Question for the Bulls and Im not going to be surprised by the array of responses.
Have you ever met with a couple, read into that the husband was down but too nervous to go with power exchanged and shifted the method of approach on the fly?
Just curious how everyone hands the guys that need to be guided more than pushed or the ones that are on the fence but still ready.
[Mostly just getting my thoughts out. I'll be mulling this post and my thoughts on the subject over for at least a few more hours today . ]
We all have some form of homeostasis we're trying to return to for comfort sake. I think that's pretty common across the board for most people. I know that's how I see it. Any time there has been strain in the home, that is what we shift our focus to. Getting back to our way of doing things that feels predictable and stable. This was something that I hadn't really given too much consideration before we re-opened things up after the pandemic, a dry spell, a new kid, and so many other things.
When we finally started to get some traction with things it was strictly the heat with one Bull that strung her along for a month, while her now-boyfriend was (un)intentionally playing the long game. Something we all preferred. What strikes me now is the buildup to what I'm only now recognizing in action.
In the beginning it was friendly since she was entertaining another prospect. He simplified parts of our schedule and helped the Mrs. stay consistent in her gym routine as he was restarting his. The routine shifted a little to where he comes over after working out most days, keeping a day we all work out together, a day where I can join them at the gym and a day where I can't. Every now and then he'd meet her for lunch when I couldn't. To the point now where he's a staple of the house despite having his own a mile away (could become next door soon). My first post on this account was focused on their bonding. Even so, we found a happy medium over time. My more sensual and methodical approach in the bedroom after him shaking her foundation.
Now, we all miss each-other when we're apart as friends and for the fun. Here's what I've noticed that is different.
There's a part of all of our normal that is specific to the two of them interacting. Presently, he's with another couple out of state. We're all friends and we're happy he's enjoying himself. But its been insanely difficult to get back into a "routine" of things. Its like skipping a meal every day. Everything else just feels, *off*.
No drama or additional strain on the relationship/household but still, the air is a bit thicker so-to-speak. We have a return date and she's already scheduled to take half the day off work just to jump on him as soon as he gets home (and I'm really excited for her). But there's a part of me that see's it a little more split. She's getting to "reclaim" him after being away.
Quite a few of the people who see us all hanging out have been wondering where he's been to, so the separation of the three of us is hard to ignore. I don't know if this is a normal part of this lifestyle or not. I imagine anyone developing an intimate relationship with another person over a year off regular (almost daily) interaction is going to have a fairly noticeable shift in their absence.
Not looking for support or anything. Just thought I'd share something I noticed in-real-time that I don't see mentioned often. Whether its good, bad or just neutral/natural, the relationship is going to change over time and that can very much depend on the type of play you engage in and the type of person you do it with (to state the obvious).
I find myself in an interesting situation where my wife has basically said (and I'm paraphrasing after reconfirming my understanding) within the same boundaries as she plays, I'm free to explore as well. I'm not necessarily driven to but I am curious and I think it might be nice to knock off some proverbial rust. Especially considering I'm in better shape now that I was in my 20's active duty. But the thing is, I'm actually getting some activity specifically from Hotwives looking for guys to fill the Bull role.
I feel like I'm ahead of the curve on quite a few things. Preventative meds, snipped, solid foundational relationship of my own that's been open for 10 years, regularly tested. I think I'm surprisingly okay with taking a crack at it. I've been a sub for so long I'm sure I can find a few things to to throw into the banter to at least infer the role. But I honestly know it'll be going against the grain of my typical nature in those situations, and that's going to take a while to really get past.
I'm probably going to explore a bit without any power exchange/role play before taking a real stab at but I've got to ask...
If you could go back with at least some of the understanding you have now, what things would you do differently those first few times?
Would you also find newer couples looking to explore at pace with your or patiently wait for more experienced ones willing to give you guidance?
Obviously not, it better where its well tended but you get the idea.
This one is kind of a question for everyone because I have no real clue what I'm doing and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. Don't want a bad experience myself or to cause one for a respective couple.
[Long Story Short]
Getting ready for our vacation and decided we'd try out Feeld just to get an idea of the format and such, just in case. Apparently being the new couple on the block and both of us being bi has our phones both lighting up a respectable amount. A few would definitely be punching above my weight class that are interested in possibly having a bit of fun (a few specifically hotwives).
The thing is, I'm kind of down for it. I'm in better shape than I was in the military and I'm not exactly small. The Mrs. is open to it so long as we all have a have a sit down/meet-up at least once to make sure everyone is on the same page first whether she's getting involved or not. We've had a few one-off casual encounters over the years but only 1 long standing dynamic with subtle elements of teasing, power exchange, etc but still very poly adjacent.
Now, I'm naturally submissive but I've got a few years in law enforcement and emergency response, so I know how to be assertive. I guess to those that actively practice...
Bulls/Bucks: What things/small steps have you learned that would have made a world of difference starting in your role? Both in terms of making the experience better for the couple and yourself? Subtle actions/behaviors/things you draw attention to that have a disproportionate response?
Hotwives/Vixens: What are some little thing that can make or break the mood for you? Where is your line for "Too subdued to be in the role"? First thing you would teach a Bull you were training to your preference?
Cucks/Stags: Guys, that have been around for a bit... do you have any little things that just pulled the rug out from under your feet with how surprised you were with being turned on by it? What are the things that stick out as triggering downward spirals that you actively to avoid?
[Mod Team, please let me know if you'd like me to restructure this or if I need to delete it.]
The Mrs. and I are taking a cruise this summer (Carnival, nothing crazy) and our normal Bull wont be attending unfortunately. We've thrown the idea out there about playing around while on the cruise ship if the opportunity presents itself and we're both *on-board*. Though, our expectations are low that there will be many people up for it.
First thought was, "Okay, we need to get new STI tests done before going" but then we kind of hit a wall. Apart from some helpful documents, we actually can't think of anything else apart from the normal stuff to pack for the cruise. So, I figured I'd ask for recommendations.
For those of you have have taken a cruise with cuckolding/hotwifing in mind, what extra things did you pack just in case or wish you'd packed after the fact?
No, not sad broken weeping tears.
Overwhelmed.
I expected angst to rear its head at some point, negative self-talk to basically push me over the edge. Good day of getting off work and spending time with the boyfriend while the Mrs. and the Bull were at the gym.
Watching him cut loose after a week apart, knowing i was told to wait so she could enjoy him raw first before getting stretched by me. The stinging ache the boyfriend left me with from giving me the same treatment. But the thing that got me was sweet.
Her passing out on the couch in his arms. Soft snoring. Seeing her so comfortable being held by someone else. I could feel the love absolutely radiating off of her. It almost felt like drowning in warmth.
Took every ounce of willpower to allow them to continue their aftercare uninterrupted. Swallowing down the need to grab someone and hold them close.
Fucking hell this is getting intense.
I find myself in a interesting position today.
Off work (circumstantial) and homebound for the day. Im grateful and frustrated. Partially because it wouldn't have been a priority to miss work today, but it does present me with an opportunity to catch up on some much needed house work.
This is normal for me, I enjoy it. Acts of service is my main Love Language by a far margin. Tonight also happens to be a overdue sojourn for the Mrs. to stay with our Bull for the night. Its been a rough week for both of them and life has kept them from really getting their normal amount of play time.
Its still not our preference to play separate, but a sort of casual occurrence that happens more often than not out of convenience or my own enabling. Today however, feels particularly cliche despite knowing the nuance of the relationship more than an outside observer. I can see where fetishizing humiliation can come in to play for what I consider "casual". Or how that same casual could be psychologically taxing for people in other circumstances.
Making a stew for dinner that I had starting low and slow by the time I was finished with cleaning up breakfast. General home upkeep done. Got a day of laundry and dishes ahead of me. And the requested small collections of innocuous items for her stay.
Not sure why but there's something about how the routine of some things become part of the dynamic and how elements of the dynamic become part of the routine.
I always see posts about cucks and hotwives making Stark or Overt acts part of their normal relationship as part of the kink, but I dont see many finding faux-mindfulness in being present in the less sexualized tasks that indicate the shift in relationship overall. What little things seemingly go unnoticed in your relationship dynamic that you know are indirectly or directly results of opening the relationship like this?