The L Word
Happy Friday to all!
My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for just over a year. She has only played with one guy and we see him roughly once a month. He is a nice guy, very respectful. He is married and his wife is aware and encouraging. We have met her. They have a great marriage as do we. We are both very secure in our relationship and doing this has brought new levels of intimacy and communication. All in all it has been great! We have also recently starting to look for additional play partners and my wife has expressed desires to be with a woman. So all is good!
Except for one tiny little thing that I am having a hard time understanding and dealing with. I hope others may be able to give me some advice on how to manage this internally.
A couple of weeks ago my wife admitted that ahe has strong feels for this guy. She equated her feels with how she feels about some of her closest friends. All good, right? She let the L-bomb drop in talking to me about it. I froze. Shut down completely and almost broke down into tears.
She tried to explain a little more, but I was in a state of shock and didnt hear or retain much of what she had said. A couple nights later they were texting and they told each other that they love eachother. That was way harder to hear than her just telling me.
Her falling for another man was one of my biggest fears going into this. Even with this revelation I do not have concerns with her leaving me. That isnt going to happen and I am not leaving her. We have been married for almost 20 years, this is just something I need to understand and process.
I do not feel like I am losing her or anything like that, but my stomach has been in knots and I feel numb about everything. How do I get an understanding, process this new information, be happy for her, etc. I dont have anyone in my day to day life that even knows we are doing this, let alone talk to about all of the emotions going through my head.
She said he wants to talk to me about it face to face the next time we see him. I dont think I want that to happen. I also told my wife that I feel like it would break me to hear them say it in person, especiallyif it while they are in bed... It is making me extremely anxious leading into the next visit. I dont see how him telling me anything would make me feel better
Anyone been through a similar thing? How did you process and move forward? Advice would be appreciated.