u/skadiddleskadaddle

Apparently 5 days ago I posted that I threw out my satisfyer. My main one. Somewhere in the past few days I threw out the other I had and just now my laat sucking and vibrating toy. This has been my goal for years and I finally did it.

I allow myself to keep my wand (which is pretty much broken somehow) since my bf got it and its apparently really expensive and maybe he can somehow fix it?? And a rabbit vibrator and dildo. Maybe in the future I'll throw the vibrators out as well, but for now I've achieved my goals even if it costs multiple relapses.

Toys like these aren't inherently evil, but for me it has made it even easier to relapse and impossible to learn how to satisfy myself otherwise and thus how my bf can. I want to become more attuned to my body and sexuality so I can finally have truly fulfilling sex and this is the way I feel works for me.

I literally posted about it yesterday, relapsed not too long ago and decided I'm done with this shit and threw it out. I still feel absolutely terrible, but at least I combatted it by doing the one thing I've been meaning to do for literal years. I'll hopefully talk to a sex therapist in the coming weeks as well. It's so weird to feel better even after relapsing

My boyfriend (m23) and I (f22) are both switches. However lately I usually get more submissive and him more dominant, with here and there moments of me acting bratty or genuinely switching to dom for a bit and he switches along.

He has had his truly dominant moments like when he'd spank me or fuck me roughly, but a few weeks ago was different. He fucked me so teasingly slow. And he kept on doing so. No matter how much I begged and tried to flip us over. I almost started crying from how desperate I was. It felt so good, but I needed more. He kept fucking me so slow for an hour until he had enough and fucked me roughly until he came inside of me (I have anorgasmia so I can't come)

Now I wanna give him payback. He used to not care too much about lingerie, but lately he seems to have gotten into it. I've gotten a few sets recently, a garter that I really like. Now here's my plan.

Next time we're getting steamy I'll either tie his hands together or put the handcuffs on him behind his back, then continue to make out while grinding on him. Eventually ride his thigh like I've been meaning to do. Now here is where I need help, should I:

1. ⁠Start with edging him.
2. ⁠Start touching myself and making him watch.

I know what he likes (head) and I've tried to tease/edge him before but I'm very impatient myself and enjoy sucking his cock. I know he likes me licking the underside and he moans the loudest when I finally take his cock in my mouth. Any tips to continue teasing him?

I've never let, let alone made, him watch me touch myself. I think he has asked me before, to let him watch me, but I wasn't comfortable with it back then. Now I am, or at least enough to give it a try. Again, any tips on how to continue teasing him?

Eventually I'm planning on sinking on just the tip for a little bit before giving in and slow riding him back, if I manage to hold myself back. And then release him if he didnt break out of the restraints already and hope for a rough and desperate fuck.

What do yall think? Any tips?

THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION. ONLY MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

I have a whole lotta baggage that I've been working hard on to unpack with the support of my partner and friends. But gosh do I miss the sexting and getting attention from my old male friends. When I was on NSFW twitter having people worship me. But I don't want to go back to that anymore cuz it uneffectively filled a gap. And I see it as cheating, but gosh in the moments where my bf has a lot of things going on I really crave it. I miss hearing someone indulge in my fucked up fantasies that my sweetheart (seemingly) doesn't really have. But I also know this is for the better. It's just really frustrating.

3/4 years ago I started buying sex toys. Then I got a satisfyer. It's been a blessing and a curse, but I feel like it's been a major role in my masturbation addiction and stunted my journey in discovering what I like with myself but also with my partner. I've been thinking about throwing it away for a while, but never dared to make the step. I tried putting it away a little further in hopes I wouldn't reach for it but I still do.

I've been saying for a while that keeping it is like an alcoholic keeping alcohol deep in a cupboard just in case but I still haven't dared to make the jump. I'm scared to not be able to cum anymore even though I've proven that wrong a while ago when it was out of reach.

Has anyone gone through something like this? I feel like I'm making it a bigger deal than it is but aaagh. I'm scared and sad.

Last week I had a relapse, a bad one. I did the five areas model which helped me at least become truly aware of where the physical urge was coming from (physical restlessness but I was dealing with a flare up of my fybromyalgia which made me unable to dance or go for a walk as I'd normally do).

Although it was really difficult in the moment, I still actively chose to give into the urge, knowing that the orgasm I'd chase would definitely not make up for the mental and physical stress I was giving myself before, during and after the fact. I'd been noticing for a bit that porn (whether in video, audio or text form) was starting to become appalling to me, yet the physical desire was at least somewhat there. I made sure to at least be extra kind to myself after the fact.

Coincidentally I saw my sorta therapist the day after. I told her about this. I found it incredibly difficult, especially because I still actively chose to engage after all. But she understood. She didn't judge. And I felt relieved to finally say out loud what I've been thinking and feeling for a while. I also told her I sometimes wake up touching myself. Not due to a wet dream. I never have those. I usually only have nightmares or at best unsettling dreams. Whenever I wake up like that, which is often, I feel gross, disgusted. By myself and by what I did to myself. It feels extreme to say that it feels like I assault myself, but it's genuinely how it feels sometimes.

I'm not diagnosed (surprisingly) with hypersexuality. Thought I might have Sex Love Attention addiction, if its not basically the same thing. Been to a clinic for it, but for some reason didn't get an official diagnosis. It's weird.

Thank you so much for reading this. It's strange to say that I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this, yet I don't wish this upon anyone. I'm glad I finally decided to find this group and share something. Though I can talk to some friends and my bf about it, they don't truly understand and i still feel very alone in my process of healing, but I've genuinely made a lot of progress. I think I'll make a post about that some time

So after seeing some posts and some memories popping up of my boyfriend very eagerly taking my fingers in his mouth, I wonder, what is the appeal? What does it do, feel like, mean to a guy to take their, in this case, girlfriend's finger in their mouth and suck?

At first I thought it's the same but reversed, mimicking sucking dick, but sometimes my bf sucks so gently and from some posts it doesn't always seem to have a really naughty weight/meaning.

I want to understand it better because at first I found it a bit weird (my bf and I have a switch dynamic but he's mostly dom), mostly because I can't really pinpoint what it does for him. When I suck his fingers it's purely to mimick sucking dick. But it seems my bf likes it and can't really pinpoint what it does for him either. Plus I have quite the sensory issues especially with spit but for my sweetheart I'll suffer through it.