trying to go from some nervous small talk to a sexual discussion to build up some tension. Sometimes you can just launch into what you all plan to do in an hour or so, but honestly it’s always felt a bit lame and unnatural. Sometimes with more experienced couples I’ll launch into talking about prior experiences. These are always fun.

Here’s something I find to be a fun and always great way to launch into something sexual. I’ll always compliment the wife throughout our meetup. I’ll compliment her directly to start but I always make a point of then complimenting her to her husband. This inevitably has an element of objectifying her which is fine in this setting and never been a problem. I’ll then invite him to tell me what he likes about her. There’s a dial here - you can start with just asking what he finds hot about her to quickly going to “how do you love to fuck her”. 

I find that women love hearing their husbands answer these questions, more than they like getting compliments from a third. They specifically seem to enjoy hearing their husband talk them up to another guy. The guys love it too because they’re usually the driving force behind the kink. It’s fun to see where you can take this. We can go from something docile, to me and him discussing the shape of her tits for five minutes while she enjoys it, to him casually telling me all about how they have sex.

I've been finding myself doing more and more sleepovers. Mostly this is due to me always trying to find something new and this has been increasingly fun for me.

For those of you who do this (I know - a minority for sure) what does this practically look like?

• Do you ever have sleepovers at one party's house? Or hotels only?
• Same bed / same room?
• What does the morning look like?

I find that for the few that I've done, most are hotels. I always get the two queen rooms when traveling and it's usually her and me in one bed and the husband in the other.

I've never really done same bed with everyone (not exactly my vibe)

One of my regulars was always a sleepover at their place. They have kids. We'd usually go 11pm to 2-3am. Then her and I would crash in the basement and usually go at it in the morning after kids and husband were out of the house.

I've had multiple couples over the years ask me to help them add one or more additional guy. It's kind of funny. When I'm helping add guys I'd say the success rate is maybe 30-50%. When they decide to find guys on their own it's abysmally bad.

Curious how you've gone about it

- How many did you add at once?
- How'd you organize it
- What went well / poorly?

I don’t particularly like posting stories and this isn’t quite a story, more just a recounting of a situation that I think is interesting and kind of unique. This doesn’t really neatly fit the MFM subreddit but this feels like the best place with the most normal people to post this.

I’ve been seeing this couple every other week for almost two years now, sometimes more often. They’re older (50s) and absolutely lovely. As I said, this doesn’t quite fit the MFM situation. When we first started meeting there was a little bit of MFM, mostly him watching though. Now it’s all 1:1 with her.

Our dates are basically almost the same every time. I’ll come over, usually for dinner. We chat and catch up. Have a couple of drinks. Then K (wife) and I will start going at it. G (husband) will usually leave to either the basement or the office upstairs. Sometimes K & I migrate to their bedroom and sometimes we just stay in the middle of the living space. I always try to go two rounds, sometimes it’s one longer round.

G is almost never around for the main action. He’ll linger around sometimes when we start. Sometimes he’ll watch a bit from a distance. Part of why we use the living space more often than not is it’s just easier for him to pop in when he’d like. He’ll usually come down after we’re done but while we’re still naked or he’ll pop in, in between rounds. After we’re done the three of us usually hang out for at least an hour or so. One drink / game of pool, etc. Occasionally (infrequently) K and I will go at it again after that.

Anyway. It’s a very interesting dynamic that I’ve never really experienced with other couples. G doesn’t really watch in the same way I think guys normally watch. He certainly almost never participates in the actual action. But it’s also not like one of those arrangements where his wife and I just leave for the bedroom. He’s kind of tangentially involved all of the time, which makes it different and honestly kind of fun. Outside of the little bit of watching, most of his involvement is really through talking to us about it before and after. Even then it’s kind of funny middle ground between sexually charged and super casual.

Apologies for the somewhat clunky framing of the title.

I'm mostly curious if you're a couple that is active in the lifestyle in some way or another, how prevalent is the entire topic in your day to day? How frequently do you talk about or act on it in any way or another? Is this something that comes up every time you have sex? Sometimes? Do you go months / years without thinking about?

Solo guys who meet couples with the guy just watching - do you ever get weirded out? Are there certain things you prefer (e.g. guy being naked or not)? Do you interact with the guy or try to tune him out?

I guess I’ve done this enough to be really, really comfortable with a guy watching, but even so sometimes it can feel awkward.

Whenever I meet a watching couple, my strong preferences are

• Guy in bed
• Naked
• Ideally pleasuring himself and interacting with us
• My personal one is absolutely no cameras of course

Obviously that’s not everyone. I get some guys really want to tune the other dude out. For me I’ve always found that more awkward and frankly it takes part of the fun out of the whole experience.

Some really awkward interactions I’ve had included a guy who barely spoke when we met. Just a few pleasantries at the beginning and then he just kind of hovered while his wife and I chatted and eventually went at it. The other one who was a bit uncomfortable was a guy who got in bed with us and got naked. Couldn’t get hard but seemed to be pretty ok with it. He just sort of played with his limp dick lol.

Ok so I find that most couples seem to have some implicit or explicit limits on affection between the third and the wife. Obviously you've got your typical "no kissing" rules etc, but I find those actually relatively rare. That said, I find that even if there is no stated rule, there's some level of affection that makes many couples uncomfortable.

Idk what it is about me. I find myself always searching for the limit and trying to push it a little bit. And I also find it really hot when I can be super affectionate with the female half. Normally I'll ask ahead of time: is kissing ok and often I'll follow up with what if we kiss a lot? You get a lot of couples say, no problem, and then we get in there and eventually either a) the woman isn't into it or b) she is but we get too a point where it's a bit too hot for them. Again, I poke at limits, I don't disrespect them. I'll back off.

I've only really met a few couples who are truly very comfortable with this and also enjoy it. I find these to be some of the hottest encounters. We're talking long makeout, slobbering over her neck and breasts. The whole thing. Cuddles afterwards.

I'm curious if any of the couples here are like this? How do you feel about it?

Anyone else here have close calls with people in your social circle or people finding out about your hobbies?

So far mine are

• Quite a few times (4-5) I've been talking to someone only to realize (thankfully early) that I know them from work or otherwise.
• One time a close friend of mine invited his pickleball friends to hang out with us at a brewery. They show up and they're a couple I hooked up with a year or so prior. We had a fun conversation when my buddy went to the bathroom.
• At an old job I almost had to interview the husband of a couple I met. Got out of that one last minute. Guy didn't get hired.

All of these are I guess fun side effects of living in a small rust belt town.

Ok, so question for those of us who have experience in the lifestyle and done a fair bit (single guys or couples). What is on your bucket list? What are you either looking to try for the first time or what is maybe something you’ve done before and it was great and you are trying to re-do?

Things I haven’t done but ever but feel like I still want to.

• Hard D/S. I’ve mentioned this here in the past. I really enjoy the mix of dom / sub + MFM and it’s rare this works out. I’ve done some but really never managed to get into something where the D/S stuff was deep enough for my taste.
• I’ve had a couple opportunities to participate in somewhat no-kidding breeding encounters and I’ve chickened out of it every one of these. The idea is insanely hot, not sure if I can really follow through with it, so this isn’t really a bucket list item but more a fantasy that probably won’t happen.

Things I’ve done before once or twice and still chasing the opportunity to do again. This is probably a really long list but I’ll keep it on the shorter end.

• Religious minorities / super prude couples. I’ve talked about meeting hijabi muslims on here lol. I’ve also met super observant evangelicals and couples that really don’t do much outside of the very basics. Every one of these encounters has been quirky and fun and I always relish the opportunity to get in on it. Yet to meet a Mormon couple ;)
• Couples I get to travel with, do extended activities with (ski trips top the list).
• Couples who are comfortable appearing in public in ways that show what’s going on. Again kind of a rare activity for me but I find it really hot to sit at a bar with a couple and walk to the point where the bartender knows exactly what’s happening and we’re getting stares from across the room.
• Guys who clean up. Lots of people say they want to do this. In reality, happens a lot less than that would suggest.
• Pushing past limits. I think I end up doing this a lot less than I could because I try to be respectful and only go for it when I feel confident the other side is down. Few things are hotter than meeting up for a simple “oral only” and leaving after two or three rounds of raw sex. Happens infrequently but more than you’d think.

So I've been in everything from BDSM to just Dom/ Sub type stuff for about as long as I've been in the MFM / group lifestyle. What I find is that especially the D/S stuff is pretty mainstreamed right now, to the point where it's basically in around 30% of my normal casual encounters with women. So I've tried to see if I can tie in the two lifestyles together and it's been an interesting mixed bag.

Basically, I bring this up casually with any couple I'm talking to. What I've found is that a decent number are interested and want to engage, but when we get to it, the woman often wants to do a lot more than the husband / boyfriend is comfortable with, which leads to some pretty awkward moments.

I've since switched my approach and put a lot into testing whether this is the right fit before I do anything like this with a couple and it's mostly boiled down to either couples where both parties are super submissive (which works great but very rare) and couples which already have a D/S dynamic and it's me + the husband dominating her. These latter have still been a bit of a mixed bag tbh.

Curious if anyone here really mixes the two? How does it work for you?

Wanted to share something that's been fun for me and that I tend to do a lot nowadays.

Years ago, I started trying to follow up every new encounter with a casual meetup - dinner or drinks or some daytime activity. Basically, if I meet a couple and the sex wasn’t awful, I’m going to obviously try to meet up again, but I’ll also just try to offer up a daytime / evening activity. Reason is simple - I’ve found this super hot and fun and if I can ever parlay a MFM threesome into a friendship (hopefully with the ongoing MFMs) it’s honestly one of the most fun parts of the lifestyle for me. The only times I don’t do this are again, either we didn’t really have fun, or super out of my age bracket couples (I do meet couples 25 years older than me routinely, so that’s a thing).

My experience so far has been limited but with some very great results. I’d say that only about 10% of couples are responsive to this, maybe even fewer. This is true even when you include couples who do want to meet me again. A lot of them want to just get to business, which is fine. With that said, the 10% that are receptive to this do end up almost always being a lot of fun and of course almost always end up in repeat meetups.

Generally we end up doing a daytime brewery or an evening dinner / drinks. The vibe is always really fun to observe. Sometimes, there’s just this fun tension around the fact that I had sex with the guy’s wife a week or so ago and we don’t like immediately or openly talk about it, but it’s there. Other times though it’s like super open and flowy and we just talk about everything that happened. Both are very hot in different ways.

Pretty much every time this has happened, we end up having follow on sexual meetups. Most end up being sort of an ongoing mix of date + bedroom. The novelty of the dates does wear off but I’ve found ways to keep the dates fun when a couple is up for it. A few of these ongoing things really did pan out into longer friendships and personally it’s been one of the more rewarding parts of the lifestyle for me.

Anyhow, curious if anyone else does anything like this.

This came up from a recent experience. After like a ton of MFM meetups, I've realized that there's basically only one thing that still weirds me out or feels awkward and that's when the husband watches with zero interaction with us particularly if he's fully clothed the entire time.

The watching itself isn't really an issue in my mind. I find it super natural when the guy gets in bed with us and especially if he's naked or at least half naked. I try to encourage it and I've found that some couples start with the husband watching from a distance at a default but tend to enjoy the more intimate setup more once you suggest it.

How do you all do it?

The past 3 or 4 years I've found myself increasingly frequently in meetups that involve me + a couple + one or more other guys. I used to be very averse to these (didn't particularly enjoy the sausage fest vibe) but over time I've found these more fun. In part because as I get older I also enjoy just sitting back and watching the action and in part because half the time this just involves guys I know.

I'm mostly curious how the logistics work out for others here? I guess mostly couples but also a question to solo dudes.

- How do you find guys to join?
- Given there are so many flakes, do you just invite like 5 guys and see who shows up?
- Do you go out in public with more than one guy?
- What are the dynamics when it's working out with one guy but not the other?

I won't belabor trying to answer this for myself, but wanted to share two stories of how this has worked out and been really fun.

Couple A. Live in a place I travel to frequently. Known them for a few years. They're late 40s and they like adding guys in their early 20s. We've done this 8 times so far, every time with a new guy and I've helped them find guys. I've kind of figured out, that the reason it works is they're not super picky and really go with the flow with guys I find. They like something specific - definitely early 20s and sometimes some novelty (race or ethnicity maybe something else) but outside of that I've figured out the vibe and I know that she'll be 100% down. It helps that she's super down with shy guys or a bit dorky guys.

We've had flakes and duds but most of the experiences have been fun. Most of the time husband and I just chill while her and the new guy go after it. Sometimes we give them direction lol. About half of the time the guy will peace out after he's done and husband and I just take over after. When we're lucky he'll stick around and we get to go back and forth.

Couple B. Organized two gangbangs with them. Well one was a GB, the first one was perhaps what you'd describe as a train.

Again, useful to describe what in my mind made this work. We agreed that I was going to pick the guys. They gave me some likes and dislikes but we agreed that I'll pick the guys and they're not going to know who is coming. This couple is def a bit on the submissive side so this was I guess part of the fetish. I ran some sample profiles by them but again they didn't know if any of the guys I showed them were going to be picked.

I think I'm as good as one can be at filtering flakes. As a side note, we picked bi guys mostly because the husband is bi and I find that bi guys flake less.

The train was the first one we did. Basically we got an airbnb (important not to do a hotel here, if you know you know). I had to navigate the logistics of getting several guys to show up at different times. The story was basically they were coming to get oral from her and him. We were aiming for 15 but only 9 showed up. The fun part here is I got to make the call after feeling out the vibe of whether a guy would proceed to sex or just be done after oral (progressed 4 of the 9).

The gangbang came later, building partly on all the experience doing the train. Airbnb again. Invited 8 guys but only 6 showed up. The deal was I either vetted you a day ahead of time (just hung out at a booth in a bar) or day of I'd meet the guys a block down at a parking lot before they got the address.

Bottle game followed by sex. I just filmed the whole thing which was a blast. I think the whole thing lasted like 6 hours which felt crazy.