r/SpankingCulture

I am a 27 year old female, and have been married for 6 1/2 years, but known my husband 8 years. We have a very vanilla sexual relationship. Even going a week or two at a time without having sex. That is what we have settled into, and I am not unsatisfied by that. But I do have a really strong desire to be spanked, not just for a sexual purpose, but for a therapeutic sense. I’ve wanted that for years, but I know there isn’t a way for me to bring this up with my husband. He wouldn’t do anything that he would consider harming me or hurting me. What should I do to cope with this? Anyone have any advice for me? I read erotic stories all the time about discipline in the home and marriage life, and it’s something I crave. What should I do to get some of what I need, without being able to ask my husband to do it?

I’m a lesbian. I’ve never had sexual or romantic attraction towards men. Never been in a relationship with a man. Never had a desire to ever try and have sex with one either. I am also neurodivergent, and I crave physical touch and stimulation. The sensation of physical impact or rope is something my body craves, and those endorphins really help my body regulate.

I’ve always known I was kinky and practiced it privately with women for a while. Around a year ago I joined my local scene and believed I would always play with women. The play I engage in ranges between platonic intimacy and sensual play. I’ve yet to do a truly sexual scene at events, as for me, thats usually reserved for private play.

For a few months I only played with women publicly on the scene, however I recently have started playing platonically with men I am friends with. The play is mostly spanking or mouth soaping, with maybe some hair pulling and face slapping too. These scenes were purely kinky with no sensual aspect to it, and some of these scenes were downright mean and cruel (totally consensual). We just shared a comforting hug and a cool down chat afterwards.

Theres something really intriguing about male domination that I’m starting to love. It’s just a very different form of domination to femdom, and the men I have engaged in this play with are just kindhearted gentlemen that truly respect my boundaries around sex and are happy to be friends and engage in non sexual play. A lot of them have multiple partners/ play parters ect. so they are getting those needs met elsewhere which makes me quite happy and safe as well.

Am I wrong for actually enjoying male domination as a lesbian. Like it’s totally platonic for me and has never brought up any other feelings. However it just feels weird for me as a lesbian to genuinely enjoy scenes that I am having with men, is there any other lesbians that have these arrangements in the kink world with cis men. I’m just curious

Hey! I’ve been spanked for most my life at home and I’m keen to chat! Feel free to DM me.

TL;DR : my long-time wife in a years-long dead bedroom marriage sprung on me that she wants to have a domestic discipline relationship with punishments spankings in order to have sex; I am repulsed by the idea, tried it anyways, it kinda worked but really didn’t as I am very vanilla, and I am not sure how to bridge the gap.

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My wife and I have been together for about 16 years and have kids together. Except for the fact that our sex life has been pretty much non-existent for years, we have a good relationship overall;, not without its ups and downs like anyone else of course, but mostly it is supportive, open communication, loving, etc.

I am about as vanilla as it gets. When we first got together, she told me that she was into "very light BDSM" as a sub and that she had had that dynamic in one of her previous relationships but not the others. I made it clear that I was not into that stuff at all and she said that was fine and that we don't need to have that in our relationship. I was naive and young and had next to no clue about this whole thing. So we went ahead and at first sex was great (or so it seemed) but it started to become more and more rare, especially after the kids were born, which I attributed to her stress and various health issues over time. Even though this dead bedroom situation was eating me alive, I never pressured her and tried my best to invest in the relationship over the years as much as possible, for example using the love languages, but although it made the relationship better, it never improved the sex aspect. I was turned down so often that I stopped initiating almost completely. To be clear, when we had sex, the sex was only vanilla and I needed nothing more. I noticed that she would sometimes struggle with being present during sex and had to fantasize in order to orgasm, which was a challenge. I am of an egalitarian mindset; a generous lover, a make-sure-she-orgasms-4-times-before-I-do kinda guy, but not submissive or dominant. Just equal.

Anyways, fast forward after a few years of little to no sex, one day recently she sat me down and told me that there is something she had to tell me that she could not hold in any longer. She said that in order to feel any kind of sexual arousal, desire, or satisfaction, she needed us to have a full-time domestic discipline relationship, where I am the master or Head of Household, she is the sub or Taken in Hand, and I would punish her (mostly with spanking) for any transgressions of rules we would come up with for her behaviour. She said she had tried to put this side of her behind for years but finally realized she could not. She said it would make our relationship better because I could keep her attitude in check and it would make our sex lives great. I was stunned at the revelation, happy she trusted me enough to tell me, and dismayed that this was the case.

The problem is that I do not get aroused by spanking or control of others and take no pleasure in dominating or punishing; in fact, I am rather repulsed by it. Like it is a total boner killer. I would rather caress her body than hurt it. I don’t want to correct my wife with a hairbrush to the ass cheek for her having said something not nice, I want to talk about it. For me it relates to violence and being an asshole and goes against every instinct I have, against the very fiber of my being. I escaped a country at war as a kid and never wanted a relationship where there was domination or what I consider to be violence.

The gap here is substantial. My fantasies are to have sex on the kitchen table or being woken up by a blowjob; hers are of men completely dominating her and punishing her. She can watch videos of women being spanked and get very aroused and she is not interested in watching the sex part afterwards; I watch the spankings and wince. I can be the sexual leader but not to the extreme level she is asking. This is more of a chasm than a gap.  

Just to say I have tried everything, I agreed to put my feelings aside and try. True to her words, a spanking turned her into a quivering, dripping wet, horny mess begging to be fucked hard. I was in a confusing state of being aroused by that but repulsed by what I had to do to get there and it was a total erection deflater and I hated every moment.  

We continued trying. The other problem that arose is that because I have no experience with this stuff, and she has no patience, it did not result in the kind of emotional container she desired; she wants a dominating man that does it very well, right now, and if I messed up she got mad and frustrated. Eg. I would spank her, she’d say it hurts, I’d check in if she is okay, and she’d get mad that I asked because I am supposed to know and call the shots and I am supposed to be the master and she can’t teach me this stuff because that would run counter to the whole idea of me being the Dom and that would be topping from the bottom etc etc. She said she can’t handle the learning period. Let’s say I was able to drop my identity and get into it, how would I learn? Spanking other women?

I also found out that she is a brat. Which, being a noob, I didn’t handle too well. I thought she wanted to be kept in check, and she was constantly pushing back, which made a hard thing for me to do that much harder. Not to mention even the logistical difficulty of doing this when having kids.

So at this point, the whole thing is shelved because it started to create a lot of friction and frustration, and there has not been any sex pretty much at all since this trial period, which lasted a couple of weeks, during which we did all manner of spanking positions,. It has been two years since then. The solution is so close, yet so far away. Like I have the key but it hurts to touch it. We are each in a sexual life sentence, not getting what we want and not able to give it to each other. I keep hoping that there is another way to handle this but I am not sure. I don’t want to break up my family and there has been no cheating on either side, and she said she does not want to outsource the domination to someone else.

There is a lot more I could write, but this is already long enough. I am not sure how to bridge the gap. I welcome any suggestions and feedback.

 

 

I have a date tonight with this guy I’ve never met, we matched on one of the generic apps. But while messaging he threatened to spank me because I got slightly sassy. His exact words were “talking to me like that will get you spanked” so obviously I didn’t back down, and he said “definitely getting spanked”

I’d absolutely love to get pulled over this guys knee and spanked to near tears, but he said “spanked” not “spanking” and there are so many generic doms that think a spanking is a couple whacks during sex

idk, should I be hopeful because he was bold enough to threaten a stranger completely unprompted (and potentially run the risk he’s a DD freak that thinks women shouldn’t speak out of turn)? or accept that he’s a tease and I’m only getting love tapped tonight :(

(and no, I’m not going to try to convince someone to spank me that isn’t already a spanko)