u/loqpasaesque

Two days ago I had an absolutely wonderful romantic and sexy MDMA + 2CB trip (Nexus Flip) with a partner of mine, and I want to give back to the community with a little report that hopefully can be helpful to anyone with a similar profile seeking a similar experience.

It can be SO tricky to sort good information from bad, and I'm definitely not trying to represent any sort of authority. I've taken MDMA about ~25 times and 2CB about ~10, and I've been varying degrees of responsible with both over the course of 2 decades of consumption. I've learned a few things through experience re: what works and does not work for ME + what I want from the experience, and that's what's listed here!

CONTEXT

At this point in my life, I no longer want to use drugs for partying; I'm much more interested in private experiences with either just one other person or a very small group (maybe 4 people max). I love connecting sexually on drugs, and I actively prepare the scene for inviting sexual possibilities.

I care quite a lot about my health as well. Taking MDMA is hard on your body, period, so I've tried many things in the name of harm reduction (short of abstinence). The 3 month rule is sacred for me; I often let 6+ months go by in between sessions. For 2CB, no less than 2 weeks in between, and I take quite low doses.

TIMELINE

This timeline is for two people of different weights.

My partner is 86kg (189lbs). I'll refer to him as E.

I'm 56kg (123lbs). I'll refer to myself as J.

• T-90: Light low-fat snack, magnesium 300 mg each, ginger tablets
• T-30: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+0: MDMA: E 75 mg / J 55 mg oral
• T+0:30: MDMA: E 35 mg / J 25 mg oral
• T+1:00: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+2:00: Redose: E 40 mg / J 30 mg oral
• T+2:30: Magnesium 300mg each
• T+3:30: 2CB ~5 mg each boofed
• T+6:00 (approx): Banana + Ibuprofen + Melatonin 0.3 mg -> bed

Decisions I made:

→ Split the first dose into two parts: This was the first time I ever tried this, and I will 10000% be doing it from now on! I almost always get nausea from MDMA, and this lowered it significantly. It makes the come-up slower for sure, which is a plus for me. I'm in no rush.

→ Oral MDMA: I've tried boofing MDMA before, and it definitely irritates the anal canal in a way that 2CB doesn't seem to. We like anal sex on MDMA (giving + receiving for both of us!) so this is a major negative. The come-up is also faster boofed, which is a negative for me. AND it does NOT avoid the nausea problem (from what I understand, this is because MDMA affects the serotonin receptors in your gut no matter what). The one positive is that the bioavailability of MDMA is greater boofed than through oral consumption, but I'd rather use more product and have a better experience than try to optimize for quantity and risk discomfort.

→ Boofed 2CB: On the other hand, I LOVE boofing 2CB. It almost completely avoids the nausea problem, I don't notice any irritation, and at the stage in the game where I'm ready for the flip, I want it to come on fairly rapidly. I notice effects within ~10 minutes boofed.

→ Sildenafil (Viagra): Why not Tadalafil (Cialis)? Everyone says it's better/more gentle. Welp, Sildenafil is OTC where I live, and you need a prescription for Tadalafil. E tolerates Sildenafil well and has no heart conditions or anything that would make it extra dangerous. Because we're in a private controlled environment, we take a lot of care re: overheating etc. It definitely works too! Erections come and go; they're not as ever-present as during sober sexuality but can pretty much be summoned on command. I don't think erections are necessary for great sexuality BUT it's fun to have the tool in the toolbox.

→ Vitamins: For YEARS I was the vitamin fairy for all my friends. My cabinet is stocked with everything that "everyone knows you're supposed to take:" R-ALA, vitamin C, taken before and every 2 hours of roll, etc. This time 'round I tried to really do my research to see what evidence there was behind each of these, and I came up fairly empty-handed. The trials linking R-ALA to protecting the brain during a roll are all on rats shot full of doses FAR higher than you'd ever achieve as a human taking pills. The only two that had a clear link to a tangible benefit were ginger (for nausea) and magnesium (for bruxism, aka jaw clenching). So I decided, y'know, fuck it -- let's try it with just these two and see how I feel the day after. Folks, I feel freaking great, and I think I can ascribe that mostly to 1) waiting 3+ months between rolls and 2) sleeping an okay-ish night after the fact.

I also have to say that it was SO SO SO nice not having to down a ton of pills throughout the night.

Please note that this is the area where I feel the most flimsy, even after years of looking for info and trying things out on myself + friends. I would love to learn more about what vitamins/supplements can be shown to clearly help protect your system when rolling -- if anyone has studies that have helped them figure out a trusted stack, I'd love a link!

→ MDMA dosage: We had (tested) 93% pure powdered MDMA -- good stuff. Most of my experience is with pills, which you can never be sure about. After using the powder, I don't ever want to go back. Used a high-precision scale to measure it out. I was a bundle of nerves about getting the dosage right as underdoing is a bummer and overdoing is actively dangerous. For two people of our weights with plenty of experience, I think I nailed it! We were definitely very high at the peak -- enough that we were "dispersed" with our actions, finding it tough to center on any one activity. But I'm okay with that personally. When we take 2CB on its own, it's much more of a focused fuckfest. The MDMA high is (or can be) more playful, bouncing around between ideas and feelings and sensations, not just purely sexual. It's a different special thing, and this dose highlighted that for us.

→ 2CB timing: I suppose this would be called a Nexus Flip, although I kind of feel that name overblows it a little, at least in the way we did it with a low dose of 2CB. It's definitely better than MDMA alone BUT I read some people talking about it as the end-all-be-all experience -- who knows, maybe they're doing something quite different to my approach.

We only have 2CB in pill form that are supposedly 12-15mg, and we've taken this batch enough to know that 1/3 pill (so approx 5mg) is the sweet spot for us for sex. It's enough to make everything underlined but not enough to get confusingly trippy. If you want to try this, the moment to take the 2CB is BEFORE the MDMA hits a comedown. MDMA Drop -> Peak -> Plateau -> 2CB. That way, the MDMA comes down as the 2CB comes up, and you kind of feel the ick of the MDMA wearing off as background noise to the niceness of 2CB embracing your senses. You shift from the wide-open-heart-ness of MDMA to the body sensitivity of 2CB, and it's overall just so much gentler. I also found it FAR easier to sleep afterwards than on MDMA alone.

→ General timing: I always kick things off as early as makes sense, because sleeping at the end is key to feeling okay-ish the next day. This time we waited til 8pm to drop the first dose because we were in a place with a lot of unavoidable natural light. When I can create a dark environment, I often start even earlier, like 6pm.

→ Hydration + food: A mix of water and lemon-y sports drink are perfect to have on hand, drinking when you're thirsty. I also had fruit around for the very end. I wasn't feeling any hunger, but I could feel my body thanking me for getting through half a banana at the end (also, the 2CB makes it taste insanely good, even as the MDMA makes you go "uh WHY are you eating?").

→ Ibuprofen: I always have a headache at the end. This + banana helps mute it a bit.

→ Melatonin: For a little sleep aid.

→ Making a plan and sticking to it: Putting this as the last point because it's my favorite. It gives me such a feeling of taking care of myself to have made such a clear plan with reasoning behind it, to set myself up for exact dosages at exact timings, and then to stick to it exactly. My high self is (happily) all over the place, and it feels GREAT to trust in my sober self to have made good calls, and just to follow them without trying to make new decisions. If you take only one thing from this report, make it this one!!

I think that's it! We had a beautiful time together, so much heart and good feelings and kink and fun. We found the space and soundness of mind to send loving msgs to our other partners at the peak (we are poly, and this was something we had agreed upon before we started). We had moments of intense fuckery and a moment when we actually stepped outside to look at the moon.

The comedown for us was gentle gentle gentle. The next day we felt super tired and not ready to eat anything until early afternoon, but otherwise fine. No blues (but we're lucky enough that we've never gotten those, even without the 2CB -- so may just not be prone to it).

All Qs accepted! I might be a little slow getting back to you, but I'll get there.

Two days ago I had an absolutely wonderful romantic and sexy MDMA + 2CB trip (Nexus Flip) with a partner of mine, and I want to give back to the community with a little report that hopefully can be helpful to anyone with a similar profile seeking a similar experience.

It can be SO tricky to sort good information from bad, and I'm definitely not trying to represent any sort of authority. I've taken MDMA about ~25 times and 2CB about ~10, and I've been varying degrees of responsible with both over the course of 2 decades of consumption. I've learned a few things through experience re: what works and does not work for ME + what I want from the experience, and that's what's listed here!

CONTEXT

At this point in my life, I no longer want to use drugs for partying; I'm much more interested in private experiences with either just one other person or a very small group (maybe 4 people max). I love connecting sexually on drugs, and I actively prepare the scene for inviting sexual possibilities.

I care quite a lot about my health as well. Taking MDMA is hard on your body, period, so I've tried many things in the name of harm reduction (short of abstinence). The 3 month rule is sacred for me; I often let 6+ months go by in between sessions. For 2CB, no less than 2 weeks in between, and I take quite low doses.

TIMELINE

This timeline is for two people of different weights.

My partner is 86kg (189lbs). I'll refer to him as E.

I'm 56kg (123lbs). I'll refer to myself as J.

• T-90: Light low-fat snack, magnesium 300 mg each, ginger tablets
• T-30: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+0: MDMA: E 75 mg / J 55 mg oral
• T+0:30: MDMA: E 35 mg / J 25 mg oral
• T+1:00: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+2:00: Redose: E 40 mg / J 30 mg oral
• T+2:30: Magnesium 300mg each
• T+3:30: 2CB ~5 mg each boofed
• T+6:00 (approx): Banana + Ibuprofen + Melatonin 0.3 mg -> bed

Decisions I made:

→ Split the first dose into two parts: This was the first time I ever tried this, and I will 10000% be doing it from now on! I almost always get nausea from MDMA, and this lowered it significantly. It makes the come-up slower for sure, which is a plus for me. I'm in no rush.

→ Oral MDMA: I've tried boofing MDMA before, and it definitely irritates the anal canal in a way that 2CB doesn't seem to. We like anal sex on MDMA (giving + receiving for both of us!) so this is a major negative. The come-up is also faster boofed, which is a negative for me. AND it does NOT avoid the nausea problem (from what I understand, this is because MDMA affects the serotonin receptors in your gut no matter what). The one positive is that the bioavailability of MDMA is greater boofed than through oral consumption, but I'd rather use more product and have a better experience than try to optimize for quantity and risk discomfort.

→ Boofed 2CB: On the other hand, I LOVE boofing 2CB. It almost completely avoids the nausea problem, I don't notice any irritation, and at the stage in the game where I'm ready for the flip, I want it to come on fairly rapidly. I notice effects within ~10 minutes boofed.

→ Sildenafil (Viagra): Why not Tadalafil (Cialis)? Everyone says it's better/more gentle. Welp, Sildenafil is OTC where I live, and you need a prescription for Tadalafil. E tolerates Sildenafil well and has no heart conditions or anything that would make it extra dangerous. Because we're in a private controlled environment, we take a lot of care re: overheating etc. It definitely works too! Erections come and go; they're not as ever-present as during sober sexuality but can pretty much be summoned on command. I don't think erections are necessary for great sexuality BUT it's fun to have the tool in the toolbox.

→ Vitamins: For YEARS I was the vitamin fairy for all my friends. My cabinet is stocked with everything that "everyone knows you're supposed to take:" R-ALA, vitamin C, taken before and every 2 hours of roll, etc. This time 'round I tried to really do my research to see what evidence there was behind each of these, and I came up fairly empty-handed. The trials linking R-ALA to protecting the brain during a roll are all on rats shot full of doses FAR higher than you'd ever achieve as a human taking pills. The only two that had a clear link to a tangible benefit were ginger (for nausea) and magnesium (for bruxism, aka jaw clenching). So I decided, y'know, fuck it -- let's try it with just these two and see how I feel the day after. Folks, I feel freaking great, and I think I can ascribe that mostly to 1) waiting 3+ months between rolls and 2) sleeping an okay-ish night after the fact.

I also have to say that it was SO SO SO nice not having to down a ton of pills throughout the night.

Please note that this is the area where I feel the most flimsy, even after years of looking for info and trying things out on myself + friends. I would love to learn more about what vitamins/supplements can be shown to clearly help protect your system when rolling -- if anyone has studies that have helped them figure out a trusted stack, I'd love a link!

→ MDMA dosage: We had (tested) 93% pure powdered MDMA -- good stuff. Most of my experience is with pills, which you can never be sure about. After using the powder, I don't ever want to go back. Used a high-precision scale to measure it out. I was a bundle of nerves about getting the dosage right as underdoing is a bummer and overdoing is actively dangerous. For two people of our weights with plenty of experience, I think I nailed it! We were definitely very high at the peak -- enough that we were "dispersed" with our actions, finding it tough to center on any one activity. But I'm okay with that personally. When we take 2CB on its own, it's much more of a focused fuckfest. The MDMA high is (or can be) more playful, bouncing around between ideas and feelings and sensations, not just purely sexual. It's a different special thing, and this dose highlighted that for us.

→ 2CB timing: I suppose this would be called a Nexus Flip, although I kind of feel that name overblows it a little, at least in the way we did it with a low dose of 2CB. It's definitely better than MDMA alone BUT I read some people talking about it as the end-all-be-all experience -- who knows, maybe they're doing something quite different to my approach.

We only have 2CB in pill form that are supposedly 12-15mg, and we've taken this batch enough to know that 1/3 pill (so approx 5mg) is the sweet spot for us for sex. It's enough to make everything underlined but not enough to get confusingly trippy. If you want to try this, the moment to take the 2CB is BEFORE the MDMA hits a comedown. MDMA Drop -> Peak -> Plateau -> 2CB. That way, the MDMA comes down as the 2CB comes up, and you kind of feel the ick of the MDMA wearing off as background noise to the niceness of 2CB embracing your senses. You shift from the wide-open-heart-ness of MDMA to the body sensitivity of 2CB, and it's overall just so much gentler. I also found it FAR easier to sleep afterwards than on MDMA alone.

→ General timing: I always kick things off as early as makes sense, because sleeping at the end is key to feeling okay-ish the next day. This time we waited til 8pm to drop the first dose because we were in a place with a lot of unavoidable natural light. When I can create a dark environment, I often start even earlier, like 6pm.

→ Hydration + food: A mix of water and lemon-y sports drink are perfect to have on hand, drinking when you're thirsty. I also had fruit around for the very end. I wasn't feeling any hunger, but I could feel my body thanking me for getting through half a banana at the end (also, the 2CB makes it taste insanely good, even as the MDMA makes you go "uh WHY are you eating?").

→ Ibuprofen: I always have a headache at the end. This + banana helps mute it a bit.

→ Melatonin: For a little sleep aid.

→ Making a plan and sticking to it: Putting this as the last point because it's my favorite. It gives me such a feeling of taking care of myself to have made such a clear plan with reasoning behind it, to set myself up for exact dosages at exact timings, and then to stick to it exactly. My high self is (happily) all over the place, and it feels GREAT to trust in my sober self to have made good calls, and just to follow them without trying to make new decisions. If you take only one thing from this report, make it this one!!

I think that's it! We had a beautiful time together, so much heart and good feelings and kink and fun. We found the space and soundness of mind to send loving msgs to our other partners at the peak (we are poly, and this was something we had agreed upon before we started). We had moments of intense fuckery and a moment when we actually stepped outside to look at the moon.

The comedown for us was gentle gentle gentle. The next day we felt super tired and not ready to eat anything until early afternoon, but otherwise fine. No blues (but we're lucky enough that we've never gotten those, even without the 2CB -- so may just not be prone to it).

All Qs accepted! I might be a little slow getting back to you, but I'll get there.

Two days ago I had an absolutely wonderful romantic and sexy MDMA + 2CB trip (Nexus Flip) with a partner of mine, and I want to give back to the community with a little report that hopefully can be helpful to anyone with a similar profile seeking a similar experience.

It can be SO tricky to sort good information from bad, and I'm definitely not trying to represent any sort of authority. I've taken MDMA about ~25 times and 2CB about ~10, and I've been varying degrees of responsible with both over the course of 2 decades of consumption. I've learned a few things through experience re: what works and does not work for ME + what I want from the experience, and that's what's listed here!

CONTEXT

At this point in my life, I no longer want to use drugs for partying; I'm much more interested in private experiences with either just one other person or a very small group (maybe 4 people max). I love connecting sexually on drugs, and I actively prepare the scene for inviting sexual possibilities.

I care quite a lot about my health as well. Taking MDMA is hard on your body, period, so I've tried many things in the name of harm reduction (short of abstinence). The 3 month rule is sacred for me; I often let 6+ months go by in between sessions. For 2CB, no less than 2 weeks in between, and I take quite low doses.

TIMELINE

This timeline is for two people of different weights.

My partner is 86kg (189lbs). I'll refer to him as E.

I'm 56kg (123lbs). I'll refer to myself as J.

• T-90: Light low-fat snack, magnesium 300 mg each, ginger tablets
• T-30: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+0: MDMA: E 75 mg / J 55 mg oral
• T+0:30: MDMA: E 35 mg / J 25 mg oral
• T+1:00: E Sildenafil 50 mg
• T+2:00: Redose: E 40 mg / J 30 mg oral
• T+2:30: Magnesium 300mg each
• T+3:30: 2CB ~5 mg each boofed
• T+6:00 (approx): Banana + Ibuprofen + Melatonin 0.3 mg -> bed

Decisions I made:

→ Split the first dose into two parts: This was the first time I ever tried this, and I will 10000% be doing it from now on! I almost always get nausea from MDMA, and this lowered it significantly. It makes the come-up slower for sure, which is a plus for me. I'm in no rush.

→ Oral MDMA: I've tried boofing MDMA before, and it definitely irritates the anal canal in a way that 2CB doesn't seem to. We like anal sex on MDMA (giving + receiving for both of us!) so this is a major negative. The come-up is also faster boofed, which is a negative for me. AND it does NOT avoid the nausea problem (from what I understand, this is because MDMA affects the serotonin receptors in your gut no matter what). The one positive is that the bioavailability of MDMA is greater boofed than through oral consumption, but I'd rather use more product and have a better experience than try to optimize for quantity and risk discomfort.

→ Boofed 2CB: On the other hand, I LOVE boofing 2CB. It almost completely avoids the nausea problem, I don't notice any irritation, and at the stage in the game where I'm ready for the flip, I want it to come on fairly rapidly. I notice effects within ~10 minutes boofed.

→ Sildenafil (Viagra): Why not Tadalafil (Cialis)? Everyone says it's better/more gentle. Welp, Sildenafil is OTC where I live, and you need a prescription for Tadalafil. E tolerates Sildenafil well and has no heart conditions or anything that would make it extra dangerous. Because we're in a private controlled environment, we take a lot of care re: overheating etc. It definitely works too! Erections come and go; they're not as ever-present as during sober sexuality but can pretty much be summoned on command. I don't think erections are necessary for great sexuality BUT it's fun to have the tool in the toolbox.

→ Vitamins: For YEARS I was the vitamin fairy for all my friends. My cabinet is stocked with everything that "everyone knows you're supposed to take:" R-ALA, vitamin C, taken before and every 2 hours of roll, etc. This time 'round I tried to really do my research to see what evidence there was behind each of these, and I came up fairly empty-handed. The trials linking R-ALA to protecting the brain during a roll are all on rats shot full of doses FAR higher than you'd ever achieve as a human taking pills. The only two that had a clear link to a tangible benefit were ginger (for nausea) and magnesium (for bruxism, aka jaw clenching). So I decided, y'know, fuck it -- let's try it with just these two and see how I feel the day after. Folks, I feel freaking great, and I think I can ascribe that mostly to 1) waiting 3+ months between rolls and 2) sleeping an okay-ish night after the fact.

I also have to say that it was SO SO SO nice not having to down a ton of pills throughout the night.

Please note that this is the area where I feel the most flimsy, even after years of looking for info and trying things out on myself + friends. I would love to learn more about what vitamins/supplements can be shown to clearly help protect your system when rolling -- if anyone has studies that have helped them figure out a trusted stack, I'd love a link!

→ MDMA dosage: We had (tested) 93% pure powdered MDMA -- good stuff. Most of my experience is with pills, which you can never be sure about. After using the powder, I don't ever want to go back. Used a high-precision scale to measure it out. I was a bundle of nerves about getting the dosage right as underdoing is a bummer and overdoing is actively dangerous. For two people of our weights with plenty of experience, I think I nailed it! We were definitely very high at the peak -- enough that we were "dispersed" with our actions, finding it tough to center on any one activity. But I'm okay with that personally. When we take 2CB on its own, it's much more of a focused fuckfest. The MDMA high is (or can be) more playful, bouncing around between ideas and feelings and sensations, not just purely sexual. It's a different special thing, and this dose highlighted that for us.

→ 2CB timing: I suppose this would be called a Nexus Flip, although I kind of feel that name overblows it a little, at least in the way we did it with a low dose of 2CB. It's definitely better than MDMA alone BUT I read some people talking about it as the end-all-be-all experience -- who knows, maybe they're doing something quite different to my approach.

We only have 2CB in pill form that are supposedly 12-15mg, and we've taken this batch enough to know that 1/3 pill (so approx 5mg) is the sweet spot for us for sex. It's enough to make everything underlined but not enough to get confusingly trippy. If you want to try this, the moment to take the 2CB is BEFORE the MDMA hits a comedown. MDMA Drop -> Peak -> Plateau -> 2CB. That way, the MDMA comes down as the 2CB comes up, and you kind of feel the ick of the MDMA wearing off as background noise to the niceness of 2CB embracing your senses. You shift from the wide-open-heart-ness of MDMA to the body sensitivity of 2CB, and it's overall just so much gentler. I also found it FAR easier to sleep afterwards than on MDMA alone.

→ General timing: I always kick things off as early as makes sense, because sleeping at the end is key to feeling okay-ish the next day. This time we waited til 8pm to drop the first dose because we were in a place with a lot of unavoidable natural light. When I can create a dark environment, I often start even earlier, like 6pm.

→ Hydration + food: A mix of water and lemon-y sports drink are perfect to have on hand, drinking when you're thirsty. I also had fruit around for the very end. I wasn't feeling any hunger, but I could feel my body thanking me for getting through half a banana at the end (also, the 2CB makes it taste insanely good, even as the MDMA makes you go "uh WHY are you eating?").

→ Ibuprofen: I always have a headache at the end. This + banana helps mute it a bit.

→ Melatonin: For a little sleep aid.

→ Making a plan and sticking to it: Putting this as the last point because it's my favorite. It gives me such a feeling of taking care of myself to have made such a clear plan with reasoning behind it, to set myself up for exact dosages at exact timings, and then to stick to it exactly. My high self is (happily) all over the place, and it feels GREAT to trust in my sober self to have made good calls, and just to follow them without trying to make new decisions. If you take only one thing from this report, make it this one!!

I think that's it! We had a beautiful time together, so much heart and good feelings and kink and fun. We found the space and soundness of mind to send loving msgs to our other partners at the peak (we are poly, and this was something we had agreed upon before we started). We had moments of intense fuckery and a moment when we actually stepped outside to look at the moon.

The comedown for us was gentle gentle gentle. The next day we felt super tired and not ready to eat anything until early afternoon, but otherwise fine. No blues (but we're lucky enough that we've never gotten those, even without the 2CB -- so may just not be prone to it).

All Qs accepted! I might be a little slow getting back to you, but I'll get there.

New things I've tried and loved in the past couple years:

• an inflatable butt plug
• saliva play -- especially pulling it out from me via deepthroating
• sharing the porn clips I ACTUALLY like with a lover (so vulnerable and exciting)
• 2CB (which, shockingly, is a cunt drug!)
• getting made an absolute mess of with whipped cream
• breath play through facesitting, my tongue up a clean-shaven asshole

Queer as hell (I'm a drag king!) but I love cock too much to ever think about totally giving up men.

39, poly with two long-term partners. I also have a kid, and a really cool tattoo around the c-section scar.

I used to go to kink parties quite a bit, but life hasn't facilitated it these last years. I fucking miss it.

Apart from being a horny fuck, sex and sexuality are special interests for me. You can often find me lurking on sex-related subreddits that may or may not interest me erotically, because I'm fascinated by what turns people on and why. And after an amazing sweaty session, I love talking thru what made it so fucking good, like analyzing together, talking about our favorite parts, and imagining what we want to do more off.

Happy to swap stories, thrilled to swap fantasies. Give me a new idea, tell me something you've always wanted to do you think I'd like. Give me ideas for my next sex toy purchase (I'm thinking anal hook but the list is always growing). Or show me a weird sex subreddit you're obsessed with.

(Hard no: scat/piss, animals/furries, gore/snuff)

(Soft no: funny enough I'm not super into BDSM, although I love intense play including pain. I haven't dabbled in dominance dynamics for years as I simply lost interest in them; I started finding it more interesting to engage with sexual partners on a more egalitarian level -- like it's very fucking interesting that I am actively CHOOSING to choke on cock such that my asshole wants to squeeze out the balls I've stuffed up inside it. I relish the agency; it's a vulnerability amplifier. The less I perform, the less of a gap there is between my ego and the dick-shaped ballgag transforming my would-be philosophizing into mmmmmnph, you know? BUT you never know, life has a lot of chapters.)