u/Goddes_Li

This is a long one:

We all know the story of a sub who’s met too many scammers & whatnot. It’s sad that there are people who take advantage of someone’s vulnerability in such a way. I get it, I really do. At the same time, it is really frustrating meeting all these “jaded” subs, & them somehow expecting you to go out of your way to ease their paranoia.

Been talking passively with a sub for a few weeks. Not findom or prodomme, but for a purely femdom dynamic. We finally move to a Snapchat because the truth is that I barely frequented that platform we met so my communication was slow. Tbh I don’t use Snap much anymore, but he said that’s the only one he had, & I didn’t bother much since I like making subs feel comfortable & so I let them pick which app they’re most comfortable with.

Things pick up on my end tho & we find out we even live in the same town. Anyways we talk, he sends pics. I send pics too because he seems anxious. His snaps were basically pics of him & I told him that while I enjoyed seeing him, I frankly don’t care to show my face. I’ve been constantly travelling for a month now, & the last thing I have time to do is put the camera on my face & make a nice pleasant video every day in the name of snap. I’m barely even on my phone. Still I send pics & answer all his questions, even gave him as much details as I could about our city so he knows I’m real.

I decide we should meet later this week when I get back. I’d still be travelling but I usually spend about 2-3 days at home before my next trip so I wanted to see him then. So I said let’s do something very casual & open. Sit at the park, talk a bit & see where it takes us. He asked if it was for his own safety & I told him it’s for both of us because quite frankly it’s bad taste (imo) to meet a stranger privately on your first meet. Also just because I’m the domme doesn’t mean I won’t care for my own safety. He’s still a man afterall💀.

Unfortunately this morning I got sad news that a close family member passed. I’m sad & drained, but still we had plans & I always stick to my commitments. He didn’t know this happened btw, be wise he didn’t ask so I figured no use telling a stranger who doesn’t inquire about the daily happenings in my life. Asked him when he’d be free. He starts telling me how it’s hard for him to believe I’m not a scammer because I’m a conventionally attractive woman🙂. Like first of all, wtf. What sort of backwards thinking, porn brain, stereotypical way of thinking is that? I’d rather not rant on how annoying it is that there are men that think like this in the space.

He says he’s scared because Snapchat was showing him I’m not in his country & he got warning messages on the site we met. I’m confused because 1. He reached out to me so it’s usually the other way round. 2. I explained to him already why Snapchat was doing that (I just moved here). 3. Why is this coming up now?

He then asks me to do yet another video otherwise he has to end communication now for his own safety, this time saying some stuff that he writes & atp I lose all my patience & tell him I’m not doing that. He says then we can’t meet. I wished him well in his search & removed him. Tbh I wouldn’t have done it even if I wasn’t pissed. That’s legit an irritating thing for me & I told myself I’d rather not have a sub at all than one that has that level of paranoia.

I have no idea why he’d think I’d want to scam him in an open park, in a small ass town that everyone knows everyone & the most dangerous thing to happen is that someone gets their bike stolen. I consistently made accommodations for him & somehow that made him more paranoid.

Looking at this now I’m annoyed at myself for even being so accommodating. I gave myself the excuse that he was supposedly accommodating of my busy schedule so I’d as well return the favor. Earlier I found out he’s new to it (had to ask questions because his paranoia was something I’d never seen). I’d met new subs before & things worked out well. So didn’t have any reason to think otherwise with this one.

Anyways lesson learned😑.

I’m always so confused when I see that someone favourited my account on Seeking. They almost never reach out, however if I do decide to reach out they often respond quite fast so my question is: why wait?

Seems that I appeal more to men that hide their accts & idk what that means? Wondering if other SBs/Aspirants have experienced.

Also curious to hear why people add favorites and how they do it. Do you just go about favouriting any cute/good looking SB/SD you see? Or do you read their whole profile first?

Wondering if anyone has explored ice play and how it made their subs feel. Specifically putting ice in their subs asshole.

Was playing with a new sub and doing anal training. When it got to the ice part it reached a point where it got too intense for him and we had to stop. I was able to handle it, but it caught me off guard since I haven’t had that reaction before with a sub.

To put it more accurately he’s currently my only sub.

Last night we went on a date he had planned. His efforts to show me he could plan & organize (which are skills I require in a sub).

We got back quite late and missed our bus as a result of us both being tipsy, so we had to walk to my place.

As a punishment for us having to walk in the cold (I don’t do well with cold), I ordered him to strip his suit pants (I told him to wear a suit for our date because I find it attractive) and give me while he wears my tights over his boxers.

Long story short: I started teasing him about how, if he showed up to my workplace dressed like that I’d be seduced. Even grabbed his neck and aggressively started making out with him at various times on the walk home because it genuinely turned me on.

I learnt yesterday that there is a way his voice lowers that I’m beginning to realize might mean he’s entering into subspace.

Watching him switch from this dominant all pragmatic man to my little toy was the best feeling. The date was honestly perfect. I’ve always wanted to have an experience like that and it seems so surreal that I did.

Dommes in Sweden, considering the law and all, how do y’all practice it? Asking because I recently moved here. I don’t really know how to navigate this one huddle and wouldn’t want to risk putting I or anyone in trouble

My sub is generally well behaved and obedient. He is absolutely not a brat and it’s what I love about him. however sometimes he does slip up and I have to punish him.

The problem is that I’m a sadist and he’s a meta kinkster. Causing him pain, especially physical pain, will turn me on which will invariably turn him on.

Punishing him always ends up with a lot of orgasms which defeats the purpose of punishment. Especially when I want him to learn a lesson.

Deep down a part of me thinks I do this because I’m scared of becoming a toxic person who abuses power (still accepting my domme/sadistic side).

Still I understand it’s needed to punish (I actually want to do it. I enjoy order and structure). Especially since he’s dominant in vanilla life and from our interactions I suspect he needs an assertive hand to keep things in order.

I would really appreciate some advice on how to go about punishing him in a way that is actually a punishment not just funishment

I have someone I’m interested in playing casually with online due to the distance between us. However I am a sadistic domme. Most of my experience has been in person, so I have no clue what to do online.

Id really appreciate some tips on how to approach forming an online dynamics. I don’t even know what it should entail. How does one go about with punishments? Tasks? Crafting a scene? etc. Do you play via video calls? etc

I know online M/s relationships can be limiting so I’d really appreciate tips on how to make it work.

This question got removed in a subreddit I asked but I do need directions so here goes:

I‘ve been a dominant since i started being sexual. Only got a name for it 5 years ago, and just recently decided to not pursue anything not kink related.

Recently I had an experience with a sub: he was begging to serve me, his African goddess (race play is a kink for me). He kept begging I let him give me Amazon gift card. I honestly didn’t need to order anything so I didn’t see the point to it, so I kept on refusing. Plus , I was busy and part of his kink is being ignored so that worked fine.

The thing is, his begging really turned me on. I’ve never experienced someone actually begging that I let them gift me something, & when I finally agreed, I felt so… electrified.

Can’t describe it. He ended up ghosting so thst never happened but the feeling I got was so nice. It had me thinking of exploring findom.

So my question is: how do I learn about it? Where can I learn about it? Are there books? Resources, etc?

please note: this is not an advert or whatever. I’m not looking for paypigs. I genuinely want to learn more about it to know if it’s for me

It’s sad that the community is infested with scammers and porn-addicted kink fishers. However, any time I meet a truly submissive man, one who truly wants to serve & not just claim mindless devotion, it’s like a breath of fresh air.

I’ve been talking with a sub. In the past few weeks he has really shown himself and his submission in ways that truly matter to me.

Two nights ago he performed a task that was really important to me. I hadn’t even told him yet, but he did it; and as he was reporting his completion of the task I thought, “this was what little me thought Prince Charming would be like”.

And I’ve had several instances similar to that. Of course, our human nature still come in play & no one can be the perfect image of submission or dominance. Still, I appreciate all the genuine subs out there. I love seeing thriving dynamics.

If you’re a sub, newly exploring yourself, wondering if there are women out there genuinely turned on by your submission instead of out off by it, there are. This subreddit is proof of that.

I saw some advice in a post here on how to avoid time wasters as a domme and let me tell you, it works! Ofcourse nothing is fool proof but still.

I had someone reach out to be my sub. kept giving me all sorts of speech about wanting to devote himself. I should’ve seen him offering to take care of my needs as a red flag but my mind didn’t really go there.

Decided to give him a simple task: finding out the meaning and origin of his first name and reporting back to me. Dude lost it and started insulting me that he’s not here for boring conversation. Honestly made me laugh so bad. Im so glad I didn’t waste my time with him.

I am overwhelmed by the amount of information out there. I see the word “train” used a lot on Fetlife, even had one or two persons ask me to train them, but I honestly don’t know what to respond to that.

To me training means I would train them to my own liking, so We would be in a sort of dynamic. After all I can’t train them to be like what other dommes would want since everyone is different.

Am I wrong for thinking like this? What does it mean to train a sub? Is that like a commitment agreement? Also how do you train a sub exactly? I’d love books/literature on this, preferably just one recommendation of a book that really helped you, if you can, because I’m so overwhelmed by all that’s out there.

My first Reddit post: After years of fighting off my desires and trying to be submissive, I finally accepted the fact that I enjoy being dominant and sadistic. For me kink and sex has always intertwined and it’s something I’ve been really embarrassed about since I don’t fit the general stereotype of a domme. I would always fluctuate between vanilla and kinky, only had the courage to practice online after my first and only kinky relationship with a man failed.

I’m finally accepting who I am, meeting people in person, and it has been an amazing journey. I’ve never felt more in tune with myself and my body. I didn’t even think it was possible to feel this much pleasure and fun with sex. The msubs I meet are really amazing and have make me feel so comfortable accepting my desires.

The only problem is that: I would want to date a submissive man. However, I am not meeting the type of men I find attractive and would want long term (27-35, athletic/muscular, good looking, has a job, single).

I know it’s a cliche. Every domme wants this, and I just happen to be part of those. I have a fetish for older guys but that’s just it. I don’t see myself having a proper relationship outside of play dynamics with one. When I hear them complain about age-related health issues, it makes me think of how I don’t want to start having to deal with that yet.

I should probably also state that meeting this guys on dating apps isn’t an issue but that when they meet me they presume “petite, smiling, submissive“ and even when they agree to explore my kinks with me there’s always this struggle like I’m supposed to force them into submission. I hate it.

I don’t know what I’m asking for really. Maybe some sort of hope that what I’m looking for is out there?