u/PlsCallMeVeronica

I love this sub. I read posts on here daily, but daily the root of every single question is honesty and communication — or the lack of. I love helping people and studying them. My degree is in sociology and psychology, so if you’ll oblige me, I’d love to give you some advice to the newbies in the lifestyle (or oldies who still struggle).

If you are going to be in a relationship that you open up to others you have to have a rock solid foundation first and foremost. That doesn’t come without communication and brutal honesty.

Your first experience will have moments of being uncomfortable, really all experiences will have moments of that so you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable, and the best way to start is with your partner.

If you have a history of jealousy, don’t have total trust, or just do not communicate, you are doomed for failure in this lifestyle.

If you want to get in this lifestyle but your partner doesn’t, or worse, you haven’t told your partner - red flag! If you’re having feelings of jealously and not expressing them - red flag! If you have a kink and you’re scared to tell your partner - red flag!

Your partner should be who you feel safest in the world with. You should be able to tell them the most ludicrous thought without judgement. I am not proposing blind allegiance to one another but you should be able to objectively look at their desires, discuss and find a compromise, all without judgement.

So, there’s the bottom line to almost every post here. Have conversations. Communicate, communicate and when you think there is nothing else left to say, say more. Check in with each other often, have embarrassing conversations, and consistently do a rules check and change.

People evolve. People in the lifestyle very often evolve and kinks change. Change can be scary but if you’re moving forward together with love and trust, you can have more fun and pleasure than you ever thought possible!

(Hotwife for over a decade, married for 14 years, together for 17!)