Struggling with Conflicted Feelings
My wife and I (both in our 30s) have been together for nearly a decade now and within the last couple of years, I admitted to her that I want to watch her have sex with other men. She's open to the idea, but one things we've both struggled with is how conflicted I actually feel about it.
One day we'll be having our fun and, I'll bring it up, she'll embrace it and talk dirty, etc. and then after the deed is done and we both have clear heads, we'll continue to talk about it and make a plan to meet someone and then a few days later I'll get cold feet.
We've gone as far as chatting with potential bulls and making a plan to meet them, and then I get nervous and shut the whole thing down. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. I feel guilty after the fact because I feel like I'm messing with her mind.
I feel like we just need to do it, like it needs to be spontaneous, but I worry that could be more damaging than helpful. Any advice? Have any other cucks experienced this? What did you do?