u/unendingmisery

I tried heroin a few days ago. I bought a 0.13g of #3 and tried two separate experiments, one with insufflation and one with IV. I do not have much opioid tolerance beyond a kratom tolerance. I am European and the heroin was from a reputable source so it was not fent or zenes.

I insufflated about 15mg, then 20mg, and honestly found it to be underwhelming. I assumed it must have been because I was snorting the base and not #4. It felt like 60mg of DHC honestly. It was mild and mellow and didn't feel anything like how I expected it to.

I decided to try an IV dose afterwards because I'm a complete fool who wanted to see what all the hype was about. I injected a 10mg dose (i followed an injection guide for heroin) and within seconds felt a high that was very similar to 10-20mg of oxy but perhaps more sedating and less functional.

I was disappointed with the outcome of the experiment in one way, but also a little relieved honestly in another. I have now tried every single famous drug this year, including the big 3 (crack, heroin, meth) and honestly I found them all underwhelming. People talk about heroin and meth like it's "blow your fucking face off" euphoria and addictiveness, but I have not shared that experience myself. Meth just feels like smooth adderall no matter if i snort it, smoke it or take it orally, crack feels like pure anxiety in a cloud, and heroin just feels like sleepy oxy. I genuinely threw the rest of the heroin away (had ~85mg left) after that IV dose because I just thought "well if this is all that it is, then i am not interested in taking more", especially given the reports i have heard about heroin WDs and dependence being far worse than the positives it initially gives you. It's very weird because I really like other opioids, especially oxy, DHC and kratom, but heroin just felt basically like an inferior version of them.

I am very prone to addiction, and took heroin, crack and meth as the culmination of my self destructive addictive curiosity. My curiosity is satiated now and I am disappointed. Maybe this is the best thing that could have happened to me, because my brain is now feeling an urge to look elsewhere for meaning and satisfaction. Before I tried the big 3 my brain always had one step higher to explore, which kept me thinking about drugs, now I am ready to maybe finally get cali sober.

There is either something wrong with me or I did something wrong because I genuinely prefer kratom to heroin, which sounds ridiculous, but I am being sincere.

Ignore the strange text formatting, blame notion, i originally wrote this on notion.

Context

So my crystal meth arrived yesterday, nice big shards, hard to see
in the bag almost. I only bought 0.25g out of curiosity for what meth
is like. All the people talking about how it ruins your life but is also
the best thing ever made it sound very elusive to me, and when people
tell me not to do something, it makes me want to do it even more some of
the time, which is an incredibly terrible mindset to have but there you
go.

As a person who has already had my time abusing adderall many
times, reaching that cold sweating zombie state where you jump at every
tiny sound, that was the level i used to get to with it. Keep in mind
the first year of me getting to that level I didn't have any downers in
my possession at all other than alcohol, so as you can imagine I had
some terrible times and comedowns.

Either way I was using adderall and vyvsane again recently and I'm
not sure why but I just cannot have the will to reach those fucked up
heavy dose states on them anymore, and the adderall experience for me
feels impossible to be productive without some concurrent downer, even
during the peak, it's just spiking my adrenaline into oblivion.

So I decided fuck it I'm going to try meth instead, because I am a
pharmacology nerd I know that it releases comparatively less
norepinephrine per equivalent dose, which was perfect sounding for me.
The only issue is that I heard meth has no ceiling, or a much higher
ceiling, where you can keep dosing and dosing until you're in some
euphoric heavenly bliss that is unattainable with normal adderall. I
know I'm an addictive personality, I am a drug addict, I have literally
no excuse for it other than wanting to know what that dangerous euphoria
felt like, and wanting the less edgy experience.

The Meth

I took a small crystal from the pile and it weighed about 50mg, I
decided I wanted to feel the meth experience NOW! so I crushed it up
very finely until it went from clear to white-ish, I put it into 3 lines
and immediately and ferociously inhaled the meth into my nostrils. I
probably snorted 15-20mg my first dose, it was a little underwhelming
apart from the hellfire raining inside my nose for a few seconds.

In around 5 minutes or so I started to feel it, just a steady
optimistic feeling coming over me with a bit of scattered laser focus
(if that makes sense), I felt pretty good, but nowhere near cumming my
pants euphoric or anything like that. I waited around an hour and it
never got any more intense than that, so I did another 15-20mg line and
felt maybe 10% better than the last line did, this process repeated
until I had snorted 80mg and that was when I finally just thought "fuck
it" and took 40mg oral and did a 15mg line. That worked. That dose had
me zonked off my face (no tolerance) and i found it whelming, not under
or overwhelming, just whelming, a "just right" state. But at the same
time as me cold sweating I also felt oddly not on drugs if that makes
sense? For some reason my first thought when the euphoria came on was
"Holy fuck, I know exactly how hitler felt, I'm so fucked I could take
paris myself right now in a single fucking day" I felt fucked out of my
face but also sober, my focus was high, I was cleaning my entire house, I
was motivated and cheerful and feeling like some incarnation of the god
of cleaning, but also just feeling some false sense of being normal as
well, I've never had that with adderall. If i reached that fucked off my
face state on adderall then I feel drugged up and abnormal, not on
meth, it felt scarily normal, like a new mode of reality that is very
alluring. At the same time there is this weird foreboding feeling in the
background that this is a dark path to be walking down, that something
about it is wrong but you can't quite know it yet.

Maybe I didn't take enough, I am afraid of large doses, I have
overamped in the past on adderall and I fucking hate that feeling and
state, it's a living nightmare, and I really have no concept of what is a
euphoric rush dose and what is a "i think i'm dying right now" dose, so
I cannot tell if the amount I took yesterday wasn't big enough, or
what. The comedown was quite depressing, felt like my pet just died for a
few hours, some delusional state of emptiness and jumpy anxiety, but I
find adderall does the exact same thing for comedowns, I just take some
dihydrocodeine (not a daily opiate user) and the comedown basically goes
away for the most part. Then after 39 hours of being awake I took 2mg
of xanax and managed to sleep.

I can see exactly why this drug is so addictive, because it's so
tolerable. It feels like a mode of reality you can slot into, not like a
crackhead homeless drug. My face looked better in the mirror for some
reason. My worries about life kind of vanished without me noticing it.
My world around me felt modified and strange but in a novel and exciting
way. And the most terrifying effect for me, because I see its
implications, is that I didn't care about relational responsibilities
around family and friends. I will never try IV, I don't care how
euphoric it is, I WILL fuck it up and give myself some infection and
that's a promise. I would perhaps try smoking it, or maybe not, we all
know I will end up doing that let's not kid ourselves. The time in which
I smoke it will be a bad day for future me.

i am not saying it to be edgy, but for some reason when i snort painful drugs like 2cb, mdma or tapentadol, my nose just doesn't really react like everyone else's when i'm out with people.

i'm not really a daily opioid user, i use them every few days or when i'm out with people.

a 45mg small line of tapentadol had my friend having tears running down his face and he looked like he was in agony for like 15 minutes and he was still complaining about the burn 30 minutes later, meanwhile i did my 45mg and i felt an intense burn yes, but it just registered to me as a feeling that was not that bad perhaps. It was just there as a feeling, not really as pain if that makes sense. same with the other drugs mentioned.

can i be given some award for this useless genetic gift i have, something like the "strongest nose award". Thank you very much.