r/RedditBDSM

Trying to seek better understanding of this and why someone would be attracted to dynamics of it, i stumbled upon a very good read in manga section - Nana to Karou
Writers have gone in depth into philosophy of bdsm, attaching meaning to things i would have never imagined. In itself, it is overwhelmingly descriptive tale of bdsm play shown through initially 2 characters exploring different things.
It’s a difficult yet fulfilling read that helped me look at this as some kind of expression of art or desires.
Any suggestions/references that have impacted you significantly?

My Dom (37M) and I (29F) use the usual green/yellow/red system, and we’re pretty heavily into impact play. The problem is that I’m really bad at actually using my safewords.

I have some past experiences that make me associate saying “no” or stopping with disappointing someone, so even when something is getting to the point where I should probably say yellow, I tend to just push through it. And red feels even harder because, in my head, red means something is seriously wrong and everything has to stop immediately. By the time I’m considering it, I’ve usually already convinced myself that I should just endure a little more.

I’ve also realized that part of me treats safewording like I’m somehow “ruining” the scene, which I know logically isn’t how it should work.
So a few days ago my Dom sat me down and basically said that he’s going to change the system a bit.
He gave me three safewords: yellow, red, and black.
Yellow still means slow down/check in, red now means stop the current thing and reassess, and black is the absolute, immediate stop-everything word.

His reasoning was that he wants me to get comfortable using all three, rather than having red feel like this terrifying nuclear option that I’m only allowed to use when something has gone horribly wrong. And honestly, I found that really sweet. It feels like he’s trying to take some of the emotional weight out of safewording for me, without it automatically meaning the entire experience has failed.

I’m curious whether anyone else has dealt with this kind of hesitation around safe words, especially the feeling that using one means you’ve disappointed your Dom or somehow “failed” at the scene.
Has anyone deliberately changed their safeword system to make safewording feel more accessible or less emotionally loaded?

For people who struggled with safewording, did you find it easier to start using yellow before you became comfortable with red? Did you have to unlearn certain things?

Hope this fits, I just want to understand what I am in the kink community. I am a sub but I have “once in a blue moon” tendencies of being a dom. It’s very, very, very rare when this side comes out. That’s why I ask. Most of the time I’m 99.9999999% a sub. Is there a name for this?

This is the latest film from auteur and New Queer Cinema pioneer Gregg Araki. It received a warm reception at Sundance earlier this year, and just had a minor run across theatres (at least in the US).

I’m personally a big fan of Araki (The Doom Generation is one of my favorite films ever), and was intrigued by the idea of a kink-forward comedy that also functions as commentary on cultural shifts, particularly for GenZ. Overall, I had mixed feelings. I think it overall worked really well as a dark satire with acerbic dialogue and canny meta observations about new generational attitudes towards sex, relationships, the fear of failure in both, and the voyuerism that comes with perpetually mining one’s self for the endless churn of content and spectacle. For all that is great about this film, as a member of the kink community, I found myself sighing at yet another portrayal of a kinky D/s relationship >!laden with toxicity or played up for laughs, even if the situation weirdly works for the couple!<.

Has anyone else seen this film? Would love to hear thoughts, especially given that kink-forward films that somewhat reach the zeitgeist are so few and far between.

&#x200B;

basically what the title says.

how frequent the texting, calling is? how do you manage the feeling of "loss" and fluid intimacy?

when is it too much texting or too little texting? a bit confused at the moment. advice on how to express submission in ldr?