u/DesignerKey

BDSM dating is often messy and pretty difficult- flakes, ”closeted” kinksters that refuse to meet in public places cuz ”they aren’t open about being kinky” (even if you can talk about a million other things on dates or talk more subtle about kink, but I digress), kink dispensers, you name it.
But today I met a really sweet guy, dyed hair, nice personal style, friendly. We talked about kink but also other things and he was engaged and talked openly about his experiences. We seem to also have similar values.
So happy; even if we don’t end up having a long term dynamic then this will give me the confidence to keep on going.

I (35F) have a huge humiliation kink, NFCM kink and foreign language kink so this fantasy roles them all together.
The Dom (30M) in my fantasy is a on again/ off again play partner I have who is in real life an Afro-Arab (for context).
The fantasy:
I am ordered by my Dom to strip naked and put the kettle on, his friends (all about our age, 30s) are coming over. I obey.
While his friends arrive and he greets them I prepare the tea. I put them on a tray and walk out into the living room, hearing them speaking Arabic to each other. I put the tray down and hand out the tea, aware that they can see everything on my body. They thank me in Arabic, which I understand, but the rest of the chitchat is a mystery to me, but hearing my Dom speak always makes me melt. I leave to go get them snacks and hear my Dom say something and laugh but I don’t know if it’s about me or not.
I come back and put out snacks for them, my Dom touching my back slightly. As I leave he smacks my bare ass and his friend laugh. I blush but keep my cool.
Later my Dom calls me back in to collect the empty cups. He orders me to also spread more so his friend can ”admire the view”. His friends snicker and say something in Arabic.
After my Doms friends leave, he comes in and gives me a kiss on my forehead and tells me to come with him; he pulls me into the bedroom and wraps me in a blanket and undresses and we cuddle naked, while he whispers to me in English how proud I made him and how I’m his good girl. About how I was such a good servant to the guest and it made him honored to own me.
I snuggle into his warm body.

Last time I talked about this it seemed like it wasn’t well liked, but I just feel exhausted and defeated right now.
I started talking to another Dom, one who is a father of two kids so I thought maybe he’d be more down to earth, and after some chatting he then asked if I would be interested in deep throating and if I would let him throat fuck me.
Now the issue is; I am not able to deep throat because of my asthma; I have tried, even spent 150 dollars on a work shop trying to learn to deep throat, but no matter what I try when anything goes down my throat and “stays” there my nose is unable to breathe.
The site this guy contacted me on doesn’t have a hard limits option so he couldn’t know. But so, so many men who are Doms I talk to want deep throat. I feel so disadvantaged as a submissive; men will just move on to the girl who can and will deep throat and forget about me.
Sad thing is fellatio is legit my favorite sex act but now it just causes me anxiety and sadness. It’s not fun anymore to be blunt. I wish sex was more like it was a few years ago, when guys were just happy to receive a blow job and didn’t care if you could seep throat. Or that Doms could for once ask me for fantasies that don’t have deep throat.
Anyways, thank you for reading. Take care 🫶🏻💕

Hey y’all!
So I attended a relaxed event at a Kink/ Sex club today and started talking to a Transfeminine girl about what we both enjoyed and what our hard limits were inside of kink (my favorite type of talk). She mentioned a hard limit for her was masculinization - this Peaked my interest since I started picturing myself in such a role.
I know feminization and Sissification are common kinks for men, but this was my first time hearing of the “opposite” version of that and I am now (as a experimentalist) slightly intrigued to try it (as the receiver) if I find a Dom willing to give ut a try.

But since this is a more Niche kink I wanted to ask, has anyone here done this kind of gender play? Was it about control or humiliation? What are the odds of finding a Dom who’d be open to test these waters?
Take care and thank you 💕

Hi y’all,
I tried talking to my AI about this but it kept telling me I would eventually find someone so I’ll ask here.

I’m a switch but more of a sub (60% submissive). I have a strong desire to be collared and to have a devoted Dom, but it will most likely not happen.
One reason is that I’m in an open relationship with a vanilla guy, and he has very strict rules for what I’m allowed to do; I can’t sleep over at another guys place for example. I once got a kiss on the cheek from a date and my boyfriend flipped out over it. I told him once for honesties sake that I’d like a Dom and a Sub in the future and he said I was just trying to emasculate him by being with others. Since my boyfriend is Asian he feels he isn’t able to find sexual partners himself (his words not mine), and he resents it when I do. The open relationship was his suggestion, so can’t complain too much about these rules.

Another problem is that I live in a Scandinavian country and most Doms are already devoted to someone else or too old for me (10 or more my senior). Also facial hair is a sensory issue for me since I’m autistic but most Doms want to keep their beards etc.

I go to munches and play parties and men do approach me for casual play, but never follow up once we exchange numbers and added each other to kinky social medias. So it seems that I don’t excite men enough for follow up.

I had a casual play partner who I was going to ask to be my Dom, but it fizzled out and he kept having ”class/ family emergency/ I’m sick” - reasons why we couldn’t meet. A had a Dom online once and he promised to collar me; I went and bought a collar, but once we met in real life and I wasn’t able to deep throat him, he ended our dynamic. Which is another issue; due to my asthma I can’t deep throat, which is a requirement for every Dom I meet.

It has started to really mess with me; I feel extreme envy when I go to kinky events and see female subs with their Male Doms, thinking ”what makes them so special that they can have that and I don’t?” Or ”why can’t I have that?”.
Anyways to shut down this desire? (I’ve tried solo play, it doesn’t work). I would greatly appreciate any help to accept and make peace with this unattainable dream