I used to get with this guy and one time while he was pinning me down, he started whispering in my ear that he was going to fuck the man out of me and turn me back into a woman, I was going to bear his children cause that was my place and like I remember getting so wet and drippy, but I'm a boy so I don't know why I acted like that
Nowadays, I ache to submit. I have play partners and I enjoy the time we spend together, but I'll have this urge to suddenly find someone, anyone, to dominate me "further" and so I'll catch myself becoming rather bold in approaching someone to make that happen. As someone who's usually pretty reserved in my day-to-day life and in the bedroom scene, it's noteworthy and somewhat contradicting when I'm suddenly hunting someone down like prey, with a vain hope that the person will "overpower" me and "make" me submit. Thinking on it further, I realized that I didn't actually want to submit to a stranger, but also I didn't feel fulfilled by my play partners either. Also, I noticed that I haven't explored my submission on an individual level at all. Who was I when I look at myself in the mirror? What kind of sub did I want to be, or what was I? So I let my perceptions go. Of who I think of myself in the vanilla world. Of impressing or disappointing anyone. Of what type of sub I think I should be. And I just let myself explore myself. Sometimes, I am soft and warm and nurturing, I want to feel safe and be held, and worship other beings, making others feel this comfort that is inside of me. Other times, I feel sharp and intense and confident, I crave to fight, and to be looked at in awe and pressure, I want my body to be used as an instrument of teasing boundaries and limits, yet I want others to remain unafraid, not because I'm not threatening, but because I would never purposely harm another without their permission, in any scenario. I wonder what other layers there are to me, and may I continue to discover them as I submit to myself.