u/BravoFoxtrotGolf

As a dom/rigger it should come as no surprise that I'm quite fond of predicament bondage, and I think they often make for great funishments.

Here's three of my favourites;

1. Hog-tie oral. The submissive is bound in a hog-tie style. Personally I like to opt for spiral futomomo on each leg, an armbinder, and then connecting all 3 together behind the back. The sub is then positioned to be lying on their front, with space in-front of them. The dom then positions themselves such that their groin is right below the sub's head. Now the sub faces a 'difficult' choice. To avoid contact with their dom's fun parts, they must lift their head right back, but this is very strenuous and they won't be able to do it forever. To give their neck a rest, they must give oral.

2. Not sure what I'd call this one, but the premise is simple. First the sub has their hands bound above their head, securely. Such that they can't shuffle downwards. Then the dom attaches a vibrator or similar device to one or both of the sub's ankles via a short length of rope, while their legs are bent. The idea is that the more they unfold/out stretch their leg(s), the more it pulls the vibrator away from wherever it was placed.

3. This one is from a Kinbaku demonstration I saw. The sub is bound, nude, to a post or column, stood upright. While they are being bound a large sheet or blanket or something is used to preserve their modesty. Then, once they are bound, the sub is invited to take a grip of the blanket with their teeth, after which anything else that was holding the blanket up is removed. Now the dom simply stands back and watches. Eventually, the submissive's bite will give out and they'll let go of the blanket, all of a sudden revealing their body.

This one works best for submissives who enjoy exhibitionism and humiliation through exposure. It's intended for an audience really, but I think it can work too with 'simulated' audience, such as by setting up a camera to record the scene.

---

There's a few of my favourites you might try out. Just thought I'd start a discussion about predicament bondage in general and seemed a decent way to kick it off. So, what are your favourite predicaments? What do you get out of them as Dom or Sub?

Just a little something I wrote over the past few nights and haven't got a place to share it, but I feel the need to share it somewhere. A poem for my sub, wherever she is now...

In that moment,
Side by side,
Or stood above my kneeling pride,
Looks up at me,
Eyes a-wide,
And waits for me, a hand, a guide.

In that moment,
With her there,
Posture perfect, pristine hair,
And I with power,
Standing tall,
Looking down, on one so small.

In that moment,
Crop in hand,
Rope by yards, Mischief planned,
I am the master,
And commander,
Relishing her eager pander.

In that moment,
When she writhes,
Screams or moans, or even cries,
Grips me hard,
Nails in thighs,
Bathes in those indulgent highs.

In that moment,
In my palm,
I am her storm, I am her calm,
Untouchable,
Hers is my fate,
To come early, or come late.

In that moment,
When the heart pines,
In body show, And in hers shine,
But breaks my walls,
With simple line,
“I am yours,
And you are mine”.

Post voice over if you'd rather hear me read this

I'm looking for a long term monogamous* dynamic and relationship, in person. Ideally a submissive, and ideally a rope bunny, but happy to come to a potential agreement with a switch and happy to teach rope and rope safety to someone totally new to it!

As should be obvious by now, shibari is one of my core kinks. But I have many, as most do. Lingerie, outdoors, forniphilia, impact, inspections, worship, casual play/warming, orgasm control, etc, etc. Feel free to ask.

Personally I would describe myself as a soft/gentle dom, with an emphasis on psychological dominance. I have a sadist side too though, and to be frank, I take bits and pieces from all sorts of archetypes.

I'm 6'5, of decent build, have a big beard and glasses. My style in kink spaces is formal/dark romance. Outside of kink I like cycling, hiking, rugby, cricket and just being outdoors in general. I also like board games, I love cooking at home, and I play bass guitar.

So if all that sounds good, feel free to get in touch. I value friendship on the scene so if you aren't nearby I'm still happy to chat, but realistically I'm only looking for a partner who lives in Bristol or fairly nearby.

*some potential wiggle room here, to be discussed if desired.

This is a topic I first saw broached over in the BDSM Community subreddit (I think, might have been Domspace, anyway...) and it intrigued me, so I thought I'd pose the topic here and see what people's thoughts are. I'm especially interested in hearing the views of submissives in this regard.

Essentially the topic is this; How can a dom dress, or alter their usual attire, to present a more soft/gentle dom look?

I find it a fascinating topic because I think that simple sensory things - the way a room smells, the way objetcs/implements/tools shadows are cast on the walls, or indeed the way a dom is dressed - can have a huge impact on the mental state of a submissive, and can influence how they feel going into a scene.

Personally I've always been a formal-wear sort of person. A pair of smart boots, some black slacks and a good belt. A black button up shirt tucked in and with the sleeves rolled and a few buttons left undone. That sort of thing, good though it looks, is very classic dom to me. Not necessarily indicative of any great sadist tendencies, but it is a deliberately 'sharp' look and doesn't exactly send the message of I'm a big cuddly teddy bear, really that most folks seem to like in a soft/gentle dominant.

So what are your thoughts? Are there any particular items of clothing or outfits that seem most fitting to you? Are there things that should be avoided? What sort of alterations would you suggest to a dominant who wanted to come across as softer or gentler purely in their style/fashion choices for the scene?

As an example, I've found that simply having my shoes off is profoundly impactful. I have been told I am instantly perceived as less harsh or strict or formal no matter what else I'm wearing if I'm stood in my socks and not shoes or boots.

I'm currently compiling a list of items and techniques I use (or could use in future) to turn fairly ordinary rooms into a more immersive space for structured and more formal play. Naturally most of us don't have the space or money to have a dedicated dungeon, but even those who do might want to play outside of that space too. So feel free to engage, I'd love to hear what sort of things you and your partner(s) use to dress up a room and make it feel special.

For me, I often use drapes (sometimes known as backdrop curtains) which are quite easy to hand up and take down when required. My go to is usually a shade of red or black/grey. But I also have some shades of blue too, which can create a more calm and less intimidating feel.

I use candles a lot, they're cheap and they're just great for the vibe. Obviously you have to be careful with real candles as they're a fire hazard, and especially if you plan to do anything like flogging. In this instance I use little faux candles that use batteries, or make sure any real candles are well out of reach. I use little saucers I've picked up dirt cheap in charity (thrift) shops over the years to catch the wax.

Another thing I go to is cheap plastic ivy/plants. You can pick up huge amounts of this sort of thing very easily online or elsewhere and they really do add to the vibe of a scene.

Luxury fabrics are generally a good bet I've found, so I've got a whole bunch of velvet, silk, chiffon, and satin pillows and throws/blankets and such. Some of these work best for covering up furniture or accenting it, others work better as a decorative thing - hanging sheer fabrics over doorways and such is a fun way to veil the entrance. A physical threshold into the scene. That said though, you can play with opaque fabrics here to create some fun interactions.

I have a Phillips Hue system set up in my home which is fantastic for mood lighting. Expensive, but I highly recommend it! I also like to use incense or a diffuser to scent the house/room and add to the sensation - although this is a fine balance. You need just enough scent to be pleasing, too little and it goes unnoticed, too much and it's overpowering.

So, over to you folks, what sort of things do you use or do to turn your ordinary bedrooms into palaces of debauchery?

Audio narration of the post can be found here

I'm looking for a long term monogamous* dynamic and relationship, in person. Ideally a submissive, and ideally a rope bunny, but happy to come to a potential agreement with a switch and happy to teach rope and rope safety to someone totally new to it!

As should be obvious by now, shibari is one of my core kinks. But I have many, as most do. Lingerie, outdoors, forniphilia, impact, inspections, worship, casual play/warming, orgasm control, etc, etc. Feel free to ask.

Personally I would describe myself as a soft/gentle dom, with an emphasis on psychological dominance. I have a sadist side too though, and to be frank, I take bits and pieces from all sorts of archetypes.

I'm 6'5, of decent build, have a big beard and glasses. My style in kink spaces is formal/dark romance. Outside of kink I like cycling, hiking, rugby, cricket and just being outdoors in general. I also like board games, I love cooking at home, and I play bass guitar.

So if all that sounds good, feel free to get in touch. I value friendship on the scene so if you aren't nearby I'm still happy to chat, but realistically I'm only looking for a partner who lives in Bristol or fairly nearby.

*some potential wiggle room here, to be discussed if desired.

I've been on the scene for some time now, Always a dom since discovering early that I haven't a submissive bone in my body. Primarily I lean into gentle and psychological as archetypes, both of which come naturally to me. But after a few folks recently have asked me about psychological dom It's got me thinking, what actually are the best resources for learning about it?

I'm not even sure myself what it is or how I manage it. People say I can get in their head but I'm not really sure how I manage to do it! I'm sure there must be some good resources out there!

I can think of 5 books either in my library or soon to be, that are certainly good. namely:

The New Topping Book, The Loving Dominant, The Heart of Dominance, The Dominance Playbook, and The Control Book.

But all of these are physical media. I think many of them are also audio books these days, but it's still a pricetag, and one which the simply curious, inquisitive, or ever-broadening mind might not be prepared to pay. And none of them are specifically psychological - they certainly talk about psychology, but they also spend a lot of time talking about things that I would consider part of, say, Sadism, or Pleasure dom, or Service top, etc.

So what others come to mind for you folks? Websites, blog posts, books, videos, etc. Where would you point a brand new Dom or Sub who's curious and wants to learn more? Where would you point a grey-bearded veteran who's until now figured it all out as they go and on their own? What are, in your opinion, the best resources to learn what Psych-Dom is, how to be good at it, and what the issues and pitfalls are and how one should prepare to either avoid or to treat them?

So I'm looking at getting a custom leather harness made, imitating the style of a typical shoulder holster. Two large loops that pass over the front of the shoulders and come together in an X shaped meeting between the shoulder blades.

Obviously an actual shoulder holster is used to hold a pistol and some spare ammunition, which is not what I want mine for. But it does beg the question, what could I use it to hold?

I thought about using it to hold maybe a paddle or a crop/baton/swagger stick or something under one arm, but then what would go under the other?

So, any ideas?

Audio narration

I'm looking for a long term monogamous* dynamic and relationship, in person. Ideally a submissive, and ideally a rope bunny, but happy to come to a potential agreement with a switch and happy to teach rope and rope safety to someone totally new to it!

As should be obvious by now, shibari is one of my core kinks. But I have many, as most do. Lingerie, outdoors, forniphilia, impact, inspections, worship, casual play/warming, orgasm control, etc, etc. Feel free to ask.

Personally I would describe myself as a soft/gentle dom, with an emphasis on psychological dominance. I have a sadist side too though, and to be frank, I take bits and pieces from all sorts of archetypes.

I'm 6'5, of decent build, have a big beard and glasses. My style in kink spaces is formal/dark romance. Outside of kink I like cycling, hiking, rugby, cricket and just being outdoors in general. I also like board games, I love cooking at home, and I play bass guitar.

So if all that sounds good, feel free to get in touch. I value friendship on the scene so if you aren't nearby I'm still happy to chat, but realistically I'm only looking for a partner who lives in Bristol or fairly nearby.

*some potential wiggle room here, to be discussed if desired.

First time posting anything like this so thought I better keep it fairly tame...

I'm looking for a long term monogamous* dynamic and relationship, in person. Ideally a submissive, and ideally a rope bunny, but happy to come to a potential agreement with a switch and happy to teach rope and rope safety to someone totally new to it!

​

As should be obvious by now, shibari is one of my core kinks. But I have many, as most do. Lingerie, outdoors, forniphilia, impact, inspections, worship, casual play/warming, orgasm control, etc, etc. Feel free to ask.

​

Personally I would describe myself as a soft/gentle dom, with an emphasis on psychological dominance. I have a sadist side too though, and to be frank, I take bits and pieces from all sorts of archetypes.

​

I'm 6'5, of decent build, have a big beard and glasses. My style in kink spaces is formal/dark romance. Outside of kink I like cycling, hiking, rugby, cricket and just being outdoors in general. I also like board games, I love cooking at home, and I play bass guitar.

​

So if all that sounds good, feel free to get in touch. I value friendship on the scene so if you aren't nearby I'm still happy to chat, but realistically I'm only looking for a partner who lives in Bristol or fairly nearby.

​

*some potential wiggle room here, to be discussed if desired.

Recently there was a post about people who attend munches and people who don't. A lot of folks talked about being online only as a means to engage still, while remaining anonymous, thus protecting their identity and their livelihoods and reputations etc.

​

It got me thinking, a lot of those people must also be single and looking for a partner. Having tried to find a partner outside of munches by using dating apps and the like, and found many just aren't into kink, I wonder, how do these folks hope to get into a dynamic/relationship?

​

So if you are one such person, what is your answer? Do you just browse personal ads on fetlife? Do you hope to find someone via a dating app and then hope they are or are willing to become kinky? Or are you just happy being single and not looking for anyone at all?

​

How do you intend to practice kink without being active in-person? And whatever your methods, have they been fruitful?

Ok might be pushing it with the pun there. But the discusion I want to start is this. In your local scene, what's the rstio of Doms to Switches to Subs like? How does it vary between genders?

​

I ask this because my lived experience seems to be so different from that of many I've talked to online. I've found that there is maybe a 50/50 split of Doms to Subs in my scene, and a healthy scattering of switches. As a Dom I find it quite hard to find a sub, which I think is just because there is a fair bit of choice for Doms and less so for Subs. The odds of me finding a person I'm into, who is also into me, and doesn't already have a dom are fairly low.

​

But everyone I talk to online seems to have found a real shortage of Doms and an abundance of Subs! That seems wild to me.

​

So what's it like on your scene? What's been your experience? Do you, as a Dom or Sub, find it particularly easy or hard to find the partner you want? Do you feel as though you have many options or few?

I'm looking for that special someone to form a long term relationship and dynamic with. I have an awful lot of kinks, as of course most of us do, so feel free to ask - but for now I'll say my biggest is Shibari. More or less happy to talk to anyone about rope! Following that, I like Impact play, Forniphilia, Inspections, Lace/Lingerie, Orgasm control, etc. Like I said, the list is awfully long, these are just **some** of the highlights.

​

I live in Bristol, and I'm only looking for folks who there's a realistic possibility of establishing something IRL with. I've met some really amazing people over the years, but being so far away as to need a 4 hour train to see one another is simply not practical for me. I want to engage with kink and BDSM in-person! Please feel free to get in touch anyway if you'd just like to chat, but please be upfront if you're not local.

​

I'm looking for a submissive as well as a partner. I like a willing submissive. I do like someone who knows how to tease a little and push a few buttons now and again, but I am not a brat tamer. I like someone who is open with me and will have important conversations. For me, the perfect submissive is someone who's not afraid to speak up and tell me when they want me to do more of a thing, or that they really enjoyed something I said. Someone who wants to help me become a better Dom for them!

​

**If you are a switch:** *This might also work, but comes with some serious caveats. I am potentially willing to let you act as a Domme/Top with others. Who you play with and what exactly you do in play, as a Domme, is something I will always want to come to an agreement on. I would reserve the right to veto anyone/any play no questions asked and I would insist that our relationship/dynamic come first. The likelihood is that any explicit and sexual contact would be prohibited, and that acts are limited to pure kink acts such as flogging, using wax, etc. Further, I would not welcome any attempts to dom me.*

​

**A little about me:** I'm 6'5, ginger, have a large beard and wear glasses. Despite the stereotypical metalhead look, I'm a funk and soul man. I play bass guitar which I suppose is some kind of ouroboros situation with the musical taste. I'm big on hiking, cycling and the outdoors in general. I also like rugby and cricket. Indoors you'll find me in the kitchen making something spicy and tasty.

​

I'm a Dom through and through. Confident enough in myself to say I've tried various things on the receiving end, and certainly confident enough to say it's just not for me! Ideally I'd like a relationship that has a household dynamic, perhaps on a schedule, I think that's a conversation to have with a partner at the time though. Suffice to say, a dynamic that's in effect when at home is what I like. Whether it extends beyond the home and if so by how much is negotiable of course, as would be the entire dynamic. It's important to me that a dynamic, and by extension acts of kink, are not contained to the bedroom, at least not once we're comfortable and this becomes a practical reality!

​

If all that sounds good then I'd love to hear from you. Even if not, if you just want a chat about something then I'm happy to do that too! I'm also happy to exchange FetLife profiles once we get to know each other a little.

I'm looking for that special someone to form a long term relationship and dynamic with. I have an awful lot of kinks, as of course most of us do, so feel free to ask - but for now I'll say my biggest is Shibari. More or less happy to talk to anyone about rope! Following that, I like Impact play, Forniphilia, Inspections, Lace/Lingerie, Orgasm control, etc. Like I said, the list is awfully long, these are just some of the highlights.

I live in Bristol, and I'm only looking for folks who there's a realistic possibility of establishing something IRL with. I've met some really amazing people over the years, but being so far away as to need a 4 hour train to see one another is simply not practical for me. I want to engage with kink and BDSM in-person! Please feel free to get in touch anyway if you'd just like to chat, but please be upfront if you're not local.

I'm looking for a submissive as well as a partner. I like a willing submissive. I do like someone who knows how to tease a little and push a few buttons now and again, but I am not a brat tamer. I like someone who is open with me and will have important conversations. For me, the perfect submissive is someone who's not afraid to speak up and tell me when they want me to do more of a thing, or that they really enjoyed something I said. Someone who wants to help me become a better Dom for them!

If you are a switch: This might also work, but comes with some serious caveats. I am potentially willing to let you act as a Domme/Top with others. Who you play with and what exactly you do in play, as a Domme, is something I will always want to come to an agreement on. I would reserve the right to veto anyone/any play no questions asked and I would insist that our relationship/dynamic come first. The likelihood is that any explicit and sexual contact would be prohibited, and that acts are limited to pure kink acts such as flogging, using wax, etc. Further, I would not welcome any attempts to dom me.

A little about me: I'm 6'5, ginger, have a large beard and wear glasses. Despite the stereotypical metalhead look, I'm a funk and soul man. I play bass guitar which I suppose is some kind of ouroboros situation with the musical taste. I'm big on hiking, cycling and the outdoors in general. I also like rugby and cricket. Indoors you'll find me in the kitchen making something spicy and tasty.

I'm a Dom through and through. Confident enough in myself to say I've tried various things on the receiving end, and certainly confident enough to say it's just not for me! Ideally I'd like a relationship that has a household dynamic, perhaps on a schedule, I think that's a conversation to have with a partner at the time though. Suffice to say, a dynamic that's in effect when at home is what I like. Whether it extends beyond the home and if so by how much is negotiable of course, as would be the entire dynamic. It's important to me that a dynamic, and by extension acts of kink, are not contained to the bedroom, at least not once we're comfortable and this becomes a practical reality!

If all that sounds good then I'd love to hear from you. Even if not, if you just want a chat about something then I'm happy to do that too! I'm also happy to exchange FetLife profiles once we get to know each other a little.

I'm looking for that special someone to form a long term relationship and dynamic with. I have an awful lot of kinks, as of course most of us do, so feel free to ask - but for now I'll say my biggest is Shibari. More or less happy to talk to anyone about rope! Following that, I like Impact play, Forniphilia, Inspections, Lace/Lingerie, Orgasm control, etc. Like I said, the list is awfully long, these are just some of the highlights.

I live in Bristol, and I'm only looking for folks who there's a realistic possibility of establishing something IRL with. I've met some really amazing people over the years, but being so far away as to need a 4 hour train to see one another is simply not practical for me. I want to engage with kink and BDSM in-person! Please feel free to get in touch anyway if you'd just like to chat, but please be upfront if you're not local.

I'm looking for a submissive as well as a partner. I like a willing submissive. I do like someone who knows how to tease a little and push a few buttons now and again, but I am not a brat tamer. I like someone who is open with me and will have important conversations. For me, the perfect submissive is someone who's not afraid to speak up and tell me when they want me to do more of a thing, or that they really enjoyed something I said. Someone who wants to help me become a better Dom for them!

If you are a switch: This might also work, but comes with some serious caveats. I am potentially willing to let you act as a Domme/Top with others. Who you play with and what exactly you do in play, as a Domme, is something I will always want to come to an agreement on. I would reserve the right to veto anyone/any play no questions asked and I would insist that our relationship/dynamic come first. The likelihood is that any explicit and sexual contact would be prohibited, and that acts are limited to pure kink acts such as flogging, using wax, etc. Further, I would not welcome any attempts to dom me.

A little about me: I'm 6'5, ginger, have a large beard and wear glasses. Despite the stereotypical metalhead look, I'm a funk and soul man. I play bass guitar which I suppose is some kind of ouroboros situation with the musical taste. I'm big on hiking, cycling and the outdoors in general. I also like rugby and cricket. Indoors you'll find me in the kitchen making something spicy and tasty.

I'm a Dom through and through. Confident enough in myself to say I've tried various things on the receiving end, and certainly confident enough to say it's just not for me! Ideally I'd like a relationship that has a household dynamic, perhaps on a schedule, I think that's a conversation to have with a partner at the time though. Suffice to say, a dynamic that's in effect when at home is what I like. Whether it extends beyond the home and if so by how much is negotiable of course, as would be the entire dynamic. It's important to me that a dynamic, and by extension acts of kink, are not contained to the bedroom, at least not once we're comfortable and this becomes a practical reality!

If all that sounds good then I'd love to hear from you. Even if not, if you just want a chat about something then I'm happy to do that too! I'm also happy to exchange FetLife profiles once we get to know each other a little.

I've recently broken up with my partner, who I met on the scene. She was and still is a very active person there and has been/currently is an admin for various munches. The reasons we broke up are down to me. I broke her trust and she can't forgive me for it. I'll put a brief context in spoilers below, but please don't read it if you're only going to use it to judge me and/or insult me. We all make mistakes, and I resent myself for what I did and regret it every day.

>!Ok so brief context. Our relationship was ups and downs, but had recently come to a down spot after a fight. I left the house for a while, and while I was gone, I reactivated my Tinder account. The fight actually led to a very promising conversation later that evening and I was optimistic I could work hard to set things right. I forgot about the tinder account.!<

>!I had only reactivated it again to see if I was indeed attractive and could get attention - this was one of the core issues in our relationship. Anyway a mutual friend came across my account and told me to come clean or they would. I came clean, but understandably it was too much and my partner decided to end things.!<

The problem I'm now facing is that at some point I will want to meet a new partner. I can barely think about it right now, but it is inevitable. I am kinky, and like it or not I won't ever stop being that way. I'm desperately worried though of a 'poisoned well' situation. My partner has every right to tell people why she and I broke up, and is well known in what is a small and guarded community anyway. The word will get out, if it hasn't already, and I'm scared that knowing what I did, no potential partner would ever give me a chance. I don't know what I'll do. How will I ever find another submissive? Trust is so critical to any dynamic and yet a relative authority figure will be there to inform anyone that I broke it with her.

Before anyone suggests it, I am not poly or open to an open relationship of any kind. I desire monogamy. My actions may suggest otherwise but I can honestly say I only ever wanted validation, never to even speak to another person. You may well not believe me, but I didn't create a burner account on reddit just to lie to myself and others.

So has anyone ever been through this before? Does anyone have any advice? I am tied to my location for many reasons so I can't simply run from this problem. I am still on fairly good terms with my ex and she doesn't seem to hate me, she's just completely detached from me. Conversation is an option with her, but there is nothing left to salvage.

Thanks all in advance. I really do appreciate that I am 100% the bad guy in this situation. I just don't want this mistake, albeit an egregious one, to mean I'll never get to participate in kink again.

EDIT: Just a small edit to add, since it seems to keep cropping up. I have been going to therapy since the breakup and I'm working with my counsellor to get to the real root of my issues and solve them. I've quit drinking, which was my only vice really, and that has definitely improved my life. I'm taking better care of myself physically and getting back in shape. So I am genuinely trying to work on myself and grow as a person now - why it took me this breakup to do that is another question altogether...