Is this a normal kink?
About 2 years ago, I(current f25) was a sugar baby—one man had kinks I hadn’t heard of & introduced the terms 'CNC' & rape play. I was so off-put & thrown off. I thought how could someone be into this?
Well, here I am—2 years later wanting exactly that. Because of the fact I was genuinely so off put by it originally, & now, 2y later, can’t stop thinking about it.
***(Background context: I’ve been in a on/off toxic relationship since 18–there’s been cheating, lost trust, betray. When I was sugaring, my boyfriend didn’t know the full extent of what I was doing, & when he found out I “had” to stop it all. He resents me for it; while I miss that time of my life.)***
I get so horny reading CNC & rape play experiences on here. I even went behind my bfs back (he just recently chested, again :/), & reached out to the sugar daddy that introduced these terms to me, & he wrote a story I can read & fantasize about. He’s open to it, I’m just holding back because of what happened last time sugaring & my bf.
Do I really want to experience this? Or is reading & fantasizing about it enough? I feel like I need this though…& my boyfriend is not into it at all. So I’m not getting fulfilled by him, making this want even stronger.
Is this a normal kink, or does it mean somethings wrong? Clearly, there’s a lot of other people who do. But is there a deeper meaning to why this is a want or is it masking something?
I know rape is wrong. So why do I want to be fucked like I’m being raped? It worries me that if that ever did happen, i’d enjoy it…
I just want to fully submit & have no control. I want someone else to take control & overpower me & degrade me. I want someone to be merciless (My bf hold backs just being rough). I want to feel objectified, like I’m just a toy. I want to be degraded & embarrassed.