u/imwalkingwithspiders

TL;DR — hopeless romantic remains hopeful she will live out her contemporary romance fantasies with a man that fellow readers can only dream of, the grumpy to her sunshine. Are you him?

Tall, dark, handsome, older… all the makings of a swoon-worthy male main character (MMC, for my book girlies). If I were to flesh you out a bit more, for fantasy’s sake, you’d be smart, funny, a little weird, affectionate, attentive, kind. Single, ready to mingle with me specifically, and hopefully localish (flexible on that one). You’re the kind of man who holds doors open for little old ladies and calls them “ma’am”, who makes conversation with strangers waiting in line to check out at the grocery store, who stops to pet every dog on our evening walk around the neighborhood. The kind of man I’d absolutely bring home to my Nana and share her banana puddin with. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

So, there’s you, the MMC, but what about me, the female main character (FMC)?! I’m so glad you asked! I relish the opportunity to talk about myself, because I’m definitely not the shy, mysterious type of FMC… oh wait, I totally am! Whoops! Anyway, let’s flesh out your FMC: 28, on her official Saturn return (ahhhh!!!) educated, dog-lover, banana puddin demolisher, Uno master. Southern granny vibes, from the voice to the idioms to the wardrobe. Tall(ish), dark(haired), and handsome, if I do say so myself. 😉 Funny enough to be a world-famous comedian, yet too chicken to ever get on a stage and let her jokes be heard. Voracious reader, whose love language is books (okay, and maybe words of affirmation…) of the romance variety. I’m no stranger to some romantasy in the mix, though! Also known to be a horror girlie, when the air gets that delightful autumn chill to it. If you know you know!

Do I sound like just what you need? Was I plucked right out of the book on your nightstand? (Swoon!) Message me and let’s crack the spine on this adventure! 📚

Am I not your type of girlfriend, but absolutely your type of book buddy? Sign me up anyway, let’s trade book recs!

Is this the most annoying post you’ve ever read and you hope you never cross my path again? Totally get it, and I hope you find what you seek! 🙂‍↔️

Just like the title says, I’m looking for the lovely older man I can proudly take home to Dad for dinner, then get absolutely ruined by in the car on the way home. Hopefully that’s not too much to ask. 😉

You’re the kind of man who strokes my hair and kisses my forehead, then turns around and uses me like I’m nothing. I’m looking for a boyfriend (manfriend?) with an equal balance of dominance, ruin, love, and affection. Sound like you? Slide in these DMs please!

About me: dark brown hair, green eyes, big nose. 5’8” and on the chubby side. Lovely breasts and thighs, like the fried chicken meal of your dreams! Likes word games, books about vampires, baking, gardening, video games, sour candy, dark chocolate. Dislikes pickles, tomato sauce, white chocolate, and the smell of eucalyptus. Educated, bleeding heart, nerdy. Big believer in the power of dreams and astrology. Tell me your birth time! 😉

About you: older, kind, affectionate, attentive, hair-puller extraordinaire. Please be single and monogamous, no married or poly guys. You don’t have to be local — I’m open to different coasts, different countries, different galaxies — but if you are local, bonus points galore!

If any of this sounds like it tickles your pickle, please send me a message! Let’s chat about anything, everything, nothing at all! 🥰

tl;dr I’m looking for the tall, dark, and handsome main character my fellow book girlies can only dream of. The man with Heathcliff level devotion for me, and me for him. Okay, well, maybe not Heathcliff *exactly*, because he and Catherine were siblings. But the sentiment is there, right? We’re made of the same stuff! Right?! Jeez, I should have picked a different literary dreamboat. 🥴 ANYWAY! Are you him, the Daddy I’ve been waiting for?

Lean back, close your eyes, and let me set the scene for you: I’m in the bookstore, lost amongst the shelves, reading the back of a hardcover, when you come up behind me. You reach up, wrap your fingers in my ponytail, and tilt my head back. My eyes close, my lips part, and everything else melts away. In a store drowning in the chatter of readers, the hum of customer service questions, and the smell of unopened books and fresh coffee, all I can drown in is you. You’re tall, dark, and dominant, like you’ve just stepped out of the book I was reading.

About you: You’re older than me. No upper limit, but I think I’d like someone at least over 40. You’re funny, smart, kind, attentive, affectionate, loving, adventurous. Being a reader absolutely wouldn’t hurt, because I would love to swap recommendations and discuss our shared reads at length! You are single, meaning no ENM/poly/dead bedrooms/otherwise committed men. Ideally, you would live localish. Meaning within 2-3 hours driving distance. This is not super duper strict, as I believe location doesn’t have to be the deciding factor in a romance novel. Not mine, anyway. They’ve got planes, trains, cars, skateboards, sleds, UFOs, etc. Different state, different country, different galaxy — I’ll find my way to you regardless. Also, it would be great if you like to drive… because I fucking hate driving all the time. 😬

About me: just turned 28, born and raised in our beautiful state of Tennessee (yes, this means I come with an accent!), probably the funniest person you’ll ever meet, educated, great at Jeopardy!, kind, loving. Likes books, horror movies and games, baking. Believes in the power of dreams and subscribes to daily horoscopes. Hates bread and butter pickles and tomato sauces. Taller than average, chubby, brown hair, hazel eyes, great breasts and thighs (like a KFC meal, without the herbs, but plenty of spices). 😉

An important note: Kinks are something I will talk about down the road. They are not important to me upfront, as I’ve been in kinky relationships and vanilla relationships all the same. I’m looking for a plain old romantic connection before we do any of that. 🍦

If this tickles your pickle, please send me a message! Even if you just want to chat about books or dreams because I don’t sound like your type of partner, I’m down. Tell me about the dreams you constantly cringe about but can never forget. Please be open to phone calls soonish. Please be willing to message a lot throughout our days. I love to talk, so we’ll be a match even if you just love to listen! Happy hunting! 🥰