u/avenuos

I was a slave for a short period of time in a very long distance dynamic last summer. For many reasons, it didn’t work.

I’ve kept in contact with my former master almost everyday since then. It’s morphed into a like.. D/s-lite dynamic. We’ve had some small rules here and there but he’s since found another slave and I don’t believe he ever intends on taking me on again.

I am deeply, deeply attached. The rules even though they are small, and structured routine messages gave me stability and guidance from someone I really respect. At this point it’s close to the longest intimate relationship I’ve had with anyone, ever.

I’m not getting much emotional support from him, if at all. He gives me a safe space to say anything but it often feels like I’m speaking into a void. He hardly ever acknowledges the things I say. I can’t bear to hear about his slave. It truly sends me into multi-day spirals about how I’m just not enough- it’s a self worth thing, not something he’s explicitly said. But I can’t live in this almost-dynamic of not actually serving him and hoping someday, maybe he’ll change his mind. I am crying when I only get a message or two from him a day. I can’t live hinging on waiting for more of his attention.

I recently told him I can’t speak to him in the capacity that we have been. This is day two of not speaking to him at all and I feel like I’m going insane. I can’t talk to anyone in real life about it and I feel like the few who know the nature of the relationship are tired of hearing about it when everyone’s told me to leave time and time again.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I feel lonely and don’t really know how to stand on my own two feet. I want to just throw myself into BDSMpersonals or something and try to fill the hole but I know it doesn’t work that way. I wish he wanted me.

I crave the total loss of control that comes from being thoroughly and properly owned.

I’m looking for an intelligent, well spoken man that knows what he is doing. Someone that values creating a dynamic based on deep trust and understanding, not thinking from his dick. I want to feel heard and not purely be a sex object.

I think control that is eased into is the most effective for me. Slowly adding more and more rules until before I know it, everything I do is for you.

I am a tall, plus sized woman and would like if that is your preference. Diet control is a limit for me.

My last Master was based internationally and the time difference was very difficult for me. For that reason I’d very much prefer someone in the US. It would be an ever bigger plus if there were a path to meeting someday.

I’d like to know what being a Master looks like to you. The password thing always feels a bit silly to me but it does show the capacity to read something start to finish. Please include your favorite color in your first message.

I hope I get to serve you.