u/MarriedNotEnough

My first husband was a piece of work. Had to leave him after our two children. Irresponsible and not a good father at all.

He was always assertive and dominant in bed. I almost felt like I was free use when we first moved in together. He had such a libido and so did I. Never any protection, hence the two daughters.

He used to tie me up regularly. Usually hand cuffs to the head board. He’d be in different moods when he had me restrained.

Sometimes he’d turn off the light and fuck me hard and fast. Sometimes he’d slowly undress me and play with my body. Sometimes he’d slowly use a toy on me and watch me squirm. He almost always made me beg and to talk dirty. To confess what a slut I was and how badly I needed all this.

One time when we were both drunk, he invited a friend over. A friend of both of us. He got really drunk and took me to the bedroom while his friend was in the living room watching football. I told him we probably shouldn’t , but he kept making out in the bedroom , then he suddenly cuffed me. He had a look in his eye. And after my whispering to him no, please don’t do this, he invited his friend into the bedroom.

I was mortified. He made his friend watch as he slowly undressed me. He talked about my body to his friend. My tits. Belly button. How I kept my pussy shaved for him.

They both started touching me. My nipples. Fingers in my pussy feeling how wet I was. Their cocks came out quickly. His friend was long. I took him in my mouth, and later he fucked me and came in me. No protection.

This was the first time he shared me with a friend.

They are constant and chronic, especially at night. A need for intensity and the thrill of total strangers. Having a mini- meltdown in my life right now. Too much wine, too much heat.

My husband knows I have a past but he thinks it’s in the teens. My hs graduating class had 550 people. I did the rough math and I’m thinking I’ve seen the dicks of about half the men from that group over the years. When I go around town it’s not usual to see someone I’ve played with at some point. It’s

Used to have a thing for getting in over my head. Constant cravings for losing control. Having it all taken away. The feeling when the handcuffs click. The first time there’s something I can push away or fight back against - a slap, a pinch, something going too hard.

The realization that I put myself in this situation because I can’t control it. That I’ve always struggled to control it and control myself. And the feeling of it when it’s with a guy I’ve maybe only known for a few hours, a stranger, and being at his place with no one knowing where I am.

Then I go home and imagine them getting off to me. Total strangers at stores or bars.

On my second marriage, two teen daughters from the first. My husband is vanilla and sweet and tame and smallish and passive. He doesn’t fully understand me, my past, my libido, my cravings. He’s a great step dad but our chemistry physically has always been off. We’ve grown apart and I catch myself resenting everything about him, including being in the same room with him.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with these feelings. Talking to me here, go out alone more - shipping, bars. I can’t stop thinking about all that’s available out there. All the men, the hard dicks. My 20s were essentially one big series of one night stands. I’m addicted to attention I shouldn’t be having. From men. From the dirty messages I receive, the thrill s d tingle they put into me.

I’m playing with myself in my bed as I read the dirty comments about what assertive strangers want to do with me. Crazy wet.

I’m sorry, it’s been a long week. Felt like getting some things all my chest,

I like obeying. I go into it telling myself that no matter what you say I’m not going to tell you no or defy you. That I want to see how far you go in knowing just how bad it is for me. Of having choice taken away. Being fully naked and exposed on all levels. Physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

There is nothing like the feel of a warm hard thick long cock of a guy you just met a few hours ago calling you all kinds of slut as he quivers deep in your warm wetness and begins to let loose a large splurge. Of knowing and feeling him in me. Of him not being able to control it, or even worse, him marking his territory and putting me in my ultimate place. Creampie fetish doesn’t even begin to describe it.

It’s an annoying Monday morning here and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m sitting in my car, shaking, trying to calm down. I’m so desperate for a break from this life that I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m 42, I have two teenage daughters, and I’m trapped in this boring marriage with a man I’ve grown to resent so much it actually makes me sick to look at him.

I don’t know how any of this changes, but I keep thinking about who else might be out there and all that’s available. The crazy thrill of all this. May I just spend the day driving out, out in public in different parts of town, see if I catch anyone’s eyes.

So much of my 20s were one night stands. Most nights of the week you could find me at a bar. I had friends in different areas who also went out a lot I would see.

Men would always buy drinks. And it often didn’t take long before a guy found me who i wanted to let fuck me.

I’d drink the drinks and agree to more.

They would take me back to their place and they’d fuck me. All sorts of men all sorts of ways. But more than once, every so often, I’d be a guy who’d turn off the lights and just take control. Who made it absolutely clear I had no choice about what would happen next.

I lived for those nights, those moments.

Apologies for the rambly post. It’s nearly 1am here and I’m drinking wine and having a mini meltdown here.

I need to admit that I’ve been carrying a heavy secret for the last six years. I’m a total masochist. My marriage has become so dull and vanilla that it actually repulses me now. I have a high libido and a wild slut past that I just can't seem to satisfy anymore. What I crave isn't just sex; it's the thrill of engaging with total strangers. I love seeing the fire in a man's eyes and the power dynamic of being told exactly what to do. I need a man to take control and dominate me because I can't do it myself.

I’m sitting here nursing my second glass of wine while I’m wondering why I’m still married to this boring, vanilla man. I’ve grown to resent him, but I can't leave (second marriage, two teens, house, it’s complicated) but can't stop needing more.

I was always a high-libido girl with an active past, and I’ve always craved attention. My 20s were just one big one night stand. But it’s not just about sex - it’s about the thrill of being wanted. I’ve got a serious masochist streak that’s been starving for a long time. I want to be put through my paces. I want to be degraded, told what to do, and treated like the dirty little thing I am.

I get off on you getting hot for me. Tell me exactly what you’d do to me if you found me. I need a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to take it. Assertive men to the front.

Been going through a phase lately. On my second marriage in a complicated and frustrating situation. Feeling an overwhelming desire lately to be seen and desired by men. All sorts of men everywhere. The thoughts of their eyes on me, my body. Wanting me. Knowing how I’m on the edge of a mental breakdown with all this.

Going out in public during the day while my husband is at work. Making eye contact with strangers. Letting them look and desire. Their eyes lingering on me and my body. Talking with assertive strangers here. Not knowing how intense or carried away they are getting. All of it turning me on in dark ways as I struggle with my own thoughts of late.

My first husband was a piece of work. Had to leave him after our two children. Irresponsible and not a good father at all.

He was always assertive and dominant in bed. I almost felt like I was free use when we first moved in together. He had such a libido and so did I. Never any protection, hence the two daughters.

He used to tie me up regularly. Usually hand cuffs to the head board. He’d be in different moods when he had me restrained.

Sometimes he’d turn off the light and fuck me hard and fast. Sometimes he’d slowly undress me and play with my body. Sometimes he’d slowly use a toy on me and watch me squirm. He almost always made me beg and to talk dirty. To confess what a slut I was and how badly I needed all this.

One time when we were both drunk, he invited a friend over. A friend of both of us. He got really drunk and took me to the bedroom while his friend was in the living room watching football. I told him we probably shouldn’t , but he kept making out in the bedroom , then he suddenly cuffed me. He had a look in his eye. And after my whispering to him no, please don’t do this, he invited his friend into the bedroom.

I was mortified. He made his friend watch as he slowly undressed me. He talked about my body to his friend. My tits. Belly button. How I kept my pussy shaved for him.

They both started touching me. My nipples. Fingers in my pussy feeling how wet I was. Their cocks came out quickly. His friend was long. I took him in my mouth, and later he fucked me and came in me. No protection.

This was the first time he shared me with a friend.

As you put me in my place. As you see through me. As you see how badly I want it. How badly I need it. How its a bodily need. How I feel it between my legs constantly. How I want every man I walk past to know, how badly I want him to put me in my place. Every stranger. Every dick out there.

I’m a mother of two - teens - and I’m so exhausted of being the one to always hold it together for everyone else. I was borderline hypersexual before I had kids with my first husband (great in bed but horrible person, let alone dad). Second husband is painfully vanilla but a great step dad. Meanwhile I feel like I’m in the middle of an emotional breakdown. The thoughts and fantasies get so intense. Being here on Reddit is making it worse.