Ever heard of "the desire of the D is for the s, the desire of the s is for the desire of the D". What are your views? How do you see this being related to peoplepleasing? And what kind of Dom would instead (or also) desire the desire of the sub?
(We're beyond gender, but if you want the original formulation, replace D with "man" and s with "woman")
Ever heard of "the desire of the D is for the s, the desire of the s is for the desire of the D". What are your views? How do you see this being related to peoplepleasing? And what kind of Dom would instead (or also) desire the desire of the sub?
(We're beyond gender, but if you want the original formulation, replace D with "man" and s with "woman")
Dear community, I'm 41M, relatively new to BDSM, switch (more Dom). I'm caring, empathic, and I've been more of a sensual Dom / pleasure Dom.
Recently I've played some CNC scenes with great pleasure and interest. But tonight something felt off...I've known the person for several months. In the past, I've left their place feeling high from having expressed my "animal side", and having seen my sub get rid of their burden of constant overthinking and need for control.
Tonight it felt different. During the session, I felt the constant need for explicit confirmation/reassurance that they wanted more: I heard their words of consent, but my intuitive side didn't "trust" them, somehow. Usually, I love to find the sub's limits, and trust my ability to read other humans, but tonight I felt like having reached their limit meant that I had gone too far (eg with spanking); I felt their body was saying"no" (closing up, protecting itself), even if their words indicated to continue. I'm a fan of getting deep throat oral, and the fact that they tried but with limited success made me feel rejected, instead of grateful that they accepted to explore this with me. Finally the CNC involved anal: what turned my partner on was the fact to keep getting penetrated, even after having asked for a break; we had done it in the past, but tonight I went harder, deeper, longer and I felt split, as it there were two people inside me (the empathetic man and the sadistic animal), and they were out of synch.
My sub said "this was the best sex of my life" and "I love you" (not in the "let's get married" sense, in the BDSM emotional overload sense... In think). But I left feeling sad, rejected, violent, incompetent. Even with aftercare.
Does this resonate with you. What could be the root(s) and causes? Kind, warm, and respectful answers, please.