r/AMABwGD

A while ago I posted here about how I originally started wearing women’s underwear because of PVPS pain, only to realize there was something deeper going on.

The short version was: when everything is supported and held flat, with no bulge, my brain just… goes quiet. When I can feel or see the bulge again, that annoying static comes back.

Eventually I had to admit that what I really wanted wasn't just “better support.” If I could choose what that part of my body looked like, I’d want it flat, without a penis and scrotum—basically a vulva-like shape.

That realization scared the hell out of me because I still see myself as a guy. I wasn't thinking, “I want to become a woman.” It felt way more specific than that, almost like my mental body map for what should be between my legs didn't match what was actually there.

At the time, I tried really hard not to overthink it. Maybe it was the chronic pain. Maybe years of discomfort had made my brain hate that area. Maybe I was confusing physical relief with dysphoria. Maybe there was some sexual stuff mixed in too. I basically told myself: don't rush into a label, don't make any huge decisions, just figure out what the hell is going on.

Well... life decided to throw another piece of information at me.

I've also been dealing with stubborn fatty liver for years. Lifestyle changes helped, but it always seemed unusually persistent, so eventually I ordered whole-genome sequencing, partly because I was curious whether there might be some genetic reason for it.

After a very long wait, the report came back.

And one result made me do a serious double take:

Possible mosaic XXY / Klinefelter-spectrum.

For anyone unfamiliar with that, XXY means having an extra X chromosome in some or all of the body’s cells. In mosaic XXY, not every cell has the same chromosome pattern—some may be XY, while others are XXY. It’s associated with a wide range of physical and hormonal traits, and some people have few obvious signs. XXY is also an intersex variation, though it isn’t a gender-identity diagnosis; people with XXY can identify in many different ways, including as men.

My first reaction was basically, Wait... what?

I gave the report to my family doctor. He hadn't suspected anything like this either, but to his credit, he didn't dismiss it. He ordered proper follow-up testing.

And... yeah.

It was confirmed that I do have mosaic XXY.

Hormone testing also showed that my testosterone is lower and estrogen higher than would normally be expected in a typical XY male.

Suddenly I started looking back through my life and going, "Oh"

And then, "Ohhhhh"

There are things about my body that I've noticed forever but never connected.

My arms and legs, hands and feet have always seemed relatively small or fine compared with other men around me. My body fat distribution has always looked more feminine to me. I've always carried more fat around my chest and lower body. My breasts are larger than most men I know. My penis is also smaller than average.

None of that ever screamed “genetic condition” to me. They were just random things about my body.

Except apparently my biology isn't quite as ordinary XY as I spent my whole life assuming it was.

And this is where it connects back to why I'm posting this here.

That feeling I described before—the relief when my crotch looks flat—is still there.

The “brain goes quiet” thing is still there.

If I could design that part of my body without worrying about surgery, marriage, sex, society, consequences, and all that, I’d still basically choose a flat, vulva-like shape over a penis and scrotum.

But finding out about XXY changed the emotional context around that feeling in a way I really didn't expect.

I want to be careful here because I don't think XXY automatically explains genital dysphoria. I'm definitely not saying, “I have XXY, therefore I secretly should have been female.” I know plenty of people with Klinefelter-spectrum conditions identify completely as men, and chromosomes aren't a gender-identity test.

But for me personally, it removed some kind of psychological barrier.

Before, there was always this thought in the back of my head:

You're a normal male. Why the hell would a normal male want his penis and scrotum gone? Where did this come from? What's wrong with your brain?

Now I know that, biologically speaking, I was never quite the completely typical XY male I thought I was.

And weirdly, that makes me feel... relieved.

Not devastated.

Not like my identity has fallen apart.

Relieved.

It's hard to explain without sounding like I'm saying XXY makes me “less of a man,” because I don't think that's true in any universal sense. An XXY man is still a man if that's how he identifies.

But emotionally, for me, learning this somehow gives me permission to stop comparing my body and feelings to some textbook version of a typical male.

Maybe my body has always been a little different.

Maybe my hormones have always been a little different.

Maybe my development has always been a little different.

So maybe I don't need to be so shocked that my relationship with my male anatomy is also... different.

It doesn't prove anything. But it makes the whole situation feel less absurd.

And honestly, I'm starting to see other things differently too. Some physical traits I used to feel self-conscious about—my chest, fat distribution, and relatively less masculine body shape—I suddenly don't dislike nearly as much.

There's almost this weird feeling of, Oh. So this is just me.

And the biggest surprise is that the XXY result hasn't made me more desperate to “fix” myself.

If anything, I feel less urgency.

I'm still married. I still love my wife and kids. The same worries I wrote about before haven't magically disappeared. My wife still knows about the pain and underwear, but she doesn't know the full extent of the genital dysphoria. I still have no intention of suddenly announcing that I'm transitioning or rushing into irreversible surgery.

Those practical problems are exactly the same.

But internally, something has shifted.

Six months ago, I was basically asking myself:

Why would a man feel this way?

Now I'm asking a different question:

Given that this is apparently the body and biology I was born with, what actually feels right to me?

That's a much less frightening question.

I still identify as a guy right now. I don't suddenly feel like a woman just because a chromosome test came back differently than expected.

But I also don't feel the same need anymore to prove to myself that I'm a “normal male.”

Apparently I was never quite as biologically typical as I assumed.

And weirdly enough...

I'm kind of okay with that.

And weirdly enough… I think I’m finally okay with that.

I’ve seen a few posts here occasionally touching on the topic, but is anyone aware of any East Coast surgeons that perform penile reduction as gender affirming care?

After getting the green light from my therapist that he’d support me in looking to get surgery to reduce the size of my penis, I realized my next hurdle is finding a surgeon. I’ve been recommended a place in Mexico that performs it, but obviously insurance wouldn’t cover something out of state. I’ve looked into it and I really can’t find much information online, and granted, I haven’t tried consulting with any local surgeons if it’s something they’d even consider, let alone perform.

I’ve had pretty strong gender dysphoria most of my life, but couldn’t really figure out “why”. When I learned vaginoplasty was an option, it was exciting because it meant finally being able to express myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. But having a vagina isn’t really the end goal I realized. I enjoy having a penis, but the size of it is the main source of my discomfort. If I could be one of the lucky people with a micropenis, I know I’d be the happiest version of myself. Didn’t get lucky at birth, so hoping anyone has any guidance on how to start looking into this type of surgery.

Thanks!

The procedure i seek is phallus preserving vaginoplasty with unilateral orchiectomy (keep right nut) and urethera reroute. Thank you

So I’m a cis guy (and plan to stay that way if I decide to actually go through with this, as far as presentation and everything) but I’ve been thinking a lot about vaginoplasty lately, like A LOT. Although I don’t necessarily have dysphoria/dysmorphia towards my penis. I would mainly get vaginoplasty for sex A. To increase sexual stimulation and pleasure B. To avoid having to douche and be ready to go whenever and C. Another reason that’s very important to me but I don’t feel fully comfortable disclosing, just know it would in a way protect my sexual partner(s). As I’ve been pleasuring myself recently I’ve come across quite a bit of trans porn and it genuinely got me thinking about me with a vagina. Sometimes I’d imagine myself with the vagina and would orgasm so much. I try to tell myself “nah don’t do it, it could turn out badly” or “you might wish you never did it and regret it later”, etc… But no matter how much I tell myself these things the thought keeps coming back. I’ve asked some friends about this and they think it’s kind of crazy, and tbh I can kinda see where they’re coming from but idk. Any advice/tips?

I have vaginoplasty scheduled this October and despite spending years preparing for this I'm having some doubts.

I'm AMAB, 31 y/o, identify as non-binary and gay but present as mostly typical cis male (albeit a pretty and femme-leaning one). I'm married and my husband is super supportive, has gotten behind this and will accept me however my body is. I've been on estrogen for 5 years, never really regretted that. I had orchiectomy 3 years ago and feel super happy with this, but surgery part always confused me because I wasn't sure if I did it because of genital dysphoria or for genuinely cosmetic reasons (I had verrryyy low hanging large balls, that were frankly uncomfortable/painful a lot of the time because of hanging so low - also looked out of proportion next to a smallish penis). I've even had a touch of facial feminization to dial back the masculine features a bit.

Ive never fully understood if I have genital dysphoria or if I'm just wired poorly and was destined to have a wayyyy too sensitive penis to ever enjoy sexual touch in a normal way. I have found a lot of pleasure in the last 4-5 years though by learning to have my husband slowly rub a tiny section more like a clit. I'm still kinda embarrassed about using my parts I guess. I'm not mentally uncomfortable with me or him touching it, but also yes it's still uncomfortable at times. So I do have enjoyment of my lower parts now, albeit only somewhat. And in many ways I still find having my current parts 'minimized' sort of sexy. But recognize that could also be something i've developed to make the best out of what ive been working with.

But it cant be the same as being intimate with my husband with actual penetrative sex, right?

I don't 'like' looking at that part of myself in the mirror, but it's not like it causes me such anguish either. Imagining looking in the mirror and see a flat front + vulva makes me feel good in some ways but really nervous in others. I think I'm having a hard time mentalizing what this will be like and instead am imagining what it would feel like to be happy about it vs dysphoric about it.

I always knew I was seeking this, and painfully longing for it at times, for physical reasons rather than legit gender dysphoria - and i never judged that. The idea of not having a penis doesn't exactly worry me. But the idea of having a vagina/vulva cause me to worry about missing my penis and about whether i'd actually feel dysphoric having one.

Part of me feel like since I knew I'd be waiting so long for this surgery to happen that I intentionally got really comfortable with what I have - the alternative would've been too much to handle for the 3 years I've been waiting.

I guess I'm finding myself weirdly worried now about missing what i've got now and/or feeling trapped wth something new that i only realize afterward doesn't actually suit me. even though in my head having a vagina seems like it would be enjoyable and allow me to fully enjoy a very important aspect of my life.

Does anyone have advice on how to feel more sure about your decision? Maybe there are things that helped you arrive at a decision to pursue surgery or not?

Im very open to general thoughts and others' experience. I think even just hearing from other men and men-adjacent people about how they've considered their own male genitals would be helpful.

If you made it this far thank you - I felt like context and explaining my feelings was necessary, but also recognize this was a lot.

I wanted to reach out to this community because my situation feels very specific, and I think people here will understand where I’m coming from.

My primary issue is severe bottom dysphoria. I genuinely need a vagina to feel at peace with my body, but I do not want breasts or a full social/physical feminization. I like my current presentation—I want to maintain an androgynous/masculine look, keep my flat chest, and just resolve the anatomical dysphoria down below.

I’m honestly terrified of being turned down by the public healthcare system in my country simply because I'm not a binary trans woman. As I've said, the only thing I want is the vagina. The public system will definitely put up huge barriers, but my plan is to start getting official reports and assessments now so time works in my favor. That way, if I have to go private in the future, I'll already have the paperwork ready—hopefully at a time when neovagina techniques are even more advanced, hyper-realistic, and offer great self-lubrication.

A few questions for anyone who has been down a similar road:

HRT / Post-Op Maintenance: For those who got a vaginoplasty without wanting full feminization, what was your HRT protocol like after surgery to protect your bone/cardiovascular health without causing breast growth or unwanted physical changes?

Gatekeeping: Did you face heavy gatekeeping from mental health professionals or surgeons because you don't fit the traditional "binary trans woman" narrative? How did you navigate those assessments?

Procedures & Timing: Has anyone here gotten a peritoneal / hybrid self-lubricating vaginoplasty? How has your experience with recovery and results been, and did you wait or go private to get that specific technique?

Hey

Just thought that I would give an update after almost a month. The first 4 days or so was difficult, very sore, very painful but after that, the pain has decreased. At this point I don’t have a lot of pain just a little bit of sensitivity still. Nerve wise I’m still a little numb, some nerves have started working again and my surgeon said to me that it’s a good sign that it’s happening after this short amount of time. I’ve loved the first month of having a vagina and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m so glad that I have what I’ve always wanted for the rest of my life. If anyone has any questions about anything I’m up for answering anything.

Hi

I have a few questions (I'm still not sure about surgery), all I'm saying is my personal feelings and not meant to hurt or disrespect anyone else.

I would start by explaining my goal: visibly flat front (for discretion would probably wear packers when in public), and retain sexual sensation (and experience new ones)

Background: 22y/o, single, hetrosexual, still haven't decided on what I want.

1.I would still probably want to be able to pee standing up, mainly in public toilets (I want to pee sitting down at home). Personaly I would prefer not to have penile preserving... Anyone used a female urination device after surgery (made for peeing standing up)? Is it the same as or close to peeing with a natal penis?

2.Do neo-vaginas have the same kind of "issues" like cis vaginas? For example pee leaking, difficulty holding pee, and recurring UTIs.

3. Personaly I would like to remain on T after surgery (Im amab and would like to remain masc presenting). Is testes preserving worth it? (For fertility and not going with HRT). I would also like to avoid the doctor office and long lasting meds as much as possible after surgery. I saw there are also testosterone implants that are good for up to 5 years.

4.how often do you need to get examined after surgery? Except dilation, how much upkeeping is required compared to natal genitals? One of the drawbacks for me is if I have to keep taking pills/going to a doctor (not because I don't have access to those, but because I like to be self reliant as much as possible)

5.I like to travel a lot. Even though I would probably keep my vagina discrete (as stated, remaining masc presenting), I'm afraid it would essentially block me from traveling to the more "conservative" parts of the world (Africa and asia mostly)

6.one of the reasons I'm afraid of going through with it is that I'm already not that attractive, and I'm afraid it'll make it impossible for me to find a partner who's into it (looking for a stable long tern relationship with a single partner)

7.I work in tech, but I'm still afraid that if it'll come out, it will block many job opportunities for me, not to speak I don't know how I can take so many days off/explain such a gap in my c.v.

Would love to also hear about your journeys and processes.

I will be having penile inversion vaginoplasty at some point in the future and was wondering if anyone had piercings before their surgery, if their surgeon told them it could impact the outcome, etc. For what it's worth, I currently have a 4g PA and recently retired 10ga frenum.

Hi! I’m non-binary/male-presenting and I’m interested in vaginoplasty in Thailand, but I do not want to transition to female or take estrogen. I want to remain testosterone-dominant long-term.
Some Thai clinics told me that they require a period of feminizing HRT and psychiatric documentation, but I’ve seen at least one non-binary person with similar goals who managed to have surgery there. I also heard of a case with Dr. Chettawut where the testes were preserved/repositioned instead of removed.
Does anyone know:
-Surgeons in Thailand who accept non-binary patients seeking vaginoplasty without estrogen?
-A psychiatrist/psychologist in Thailand experienced with non-binary cases who could provide the required assessment/documentation?

I’m especially interested in first-hand experiences or contacts.
Thanks!