u/siennaduv

I made a post and someone suggested talking about the topic here too, so i would love to hear the pov of the boys that like to be manipulated.

The context is: I act like a therapist, talk to people, make notes, come back to reddit with my findings, even the obvious ones because they can still be useful to someone, blah blah.

Previously, i mostly talked with subs that were into humiliation, manipulation, blackmail fantasies, but over the past few days, the ratio has flipped, I've been coming across more people that prefer a nurturing and encouraging approach.

If allowed, I would like to know more about you guys opinion on this:

>Softness can absolutely mean mommy domme energy for some people, but not necessarily in a sexual way either, softness more as in:

>·  being understood

>·  being emotionally handled carefully

>·  being accepted after admitting something taboo

>·  being able to drop the performance for a second

> 

>The part I find most interesting:

>Some of the people who came to me specifically for degradation and control have shifted. Not away from the dynamic, but the energy has moved from "ruin me" to "please understand me." It’s not everyone of course, but I’ve seen that it’s usually the ones I talk to more often.

> 

>The contrast hits differently when it's the same person. someone teasing you, controlling you, getting inside your head… while still making you feel safe and seen and occasionally check in on you during the week outside of a kink space.

> 

>The practical result: with them, the send-delete-disappear rate drops to almost zero. They're more consistent, more communicative, and what drives them has shifted from "play time when I'm horny" to something that looks a lot more like genuine connection. Said a million times but worth repeating, “Pay me pig” isn’t very effective, much less for longer term things. There’s still the few that basically “can’t believe I told you that so I’m gonna block you”. And, 3 of the ones that said that came back.

> 

>So this time, the summary is: whether someone wants to be torn down or gently held, I think they're chasing the same relief, permission to stop performing the version of themselves they show everyone else. Humiliation subs shed it violently. Soft subs shed it gently. Same destination, different roads.

>

>Don't skip aftercare. yeah, a bunch of subs run off before that even becomes relevant. But for the ones still there, it matters more than you might think. I’m guessing people here are aware of that, but since there’s an influx of Twitter/X girls, it should be said.

>

>And in general, outside of kink, we can all benefit from being kinder to each other and being better friends to those around us.

That’s it, let me know your thoughts, and if you don’t have any notes lol, my question for you is what does giving or receiving aftercare look like to you?

Hello, welcome to part 2 of my semi-unethical experiment. (I act like a therapist, talk to people, make notes, come back to reddit with my findings, even the obvious ones because they can still be useful to someone, blah blah.)

Now that that’s out of the way, one of my points in my previous post was:

>“I mostly expected people wanting to play with blackmail, humiliation and manipulation. But I also got a few who made it clear they wanted a low-key chat instead. So despite my post being mostly about the darker aspects of this, I got surprisingly wholesome responses sometimes from those who want to feel heard, feel taken care of, and encouraged.”

I’ve since then explicitly mention that I welcome those who want something more nurturing and encouraging too. I’m not surprised about someone just looking for a familiar person to confide in, but I posted in an extortion subreddit, so I wasn’t expecting anyone that wasn’t into blackmail to be lurking there 🤣

 

Now the interesting part (for me), is that this group now outnumbers the people seeking sessions about humiliation, manipulation, blackmail fantasies, and wanting to “get worse” or be punished for their kinks.

 

Which got me thinking about something that has nothing to do with kink: we've lost reciprocity as a skill. Everyone wants to be heard, but the ability of being a good listener gets rarer every day. That gap is widening, and people are quietly starving for it. A space as vulnerable as BDSM lets people open up in ways they rarely do elsewhere, which makes it a very good setting for real connection, if the dynamic allows it.

 

Getting back on topic, softness can absolutely mean mommydomme energy for some people, but not necessarily in a sexual way either, softness more as in:

·  being understood

·  being emotionally handled carefully

·  being accepted after admitting something taboo

·  being able to drop the performance for a second

 

The part I find most interesting:

Some of the people who came to me specifically for degradation and control have shifted. Not away from the dynamic, but the energy has moved from "ruin me" to "please understand me." It’s not everyone of course, but I’ve seen that it’s usually the ones I talk to more often.

 

The contrast hits differently when it's the same person. someone teasing you, controlling you, getting inside your head… while still making you feel safe and seen and occasionally check in on you during the week outside of a kink space.

 

The practical result: with them, the send-delete-disappear rate drops to almost zero. They're more consistent, more communicative, and what drives them has shifted from "play time when I'm horny" to something that looks a lot more like genuine connection. Said a million times but worth repeating, “Pay me pig” isn’t very effective, much less for longer term things. There’s still the few that basically “can’t believe I told you that so I’m gonna block you”. And, 3 of the ones that said that came back.

 

So this time, the summary is: whether someone wants to be torn down or gently held, I think they're chasing the same relief, permission to stop performing the version of themselves they show everyone else. Humiliation subs shed it violently. Soft subs shed it gently. Same destination, different roads.

Don't skip aftercare. yeah, a bunch of subs run off before that even becomes relevant. But for the ones still there, it matters more than you might think. I’m guessing people here are aware of that, but since there’s an influx of Twitter/X girls, it should be said.

Of course, playing with the darker stuff is super fun, but that’s gonna be a separate post, this one is already long enough 🥴

And in general, outside of kink, we can all benefit from being kinder to each other and being better friends to those around us.

That’s it, let me know your thoughts, and if you don’t have any notes lol, my question for you is what does giving or receiving aftercare look like to you?

Hello, welcome to part 2 of my semi-unethical experiment. (I act like a therapist, talk to people, make notes, come back to reddit with my findings, even the obvious ones because they can still be useful to someone, blah blah.)

Now that that’s out of the way, one of my points in my previous post was:

>“I mostly expected people wanting to play with blackmail, humiliation and manipulation. But I also got a few who made it clear they wanted a low-key chat instead. So despite my post being mostly about the darker aspects of this, I got surprisingly wholesome responses sometimes from those who want to feel heard, feel taken care of, and encouraged.”

I’ve since then explicitly mention that I welcome those who want something more nurturing and encouraging too. I’m not surprised about someone just looking for a familiar person to confide in, but I posted in an extortion subreddit, so I wasn’t expecting anyone that wasn’t into blackmail to be lurking there 🤣

 

Now the interesting part (for me), is that this group now outnumbers the people seeking sessions about humiliation, manipulation, blackmail fantasies, and wanting to “get worse” or be punished for their kinks.

 

Which got me thinking about something that has nothing to do with kink: we've lost reciprocity as a skill. Everyone wants to be heard, but the ability of being a good listener gets rarer every day. That gap is widening, and people are quietly starving for it. A space as vulnerable as BDSM lets people open up in ways they rarely do elsewhere, which makes it a very good setting for real connection, if the dynamic allows it.

 

Getting back on topic, softness can absolutely mean mommydomme energy for some people, but not necessarily in a sexual way either, softness more as in:

·  being understood

·  being emotionally handled carefully

·  being accepted after admitting something taboo

·  being able to drop the performance for a second

 

The part I find most interesting:

Some of the people who came to me specifically for degradation and control have shifted. Not away from the dynamic, but the energy has moved from "ruin me" to "please understand me." It’s not everyone of course, but I’ve seen that it’s usually the ones I talk to more often.

 

The contrast hits differently when it's the same person. someone teasing you, controlling you, getting inside your head… while still making you feel safe and seen and occasionally check in on you during the week outside of a kink space.

 

The practical result: with them, the send-delete-disappear rate drops to almost zero. They're more consistent, more communicative, and what drives them has shifted from "play time when I'm horny" to something that looks a lot more like genuine connection. Said a million times but worth repeating, “Pay me pig” isn’t very effective, much less for longer term things. There’s still the few that basically “can’t believe I told you that so I’m gonna block you”. And, 3 of the ones that said that came back.

 

So this time, the summary is: whether someone wants to be torn down or gently held, I think they're chasing the same relief, permission to stop performing the version of themselves they show everyone else. Humiliation subs shed it violently. Soft subs shed it gently. Same destination, different roads.

Don't skip aftercare. yeah, a bunch of subs run off before that even becomes relevant. But for the ones still there, it matters more than you might think. I’m guessing people here are aware of that, but since there’s an influx of Twitter/X girls, it should be said.

Of course, playing with the darker stuff is super fun, but that’s gonna be a separate post, this one is already long enough 🥴

And in general, outside of kink, we can all benefit from being kinder to each other and being better friends to those around us.

That’s it, let me know your thoughts, and if you don’t have any notes lol, my question for you is what does giving or receiving aftercare look like to you?

Hello, welcome to part 2 of my semi-unethical experiment. (I act like a therapist, talk to people, make notes, come back here with my findings, even the obvious ones because they can still be useful to someone, blah blah.)

Now that that’s out of the way, one of my points in my previous post was:

> “I mostly expected people wanting to play with blackmail, humiliation and manipulation. But I also got a few who made it clear they wanted a low-key chat instead. So despite my post being mostly about the darker aspects of this, I got surprisingly wholesome responses sometimes from those who want to feel heard, feel taken care of, and encouraged.”

I’ve since then explicitly mention that I welcome those who want something more nurturing and encouraging too. I’m not surprised about someone just looking for a familiar person to confide in, but I posted in an extortion subreddit, so I wasn’t expecting anyone that wasn’t into blackmail to be lurking there 🤣

Now the interesting part (for me), is that this group now outnumbers the people seeking sessions about humiliation, manipulation, blackmail fantasies, and wanting to “get worse” or be punished for their kinks.

 

Which got me thinking about something that has nothing to do with kink: we've lost reciprocity as a skill. Everyone wants to be heard, but the ability of being a good listener gets rarer every day. That gap is widening, and people are quietly starving for it. A space as vulnerable as BDSM lets people open up in ways they rarely do elsewhere, which makes it a very good setting for real connection, if the dynamic allows it.

 

Getting back on topic, softness can absolutely mean mommydomme energy for some people, but not necessarily in a sexual way either, softness more as in:

·  being understood

·  being emotionally handled carefully

·  being accepted after admitting something taboo

·  being able to drop the performance for a second

 

The part I find most interesting:

Some of the people who came to me specifically for degradation and control have shifted. Not away from the dynamic, but the energy has moved from "ruin me" to "please understand me." It’s not everyone of course, but I’ve seen that it’s usually the ones I talk to more often.

 

The contrast hits differently when it's the same person. someone teasing you, controlling you, getting inside your head… while still making you feel safe and seen and occasionally check in on you during the week outside of a kink space.

 

The practical result: with them, the send-delete-disappear rate drops to almost zero. They're more consistent, more communicative, and what drives them has shifted from "play time when I'm horny" to something that looks a lot more like genuine connection. Said a million times but worth repeating, “Pay me pig” isn’t very effective, much less for longer term things. There’s still the few that basically “can’t believe I told you that so I’m gonna block you”. And, 3 of the ones that said that came back.

 

So this time, the summary is: whether someone wants to be torn down or gently held, I think they're chasing the same relief, permission to stop performing the version of themselves they show everyone else. Humiliation subs shed it violently. Soft subs shed it gently. Same destination, different roads.

Don't skip aftercare. yeah, a bunch of subs run off before that even becomes relevant. But for the ones still there, it matters more than you might think. I’m guessing people here are aware of that, but since there’s an influx of Twitter/X girls, it should be said.

Of course, playing with the darker stuff is super fun, but that’s gonna be a separate post, this one is already long enough 🥴

And in general, outside of kink, we can all benefit from being kinder to each other and being better friends to those around us.

That’s it, let me know your thoughts, and if you don’t have any notes lol, my question for you is what does giving or receiving aftercare look like to you?

Just saying that you're probably the type to go broke just to hear me say "good boy"

Just saying that you're probably the type to go broke just to hear me say "good boy"

Just saying that you're probably the type to go broke just to hear me say "good boy"

Hi, I'm Sienna,

I posted last week looking for test subjects for my (un)ethical faux therapy practice, it's been a lot of fun, so if anyone else wants to join, I'd love to pick apart your brain 👀 For context, I run play sessions that exploit psychological transference, consensually, of course.

For those unfamiliar, transference in psychotherapy is when you unconsciously redirect your feelings, desires, fantasies, fears and expectations onto someone else. In this case, me 😇 Your new "therapist"!

I basically want to understand you inside and out and play with what I find in there. As a domme/sub relationship over therapist/patient, I'm blatantly telling you that I will be manipulating you, with your consent. But whether those are exploited or managed are 100% your choice.

---

Last time I also got messages from people who weren't into the darker side but wanted deeper conversations about hidden desires and repressed kinks without judgment, and with a bit of validation instead. So just letting you know that both are welcome here in case you were wondering too 🖤

Comment or DM me with a little intro 😊

Tell me your kinks, limits and what you're looking for.

A few days ago I posted on a finsub sub asking if anyone wanted to be a test subject for my (un)ethical therapy sessions. I got a mix of legit people, send & delete accounts, time wasters, and everything in between.

I definitely can't discuss my findings with classmates or professors, last thing I need is an ethics board complaint before I even get my license 😄 Posting just 3 so the post isn’t too long, but might post more if y’all are interested

1. Many were into forced bi. They identify as straight (some even with female partners) but the thought of experimenting gives them a rush they'd been looking for. I’ve heard that there’s more bi-women than men, you’ve probably heard it too, I think the biggest reason is that the male bi/bicurious label gets erased when society jumps straight to calling them gay. The taboo becomes part of the appeal, and opening secret Grindr accounts was a hit.

2. I mostly expected people wanting to play with bm, humiliation and manipulation. But I also got a few who made it clear they wanted a low-key chat instead. So despite my post being mostly about the darker aspects of this, I got surprisingly wholesome responses sometimes from those who want to feel heard, feel taken care of, and encouraged.

3. Speaking about blackmail, the uncertainty of confidentiality is its own kink (everything is consensual with limits established ofc) , but a few were okay with the idea of information eventually surfacing. I started writing things on Word but switching to a physical notebook made it more exciting for them. There’s always the thrill of someone finding the notebook, someone suggested posting a few censored pics of it.

4. PayPal is not very sw friendly. Yes, we know🤣. If you do use it, use a business account so you don't dox yourself.

Doms/Dommes, have you noticed similar patterns.

Subs, do you identify with any of the points?

Any suggestions on things you would like to find out too? For me, I already have my theories, but I wanna get to the bottom of the text, send, and delete beyond post nut clarity.

I used to love insta back when I first started. I created a new account but of course none of the old hashtags work to find similar people

Stories were a great way to have a cross-platform leaderboard, pics of new purchases, and random thoughts without the spam on twitter

Does anyone still have findom related accounts?

Hi, I'm Sienna

I'm finishing my psychology degree, and findom has been an outlet to explore things that definitely aren't appropriate with actual patients

I've always found it fascinating to understand how someone thinks, what makes them tick, what breaks down their resistance, what motivates them to do what they do, etc

Basically, this is just psychology with higher stakes 💸

New account and name, although, not new to findom so if this sounds like something you want to try out, DM me