u/True-Dragonfruit-306

Take a drink every time…
You think, “Maybe tonight.”
Your spouse says they’re “too tired.”
You get a hug that feels like it came from HR.
You accidentally see a couple flirting in public and sigh.
You shave, shower, smell amazing… for absolutely no reason.
You get more physical affection from your dog than your spouse.
You convince yourself not to initiate because you already know the answer.
You hear, “We should really work on us,” and nothing changes.
Finish your drink if you actually have sex.
…Hydration has never been easier.

Maybe it’s just me, but does anyone else feel noticeably more confident and attractive after shaving or waxing down there?
Even if nobody else is going to see it, I swear I stand a little taller. 😂
Or am I the only one?

Does anyone else find that prolonged neglect makes your mind wander constantly?
It’s not even about one specific act anymore. It’s the idea of being wanted so badly that you catch yourself daydreaming about spontaneous intimacy, stolen moments, or just feeling that undeniable chemistry again- even when your spouse is right there, close by. I find myself “whipping it out” just anywhere, because it gives me some level of satisfaction- not to mention I’m hard literally ALL. THE. TIME.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s my brain trying to compensate for what it’s been missing for so long.
Am I the only one, or is this just another side effect of living in a sexless marriage?

I’m 40, HLM, married 9 years, and one of the hardest parts of this isn’t even the lack of sex anymore. It’s how much effort I can put into making my wife feel loved, wanted, and cared for… and still end up feeling completely invisible.
I compliment her. I flirt with her. I tell her how beautiful and sexy she is. I rub her back, give her massages, do the little things that are supposed to fill her love bucket and make her feel connected. I make the effort because I want her to feel desired.
And lately, that’s only gotten harder because she recently got implants and, honestly, she looks incredible. She has an absolute killer body, and it takes real restraint not to want to touch her every chance I get. Not in some disrespectful way — just because I’m wildly attracted to my own wife and would love for that energy to go somewhere other than straight into a wall.
Because after all of that… it’s still nothing.
No touching back. No attention. Barely a kiss. No sense that she sees me as anything other than the guy making sure her needs are met while mine just sit on a shelf.
That’s the mindfuck. I’m not sitting around doing nothing and expecting sex to fall out of the sky. I’m trying. I’m showing up. I’m putting in effort physically, emotionally, mentally… and it still feels like all of it disappears into a void.
I know marriage isn’t transactional. I’m not saying a massage should lead to sex. But it’s a brutal feeling to keep pouring into someone, to be deeply attracted to them, to make sure they feel desired and cared for… and still go to bed feeling untouched, unwanted, and completely alone.
Anyone else feel like they keep filling their spouse’s cup while dying of thirst themselves?

Married 41M 6’5”, 212lbs, Fit Dadbod, if you will, in NC looking for a woman who understands what it’s like to feel wanted everywhere except where it matters most.
I’m the guy who takes care of himself, shows up, handles his responsibilities, and still misses that feeling of being looked at with real desire. I miss the kind of connection that’s playful, smart, flirtatious, and just charged enough to make your day better. The kind where the conversation has chemistry, the banter has teeth, and a little attention goes a long way.
I’m not just looking for surface-level distraction. I want an intelligent woman who enjoys good conversation, mutual curiosity, tension, wit, and the occasional reminder that being wanted still matters.
If you’re married too, emotionally aware, and understand the power of a little sexual affirmation mixed with real conversation, say hello.

Married 41M in NC looking for a woman who understands what it’s like to feel wanted everywhere except where it matters most.
I’m the guy who takes care of himself, shows up, handles his responsibilities, and still misses that feeling of being looked at with real desire. I miss the kind of connection that’s playful, smart, flirtatious, and just charged enough to make your day better. The kind where the conversation has chemistry, the banter has teeth, and a little attention goes a long way.
I’m not just looking for surface-level distraction. I want an intelligent woman who enjoys good conversation, mutual curiosity, tension, wit, and the occasional reminder that being wanted still matters.
If you’re married too, emotionally aware, and understand the power of a little sexual affirmation mixed with real conversation, say hello.

Yesterday after the gym, I joined my wife in the shower before work. We have a big shower in our master bath that easily fits both of us, and I thought maybe there was a chance for one of those spontaneous moments that used to happen in marriage.
Instead, the second I got in, she told me she was in a hurry and needed to get ready for work.
And yes, I get it, people have schedules, mornings are rushed, life happens. But when you’re already in a marriage where intimacy feels like it’s hanging by a thread, moments like that don’t just feel like bad timing. They feel like another reminder that your wife just doesn’t want you.
That’s the part that gets in my head. Not even the rejection itself, but how automatic it feels now. No flirtation, no pause, no “maybe later.” Just another wall.
Anyone else find the small rejections hit harder than the big ones?

Married, fit, and taking better care of myself at 40 than I did at 30… yet somehow I get more attention from strangers than I do at home. Starting to wonder how many people are out there feeling lonely right next to someone they’re supposed to be happy with.

*notabot

I’m 41, HLM, married 9 years, and I don’t even know what to call my bedroom anymore. It’s not technically dead, but it’s dead enough that I spend way too much time wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
What makes it worse is that I genuinely try. I work out 6 days a week. I take care of myself. I shave, I wax, I make an effort to stay clean, look good, and be attractive for my wife. I dress well. I keep myself in shape. Not because I’m trying to impress random women, but because I want my wife to actually look at me and want me.
And the fucked up part? I get more attention from other women than I do from the person I married.
Not in some “look at me, I’m drowning in options” way. I’m not saying women are throwing themselves at me. But I notice the looks. The flirting. The casual comments. The energy. Enough to know I’m not imagining it. Enough to know I’m apparently attractive enough to be noticed by strangers, just not by my own wife.
That’s the part that really gets in your head.
Because after a while, it stops being about sex. It becomes this constant internal mindfuck where you’re doing everything you can think of to be desirable, presentable, attentive, and wanted… and the one person you actually want that from doesn’t seem interested at all.
So then you start asking yourself all the questions you hate asking.
Am I just not her type anymore?
Did I get too comfortable?
Am I unattractive to her?
Am I pathetic for caring this much?
How can I be desirable everywhere except in my own marriage?
I’m not expecting porn-star sex three times a week. I’m not asking to be mauled every time I walk in the room. I’d settle for feeling wanted. A kiss that doesn’t feel obligatory. A hand on me because she actually wants to touch me. A moment where I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much just because I want intimacy from my own wife.
Instead, I mostly feel stupid for still wanting it. Like some needy asshole for wanting to be desired by the woman I’ve built a life with.
And honestly, that’s the part I’m having the hardest time with. Not the lack of sex. The humiliation of putting in the effort, knowing other women notice, and still going to bed next to someone who makes me feel completely fucking invisible.