r/findomtalk

What was your reason for getting into findom?

And I don't mean "because I like the kink."

I'm more interested in what you think drew you to it psychologically. Was there something in your personality, upbringing, past experiences, emotional needs, or thought patterns that made this type of dynamic resonate with you?

There no right or wrong answer, and I'm not looking to judge anyone. I'm just curious to hear people's reflections on what they think played a role in developing their interest.

Now I know what you’re thinking, that’s not Findom, well this would involve you having full control of my income. You would get this in exchange for a roof over my head.

• all household chores completed
• any tasks you want or need done
• all of my income
• a submissive trained exactly to your expectations
• anything further you require.

Im currently based in Australia but due to my work circumstances I am able to relocate anywhere, obviously Australia is ideal but I’d make any scenario work for the right person.

I feel like some subs have forgotten what a tribute actually is and some of you might just be new and quietly lurking, which is completely okay.

A tribute isnt about buying a session or paying for my time. Its a gesture, a small token that says, "Im serious, im respectful and i'd genuinely like your attention." Its a way of showing intention before expecting anything in return.

What a tribute isnt? Its not a session fee. Its not a guarantee that we'll start a dynamic. Its not a bargaining chip and its definitely not a "What do i get for this?".

Think of it as knocking on someones door with good manners instead of trying to kick it open. 😉 Lol.

One more thing, if you are ever unsure about something, just ask. Seriously. We much rather answer an honest question than have someone make assumptions. We all started somewhere, and asking questions is how you learn, grow and become a better submissive.

Kindness, respect and clear communication will always get you much further than entitlement ever will.

Hi all, Goddess Amber here x

I took a couple years away from the scene, and now that I'm back, wow has the community changed! Finsubs used to tribute before they even approached. They used to send immediately for the privilege of my saying hi.

It's not that the initial tribute is a deal breaker for me, I actually like to form a connection with the losers I dom. But it seems to have just disappeared!

I firmly believe it's because the cost of living has gotten so bad, no one can afford to be drained the way they used to!😭 It's not the piggies fault, but it does make me sad. I miss when finsubs could and would give freely.

I think too many dommes are chasing whales instead of building a roster.

Don't get me wrong... I absolutely think you should shoot for the stars when setting your goals. Dream big. Push yourself. Help your subs reach full oftentimes. But your expectations and your strategy should still be grounded in reality.

I've seen dommes ignore or even turn away subs with moderate budgets because they're convinced a whale is just around the corner. Meanwhile, those "smaller" supporters could have become consistent contributors if they had been valued instead of dismissed.

You don't have to hit your goals through one person. Multiple loyal, consistent supporters can get you there too, and often create a much more stable foundation than relying on a single whale.

I'd rather build a community of people who genuinely enjoy supporting me than spend all my energy waiting for a fantasy client who may never show up.

Am I looking at this the wrong way, or has the obsession with whales become a little too common?

So I recently got into findom and I'm enjoying it alot, I thought I love the money most in this kink but turns out I enjoy the submission of men doing whatever I want,just to please me.

And the power is just 🤌🤌🤌🤌

I haven't decided my payment method yet ( I use giftcards for now ),I'm thinking about using throne cuz I want to remain anonymous. I use Instagram for communication because it's very convenient to me.

I want to know more about this kink/dynamic

I'm still learning and growing, so feel free to give advice all about findom

My fiancee is the center of my universe, my sun. And she loves to go on trips and to festivals. I'm more the stay home boyfriend. I already give her big part of my money, but I would love to intensify this.

The idea: when somewhere way/out she texts me about having new content for me. I transfer money to her, and she sends me a picture. The picture could be her feet, socks or shoes. Or bonus level: her censored boobs.

We both get a lot out of this. She can have her fun, her drinks, food and smokes. I get her attention, her pictures, her tease and denial.

Anyone already having something like this going on? Any tips and tricks?

From my perspective, this applies to both subs and Dommes.

For subs, a budget isn't about limiting your submission, it's about making it sustainable. Rent, bills, savings, and necessities should always come first. A sub who consistently serves within their means can enjoy the dynamic long-term instead of burning out after a few big sends.

For Dommes, having a clearly established budget creates confidence. Knowing what a sub has intentionally set aside for Findom removes uncertainty and allows the dynamic to unfold without either person having to guess where the line is. Clear financial boundaries make it easier to focus on the power exchange instead of worrying whether a send or request is appropriate.

And yes, I understand that some subs enjoy going over budget as part of the thrill. That's completely valid, as long as it's discussed and agreed upon beforehand. If someone wants the possibility of exceeding their usual limit, that should be part of the conversation, not an impulsive decision made in the heat of the moment.

A budget creates clearer consent. It establishes expectations, removes ambiguity, and allows both people to enjoy the dynamic with confidence.

I don't think discussing budgets takes away from the excitement of what's to come. If anything, it enhances it. Clear expectations reduce uncertainty, strengthen trust, and make it easier to fully immerse in the experience.

A budget doesn't weaken the power exchange, it gives it a solid foundation. The strongest dynamics aren't built on financial recklessness.

That's why I personally won't take on a sub without a clearly established budget. Without one, I can't fully relax. I'd rather know exactly what's been set aside for Findom than wonder whether accepting a tribute or making a request is crossing a line neither of us has defined.

How do you feel about budgeting in Findom?

I'm so curious, let me know!

So I’ve been into findomming for a few months now, so still learning, BUT: One liner, zero personality subs are an immediate mood killer for me. Like I want to meet you, and you to meet me. Yes I love findomming but I wanna hear about your interests as much as I want you to hear about mine. I want to build genuine connections and yet most experiences have been so utterly disappointing.

I guess I just have to be much more active orrrr.. do I lack personality?

It’s so hard to resist oozing your wallet out to me, isn’t it? Picture this: your wife’s gone to bed… your cock is locked, and aching… and you can’t stop scrolling my page again. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t help but tighten your cage at the thought of lowering your bank account, and sperm count, to me again.

Such a fun fantasy~

One thing I've learned about myself is that I can't separate the dynamic from the person.

I don't just look for wallets, I look for connection.

Before anyone says, "But financial exchange is the whole point of findom," yes, I know. Sending is naturally part of the dynamic. Drain games, surprise sends, tributes, and all other forms of financial play happen from time to time, and I genuinely enjoy them within the context of a dynamic.

But life happens. Budgets need to be respected. Unexpected expenses come up. Hell I've had subs who reached a point where they couldn't send anymore. When the financial aspect had to slow down or pause, I didn't suddenly lose interest or stop engaging with them.

That's because what I value isn't just the transaction, it's the person behind it.

Whether it's D/s, findom, or any other kink, it starts with getting to know each other. I want to understand your personality, what drives you, what excites you, your limits, your communication style, and what you're genuinely looking for. See if we have chemistry.

I also believe that every healthy dynamic is built on trust, and trust is something both people actively create.

As a Domme, my responsibility is to be honest, responsible, transparent about my expectations, and to create an environment where communication is encouraged. As a sub, I believe the journey starts with showing genuine interest, not just sending money. It starts by taking the time to learn about the Domme you've approached. Read her profile. Understand what she enjoys, what she expects, and whether you're actually compatible. The same goes in reverse: if I'm considering a dynamic with someone, I want to know who they are beyond their wallet. **

That said, I do have one expectation: time should be acknowledged with a gesture. It doesn't have to be a huge tribute. Even something as simple as the equivalent of buying someone a coffee shows that you value the time and attention they're choosing to invest in getting to know you. That's very different from believing every interaction needs to revolve around money.

Dominance isn't a job to me, I don't need to make X amount of money or I can't pay rent, it's something I choose because I want to. It's part of who I am and how I express my sexuality. Financial submission can absolutely be part of that expression, but it's never been the sole reason I build a dynamic.

Some people enjoy purely transactional interactions, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We all experience BDSM differently. This is simply what works for me.

The strongest dynamics I've had weren't built overnight. They were built through conversations, trust, honesty, laughter, vulnerability, mutual respect, and genuine interest in one another. That's what makes the power exchange meaningful to me.

**(Side note: subs and Dommes alike, please take the time to write an "About Me" / "What I'm Looking For" section or at the very least, keep your profile public. It makes it so much easier for people to know whether you might be somewhat compatible before either of you invests time/money reaching out. It reduces misunderstandings, and helps the vetting process from the start)

I’ve had my share of finsubs since beginning more than a year ago, but after some experiences in my local BDSM scene, I find myself wishing I knew how to make the jump to in-person dominatrix work.
Anyone else go down that path? If so, how did you do it? Any advice from the internet-to-irl shift?
I wouldn’t expect (or even want tbh) my irl interactions to be strictly findom—not paypig meetups. I imagine a dedicated space, other dommes to work with and learn from, the whole platter.