u/RedBruises

While I generally prefer lube and don't particularly enjoy walking around with a sore asshole, I often want the first moment of anal penetration to be a bit sudden and painful. I find those first few moments of stetching and "pressure" around that area very pleasurable when we do it unlubed, and I find that the lingering pain and slight sting from every thrust actually enhances the pleasure from the rest of the act for me.

Is it safe to do this? We do use lube after the first couple of minutes because I get very sore and that chafing burning sort of pain doesn't feel nice. And I do frequently do enemas before the act so it's not like I'm totally unprepared for penetration. I just worry if we'll maybe tear something down there in our carelessness. Is it weird, does anyone else do this?

So I have always found it hot when I saw this being done in porn once or twice but always found it kinda disgusting to actually do it irl?

Recently we had a newly installed unused toilet commode in our home so I thought I'd bring it up to my husband. We talked about it and then we did it and I liked it so much I want to do it again and again. It's like the perfect combination of all the things I like, forcefullness, a lil bit of breathplay when my head is dunked into the water, a humilating position with my ass up in the air, when the lid is closed on me I also feel a slight component of being caged into a position I can't escape from similar to bondage, and finally there's the deep mental humiliation of me being literally flushed down the toilet. It really has it all.

Not even to mention all the things we can do with it as a prop. I can be made to lick the seat for him, I can be made to BE the seat for him to sit on, I can be turned into the toilet to be pissed on. We haven't even explored all of that yet! and I don't even know if we will! But it has me feral thinking about the possibilities!

I still feel a bit of apprehension about doing this on an actual toilet that is in use. Like I'm a bit icky about the thought of having my head anywhere near where poop has been. Idk. I have been thinking about a few options, like making it a "pee only" toilet and using our main bedroom toilet for pooping but maybe that would feel odd if we have any guests over. Anybody else done this? Is it safe to do this on our regular toilet? Should I try and get over my apprehension?

I have a massive degradation kink and it manifests in many different ways. I like being submissive, I like to be roughed up, I like being verbally degraded and being made to do humiliating tasks. But I have never been in a cuckquean dynamic in any capacity.

The thing is that we went through some relationship troubles recently and we were separated, properly broken up for about 2 months or so, during which time my husband slept with someone much younger than me. While I was initially quite hurt, I don't mind it as much in the long run since we had already agreed to break up and we have been working towards reconnecting and leaving some things behind anyway.

So recently as we've been exploring further into our kinks, we have organically started incorporating this incident with the other woman into our verbal degradation sessions. Since I find it hot to be demeaned and being told I'm worthless, etc, it was a pretty natural segue to be sexually compared to someone else as a vehicle for degradation. It is all with my consent of course and I'm insanely turned on everytime it happens. I have been careful about my emotional state and worrying about experiencing whiplash but as long as I receive proper aftercare, which I always do after every session, I feel totally fine.

I think I most likely would enjoy being a cuckquean. But I wonder if my extreme arousal from any form of degradation is also playing into how I feel. Is cuckqueaning just another form of sexual degradation? I'm aware a lot of people may just not see it as a degrading act at all but is it normal for me to go about it in the way that I'm doing it? I want to be a proper cuckquean for my husband, and I always felt I'd be kinda into it but I don't know if I'm doing it the right way or with the right mindset? Both me and my husband are still in our reconnection and rebuilding phase so I don't think we'd involve any third person anytime soon but when we do it I'd like to do it the right way.

I have a massive degradation kink and it manifests in many different ways. I like being submissive, I like to be roughed up, I like being verbally degraded and being made to do humiliating tasks. But I have never been in a cuckquean dynamic in any capacity.

The thing is that we went through some relationship troubles recently and we were separated, properly broken up for about 2 months or so, during which time my husband slept with someone much younger than me. While I was initially quite hurt, I don't mind it as much in the long run since we had already agreed to break up and we have been working towards reconnecting and leaving some things behind anyway.

So recently as we've been exploring further into our kinks, we have organically started incorporating this incident with the other woman into our verbal degradation sessions. Since I find it hot to be demeaned and being told I'm worthless, etc, it was a pretty natural segue to be sexually compared to someone else as a vehicle for degradation. It is all with my consent of course and I'm insanely turned on everytime it happens. I have been careful about my emotional state and worrying about experiencing whiplash but as long as I receive proper aftercare, which I always do after every session, I feel totally fine.

I think I most likely would enjoy being a cuckquean. But I wonder if my extreme arousal from any form of degradation is also playing into how I feel. Is cuckqueaning just another form of sexual degradation? I'm aware a lot of people may just not see it as a degrading act at all but is it normal for me to go about it in the way that I'm doing it? I want to be a proper cuckquean for my husband, and I always felt I'd be kinda into it but I don't know if I'm doing it the right way or with the right mindset? Both me and my husband are still in our reconnection and rebuilding phase so I don't think we'd involve any third person anytime soon but when we do it I'd like to do it the right way.

Hi, I worked as an escort for about a year in my early 20's and also briefly worked as a porn performer mostly for small local producers. I'm now 34, married and have two kids.

Last year I went through a personal crisis, which caused an extremely high libido and I got addicted to porn and masturbation. It kept getting worse until I completely gave in and had a one night stand with a stranger. I went against every principle of safe sex and every personal boundary that I've stuck to my entire life and had a completely unhinged and unprotected sexual encounter with this random person, fueled by my sex addiction. Afterwards, I felt immense guilt about it and after a couple weeks of deliberation I informed my husband. Since then we've been going back and forth on either reconciling or divorcing, but leaning more towards staying together. I am totally committed to healing and managing my addiction in the long term and I never want to cheat again. I am in CSAT therapy as well as attending SLAA.

My husband has been through a lot and I have done my part in reading about betrayal trauma and I recognize it sometimes manifests in unexpected ways. One of those has been an intense need for him to "reclaim" me, he wants to reclaim everything I did during my affair, which can be sometimes healthy and sometimes very damaging to his healing. But I do whatever he needs me to do. I do very much enjoy sex with him but his self worth has taken a hit and I can't do much about that other than be available for him sexually and let him talk process it in his own therapy.

But a totally unexpected response to being betrayed that my husband has been exhibiting, for honestly quite a while but I was hoping it goes away, has been exposing himself to what he calls my "sexual debauchery." In effect, this means he asks me a lot about my past sexual encounters and recently I also got to know he watches my porn quite obsessively and gets upset about it. He says it is about simply "accepting the truth" for what it is, that he has to understand me fully and he can only understand my desires by fully knowing my entire past in sex work and porn.

His big idea is that he can only fully understand me in a sexual sense by emulating what I enjoyed in my past, and I acknowledge that this is a trust issue arising because of my betrayal. When I tell him my kinks aren't a deal breaker for me, that I have lived without them for 12 years and I can live without them for the rest of my life, he doesn't trust me. He was never like this before, and I never really asked him to be. I admit that I was scared, as a young woman I already carried a lot of shame about my past in sex work, and while my husband accepted me despite it, he never expressed any interest in my past relationships or my background, and I failed to realise that it was not out of disgust but out of respect for me. I internalised what I felt and ended up hiding my kinks from him, and I admit that was entirely my fault. I was too scared he would judge me for them, hate me for them.

And when my sex addiction resurfaced, I kept holding on to these secrets and ended up cheating. But now I don't like where my husband is headed. I don't want him to obsessively see the pornography I did like he is now. Knowing I had sex with another person is one thing, but seeing it on screen is gonna be deeply damaging to his self image and our intimacy. I don't know if he sees that. It doesn't help that the kinks I engaged in with my affair partner are also a part of those videos. It is all a performance, a show, and he already struggles with feeling less valued and less desired, and I know him obsessing the over the top acting and smiling and moaning is gonna put him in an unrealistic competition, on top of all the issues we are facing today.

So I wanted to post this here for any married/committed former/current SWs to answer. I can't be the first person whose partner feels insecurity and unhealthy competition with their background in sex work. Have you ever faced a similar situation with your partner, whether or not it involved infidelity, and what helped? I want to center my husband sexually and I want him to see that despite everything from my past and despite my recent short sighted choices I am going to do everything moving forward to stay healthy and loyal to him and that I don't want him to compete with anyone else I just want us both to enjoy each other. Any tips or perspectives will he appreciated.

I have a massive degradation kink and it's been a part of every sexual relationship I've had in varying capacities. Now I've been working through some stuff with my husband and I've realised that some of the ways my degradation kink expresses itself might not be entirely healthy and might be rooted in toxic/incorrect understanding of relationships. Particularly my struggles have been related to porn/sex addiction and I'm working to correct my mindset and approach towards sex and intimacy which is why this is something I'm focusing on.

I've always liked to perform acts like oral sex, deepthroating, rimjobs, acts which focus entirely on my partner's pleasure. In addition to an obsession with oral acts, I also like to submit and let my partners perform acts which make me feel degraded and humiliated, acts in which they actively participate in too like spanking or choking. These are not the problem. Where I struggle in the midst of all these is that I find that almost every act I perform to trigger my degradation kink, regardless of whether my partner wants to do the degrading. The simple act of me doing something pleasurable to a man triggers a feeling of degradation in me. Deepthroating, or even the thought of deepthroating someone for instance, is an incredible turn-on for me because it makes me feel used even though the person I'm deepthroating might be seeing the act as just oral sex that he'll "return the favour" for later.

Now of course I do recognize that most guys would be thrilled to find out that their woman is getting turned on just by the thought of deepthroating them, but I can't help but feel it may not be healthy for me to equate pleasuring my partner with degradation. This framing of every sexual act as an act of degradation I feel not only makes the dynamic with my sexual partners toxic and one sided in many ways but also doesn't seek consent from them and often makes them uncomfortable. And it is not exactly in my control either. My major issue is that I wouldn't like it if my partner felt degraded at the thought of performing any act on me, I would feel he thinks I'm that much beneath him for him to equate pleasuring me with degradation. Hence I can't wrap my head around why I feel this way. Does it only work if one side is submissive, or what?

Same goes for many other acts like rimming my man, which should be a pleasurable act focused on my partner but also makes me incredibly turned on. Why do I find it degrading to rim my partner? It is such a tender and intimate act, shouldn't it be about centering him and making him feel good? Why do I feel degraded by it? Is it about doing something that I perceive as "nasty" and "slutty" and if so why do I feel that way? I feel like that is my mindset about a lot of sexual acts, I find the aspect of how "dirty" I am being for my partners to be incredibly arousing, but why do I see these acts of pleasuring my partner to be "dirty" in the first place? I don't think if my husband performed a rimjob for me, he would find it degrading? Then why do I? I can't help but feel it's not right for me to frame these acts in this way for my pleasure. For sex addicts like me framing of sexual acts is especially important and it is what's going to make or break my recovery. That is why I'm focusing so hard on this aspect.

So my core questions that I'm focusing on are, what exactly is it about deepthroating or rimming or similar acts that I find degrading when my partners are not even trying to degrade me? Why is it that everytime I perform a sexual act that focuses exclusively on my partner's pleasure, why is it that I find that degrading? Is it about the feeling of being "used"? Does it signal a more deep issue about how I view my relationships with men? Is it common for subs to experience this?