r/RedditBDSM

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

This is gonna be a long post, apologies in advance. I'm a bit of a yapper.

I'm more of a side-line person, I'm mostly in bdsm spaces to learn but I've been having a hard time with that.

I(f23) first learned about bdsm when I was a teenager, didn’t really look into it but didn’t really judge it either. I just knew it was a thing that existed but for obvious reasons stayed out of the community. I wasn’t until I watched this show "Dieing for Sex." about a year ago that my interest peaked. It was a show I could in some ways relate to the main character, about how her journey into finding out what she was into also helps her finding out who she is in general. Then I watched Melanie Rose's "How to Build a Sex Room.", different interviews with people in the scene, found Kat Blaque a wonderful trans creator who talks about the scene as well as other things. Safe to say I got really interested in learning about different parts of bdsm.

I've kind of hit a wall though. I often hear that bdsm is inherently non sexual but anytime I try to find resources discussing the bdsm space to learn more I only ever find porn related content. I'm obviously not trying to say that how people post bdsm content needs to change, I mean it's a cow farm there's gonna be cows outside, but it does make it feel difficult to find the content I want. To explain, I have a past with sa and since have been very disconnected with the more sexual part of myself and what I enjoy.

When I actually started learning about bdsm I thought it would be a good way to learn more about myself and what I enjoy because I always heard that bdsm is inherently nonsexual. I would find what I like in a space that takes pride in full clear consent, no sex involved. But then I go to forems and find hash tags and go to fetlife and I find nothing really more than porn and strangers in my dm trying to be my new dom. I mean it took me this long to find a place for purely discussing bdsm.

There are things I would really like to learn about and get into like bondage, specifically shibari. I think the art of it is so beautiful, turning people into statuses, but when I look for resources about it I only find sexual content. I want to go to events and munches and connect with actual people in the scene but will I be accepted there if I'm not fully in it for the sexual aspects? Why is there little to no places and spaces for non sexual parts of bdsm?

Title says all.

I as a submissive, am a little confused in the way of contextualising the carefull balance of bonding as sub too Dom and vice versa and as 2 people sharing intamacy..

I find that hard, I am particalry interested How Dominants see this and have their emotional needs in and behind the role get fullfilled.

But anyone is ofcourse welcome to share their views!

I liked that I read that some Dominants mention that aftercare is not a oneway direction.. not some automatic action they just must perform for the sub, but something they need to..

I pretty much admire this.. because thats not hiding behind the role and being afraid that they can't show an inch of vulnrability or sensitivity near their sub. Its actually something that makes me able to admire him more.

Thx for responding!

Hello, you ghastly old rotters!

Sometimes I post two questions for the weekend. This week, I have an additional couple of whimsical questions.

slimmer: What's the 'worst word' in kink. This is an entirely subjective question. So, please, feel free to give your entirely subjective answer.

similar: Is there a particular kink or fetish that you were surprised to discover you enjoyed?

Whimsical for all: If a person can only deepthroat small cocks, can they really deepthroat?

Very niche whimsical question: If you're in a WLW relationship, and you regularly drive in or out of London together, is there a point when you say to each other:

"Les!"

"You les!"

Because I would. Every. Fucking. Time.

Enjoy what's left of the weekend. Try to do terrible things to lovely people.

T. x

I’m facepalming about it, to be honest.

First of all, I’m kinky, in a 24/7 BDSM marriage, and I’m all in favour of all art (including music) that is kinky. Hell, yes.

I love (in no particular order) Deore, NIN, Acid Velvet Christ, Christian Death, Sleep Token, She wants revenge, Miranda Sex Garden and even the good ol’ Depeche Mode.

All these bands have songs about power exchange, in one form or another.

Even indie band Fontaines DC have recently written a song, Death Kink, that is about the repulsion/attraction of getting to the limits: It’s the power (and, arguably the mission) of art to explore and go up to the limits. To subvert.

And that’s why I’m so let down by the Romanian entry for Eurovision (I bet these are words you though you would never read in a BDSM subreddit).

This is because that song is just a catchy loud ballad with 4 words and 2 chords that doesn’t go anywhere near the complexity of BDSM but turns it into an Ann Summer themed carnival, and promotes what’s one of the most controversial practices - strangulation.

So many people think choking is ‘basic’ BDSM and a song like this isn’t really helping. I believe it does what 50 shades did: promotes a ‘vanilla’, incorrect view on kink. It’s kink done by non kinksters.

Interestingly, the singer has defended the track online by claiming it's ‘just a metaphor for anxiety and being suffocated by expectations’. To me, this strengthens my point: she is borrowing explicit kinky imagery for mainstream titillation and shock value, but hasn't even got the conviction of her own ideas to back it up the moment she gets pushback. It’s the ultimate tourist move.

A personal note. This post isn’t written from a place of censorship. My dominant husband and I do not shy away from controversial kinks: we’re not scared of breaking skin with sharps, play with total ownership, financial control, rape, race, violence, sensory deprivation & degradation, etc - and yet we would not practice any form of strangulation. It’s just not safe. (Although there was a part of me that giggled a bit seeing a huge theatre of - most likely - fully vanilla people singing choke me choke me).

Have you heard this song/seen this performance? What are your thoughts?

Promoting bad practices or just a bit of fun, harmless theatre?

My first intentional* BDSM scene and I’m simply, glowingly, ridiculously happy. I [21F] have done my readings, although I’ll probably keep doing more (and thanks to readers from the other sub who helped point me that way). I talked with him [28M] about my thoughts and feelings and hopes and limits, and he talked about his and then we made some plans about what we wanted to explore and-

It was just incredible. He eased me into things with some mild play and then we hung and and we talked about it and made sure I was okay, and then we went on to explore some other things we’d talked about, and we did some more of that this morning. I feel worlds different and I’m so glad we decided to go down this path together.

I’m sorry if it doesn’t promote discussion, I’m just happy and I wanted to share 🫶

—

*Intentional as in, not kinky things that just happened in sex but we actually decided we were going to Do A Scene 😅

Not only sexually

Hello you,

If you fancy a bit of personal flair, drop a response to this post. Spell out what you'd like. Be a little bit patient, and I'll get back to you.

Thank you.