The unhealthy side of CNC, from the "aggressor's" POV (Consensual CNC)
There are few things in this world that I've experienced that offer more insight into the underlying and secret desires of both men and women than having a rape kink and participating in CNC. There is an entire underworld of normally repressed emotions on both sides of this kink that get to be fully fleshed out and explored when you have the right partner and the right ground rules. But, and it probably goes without saying, a good number of the people who are into this kink are, in one way or another, broken or traumatized, and I'm no exception. That alone sets the stage for the majority of CNC relationships(situationships?): they will be intense, and very likely short lived.
Short lived and intense aren't necessarily bad, but when you're using this kink to cover up some hole in your heart, it wears on you. I think that's where I'm at now. The frequency, the churn rate, the inevitable hurt emotions when you(I) naturally tend to shape what is a purely sexual relationship into something that fulfills one's deeper needs and desires, trying to fill that hole that is often times the root cause of the kink itself. If you want a lot of intense and fun sex, this is an amazing kink. If you want to settle down in a long term relationship, this is an awful kink to start a relationship with. Which of course puts one in a very tough position, would I even want a relationship if I didn't get the express this kink at all? Maybe. Maybe if I can fill that hole properly I won't feel like I need it anymore.
I think I'm just tired. It's been 4 years since I started into this kink. I went from 3 partners to 19 in that time. My longest lived relationships were partners 1 and 2. I think that speaks for itself.
Thanks for reading.