I'm travelling with my family came out without my supply, withdrawals were so fucking bad
I ended up entering to Bosco do rogorero, basically a forest with a lot of syringes in the floor, I don't know how I didn't get robbed, I met two Moroccan guys and I went with them and for my luck they were not lying to me, they knew people there so I was safe with them, but they could make me enter to the forest just to rob me
They were 2 rocks but I put it in my sock and it melted now is harder again, im a OXY user this is my first time using H
I smoked probably a 0.7 in foil, I'm used to 500mg of oxy per day, and I'm not really that high, I'm feeling great but I'm not even nodding
Just arrived to Milan, and I'm fucking withdrawing like a bitch, the clock stopped ticking in the plane time wasn't moving on I was becoming crazy. I was feeling I was in a sardine can legs hurting.
Here is 4# or 3#?
How worried about fent should i be?
Just arrived to my destiny after 24 hours travelling I took my last 6 oxys 2 days ago and I was literally almost crying the plane, the seats were so fucking small. My legs started hurting when I arrived at my local airport.
If I were not coming with my family I would came back.
Today after resting I'm gonna try to score some Heroin.
I came to Europe so Fetty is not a problem here like in the us but still a risk
Started playing with fire at 16yo, now at 22 I'm fully addicted to opiates, I started with methadone 2 months ago, I used it for 2 weeks and I wasn't high but I was feeling good, my tolerance skyrocket a lot, now I'm using 400mg OXY a day, before methadone with 150-200mg was more than enough
My brain isn't the same, I was a high IQ individual, and I still I am but my brain isn't the same and the guilt is eating me from inside, Knowing my capacity and potential and just doing drugs to not think about it is just making me dig deeper in the hole.
Not being able anymore to focus on anything or end any project anymore knowing I was capable of doing it is killing me from inside and it turns into a endless cycle and I to try to not think about it is making me use more, I relapsed on benzos, type of drug I actually hate, I feel impaired on benzos, even i love to not think I hate feeling that my brain isn't at his full capacity, with opiates is different, maybe I'm impaired but I don't feel like I am.
Also when I stopped using benzos I lost all the anxiety I was carrying arround, even i continued with opiates and startrd doing more, anxiety fade away, so I stopped using it, now I'm waiting to refill my oxys tomorrow, but I was without any opiate and started using benzos even i hate them to not think, even i almost buy some coke that even hate it more than benzos, but idk, probably my brain says
Coke = white powder
Crushed Oxy = white powder and start thinking in doing it even i don't like it and make me feel like shit.
My psychologist told me she won't continue treating me and that make me feel terrible, I was really doing my best and I was doing an actual effort and one day basically threatened me, she just basically said or you tell your parents about you are doing drugs or she will not continue my treatment...
She just saw me one day having withdrawals, I just was sweating like crazy, even i said to her I was feeling very well, I just was having physical withdrawal but mentally I was really feeling great, I told her I had been much much worse but idk, probably she got scared of me dying or something like that and that she would be the responsible.
When I told her how I felt about it she just told me she won't continue having sessions with me. She didn't like when I told her I felt betrayed and extorted by her.
Idk, I just wanted to vent a little, idk if I should find another therapist.