u/kur0m0chi

Some more lore drop to my abusive relationship since where else should I share this shit.

This time I wanna confess the most stupid thing I probably ever did for a man telling myself its "love" while it was just manipulation.

It dates back when I was in a relationship for multiple years and experienced it all: On-Off relationship, we break up have other partners .. still meet fuck.. then get into relationship again. I broke his trust several times, he broke mine at least 10 times as much. It was no good relationship, we should have broken up months after we got together, probably the first time we crashed it into a wall. But we stayed together, came back.

For him I was just an easy girl doing whatever he wants, trying this kink just because he wants to. Degreasing myself to the bottom just because he gives me some love.

For me he was the love of my life, the guy I couldn't imagine a life without. I was dependent on him. When he called me a good girl and was proud of me my life was good and everything worked well. If he was mad I was a mess not able to do anything right on my own.

And this continued for years. As I said I tried almost every kink for him he wanted to and taking nudes for him was something as normal as breathing. He didn't even had to ask if he can take some while I was tied up because.. why should I say no to the one I love.

And then we had one of our fights again over something minor, I don't even remember the reason. We had so many of these.

Stop talking for a day.. then I come drawling back and as always we fucked to settle it. We never really "solved" the problems. We just ignored them... Or well I did.. and fucked instead. It worked.. not well.. but it worked for the moment.

And he acts all this mighty as always making me degrade myself to win him over again even tho he was the one doing something bad... But there I was trying to do what he wants

And he wanted pictures , of me apologizing naked Infront of him, holding my ID card.

And that's what I did the most stupid thing you can do. Letting a guy take nudes with your ID. Letting a guy you fight with every few weeks take nudes of you with your ID.

Letting a guy who had shared your nudes without asking in the past with other take nudes of you with your ID.

But I loved him. He would never want something bad for me (beside the 1000 times he did). I can trust him (beside the 1000 times he broke my trust).

I can't really comprehend why I did it, but I did and I forget about it really fast.

Until our next big fight. We exchange hard words, and then he gets his phone. "You know what. I could ruin you stupid bitch. I could post these and you would get raped by hundreds of guys. You should beg me at my feet instead of acting like a piece of trash. If you ever piss me off again I make you regret and getting raped"

I don't remember his exact word but I remember how much he mentioned me getting raped. Me regretting. And how I should be greatfull.

The relationship ended, and he made sure I don't forget I will stay have to obey.. because he has something I cant take from him. The most memorable message after the breakup was "You might not be mine anymore, but your body is".

After the breakup he still texted me sometimes. Mostly when he had a date that flopped, or a breakup.. He called me over to hatefuck me while telling me about it.

Part of me is into this kind of sex.. but then I don't do it because I want to, but because I'm afraid he would share them.

Because I know he is the type that would.

The first times it was overshadowed by guilt to my new partners who didn't knew. I was conflicted if I should just risk it and say no for them. That they would hold me and make sure nothing would happen if he really does? But then I didn't had this deep trust and instead I secretly followed his words out of fear.

It continued for quite a while but it became less frequent until I didn't heard from him anymore. I don't know if I became to boring.. maybe he found the one that makes him happy.

But at the same time I also don't know what happened to the picture. Is it deleted, lost? Or just waiting for the next time he feels the urge to use it.

But to end this whole thing on a "positive" note. I grew older, stronger. And I found new very deep connections.

Even if it still exists and he would come back with it. Today I would be stronger than just saying yes to everything.

Today there are plenty nudes of me out there. Not with my Id, that would be still worse. Today I know how I can get help if he really would do.. and I would know that whatever risk it would mean for me.. it would mean his downfall if he would really share it.