u/SuspiciousStag7001

41M, wife and I are new to this whole thing. This happened the other night, was super super hot to watch and was def a first for us. After a few hours of getting to know this guy at the bar, he finally made his move when I went to go to the bathroom - I came back to the table to them passionately making out. So I told them to stay there and I would go get the car. I could see them still making out from the window so I gave them an extra 5 minutes before pulling up.

Wife said “let’s give him a ride home”. So they hopped in the back and proceeded to make out for the next 15 minutes. I could hear them kissing, and could see her sitting on top of him facing backwards grinding on him. Then a few minutes in I could hear some soft moaning sounds (We have a no play rule for first night vibe check, but she was pretty drunk and into him and I had prepped him earlier that he could get handsy if she allowed). I could see his hands working her undies down and could hear the wet lapping sounds of his fingers making contact. She would brush him away, and then a few minutes later he would work his hands down again - and she relented - and I could see his fingers working her panties back and forth, up and down. Her moaning increasing slightly. At this point in time I heard a loud bang! And I turned forward to see the neighborhood had a construction zone and hit a cone.

Suffice to say I let me imagination do the watching for the rest of the ride - and got us all home safe. They kissed and said good byes, I gamut a handshake, and wife passed out on way home.

Next day I had an early flight out for work and wife was a little hung over so we didn’t reclaim. I’m back today and finally we have a window to do it (less than ideal but Its been 2 days and I’ll starting to spiral if we don’t soon)

And it occurred to me that while we’ve had a few of these experiences with her so far we’ve not gone all the way yet, and I don’t have a reclaim process down.

I would love to hear about others reclaiming process. What do you say and what do you do?

- also learned the hard way to not schedule these the night before I have a plane to catch. And that my wife should not consume more than 4 drinks. And that orange cone comes off easily with magic eraser.

M41, when I was 21 or 22, I was cheated on pretty badly by an ex. We lived together, she was a bit of a bipolar mess and alcoholic and this happened in a very popular nightclub town in the southwest - we had problems before the cheating. She was a super hot cocktail waitress- you know the type.

We were living together at the time, and she went out for a “girls night”, after one of our fights…. And I also went out with my guy buddies and without knowing what club she was going to be at, bumped into her and friends while they were with another group of guys. After a few terse words and seeing the glazed over look of intoxication in her eyes, we got into it, and she basically left me at a night club and left with a professional athlete and his posse. Got confirmation a day later from mutual contact that they did indeed hooked up. She returned 2 days later, By that time I already had her moved out and cut contact. Was fucking brutal. I was a wreck and beyond embarrassed. Worse, I felt publicly shamed because of how it went down.

My next relationship wasn’t much better- she was a better GF to me but towards the end when we should have just broken up cleanly - she too cheated and I found out when I waited for her to come home at like 4am, when she already told me she was home and going asleep earlier in the night. She admitted it, it was the personal trainer from our gym (fucking shit you not) and I was also a wreck but I had been thru it before and this one was easy compared to the first.

Now , 20 years later, I’m married to a good girl for the last 10 years or so. She doesn’t have a lying cheating bone in her body and I’m the one who’s propositioned this whole lifestyle to he. She’s so loyal that she’s willing to try it, though we’re going very slow and she has her own reservations. We’re coming out of the DB tail spin of having young kids and found this new kink and freedom - and it’s been a total 180. This kink is working for us.

My question for the group is- is this a common thread? Do the husbands in here have a history of being cheated on? I have a friend in the LS with same kink and he was brutally cheated on as well. But maybe this is an echo chamber I’ve created?

But there are a few psychological frameworks that establish this type of predicative harm reduction, Betrayal trauma theory (Freyd) etc……

Would love to know any other stories / connections.

Always had ED when rolling - was like pushing rope. My mind would be going a million miles an hour and I’d get the girl in bed and ready to go - and couldn’t ever perform. Thought about taking Viagra and Cialis but mixing those with MDMA is really not a good idea can give you a heart attack.

My buddy got me onto Olympia Pharmacy and I easily scored a script for TriMix - which is not for faint of heart. This is a powerful local ED medication that only works in that area, not on your whole body.

You inject it into your shaft, and you get a raging hard on for 1-3 hours. You can finish multiple times and still be hard as a rock.

I tried this while Rolling - I had to basically triple the dose cause the MDMA counter acts the drug a little bit - but holy hell. This is the combo I’ve been waiting 20 years for.

Thought I would pass this onto the group. It might be my favorite combo of Molly I’ve ever tried.

Need to come up with a cool name for it like Tripod flipping or something.

Any Hotwifes out there that reluctantly tried this dynamic from gentle coaxing from husband, but eventually embraced it for their own.

If so, was there one specific moment that made that mental switch?

M40/F40 here, new to stag/vixen. Found a guy who’s a great fit — respectful, down to earth, easygoing. We’ve had two group dates so far, both needed some gentle instigating since he’s not one to make the first move and my wife likes being pursued rather than pursuing. Once we broke the ice both times, it went great — lots of chemistry, some making out, and date two ended with both of us going down on her together. Amazing.

We’re planning date three to go all the way. Loose plan: dinner, drinks, hotel. I’ll probably start things off with her (mouth/fingers/oral), then swap him in, then maybe take a step back to film or stay involved lightly — letting things unfold naturally rather than directing every step. Not into cuck dynamics, this is a shared thing for us, and I’m thinking I’ll participate somewhere in the 20-40% range.

Main things on my mind: making him feel welcomed and comfortable rather than like a hired body, and making sure she feels like the center of attention and fully warmed up before anything starts (she may want me to kick things off given she still needs some easing in).

For those with more experience — how do you structure the first “going all the way” night with a new third? What’s your typical participation split, and how do you handle pacing/etiquette so everyone feels good going in?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Also, considered if he stays for a round two - then just watching or maybe leaving the room to get ice for a few minutes so she can experience a bit of the solo action to see if she’s comfortable and prefers that. Would this be a mistake? (Granted if she was comfortable enough for that)

40M/40F, married stag / vixen dynamic. Spent about a year discussing this, vetting candidates on Feeld, finally found the right guy. Two groups dates in — she’s enjoyed making out, and had oral on her — everything’s been great in the moment for all three of us. Very hot, all green lights. We def found the right guy.

Problem: We’re about to go all the way on date
3 with our first MFM, and I’m trying to prepare for what comes after.

My wife has a history of shame with her ED that she’s worked hard to manage over the last decade. After our first encounter with him, she had a few rough days — some identity crisis, working through what it meant for how she sees herself as a “loyal wife.” It passed, but I know another round is coming.

What’s triggering her most isn’t guilt about doing it — it’s how much she liked it. How she’s attracted to him and enjoyed kissing him and had several orgasms when he went down on her. That’s the part messing with her sense of self.

This was mostly my fantasy going in, but she’s been all in, and honestly our marriage has never been better — communication, connection, all of it.

I keep reminding her we’re all consenting adults doing something all three of us want, and what we do behind closed doors is nobody else’s business. Still, I know the shame spiral is coming and want to be ready for it.

Would be gutted it lead to a relapse of ED, so I’m trying to be very thoughtful about this and am fine with walking away from this fantasy if that’s a real possibility. She assures me that this is something she still wants to do and is excited for, and I’ve done my best to baby step us there so neither of us are flanked by any unexpected feelings.

For any hotwives whose husbands introduced you to this world: does this shame identity crisis fade with more experience? Any reframes or phrases that helped you process it? Will there be a point when she fully embraces and doesn’t feel bad about it afterwards with this shame loop? Thanks!