Background

I'm in the USA. I've always wanted a friend who thinks like me, and I'm aware it could possibly be very useful in this domain, and probably more so for me specifically than average. Maybe you guys here know more about it than others.

I'm a loser kind of guy, I know it sounds negative, but I've always been lonely, except for a couple years back in school, which was like 10 years ago. Where I hung out with a "friend" sometimes. The main two were nice guys (except the orbiters in the table that clowned on me), but I never really related to them. I tried playing sports with them and going anyway even though I didn't like it, thinking maybe I'll get a liking to it and get better at socializing and stuff. That didn't happen.

By now I can see how common advice like "go try a hobby" very likely won't work for me; I think I'd have found that hobby by now if it would've worked. Most people just get friends, even if they are nerds or whatever, I just seem to be one of those rare people who struggles this much.

Most people are into common stuff like sports. That's a huge chunk. And among nerds, there's common interests even among them. I don't fit in any of those. Even worse, I went to incel sites and subreddits and even they didn't think like me, especially that they surprisingly said they didn't care about sex that much.

Who I'm looking for

I'm in my early 20s. I wanted someone closer in age.

As I said earlier, I'm more of a loser type and I think it's better to find someone more at my level, because I believe if they're lonely and struggling getting laid, I can build a deeper bond with them, and be deep at all. If they already have friends or are successful, then I'm just another guy and I won't get as deep and they'll flake and stuff.

If deep, it means later on I could do strategies like move in to a denser city like Chicago, or learn Spanish together and go to Guatemala or something like that. It's a huge lever if they're cooperative. Like in the movies, like anime like Gon and Killua's friendship.

What I tried

IRL

I talked to a handful of guys at work at various jobs over the years. They mostly seemed friendly, but distant and already friended up. A few guys ignored me after some talking.

I went to meetups and they were all 30 year olds or late 20s. My subreddit often had people posting about making friends and suggested this along with board games. The board game folks were much older as well, and a pic I saw for one club looked like 30 year olds too.

One guy at work himself said we should be friends. But when I talked to him earlier he sounded like a cucked guy who didn't prioritize sex, so I didn't take it further.

Online

I wrote various posts in another profile stating my city and state and nobody who lived in state responded. Then, I built a program to find those who live in state and most who showed up were old, female, didn't prioritize sex, were too bluepilled and cucked, etc. I invented an algorithm to find the most redpilled guys in the entire US, hoping I'd get something like how some guys eventually move states to get together.

I did this for several months and failed. I DMd various guys and most were either unresponsive or later stopped cooperating, or found out they didn't match my criteria. These fucking losers don't know what's good for them...

Idk what to do. Need advice.

Seems so impossible to find the right combo of traits in a guy. It's not some high standard. Just be a young human male with adequate lust who isn't succeeding. But it seems very uncommon. Who'da thunk? Both IRL and online guys exhibited this this surprisingly low level of sexual prioritization. Evo-science ideas and whatever I thought was common sense about the human male got challenged here and now I realize how asexual most guys are.

How am I gonna get a wingman/friend?

I'm interested in using it for boosting mood, anxiolysis, calm, etc.

Just want to clarify so you don't tell me basic stuff. I tried the sober stuff like therapy, prescriber, etc. I went to dozens of trips to ask out girls but even if fear was not too high, I kept hesitating.

Various drugs I tried like phenibut, kratom, benzos, meth, and more didn't work. The last 2 I'm still doing some more testing but so far not working.

I was hoping this could be a tool I could use to see if I can break through.

I haven't gotten hooked on any drug so far. I measure, log, and space things out so I don't get dependence or tolerance. If it's as hard as resisting the urge to jerk off, then it'll be hard, because I fail to do that, but I think if I knew it'd be as catastrophic as opioid addiction, I'd most likely be able to resist.

Is it a promising candidate for this use case or would I be too impaired for it to work? Being a little impaired can still beat being too shy or whatever.

Some opioids are like fentanyl and regardless or dose or route, they are going to be more sedating, while some are like heroin and better, I'm sure you already know. How well does this drug do for my purposes, if you'd be honest?

Need some perspective on internal mood vs. external presentation when approaching women.

I’ve always assumed guys who do well are either high-energy or smooth/reserved, but fundamentally feeling good on the inside. I’ve felt disconnected from people since I was a kid—like everyone else is living in a different a frequency I can't tune into.

Before anyone suggests it: I’ve already exhausted the medical/therapy route (tried ketamine, done deep research, prescribers have nothing for this). I’m also not looking for "just go make male friends first" advice—I’m 23, my interests are super niche, and building a social circle feels like a low ROI time sink right now. Please skip those.

My actual questions:

1. How are you actually supposed to feel inside day-to-day vs. when approaching? Does having a positive impact your performance?
2. Can you fake much of it sustainably so it's like everyone is close to neutral but the "good energy and vibes" are coming from outward appearance that was trained?
3. How positive or high-energy do you actually need to project on the outside?
4. My dominant state is neutral or slightly below, though I occasionally go higher. Is a neutral baseline enough, or do you need genuine positive energy to get results?

There is something I'm more certain of. I do know that serial killers like Ted Bundy made people think they're good people and have good vibes, so I want to dispel the idea that women (or people in general) can "smell" insecurity, faking, or other stuff. I'm not sure, but it's something that gets brought up a lot I feel is very likely false.

I keep hearing stuff like that and it's funny, but it would suck to actually happen. I did read various existing posts and comments but never heard of the dose it corresponds to, or whether other benzos cause this too or xanax does at a substantially higher rate.

I'm in the USA.

I'm new and idk if this is too basic but so far I looked at a few like Cyclorphine or ODSMT and they seem like they have a narrow margin between warmth (if substantial at all) and incapacitation.

I was hoping to find one that is good, like the classic heroin and oxycodone are. Never tried any myself yet. I know that most are laced with fentanyl or too expensive.

I was hoping to use something that makes me get anxiolysis and feel good, and use that for demanding social activities like approaching. I made a post today on r/drugs talking about how I used various drugs like GHB, benzos, alcohol, kratom, etc. and none worked for me. I never tried a real, good, opioid.

I was able to keep meth under control and not get addicted to any drug so far, so I think it's worth the risk given how desperate I am for a solution.

I space it out so there's no tolerance. I know I took about 50mg for the first time outside and it made me disinhibited and more willing to interact, even when my voice probably sounded scared sometimes, it's like I'd have to pay a bit closer attention to notice it and could forget, but I can probably regulate it. Seems hit or miss.

At home I tried 70 twice and that was a lot of energy, that's where I actually felt it. Other times, below 70 I didn't even feel it, so it looks like going outside the house to work made it suddenly work and clearly feelable very close to 70. Interesting. At the 70s I was just sitting at home doing computer stuff, and the other time jerking off (wasted day, but not too bad, wasn't much to do anyway).

At 50 at work, I had swings between fearful and overthinking and sudden calm. Just like how in 70 it was calm when I walked at my hallway, it was calm when I left work and walked to another place. The swings are more drastic than sober. I feel calm at a strength I don't feel sober. At work I felt some high fear, which was unlike at home. I could stop overthinking like I do sober, so the overthinking probably made more anxiety than needed to be, which I likely can reign in better next time.

I don't recall feeling any distinct intense pleasure. That's euphoria right? Maybe I had to pay more attention to it or it got eclipsed by other stuff? Idk.

Not even benzos or alcohol (they did nothing for it, even anxiolysis) made me disinhibited as meth did. It's the only thing I found that actually works well but not easy to reign in.

Anyway, any advice on calibrating it so it's not too much causing anxiety and paranoia, but not too little where it's just energy and not much else?

I have went out to approach many times. I only managed to do it just once like 40 days ago.

I accepted that I'm short and it will really suck, but that makes me feel bad still. I got better at suppressing it, but sometimes like today (after a break) it showed up and made me feel so hopeless and like the fear feeling, but probably stress feeling like that as well rather than fearing the approach only. I'm not white or black.

Early on the fear was medium-high, then it remained this level for going out approaching, but also at home. Not all the time, but could happen for hours. Later on and now, it's a lot lower. It's like low-medium. It doesn't even get that high to be that bad nowadays. When I made my first approach, it was high, then when I got home it peaked and became the highest. The day after I went again and failed, and when I got home, it was high and it was hard to breathe, but not too hard. But fear is not that big a problem anymore.

Low mood is also a problem. If i'm feeling sad, then it won't come off well. Both sadness and fear risk my voice being weak and high pitched and that does happen sometimes. I have to definitely try to make it strong, but even then sometimes it comes out weak.

I recently tried more drugs and spaced it out so tolerance and dependence isn't a problem. Even on 1.25mg xanax, I still a little bit of fear (or maybe more?) and strong disinhibition happened and I failed.

Meth might work. Only time I tested it was at work and it made me more disinhibited and willing to talk even if I was afraid, and it was hard to notice or pay attention to my weak voice that probably came out really fearful sometimes. Problem is it'll disrupt sleep, so I'm weighing it and see if I can wrangle my voice and energy there and make it work.

Alcohol didn't work at all.

Real opioid might be the best one, but everything is fent nowdays so that's not an option.

Gonna take shrooms next week.

Most days have been sober.

But apart from that, I'm gonna start up meditation again and being mindful all day steering thoughts to calm. That probably made me calmer today holding back the biggest of the negative feelings, but some remained, but it will take a while to develop it more, which sucks.

Anybody else know a solution?

This is my second day taking any kind of benzos ever. Yesterday I tried 0.75mg of lorazepam and it did nothing. Today I took 1.25mg and it ended up not doing much.

I did not feel calmer. I still had worrying thoughts. There wasn't much of a fear feeling, and it was not me clearly obessing over some thoughts, but that's how it has been sober for some days for the past few weeks.

I used to have intense fear and social anxiety back in school, but it slowly got better as I got older. But it blocked me from getting GFs in the past when they gave me chances.

Anxiety is at a low for me at this time and these past few weeks in general, but I'm still uncalm as in restless with excess energy.

Anyway, I went to the mall to go approach girls, and I still felt hesitation. I know I def need to do this, I've done this sober for many trips before (but failed to talk to anyone) so it's not like me suddenly trying this. This has been my desire for years, and I've been taking it more seriously the past several months.

I was able to drive fine. I didn't notice any problem when it comes to that either.

Right now it's not giving me the results I expected. I heard reports of being calm and totally free of worry, and also disinhibition. I'm not getting that. Have I taken too low a dose?

1mg xanax = 2 mg of lorezepam.

I took the equivalent of 0.625 xanax.

Repost to another community

This is my second day taking any kind of benzos ever. Yesterday I tried 0.75mg of lorazepam and it did nothing. Today I took 1.25mg and it ended up not doing much.

I did not feel calmer. I still had worrying thoughts. There wasn't much of a fear feeling, and it was not me clearly obessing over some thoughts, but that's how it has been sober for some days for the past few weeks.

I used to have intense fear and social anxiety back in school, but it slowly got better as I got older. But it blocked me from getting GFs in the past when they gave me chances.

Anxiety is at a low for me at this time and these past few weeks in general, but I'm still uncalm as in restless with excess energy.

Anyway, I went to the mall to go approach girls, and I still felt hesitation. I know I def need to do this, I've done this sober for many trips before (but failed to talk to anyone) so it's not like me suddenly trying this. This has been my desire for years, and I've been taking it more seriously the past several months.

I was able to drive fine. I didn't notice any problem when it comes to that either.

Right now it's not giving me the results I expected. I heard reports of being calm and totally free of worry, and also disinhibition. I'm not getting that. Have I taken too low a dose?

1mg xanax = 2 mg of lorezepam.

I took the equivalent of 0.625 xanax.

Repost to another community

I don't feel any different. It was off DNM top vendor so it shoulda been most likely pure since even street ones mostly are. Likely racemic.

What's going on? I'm 2 hours and 44 minutes in and ate a light meal after dose but I don't feel any more productive or different in feeling.

I just wanted to use it for ADHD symptoms and be calmer and more focused but I'm not feeling any of those benefits.

I've been using kratom every 4 days spacing to prevent dependence and tolerance, and I feel no pull toward it, nor does it really do anything for me besides a tiny effect that doesn't really help with anything. It has a limit where it heads toward sedation so I take somewhere from 2-2.8 grams to get any tiny anxiolysis or mood lift benefit it gives.

I was wondering if there's something that's not weak to be barely anything like kratom, but not something that'd cause me to go out of control.

What has been you guys' experience using addictive drugs, and it could be non-opioids too so I can understand how it feels subjectively to be hooked on something. Did you try to follow a strict spacing routine to not get dependence? But mainly I am mainly concerned about opioids here.

I was hoping I can use this to have more drive and chemical power to pursue real women and be more productive but I fear maybe I'll end up uncontrollably jerking off all day.

Low dose. Like 20mg or something. Taken orally so peak is lower.

I already have trouble resisting urges sober and do it every 2-3 days, though I haven't been too serious about stopping.

Im heading contradictory information like adderal making it easier to control urges and have executive power for people with adhd, and I likely have it, and Adderall is better but I can't access it rn, probably not for months.

Meth comes close but it's more intense and disrupts sleep. Anybody know a solution to deal with the issue where even if you take it first thing in morning, it apparently is still at 20% by bedtime and makes it hard to sleep?

Sleep is the danger because that's where I'm not doing a task to chew on and then maybe my mind goes to porn and I jump off and start jerking off.

I am seeing porn and jerk off posts in the sub and being horrified but this can't be true right? Maybe you're just taking too high doses every day?

Or am I wrong about some stuff here? I want advice.

Some drugs can be dosed apart like weekly or every x days and not going overboard and not build withdrawal or physical dependence, but some drugs have psychological craving that builds up regardless and can be dangerous.

I don't understand the latter. Does anyone have experience? Like if you tried spacing it but failed or succeded; how hard was it to resist then?

Or did you not try to space it and fail or succeed? Or do you have any other thing to say that helps me understand how easy it is to manage it?

I have been going out approaching and at first I thought it was fear, but sometimes the fear was weaker, and I was on anxiolysis drugs like kratom, phenibut, and alcohol and still felt some fear (or maybe it's just that's what's salient because of low drive?) but also hesitation like I did not even find it appealing and engaging even though in my mind it's the most important thing hands down.

I can't tell you enough how mentally I'm convinced of what to do and don't have any delusional fearful thoughts, but my brain and body just don't cooperate. I don't have somatic symptoms like hands shaking or sweating, although I do have the central fear affect that is the feeling of fear only, that's most of what it is when it comes on strong.

After my first approach central fear was strong the day after and then gradually reduced. It still def exists but I've been doubting if it's the bottleneck and I've been taking notes. It's just been frequently like this like every new trip this hesitation. I felt castrated like I had no chemical drive. But I know I was able to get an erection and fuck a hooker for an hour and still felt that wasn't enough time 2 years ago when I fucked 10 serially over months.

I told you I'm convinced but I'll be honest, my mind does get hijacked and thinks "maybe she'll refuse anyway because she's white" or some other excuse, but I don't beleive any of those excuses strongly even in the moment, so it could just be a symptom of having low enough drive that rewards like approach success aren't salient enough for me, and this isn't something more reps or therapy can help if it's a chemical deficit causing this.

So there is the idea that I can have strong conviction but the felt feeling of drive is what I'm missing that also corresponds to the rest of my mind being more willing if I did have drive, that's one of the hypotheses.

There is another idea called behavioral activation where people don't learn to get reward from things within their brain and it doesn't imprint until it's done multiple times. So it could be that instead. In that case it's to do the thing and the thoughts and chemical feelings change after that.

I don't fully understand ADHD or this tonic drive thing. Do any of you have advice on this and what I should do or any useful info? I'm guessing some of you with ADHD might have info since that is a common condition where being on/off drug has huge differences. Or are you highly sure that this is something reps can fix and it is normal to feel castrated so many trips until I actually do even more reps?

I don't mean I have some mindset or active thoughts I keep thinking and causing an emotion, I just daily have low mood and I don't think it's productive here to call it depression and "go to a therapist/psychiatrist" and move on. I don't think there is anything overtly wrong like some rare cases where people have severe dopamine deficiency or whatever. I think I'm not too below normal, so I'd like more practical advice here. It'll take me months to get a psychiatrist appointment. I have sought treatment but it's gonna take a while.

Anyway, I sat at home and feel dread, and it was strongest today, a day after my first approach. That died down. What worries me as much, if not more than the fear feeling is the low mood. The sad, sometimes angry feeling that keeps coming up even though I have been making sure I don't go down angry/sad thoughts and I stopped thinking about how I'm disadvantaged even though I'm 5'2 and have stopped feeding the low mood, but it still occurs despite me stopping and has for weeks.

But what is really key here that could be the answer is, does it really matter? Could below-neutral mood as long as it's not too far way from neutral be fine? I heard an initial smile is good when approaching for the first second to signal I'm not a threat, and that's going to be tough, idk. But what about the sad mood?

I have been able to smiile and laugh in the past, but it doesn't come consistently. Right now I'm in a prolonged period where that is unreliable and rare. Who knows, maybe a few approaches will break me out of this and I'll look back at it as a sad time but I got over it, but right now my mood could mess things up if mood is a big deal.

I wouldn't be too certain "just get reps" is the cure here. Back then I had severe social anxiety for several years, and reps didn't cure it. I cured it myself by just thinking about people differently.

Does it go away with interaction? I need some advice on this.