Can't cum when I top and trying to learn how
Hey I would love advice here. I'm pretty well endowed, and would love to be more of a top to use it. Trouble is, try as I might, I can't cum when I top. I enjoy topping a lot with certain guys, but I never climax, and only rarely get to the point where I even start to feel like I might. So I've been primarily a bottom. Which I also love, but I don't like that it's just my default.
I know part of it is the way I jerk off, and definitely need to overcome death-grip syndrome. I've been getting better. Previously I could only cum on my back vigorously jerking it, even by myself, and I'm pretty sure my pelvic floor is tight. With mindfulness and relaxation techniques, I've learned to masturbate standing up with slower strokes. But as soon as other people are around, I revert to only being able to cum through a lot of tension. Which isn't ideal. And sometimes even gives me charlie horses.
Is the solution just not to touch my dick at all myself? For context, I take daily Cialis and l-citrulline, which has definitely helped keep me erect. I'm sure part of it is some mental block. I need to focus on something really hot in order to even get me close, and focusing for me is hard during sex. I'm also hoping to be screened for ADHD, because focus is generally a problem, but I know ADHD meds might make it worse. I'm keeping up the mindfulness and pelvic floor work, but I'm beginning to think I need to just only allow others to touch my dick and not myself.
Anyone else overcome this? Any guidance?