u/Sweaty-Rock2039

Hey everyone,

​I’m trying to figure out if there is an exact term for my style of dominance, and honestly, I also just need to vent a little.

​For me, the most exciting part of D/s isn't just physical play or strict rules right away. What I really love is going deep into a sub’s mind first. I like asking a lot of questions, understanding how they tick, learning their fears, desires, insecurities, and thought patterns, then using all of that psychological depth later during play and within the dynamic.

​The problem is, it feels incredibly hard to find subs who actually want this. A lot of people seem to expect instant action or surface-level tropes, but they don't want to put in the mental effort, time, or vulnerability that this requires. It gets pretty exhausting to start talking to someone only to realize they just want a script rather than a real psychological connection.

​Because of this, I sometimes catch myself doubting if I’m even a Dom. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong and if I should just be more literal about it, like relying on classic props, strict protocols, and traditional symbols instead of focusing so much on the mind.

Is there a specific term for this kind of dynamic?

Forr those with a similar style, how do you filter for subs who actually want to put the mental work in without burning yourself out?

I’d really appreciate any insights or shared experiences.

Thanks

Is anyone here in a monogamous D/s relatioship? How's that going? I would like to hear from the minority, if there is such a thing.

Hello,

me, 37, 185, 84 male, trying to find a sub or a switch who's in for a long term. I am looking for a genuine connection, honesty and willingness to discover together different types of kinks.

I am looking within the EU cause I want to have a possibility to meet up in the future.

I am heavily into bondage, humiliation, piss, I want to crawl into your mind so I can use it to have authentic and real fun. I am not the usual dom who will start barking orders from the start, I need to get to know you, your motivations and if you're a switch and want to dominate me? You need to do the same to let my guards down.

If you want us to discover it together, text me a description of yourself, some of your favourite kinks and limits.

Hello,

me, 37, 185, 84 male, trying to find a sub or a switch who's in for a long term. I am looking for a genuine connection, honesty and willingness to discover together different types of kinks.

I am looking within the EU cause I want to have a possibility to meet up in the future.

I am heavily into bondage, humiliation, piss, I want to crawl into your mind so I can use it to have authentic and real fun. I am not the usual dom who will start barking orders from the start, I need to get to know you, your motivations and if you're a switch and want to dominate me? You need to do the same to let my guards down.

If you want us to discover it together, text me a description of yourself, some of your favourite kinks and limits.

Hello,

me, 37, 185, 84 male, trying to find a sub or a switch who's in for a long term. I am looking for a genuine connection, honesty and willingness to discover together different types of kinks.

I am looking within the EU cause I want to have a possibility to meet up in the future.

I am heavily into bondage, humiliation, piss, I want to crawl into your mind so I can use it to have authentic and real fun. I am not the usual dom who will start barking orders from the start, I need to get to know you, your motivations and if you're a switch and want to dominate me? You need to do the same to let my guards down.

If you want us to discover it together, text me a description of yourself, some of your favourite kinks and limits.

Hey there,

​

I’m a 37 fit gay looking for something real in the kink world. I’m hoping to connect with a switch who is 40 years old or older, someone mature, emotionally aware, and interested in building trust before diving deep. I believe the hottest play happens when there’s a solid foundation of respect, communication, and genuine connection. I’m open to something meaningful that could grow over time, including the possibility of eventually meeting in person if the vibe is right.

​

My kinks include humiliation (verbal and psychological), training, piss play, feet worship, and bondage. I love the psychological edge of being put in my place, guided, and used in intimate, consensual ways. I’m also very open to discovering and exploring new kinks together as we learn each other’s rhythms and boundaries.

​

Hard limits: no exposure or public play (with very rare exceptions if we both feel completely safe), nothing illegal, no scat, no blood, no sounding, no CBT. I’m big on SSC/RACK and clear, ongoing consent.

​

If you’re a switch 40+ who values depth, laughter, good conversation, and intense private scenes, I’d love to hear from you. Tell me about yourself, what draws you to switching, and what kind of connection you’re hoping for. Bonus points for good communication skills and a patient approach.

​

Let’s take it slow, build something authentic, and see where the trust takes us.

​

Looking forward to your message.

Hello,

I know it might be a long call since most of the older guys look for much bigger age gap than I can offer but let's give it a try.

I am looking for older sub or sub leaning switch.

Something about me: 38/185cm/85kg,bald,hairy,fit (going to the gym 3 times a week), watching what I eat. Not a party person, I prefer nature and quiet evenings. I try to live meaningful life and build meaningful connections and I am looking for someone with similar mindset.

My kinks: bondage, humiliation, piss, training, inclined to try puppy play and more

If I peeked your interest, text me some similar info about yourself as I just provided and what you're looking for. I ideally look for someone located in Europe and it's possible I won't react to messages from US or other parts of the world. Ask me anything but please show some effort in the first message.

Hello,

​

I know it might be a long call since most of the older guys look for much bigger age gap than I can offer but let's give it a try.

​

I am looking for older sub or sub leaning switch.

​

Something about me: 38/185cm/85kg,bald,hairy,fit (going to the gym 3 times a week), watching what I eat. Not a party person, I prefer nature and quiet evenings. I try to live meaningful life and build meaningful connections and I am looking for someone with similar mindset.

​

My kinks: bondage, humiliation, piss, training, inclined to try puppy play and more.

​

If I peeked your interest, text me some similar info about yourself as I just provided and what you're looking for. I ideally look for someone located in Europe and it's possible I won't react to messages from US or other parts of the world. Ask me anything but please show some effort in the first message.

​

Hello,

​

I know it might be a long call since most of the older guys look for much bigger age gap than I can offer but let's give it a try.

​

Something about me: 38/185cm/85kg,bald,hairy,fit (going to the gym 3 times a week), watching what I eat. Not a party person, I prefer nature and quiet evenings. I try to live meaningful life and build meaningful connections and I am looking for someone with similar mindset. This is already quite a narrow pool to choose from and if we add the fact I am ideally looking for a kinky sub or sub leaning switch, mission to find someone is narrowing down even more. I am open to talk about my kinks in detail in DMs: bondage, piss, humiliation, training....

​

If I peeked your interest, text me some similar info about yourself as I just provided and what you're looking for. I ideally look for someone located in Europe and it's possible I won't react to messages from US or other parts of the world. Ask me anything but please show some effort in the first message.

​

Hello,

I know it might be a long call since most of the older guys look for much bigger age gap than I can offer but let's give it a try.

Something about me: 38/185cm/85kg,bald,hairy,fit (going to the gym 3 times a week), watching what I eat. Not a party person, I prefer nature and quiet evenings but I can enjoy a good party every now and then. I try to live meaningful life and build meaningful connections and I am looking for someone with similar mindset.

I am on the journey of exploring my dominance and kinks so if you're okay with unexperienced dom, I would gladly use you as a training partner. I am willing to switch if there's a trust and connection built.

If I peeked your interest, text me some similar info about yourself as I just provided and what you're looking for. I ideally look for someone located in Europe cause of the similar routines.

Inexperienced sub (had some experience as a Dom, none as a sub) looking for a trustworthy guy to help me discover my submissive side.

I want someone who takes time to build trust and connection first. Into humiliation, degradation, and piss play. Most importantly, I’m looking for a friend dynamic — someone who can hold real conversations, not just give orders.

If you’re an experienced Dom who’s patient, communicative, and enjoys guiding a newbie, message me. Tell me about yourself.

Serious replies only.