r/femdomsanctuary

This is a long one:

We all know the story of a sub who’s met too many scammers & whatnot. It’s sad that there are people who take advantage of someone’s vulnerability in such a way. I get it, I really do. At the same time, it is really frustrating meeting all these “jaded” subs, & them somehow expecting you to go out of your way to ease their paranoia.

Been talking passively with a sub for a few weeks. Not findom or prodomme, but for a purely femdom dynamic. We finally move to a Snapchat because the truth is that I barely frequented that platform we met so my communication was slow. Tbh I don’t use Snap much anymore, but he said that’s the only one he had, & I didn’t bother much since I like making subs feel comfortable & so I let them pick which app they’re most comfortable with.

Things pick up on my end tho & we find out we even live in the same town. Anyways we talk, he sends pics. I send pics too because he seems anxious. His snaps were basically pics of him & I told him that while I enjoyed seeing him, I frankly don’t care to show my face. I’ve been constantly travelling for a month now, & the last thing I have time to do is put the camera on my face & make a nice pleasant video every day in the name of snap. I’m barely even on my phone. Still I send pics & answer all his questions, even gave him as much details as I could about our city so he knows I’m real.

I decide we should meet later this week when I get back. I’d still be travelling but I usually spend about 2-3 days at home before my next trip so I wanted to see him then. So I said let’s do something very casual & open. Sit at the park, talk a bit & see where it takes us. He asked if it was for his own safety & I told him it’s for both of us because quite frankly it’s bad taste (imo) to meet a stranger privately on your first meet. Also just because I’m the domme doesn’t mean I won’t care for my own safety. He’s still a man afterall💀.

Unfortunately this morning I got sad news that a close family member passed. I’m sad & drained, but still we had plans & I always stick to my commitments. He didn’t know this happened btw, be wise he didn’t ask so I figured no use telling a stranger who doesn’t inquire about the daily happenings in my life. Asked him when he’d be free. He starts telling me how it’s hard for him to believe I’m not a scammer because I’m a conventionally attractive woman🙂. Like first of all, wtf. What sort of backwards thinking, porn brain, stereotypical way of thinking is that? I’d rather not rant on how annoying it is that there are men that think like this in the space.

He says he’s scared because Snapchat was showing him I’m not in his country & he got warning messages on the site we met. I’m confused because 1. He reached out to me so it’s usually the other way round. 2. I explained to him already why Snapchat was doing that (I just moved here). 3. Why is this coming up now?

He then asks me to do yet another video otherwise he has to end communication now for his own safety, this time saying some stuff that he writes & atp I lose all my patience & tell him I’m not doing that. He says then we can’t meet. I wished him well in his search & removed him. Tbh I wouldn’t have done it even if I wasn’t pissed. That’s legit an irritating thing for me & I told myself I’d rather not have a sub at all than one that has that level of paranoia.

I have no idea why he’d think I’d want to scam him in an open park, in a small ass town that everyone knows everyone & the most dangerous thing to happen is that someone gets their bike stolen. I consistently made accommodations for him & somehow that made him more paranoid.

Looking at this now I’m annoyed at myself for even being so accommodating. I gave myself the excuse that he was supposedly accommodating of my busy schedule so I’d as well return the favor. Earlier I found out he’s new to it (had to ask questions because his paranoia was something I’d never seen). I’d met new subs before & things worked out well. So didn’t have any reason to think otherwise with this one.

Anyways lesson learned😑.

sorry if this is not really what this reddit is for but maybe someone here can point me in the right direction? i would love to be included with another domme(s) for friendship. it would be so nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and just talk about the highs and lows of femdom/FLR.

all my IRL friends are all submissive and wouldn’t understand the concept of a woman being the dominant one. which is totally cool but it would be nice to have someone to talk kink with from time to time!

again i am so sorry if this isn’t the correct platform for this question but all the threads i can find are mostly just porn/advertisements. TIA!!

Well. I thought I had a genuine connection. A tale as old as time.

I'm not a newbie. I've been actively practicing kink in my personal life, online, and in an IRL community since 2017. I know how to vet subs. I know when people are genuine. I am extremely active in my kink community, I have met subs of all levels.

I thought he was genuine. I found him online, we had similar interests, politics, and he was so sweet. He listened to everything I had to say, and had no qualms being supportive. We chatted so much. Hours every day. We were compatible in so many ways. He did not act like a pump N go submissive at all.

I'm such an idiot.

He was telling me that he thought he might have the flu. I was so concerned. I told him, don't worry about chatting, please just take medicine and rest. Drink water. Get better.

I drew him a little silly doodle telling him to get well soon.

And then, when it's morning time for him, and I knew he was going to get up soon, I went to check on him again.

Blocked.

Blocked on everything.

Mind you, I've already been crying for hours for unrelated reasons this morning. And now, at the end of my day, when I am tired and my eyes are already swollen, I find this out.

Sigh.

If you get contacted by a male sub named any of these things

subby2235

ryanwalker2235

ilovefeet2235

the 2 cent show

Please save yourself some time and just block.

He's a 20something New Zealand boy that loves anime and the blue jays baseball team.

My heart is broken.

So it'll be any day now that I'll be giving birth to me and my wife's identical twin sons, and I have been wondering how long other moms in this subreddit took to recover from giving birth to their children and returning to kinky sex activities.

For a little bit of background: My subby wife and I more or less put kinky sex on the back burner during my pregnancy. We were afraid of harming our boys and so we refrained from having kinky sex often. We used light bondage and did light spanking sometimes but overall my subby wife took on a more service oriented role during my pregnancy and we had much more vanilla sex than kinky sex when we had sex. My wife and I were talking tonight and we both agreed that we are looking forward to when our boys come and I'm no longer pregnant so we could have more kinky sex without risking the safety of the boys. I know there's a good chance I might get post partum depression or post partum psychosis, but assuming everything goes well, how long should I expect to be out of action? I think I read somewhere that it takes anywhere from 6-8 weeks after childbirth to be able to have sex again, but I'm not sure if that's enough time to recover for kinky sex.

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Hello. My sub is the only person I've been a domme with and when I try to learn more there is often times just a lot of male-centered thoughts or just what I don't think matches our dynamic. Still learning the correct way to describe everything but I think he would be more service like? Like he just truly does whatever I say with admiration.

A while ago I was talking with a friend and she is more experienced than I am as a domme. She let me know about tasks that I could give my sub that weren't just when we are spicy, this was very interesting to me and over time we have done that but nothing too serious. This is where my curiosity of those who are collared but I guess I'm just lost on what being collared means? Or what a contract means? I understand for everyone they would be different but are they just a way to have more set rules? Is it seeing the collar as a reminder?

When I have seen rules they seem to be very kink focused, which is fine for them but it wouldn't be what I like. Is adding rules like asking him to show off himself every day (unless there is a reason he can't) something that is normal to be in these rules? I also like the thought of having him have to get permission to do anything. Not that I won't let him just that the tease and request is hot to me and he sort of already does that.

I've also seen where it seems some are meant to be broken? I'm into punishments if it is something that I just don't like in a not very serious way but I don't really like to be disobeyed. Are you to list rules you want broken? Is it fine to be very serious and not want that to happen? I feel like these might be stupid to ask because I know the answer just depends but I guess I just don't even know where to start.

BDSM dating is often messy and pretty difficult- flakes, ”closeted” kinksters that refuse to meet in public places cuz ”they aren’t open about being kinky” (even if you can talk about a million other things on dates or talk more subtle about kink, but I digress), kink dispensers, you name it.
But today I met a really sweet guy, dyed hair, nice personal style, friendly. We talked about kink but also other things and he was engaged and talked openly about his experiences. We seem to also have similar values.
So happy; even if we don’t end up having a long term dynamic then this will give me the confidence to keep on going.

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