u/littleakari

Update: We’re over. I ended things.

I’m 24F, and I’ve been seeing my dom (49M) for a couple months now. I’m new to BDSM, and he’s been teaching me a lot. We started things slow and took our time getting to know each other. We both have some past trauma, and we’re been really open about communicating with each other. He did warn me he’s a sadist, and I warned him I’m not a masochist. After a few dates and extensive discussions about safety and boundaries and expectations, I signed a contract so we’re in a training period right now.

We had talked briefly about anal, and I joked that I only like it when I’m drunk because it hurts so much. I did tell him I wasn’t opposed to it if we go slow. He agreed that we would work up to it.

Last week, we met up and things started off going really well. We practiced different submission positions (I’ve been studying really hard!) and he tied me up with my hands behind my back. We had a really great long spanking session for probably half an hour or so. At one point I did say “yellow” to slow down because it was starting to hurt very badly.

After the spanking, he flipped me over and started fucking me vaginally. I was really enjoying it, until he suddenly shoved it in my ass and started fucking my ass very roughly. There was no warning, no finger first, no warm up. Straight from nothing to his whole entire dick. We hadn’t even talked about it that day. It hurt insanely bad, and I wasn’t prepared in any way. I immediately started screaming and crying for him to stop, and then called my safe word (red). He did stop immediately and untie me because I was completely unable to move. He said that even though me crying and telling him to stop turned him on even more, he still wanted to protect me. I cried for a long time as he held me and we talked about what happened. Several years ago, I did go through a traumatic experience relating to anal sex.

I was able to calm myself down after a while, and we left things on a good note when I left. That night, everything hit me and I sobbed for hours. Since then, we’ve had talks about it but I feel like he keeps trying to justify his actions. I don’t think he feels sorry for what he did, I think he feels sorry for how I reacted. I’m afraid I can’t trust him now, and I worry he may do something like this again. He states that since it wasn’t on my hard limits list that he thought it was okay since he has full autonomy over my body. I don’t know what to do. I really like him, and I love the connection we have. I am committed to him, but I’m also very unsure of how to proceed. On one hand, I’m glad he respected me calling my safe word and did stop. On the other hand, I fear he should’ve given me some kind of warning before. There wasn’t any time for me to call yellow or to tell him to slow down because he went from 0 to 100 in seconds. I don’t know if this is typical, or if I should be concerned.

Edit: these comments are what I feared to be true. I kept telling myself it was just good that he stopped when he did and to be grateful for that. I tried to justify what he did because I don’t want to fall apart again. I thought I did everything right to avoid something like this happening again and I’m just very sad. Thank you all for your support.

I’m 24F, and I’ve been seeing my dom (49M) for a couple months now. I’m new to BDSM, and he’s been teaching me a lot. We started things slow and took our time getting to know each other. We both have some past trauma, and we’re been really open about communicating with each other. He did warn me he’s a sadist, and I warned him I’m not a masochist. After a few dates and extensive discussions about safety and boundaries and expectations, I signed a contract so we’re in a training period right now.

We had talked briefly about anal, and I joked that I only like it when I’m drunk because it hurts so much. I did tell him I wasn’t opposed to it if we go slow. He agreed that we would work up to it.

Last week, we met up and things started off going really well. We practiced different submission positions (I’ve been studying really hard!) and he tied me up with my hands behind my back. We had a really great long spanking session for probably half an hour or so. At one point I did say “yellow” to slow down because it was starting to hurt very badly.

After the spanking, he flipped me over and started fucking me vaginally. I was really enjoying it, until he suddenly shoved it in my ass and started fucking my ass very roughly. There was no warning, no finger first, no warm up. Straight from nothing to his whole entire dick. We hadn’t even talked about it that day. It hurt insanely bad, and I wasn’t prepared in any way. I immediately started screaming and crying for him to stop, and then called my safe word (red). He did stop immediately and untie me because I was completely unable to move. He said that even though me crying and telling him to stop turned him on even more, he still wanted to protect me. I cried for a long time as he held me and we talked about what happened. Several years ago, I did go through a traumatic experience relating to anal sex.

I was able to calm myself down after a while, and we left things on a good note when I left. That night, everything hit me and I sobbed for hours. Since then, we’ve had talks about it but I feel like he keeps trying to justify his actions. I don’t think he feels sorry for what he did, I think he feels sorry for how I reacted. I’m afraid I can’t trust him now, and I worry he may do something like this again. He states that since it wasn’t on my hard limits list that he thought it was okay since he has full autonomy over my body. I don’t know what to do. I really like him, and I love the connection we have. I am committed to him, but I’m also very unsure of how to proceed.