u/anethicalhedonist

After highschool I enlisted in the military and was stationed in Southern California. While there I was SA’d and reported it. This led to me getting discharged from the military 6 months early. I wouldn’t be able to explain to family why I was done early so I had to find a quick way to make money and stay in Southern California until I was supposed to be done. I immediately thought of doing adult films because it would be quick and should be an easy way to make money.

I found a person online who was making films (not a major studio at all!). I immediately signed his contract and agreed to work for him. During the six months I worked for him I made $25K (pretty much my annual military pay) filming 200 scenes/movies. The scenes/movies would be 30 minutes to 3 hours… takes longer to film though. The longer ones were usually group films. The tops were at least twice my age (I was 20/21), typically mid 40s. There were a few that were 50 plus. When I filmed with other bottoms there were 18-24 years old.

I am nervous it will catch up to me but since it was not a major studio or anything I don’t think it will be super likely. I do feel some shame and pretty slutty but I am proud of myself for being able to do the job and make so much money.

After highschool I enlisted in the military and was stationed in Southern California. While there I was SA’d and reported it. This led to me getting discharged from the military 6 months early. I wouldn’t be able to explain to family why I was done early so I had to find a quick way to make money and stay in Southern California until I was supposed to be done. I immediately thought of doing adult films because it would be quick and should be an easy way to make money.

I found a person online who was making films (not a major studio at all!). I immediately signed his contract and agreed to work for him. During the six months I worked for him I made $25K (pretty much my annual military pay) filming 200 scenes/movies. The scenes/movies would be 30 minutes to 3 hours… takes longer to film though. The longer ones were usually group films. The tops were at least twice my age (I was 20/21), typically mid 40s. There were a few that were 50 plus. When I filmed with other bottoms they were 18-24 years old.

I am nervous it will catch up to me but since it was not a major studio or anything I don’t think it will be super likely. I do feel some shame and pretty slutty but I am proud of myself for being able to do the job and make so much money.

After highschool I enlisted in the military and was stationed in Southern California. While there I was SA’d and reported it. This led to me getting discharged from the military 6 months early. I wouldn’t be able to explain to family why I was done early so I had to find a quick way to make money and stay in Southern California until I was supposed to be done. I immediately thought of doing adult films because it would be quick and should be an easy way to make money.

I found a person online who was making films (not a major studio at all!). I immediately signed his contract and agreed to work for him. During the six months I worked for him I made $25K (pretty much my annual military pay) filming 200 scenes/movies. The scenes/movies would be 30 minutes to 3 hours… takes longer to film though. The longer ones were usually group films. The tops were at least twice my age (I was 20/21), typically mid 40s. There were a few that were 50 plus. When I filmed with other bottoms there were 18-24 years old.

I am nervous it will catch up to me but since it was not a major studio or anything I don’t think it will be super likely. I do feel some shame and pretty slutty but I am proud of myself for being able to do the job and make so much money.

This happened a few years back for 5-6 months. My sister started secretly dating this guy but because of who he was she didn’t let anyone really know. He and I became friends at the same time and I wasn’t out that I was bi (still not out) so he and I kept our more than friends stuff secret.

He would sometimes sneak over and buttfuck me. Turns out he wouldn’t just be coming for one person. He kept this hidden from both of us because it was advantageous to him. This went on for 5-6 months with him playing this fucked up game.

My sister ended up dumping him (not sure exactly why, I think he cheated with this other girl) but that upset him. Later that day he and I were together and he told me to get naked and bend over for him. He had me bent over the arm of the couch with my legs slightly in the air. He mounted me and pinned my arms behind my back and really started going hard. I was struggling a little bit and caught off guard by how intense he was going right away. I asked him if something was wrong and he said that he was seeing this hot slut and she just dumped him today. So I immediately feel bad and say something like screw that bitch. He says some more stuff and we keep talking about it while he is buttfucking me. About 30-45 minutes later he goes balls deep and grips my hands behind my back and leans forward and tells me that it was my sister. I freak the fuck out and try to get away but I can’t and he starts laughing so much and begins thrusting again and a moment later cums in my butthole.

After he lets go of my hands and dismounts me I get up and look at him and ask him both furiously and disgustingly if what he said was serious or some fucked up joke. He said it was true and he had proof. I left shortly after that and pretty much stopped talking to him.

I never told my sister because I didn’t want to out myself or put her through knowing this disgusting fact. To my knowledge he never said anything to her.

I am a multiple time S.A survivor and I have very much fetishized/turned my trauma into a kink. To me it is extremely kinky and something I desires because while I am being “forced” or doing CNC it is because “I want it”. I have kind of mentioned to previous Tops that I like being forced and stuff. But I am nervous if I say how “bad” I want it to be or say why I have this kink/fetish it will very much dissuade a Top.

Yes, I know it varies by Top but looking for some opinions. Also, I am in therapy for my trauma.

Thank you in advance for your advice and opinions!!