r/girlfartstories

Made a throwaway just to post this, I’ve had a fart fetish as long as I can remember (26m). Though I’ve never been with a girl willing to fart in front of me. This is a true story about a friend of mine who was not shy about her farts, well call her “B”. She’s short, blonde, and a bit chubby. Although im not friends with her anymore (unrelated reasons) she farted in front of me numerous times. The first time was with a group of friends in my friends car. I was sitting in the front seat and B and her friend were in the back, her friend started giggling and kind of giving her shit for something, a second later I could smell a fart, she did it silently and tried to play it off but we all smelled it. She said “im sorry I farted” followed by laughs from both the girls in the back, I had to pretend to be disgusted and roll my window down while in reality I was immediately rock hard. I still remember the scent of it, light and not super strong but very obviously a fart. After hanging around with that friend group more often B got less shy about her gas, the second time me, B, and one other were walking through a mall, I was walking behind them and B stopped for a second, then continued walking, I was immediately hit with a powerful stench, this was not like her last one. It was very rich and eggy and walking behind her I got a face full of it. I caught up and asked her and the other if either of them farted, B replied “yeah I did I’m sorry I crop dusted you” and we all laughed about it together. The third time was a bit different, I was at another friends house and B was there sitting next to me, we were all drinking and having a good time and she bent to the side of the couch to pick something up and accidentally let out a small fart, this was the first time I actually heard one from her. She just said “excuse me” really quick in an unapologetic tone and went back to what we were doing. This one didn’t have any smell. Between these 3 stories and the 4th one, B farted in front of me similarly to the final story, I never usually smelled it or if I did it was very light. She got so comfortable farting around me and our other friends that she stopped apologizing and started almost being proud of it. The final story is the most interesting one, the morning after a night of drinking I was driving B home, it was just me and her in my car, she kept complaining that her stomach hurt and said something along the lines of “I’m sorry about this but I can’t wait till we get there” she lifted her leg and let out a huge bassy wet beer fart followed by a sigh of relief, she covered her nose and mouth and giggled and almost grossed herself out from the smell. It filled my whole car and was an overpowering skunky smell. I rolled my window down to act normal but in reality I was enjoying it. She apologized again but I told her it’s fine and that she doesn’t have to hold it in. For the rest of the drive she continued to let out smaller or medium sized farts and we both laughed at the sound and smell. After I dropped her off I immediately rolled up all the windows and her scent lingered in the car. These stories are 100% true experiences that I have had.

This is all new to me so excuse me if I’m not detailed but I’ll try to be. I (m24) have been with my girlfriend (f25) for around 7-8 years now. We are high school sweethearts with a very tight bond, so yes, she has farted around me before— but today was different. I was sitting in my gaming chair watching whateverthefuck on my PC while she was sitting in my lap on her phone, both of my hands were under her underwear (she usually just walked around the house with underwear and a bra when no guests), and on her bare ass—the usual. I vividly remember her body tensing up before the loudest fart I’ve ever heard come from her big ass and I felt it vibrate right against my hand. I froze because I wasn’t used to *feeling it,* just hearing it. And right after she pushed out the fart I heard her let out a low sound that was a mix between a relieved sigh and a moan. It was so hot. I usually crack jokes but this time I stayed silent and continued rubbing her butt, not knowing how I felt about her farting directly on my hand. Then the scent hit me, and it was horrible. I can’t even compare it to another scent, but it’s warm, muggy, and makes your nostrils burn. And this was only from a distance, I can only imagine how it smells on my nose. It smelled bad but in a good way, I just wanted to dig my nose into her huge ass and sniff between her cheeks. Needless to say, but I was aroused so I got a boner. I’m 100% certain she felt it because she gave me a look before giggling then went back on her phone, or maybe the horniness was making me imagine things.

This was yesterday and it’s been on my mind since then. I decided to Google it and see other people’s experiences and then “eproctophilia” popped up, then of course I looked on Reddit cause Reddit got everything.

I don’t know if I want advice, similar experiences from others, or just for someone to read this, but I know I feel way better typing this out lmao (if ppl ask I’ll try to keep updating but idk if anything like this will happen again).

This is a late cross-post, you can look at my account for parts 2-4!

Hi again. People had been asking for more stories on my fetish development and now I guess I’ll share a couple things me and my mom used to do, keep in mind this being when I was still that little brat and she was peak size for it, (5’2ft, 150kg, approx 320lbs, cellulite ass, swampy crack, etc)
For starters I’d like to say, after I dug my face under her and she farted on my face, I guess that was kind of the boost she needed to humour this weird phase she thought I was going through. Deciding the only way to straighten me out was get more rough, hoping I’d start hating it, she’d tend to do these two tactics often and at random times as well.

One of her favourite things to do was to randomly grab my head and force my face into her ass, rip a beefy fart and just hold me there. For starters I’d never get time to prepare and it was always point blank, and honestly, just made me love her farting ass so much more. She would always hold me there in hopes for some form of resistance, though only always got back deeper nuzzling and a clingy boy wanting more. She’d also only do this when she was in leggings or her other pants, as she never wanted to risk it in a dress or pyjamas and my face goes up her sweaty ass crack, wanting to keep some level of normalcy between us.

Another thing she used to do is with her close friends and certain aunties, she’d always blabber on about my ass fixation, constantly joking about it with a select few in hopes of embarrassing me into giving up the fetish, or thinking it was wrong.
Though she kind of realised it wasn’t working and just gave up trying, just getting more comfortable about farting on my face and waiting for me to possibly move on from the phase later on. Obviously that didn’t happen as I’m posting on a fart subreddit on how I developed my fetish, and I will say that my moms constant nose burners were definitely the biggest contributor into my love for not only fat asses, milfs, and also farts!

Hello everyone again, I'll tell you the stories that led me to this fetish, or at least to become curious about farts.

📌 Well... this story begins with me in my backyard. There were some swings, and I was spending the afternoon there. My mother was inside with her friends playing cards. One of them came out; she was a blonde with a huge ass. She was wearing tight jeans that day. She sat on a log that was there, took out a cigarette and lit it, and before she could even smoke, she leaned to the side and let out a long, bubbly fart that lasted about 10 seconds. After that, she groaned in relief and said, "Ugh, it stinks." She put out the cigarette and went back inside, still letting out the fart. She didn't even care that I was there watching her fart. To this day, I suspect she used the excuse of going for a smoke to fart and went inside because it smelled so bad.

Plus: That woman always burped and farted shamelessly whenever she came over. Once, she even brought her young son, and I let him stay in my room with me watching TV. At one point, she came to check if the boy was behaving, stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I want to fart." Then she let out three farts: a small one, a medium one, and the last one—I saw her strain and make a face to release a huge fart. She said, "Ugh, I'm rotting," while airing out the smell. She didn't even apologize; she just left the room, leaving the smell of shit in there.

📌 In this one I was in my first year, I had a "friend" that I only saw on the bus at the exit, we lived on the same street but we only saw each other when traveling by bus, so there wasn't much trust, just normal to chat during the trip. One morning at 7:20 a.m., when we took the bus, we sat together as usual, me by the window. She was telling me something when suddenly she said "shh," leaned forward, pointing her butt at me, and let out a very long and loud fart. She continued talking as if nothing had happened, and in less than 5 seconds, when she complained a little, she lifted her rear end forward and let out another very long and loud fart. She sighed and continued talking. I just stared at her and looked around to see if anyone else had seen her, but everyone was asleep, and she didn't say anything. The fart didn't smell like anything, but I was shocked because we weren't that friends, and yet she farted without warning.

⛓️You can subscribe to my page if you have questions or want dirty details; we can also chat and exchange more stories there

So I decided I’ll do the daily updates and see what I can get so it’s actually a good day to start with.

So I was first woke up at like 2 in the morning cause my girlfriend said her stomach hurt really badly.
She went to the bathroom and pulled her panties down and let go of a few really loud toilet farts that were really wet too before just letting out a really nasty sounding load on the toilet.

Then as I woke up this morning walking out the door I heard a really big fart rip out of her ass. It was about 3 seconds long it was a creaking fart.

I went to work and the gym so once I came back I chilled out a while and while she was in the kitchen I heard her let out a loud like 2 ish second fart

When we got back from our night out to eat she took another enourmous shit.

I heard her have a very short but very wet fart like 20 minutes later

Then another squeaker fart about 10 minutes later.

Then a little rumbler about 10 minutes after that. Which she sighed in relief after.

That was all her farts today so hope yall enjoyed and I’ll made daily updates and see if we strike gold. DMs always open if u wanna hear what she can do. And ladies too don’t be afraid to ask yall can get them too.

For the longest time I can remember, I had always been intrigued with butts. And for the longest time I remember my mom being a big contributor to that fixation. She was huge, 5’2ft but weighing 150kg, approx 310-320lbs, and most of that weight went to her hips and ass. She also mostly always wore leggings, they had more give, easier for her to fit, and god the cellulite on her ass would pop depending on the pair.

I have many stories with her due to living mostly with her, and she was a single parent. But basically, this is how my fart fetish started. Was a normal day, can’t remember as it was a while ago. I was a weird little shit, always annoying her left, right and centre and that night was no different. So she was sat on the couch, watching the news, and I was beside her, wrestling her. I was tiny compared to her, so I wouldn’t have had much of a chance moving her at all.
In all my limited wisdom, I then decided “fuck it” and started burrowing my head under her ass. This being when I was a snotty brat, and able to get away with more for being cute and annoying. Mom didn’t expect me to go that far, until she was sat on my face, and being her size as I explained above, it’s a struggle to move about at all once she’s comfortable. Of course she barked at me to move out from under her, but I didn’t, just kept going till my face was right up in her crack, and that’s when it happened…
She farted, right on my face, and laughed heartily, not worried about moving, in fact I think she settled down to trap the stench, and honestly, I remember coughing and eyes watering, but I was also incredibly intrigued and started sniffing more. We stayed like that during the news and she occasionally farted on my face, but mostly just sitting on me, which was awesome enough as it is. This memory kinda being what cemented my fixation for ass and farts, so yeah.. thanks mom…

Hey everyone. It’s been a nice little while since my last post. I hope everyone is doing well. Today I have a quick one that I hadn’t thought of before. I also don’t think I made a post about this girlfriend.

Backstory: the experience happened a while back. About 14 years ago. I was subleasing a place and this girlfriend was someone I began a long distance relationship with before getting this place nearby.

She’s 5’5 and was a former track athlete so she had long legs and was toned.

Well the story goes that we went to my favorite mom and pop sushi spot and this was one of our first real dates since we got together. When we headed back we were relaxing watching TV but we started kissing and I started working my way down and she stopped me. Before she finished telling me she had to fart, she ripped this HUGE FUCKING FART. No kidding! Like it was too big for her asshole 😂. We had a pretty comfortable relationship so her ripping one like that wasn’t out of the ordinary, but to be that big was a first. We laughed and then I went back to kissing her stomach and I lifted her legs to simulate what I was about to do next and this huge whiff of steamed broccoli and raw veggies flew up my nose and I jumped back. The smell was super thick. I couldn’t breathe. She burst out laughing and was like “I tried to tell you don’t go down there.”

This story happened to me when I was 10 or 11 rcently remembered in and decided to share it with you

When I was younger, I didn't really know my older sister she was about one or two years older than me so in order for me to get to know her better I used to spend the summers over at her house with my aunt but considering I was so young, I used to have nightmares around them so I asked my sister if I could sleep with her in her bed.

She agreed and the position of her bed was right up against the wall so I took that space that was right up against the wall and she had the space where it was easy to get out the bed, for most if not the entire summer me and my sister shared the same bed

As for my first experience with her, it happened the first week it was Sunday we had just had a big Sunday. Dinner fried chicken, collar, greens and Mac and cheese all of it. My aunt really did love to cook and my sister it was honestly kind of big and loved to eat so when we went to sleep that night, I took up my normal position up against the wall and my sister sleeps like a rock completely asleep.

Once she closes her eyes and she was bigger than me at the time since I was kind of small for being ten, and I was basically pressed up against her could move could push her off and that's when it happend since I was pushed up against the wall, I had no way of getting out and given our position, she was right up against my face i will never forget the smell it was hot but still kinda of smelly hell it was disgusting to me but... I liked it It was one of many times where my sister had been doing that to me she never even really knew about it and I never told her, at first it was because I was too embarrassed, but eventually, as the next couple of months went on, I ended up enjoying it a lot and given that she was such a heavy sleeper, I could pretty much do whatever sometimes I put my head under the covers other times I just see how close I could get to see how it smelled from the very source

I think that's when my fetish first awakened

I’m thrilled that my girlfriend’s friend has been so gassy lately. This is probably the hottest story I’ll ever write about her, and I don’t think anything could possibly beat it.

My girlfriend and I had to help her out with some stuff. She’s only 18, turns 19 in about a month, and is incredibly cute. She has a really nice butt.

I had never seen it in jeans before, but wow, I couldn’t even imagine how she managed to fit it all in there. Anyway, let’s get to the good parts.

Once we got back to her place, she started farting when she was on the couch. She let out a bubbly fart that sounded like sloppy, and it was pretty gross. She just said, “Sorry guys.”

Next, she bent over and I got a small glimpse of her panties. They were pink and Lacey, and I could tell they were wedged in between her big butt.

The next time she farted, it was much quieter. She was still sitting on the couch and I saw her lean her butt toward my girlfriend, who was sitting next to her. It was like a soft “prrr” sound, and my girlfriend complained about it stinking really bad. I was too far away to smell it myself.

About 10 minutes later, she had another really bubbly fart on the couch. It was another sloppy-sounding fart, but this time, she didn’t try to hide it. She let out a small sigh after that one, and my girlfriend and no one else really mentioned it, so I didn’t either. Then, about 40 seconds later, she let out another monster bubbler and said, “I think I have to use the bathroom, guys.”

So, she got up and did the thing where she wiggles her hips to hike her jeans up. She was in the bathroom for about 10-15 minutes. I wish I could have heard what she was doing, but obviously, that’s impossible.

Would yall be interested in updates about my gfs farts/poops daily cause I’m running out of stories like really good ones about her but I’ll hear her fart everyday, also if u wanna hear my gfs farts feel free to dm me and don’t be afraid to dm if ur a girl too u can get the farts as well

My sisters and cousins all girls were obsessed with the Stinkface wrestling move which is just another wrestler sticking there ass on the others face and they loved this I have so many stories of farts stinkfaces everything

But one time my oldest sister made a bet with me an I lost she then tied me up to a couch and stinkfaced me and farted during them forever I have a ton of stories of the farts and stinkfaces (you can dm or comment if you want to talk more about all of them)

I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced such a thing as I did on my trip to Istanbul this past week or so. But GODDAYUM, I am officially barred from ever eating a McDonald's burger ever again as long as my BF is with me hehee

We had a flight at about 2pm so decided to eat at the airport. There's a McD's before security so we decided to eat there- I was craving the fries more than anything else on the menu, really! But I decided to get a cheeseburger. Now I don't remember the last time I ate a fast food burger, I rarely eat any fast food at all. And my guts let me know that they were NOT used to it at all!!!

ISTG for 3 days after I was letting out the worst long airy SBDs like 10 times a day :/ The first few times my BF was shocked and laughing about how bad they were, ugh they smelled like rotten eggs mixed with literal shit 😛 !!!! But after the 4th or 5th he had HAD IT! He was telling me to walk behind him by a few feet because even in the open air outside, he could smell the nasty stench when I was walking next to him hehehee.

Don't even get me started on when bedtime rolled around and we had to share the hotel room bed LOLLLLL I was stinking it up so bad, he was MAD. I just kept cracking up because it was so fucking pungent and ripe after an hour of ripping those rank SBDs like crazy!

Finally the stank effects wore off after the 3rd day; my BF was relieved but I was actually really disappointed, as these were probably in the top 3 worst farts I've ever had in my life! I was so bummed.

If you'd like to read more of my True Fart Stories, see my profile page, there is a post there with a QR code to join my TrueFartStories channel! There are way more fun fart stories to read there.

Me(19m) and my girlfriend(19f) were lying in bed right after we fucked, she let out a rly wet fart and I told her how hard it made me, I’ve been super nervous about telling her because I didn’t expect her to react well to it. Her response to me telling her is to tell me to go down and sniff her ass, we were both still completely naked. I went down and took a deep whiff, she let out a silent fart that completely burnt my nostrils, it was so fucking hot I thought I was about to cum again. For about an hour I just played there with my face in her ass as she shot these farts directly into my face, I love her so much that was the sexiest thing I’ve ever experienced

When I was a teen (15 maybe) my friend group at the old was all pretty girls who used to fart and laugh about it in private. Like if we were hanging out and it was just us, no one had any problems ripping ass and laughing about it and then talking about how bad it smelled. I’m not sure exactly when but my fetish developed around that time because girls weren’t supposed to fart. It’s taboo.

Over time it started to make me horny when a friend of my would fart and I would smell it without them noticing. Afterwards I would finger myself thinking of their farts and I started fantasizing about getting farted on by one of them or farting on someone else.

When I was around 18 I was dating this guy and I don’t know what came over me but I asked him if he had ever been farted on by a girl and if I could try it. So I sat on his face after eating a lot of gassy foods and it really turned me on to make him smell my toots and he actually liked it too surprisingly.

From there I’ve had a lot fart experiences like that (I’ve posted some others) as well as some more extreme fetishes like scat and last year for the first time I had a fart experience with a girl we’re we both were farting on each other and it was so hot. I only date men but I only like when other women fart on me.

It's amazing what happens once you find the right parlor and build real relationships with the women there. They start going out of their way to take care of you.

After trying dozens of places over the years, I finally found one that feels truly special.

The routine is simple: I text her what time I'm coming, and she prepares by eating and drinking everything she can to load up for me. When I walk in, I'm greeted with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek from this adorable Chinese woman. She leads me to the room, closes the door, and gives me another warm hug while I strip down.

She already knows exactly why I'm there... I just want ass on my face. I hand her the house fee, she steps out to get change, and I can hear her asking the other girls in mandarin if they're gassy and want to make some quick extra cash. I love that she always tries to bring in another woman to make the 30-min session even better.

They come back in, and without hesitation she climbs straight onto the table. I'm lying face-up as she plants her ass right on my face in those soft black leggings and immediately starts unloading thick, sweaty, sour bombs directly into my nose. Meanwhile the other girl works on a nice massage in the area i needed most. It's the perfect combo.

She genuinely enjoys getting a little dirty with me (she jokes with the other girls and calls me her bf) and she really appreciates the generosity I show her and the other girls. Total win-win.

Okay from my other story this is a continuation from my 19th birthday that I celebrated with my ex 3 years ago . Currently I’m 22 years old but I never met another girl that can fart like her . So from last story where she farted on my lap which lead to us fucking for the night this part takes place from there

So it’s late night again tv is broken , our devices charging and she tells me she tired . She turns off the lights and ask me to cuddle with her, so I’m like sure I can cuddle with you because I was pretty tired after the rounds we did . When me and her have sex is like hardcore sex till the point she has trouble walking after so I’m like “ oh my D game must’ve made it her really tire” plus it was dark in the room since she turned off the lights and it was night time

So we both underneath the blankets and I’m basically spooning her but my Dick was soft so it was just my soft dick between her ass cheeks . When she gets tired she started mumbling, I asked her something and she mumbled something back to me . In my mind “she’s about to knock out any second “ so I start closing my eyes to get ready to go sleep . I feel a push of air on my dick from her ass and I open my eyes and said “did you just fart “. “Yeah “ she said mumbling back . I was like damn in my mind but she was really tired so I didn’t really do anything until not even 30 seconds later she does it again like sh let out a little longer one on my dick . Now I’m starting to get hard because she just let off 2 farts on my dick and idk what happens but she start to grab my dick and jerk it off . She was just half asleep a few seconds ago but now she fully conscious jerking my dick off. I’m like yeah guess we ain’t getting sleep this night and I grabbed her neck and started kissing her .

Now here comes the best part . We started to fuck and we’re in missionary as I’m going in and out of her she let out a big as fart like I can fully hear as it vibrated the bed as well as my hard friend in her . Then like after 5 more minutes of fucking she does it again . I’m like “oh my god this can’t be real right now “ like it felt like a dream that solely purpose is the only reason I think of my ex and miss her for like no feeling just feelings for the farts she capable of but that’s the lust speaking as I’m in a new amazing relationship with a girl who isn’t as gassy as her but when she gets gassy she gets gassy but that’s for another day so let’s get back to the story . In total of the whole thing of that sex she farted on my dick like 7-8 times it was probably more but I heard and felt it 7-8 times not including the ones that she already did before .

Just say thag was the best birthday gift anyone could’ve gave me and don’t worry fellas and ladies I got more fart stories of her , friends and idk if ima do stories of my current gf but who knows I got more stories to share in the future

Hey currently I’m 22 years old so this story takes place 3 years ago . Me and my ex were both 19 at the time and we got a hotel in our city just so we can stay away from our parents she lived with her mother and I lived with my parents . So we got a hotel in downtown Manhattan just for like 3 days to fuck like every day. My ex was 5’2 big boobs and nice ass . So I’m going to break this story down to like two parts each part being a time she farted .

This part is where we wanted to watch a movie for the night . Everything was good , tv good, me and her just cuddling on the bed. Then out of no where the tv stops working . So I’m pissed off because this hotel was suppose to be good so I call the hotel desk and they said they’re sending someone to fix it. So my ex decides to take a shower while she showering the guy hotel technician comes in. I know he didn’t know jack shit and he couldn’t fix the tv so me and her were left with no tv for the night . I was pretty upset and my ex comes out of the shower after the guy left . She asked me did he fix and I said no and she knew I was upset with the way I said and the tone I used .

She was wearing these nice skintight booty shorts. The really stretching one and like had her head wrapped up in the towel and she like I know something that would cheer you up . She looks at me and says “I feel a fart wait I gotta fart “ and then she sits on my lap and let out a low vibrating fart on my lap. In the moment I forgot what I was mad about and then she looks at me and she gets up off from my lap and farts in my face. I immediately got turned on and fuck the life out of her and in that moment I’m glad the tv were broken as me and her were fucking for the whole night . But that’s just the begging . I’m going to write the next part in a different story but gosh if I don’t have feelings for my ex anymore but obviously I still care about her but I care about how gassy she was and the farts she would do .

So my girlfriends friend who I mentioned in the last story I wrote about her I heard her fart.
Last night tho oh my god.
She was literally almost non stop, idk what she ate but in the two hours we were at her house I think she farted like 15 times, it was at least 10+ for sure.

The best part is idk what kinda farts yall like best but hers were so wet last night they were like getting close to like gross territory which was so hot and she was just letting them go non stop and just giggling about it idk what she had to eat that fucked ger stomach up like that but I loved it

Anyways DMs always open if u wanna chat I can send vids of my gf farting and I can send these vids to girls as well so don’t be nervous to reach out ladies yall can get the sauce too lol

My sister is 24, 5'9, and about 170 pounds with a large muscles and a white, round ass. I'm 19, 5'6, and about 130 pounds.

She's visiting for the time being and we decided to wrestle for old time's sake. She wanted to record it which I thought was strange but didn't pay much mind to it. Without much surprise, she's able to pretty easily overpower me, but then as I'm on my back, she pins my wrists down and straddles my face. After a while like that with her sitting on my face and pinning my wrists, she farts. Loud and long and multiple times. She got it all on video and she sent me a couple clips from it and it's absolutely brutal lmao.

I’m a girl 21 years old. I have a huge fart fetish, I get so horny when I fart and I fart a lot! My dms are open if anyone wanna chat with me

I woke up yesterday with my stomach gurgling. I spent the next 20 minutes lying in bed letting hot, silent farts ooze out of me before I had to get up and run my errands. I had the blankets tucked under my legs so that the smell didn’t escape, but honestly, it didn’t do much. I could smell every last one and those farts could’ve peeled paint. But I was glad to get them out because then I would be less gassy for the rest of the day, right?

Wrong.

All day, I could feel pressure building up in my bloated tummy. And these were not farts that I could hold. They were burning hot and fighting to escape my colon. I spent my whole day discreetly ripping nuclear bombs.

When I was outside, I pushed them out, unconcerned with the sputtering and duck quacks that escaped my butt. But a few times, the wind blew my farts back to me. I didn’t have to smell them to know they were nasty- I could tell from the way they popped against my hole and the moisture between my cheeks. But smelling them was a whole different experience, and I felt guilty for the way I crop-dusted every store.

With each passing hour, they got worse and in the evening- as I cooked dinner for my mother- I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes to unleash. I tried to fart in front of the fan we had in the kitchen window, hoping it would blow it straight outside, but the smell filled up the kitchen for a few solid minutes.

By the time I was leaving my parents house (in the uber my bf ordered me), I was farting every few minutes. I remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom, ripping violent farts that rippled between my ass and the hardwood floor.

They hadn’t slowed down even a little by the time my uber arrived. I spent the beginning of the ride desperately clenching my asshole to avoid suffocating someone’s poor father, but I ended up falling asleep. Im not sure if I was farting in my sleep, but I woke to the car smelling a bit funky. (I would like to note that if I was farting, the windows were still closed when I woke up so who knows? Maybe he was one of y’all 🤣)

My farts lasted all night and into the morning (rip my poor bf, who definitely took a few particularly bad ones to the crotch while we cuddled). And even after taking a greasy shit as soon as I woke up, my entire work commute was spent fumigating train cars.

Twice, I held in farts that seemed to build in my stomach, and I let both of them out as I got off the train. I didn’t get to see the aftermath but by the burn of my asshole, I think I could imagine it pretty well.

I walked some of the way to work, pushing out huge, loud farts. There was barely anyone on the street with me, so I farted loudly and proudly, until one particular fart made me fear that I had messed my pants.

Ik some of you will take joy in knowing that I BLEW up the bathroom in the welcome center of a college near my job. I knew that it would be gross and I couldn’t subject my coworkers to that. I could barely handle the smell as I washed my hands.

And I left wishing I had a tongue to lick me clean, because I KNOW I wasn’t able to do the job with just toilet paper, even though I tried.

Anyway, I spent the past day and a half savoring each fart so I could tell y’all about it. Each fart was sulfury and shitty smelling, so I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who had to smell them 🤣