u/doublefun365

So just want to get some input from others in this scene. Little bit of background I was doing MFM regularly with two men. I’m still with one of the men in a romantic relationship. Still currently looking for a third but anyways.

I landed a job opportunity that starts next month in much larger city, I’m from and living in a pretty rural/suburbanish town and the job is just something that’s a no-brainer. More money, better ladder for my career, more benefits, in a place with more stuff to do, etc. I am planning on bringing my BF with me as well and I’m really looking forward to it!

But I keep getting distracted from the other reasons of taking the job and all I can really think of and look forward to is the opportunity of having a larger dating pool and the possibility of bringing another man into the relationship again. Coupled with that, since there’s less risk of having anyone I know personally kind of find out about my MFM situation, I feel excited because I feel like I’ll be more free to pursue that and not “keep it secret” so to speak and maybe trying for more than just MFM but right now the focus is just getting back into mfm.

That all being said, am I too focused on MFM being the goal here? Obviously I’m not taking the job JUST for that, but still it’s coming into the picture a lot for me and my boyfriend, and I’m just wondering, does anyone else make like their life decisions with their MFM preference or relationship in mind or am I taking it too far and too fast?

So long story short I lost my third awhile back. Bf and I have been trying to find another third in the meantime but it’s already starting to get a little overwhelming/disappointing. My bf has been letting me hook up with whoever I want which has been super fun in the hopes of me finding someone I connect with physically and emotionally but trying to get guys into the MFM is proving to be more difficult. We’ve had some success but I’m having trouble finding that “personal” connection with other men. With things going the way they are currently I’m thinking of much more personal connections and possibly bringing them in instead.

Enter my ex. I’ll call him Zack but basically I had met Zack when I was an older teenager around 18-19, and he was in his early 20s. Fooled around for about a year, he was super hot, built, decent job. Good in bed. He has a lot going for him and I think he’s a potential partner to ask. My current bf is on board with it and I think I’m going to try and reach out to him since I’ve done some snooping on him as well and he’s not currently in a relationship from what I can tell.

I think he’s just a really good fit but maybe I’m looking at it too excitedly. So I’ve broken down some pros and cons:

Pro:
-He was in the military and is very well built
-After I admitted my body count he still stayed with me and my sexual history didn’t bother him one bit
-He had admitted during the relationship that he “fantasized about me getting gangbanged” which is amazing and also a huge fantasy for me
-He has some similar interests to my current boyfriend
-Has experience with group sex with me

Cons:
-when I dated him he drank a bit more than I had liked personally. Don’t know if that’s still how he is tho
-he has had group sex but never an MFM (but fantasized about it as well)
-when we did date he worked crazy schedules at times. Sometimes he’d be home for a week at a time, sometimes he’d be gone for 2 weeks at a hotel, sometimes he’d leave at 7am and not come back til 9-10pm. Others he’d be home before lunch.
-broke up on what I can describe as “ehhh” terms but looking back it was partially my fault things ended how they did. We’ve still hooked up a couple times after we broke up tho
-not sure what his current job/living situation is.

Like right now if I brought him in to this tomorrow it’s obviously sexual but I would want it to progress to much more. My boyfriend and I have basically decided if we are doing this all again we want our third to be a permanent relationship and idk how to kind of put that out there to “Zack”. Ideally I’d want him to basically move in at some point with me and my current boyfriend but that feels like such a huge ask, and obviously I’m not going to rush that but I want to make that crystal clear without potentially scaring him off. I want to work him in slowly.

In closing tho I feel like there’s some huge potential if he is in fact currently single. I still fantasize about him at times, I still feel very strongly towards him despite being broken up for about 5-6 years? He was very much serious about me being in a gangbang and it was our go-to type of roleplay for a bit. I’m thinking of messaging him at some point today, and I don’t feel like I’d be making a mistake but I just want someone’s thoughts before I do it

Idk if im looking for somewhere to just vent, or get some advice but here i am. We’ve been without our third for a couple of months now and I’m dying (being dramatic but fuck I miss it). I finally landed the unicorn, the place to do it, the bf who’s cool with it and now it’s done for the foreseeable future and I’m bummed. Not that there’s anything wrong with my boyfriend but I still crave the intimacy of being shared with a guy who was a regular.

I’m a little nervous but excited to get back in to the dating scene with the dynamic. I feel like there’s new possibilities, but also I’m not prepared to deal with the process again. It took us a long time to get a group going and a lot of failed attempts which were heartbreaking but the past years have been amazing and I’m willing to endure it again if it means I get two guys on the regular.

So for anyone else, have you ever lost your third? Did you find a new one or just deal with it? Discuss and make me feel better