u/AryaRayn

'we don't have to' he said when he pulled it out, which was very sweet of him and also i had already made up my mind the second i saw it.

i'd been talking to him a while and he'd been kind of shy about it in a way that made more sense once we got there. because it was a lot. like i've been with guys who were big and this was a different category, the kind where your brain does a little recalculation about what's physically about to happen to you.

so i took my time, because you have to, and he was patient about it, hands on my hips going easy, letting me set every bit of the pace. and even going slow it was so much, that stretch that's right at the edge of too much and then somehow tips over into exactly enough. i had to breathe through it and he kept checking my face and i kept telling him don't you dare stop.

once i actually had all of him i couldn't do anything clever or slutty or in control, i was just gripping the headboard taking it, this stunned dumb feeling every time he moved. he barely had to do anything. the size did the work.

i finished so hard i saw spots, completely untouched, just from being that full. he did right after, buried, and i felt every twitch of it.

i could not walk normal the next morning and i've thought about it every day since.

ok so i did a thing at a party this weekend and i kind of need to tell someone or it's just gonna live in my head forever

there was this guy, friend of a friend, we'd been doing the thing all night where you keep ending up in the same three feet of kitchen. eventually he asked if i wanted to help him find his jacket, which is the worst line ever and i said yes immediately because apparently i have no standards when someone's mouth looks like that.

so we're in the back bedroom, coats piled up on the bed like a mountain, and he's got me against the door kissing me before i even pretend to look for a jacket. then his hand goes down and he stops. that little pause. i felt him figure it out. i pulled back to watch his face do the whole thing, the surprise, the recalculating, and then he just goes 'ok' real quiet and drops to his knees.

i was not ready for how fast he went from confused to enthusiastic. hand over my mouth the whole time because people kept opening the door looking for their stuff and i had to act normal with a stranger's mouth on me.

someone literally asked if we'd seen a green tote bag. i said no. i was lying. i could not have located a tote bag to save my life right then.

anyway i finished embarrassingly quick and we never did find his jacket.

ok so i did a thing at a party this weekend and i kind of need to tell someone or it's just gonna live in my head forever

there was this guy, friend of a friend, we'd been doing the thing all night where you keep ending up in the same three feet of kitchen. eventually he asked if i wanted to help him find his jacket, which is the worst line ever and i said yes immediately because apparently i have no standards when someone's mouth looks like that.

so we're in the back bedroom, coats piled up on the bed like a mountain, and he's got me against the door kissing me before i even pretend to look for a jacket. then his hand goes down and he stops. that little pause. i felt him figure it out. i pulled back to watch his face do the whole thing, the surprise, the recalculating, and then he ju

i was not ready for how fast he went from confused to enthusiastic. hand over my mouth the whole time because people kept opening the door looking for their stuff and i had to act normal with a stranger's mouth on me.

someone literally asked if we'd seen a green tote bag. i said no. i was lying. i could not have located a tote bag to save my life right then.

anyway i finished embarrassingly quick and we never did find his jacket.

there was a guy leaning on the railing when i came out for air and i clocked pretty fast he'd been watching me through the sliding door for like half the night. not creepy about it. just steady. the kind of looking that makes you sit up a little straighter and then immediately regret wearing something that short.

i went out to cool off. it did not cool me off.

he didn't really say much, just asked if i knew people were watching me inside and i said yeah, obviously, that's kind of the whole thing for me, and i don't know why i told a total stranger that but it landed exactly how i wanted it to.

his hand was on my thigh before i finished my drink and then it kept going, up under the skirt, and i watched his whole face do the little double take when he figured out what he was actually holding. i just looked at him like yeah, and? and he didn't stop. that's the part i keep replaying. he didn't pull back, he got greedier.

skirt bunched up, his hand working me slow, my back against the railing and the party right there on the other side of the glass. i could see them. some of them could definitely see enough. i kept making eye contact with a girl i'd met like twice and not stopping, which is so bad, i know.

i finished way faster than i want to admit, bit down on my own knuckle so i wouldn't be loud and it did not fully work.

went back inside after with my legs shaking and pretended i just needed the air.

there was a guy waiting on the little bench outside the fitting rooms while his girlfriend tried stuff on, just scrolling his phone looking bored, and i decided he was gonna have a better afternoon than he planned

so i'm in the stall next to hers and the curtain doesn't fully close, like it never does at those places, theres always that gap on the side. and normally you stand behind the wall part so nobody sees. i did not do that. i stood right in the gap.

took my top off slow, took my bra off slower, and i watched his eyes come up off the phone in the mirror. he froze. did the thing where he looked back down real fast like he wasnt looking and then looked right back up because obviously he was gonna look. i pretended i had no idea. just kept "trying on" this little dress i had zero intention of buying, holding it up to myself, turning, letting him get the whole side view.

i'm 19 and i know exactly what im doing when i do this, thats the part i probably shouldnt admit. i wasnt nervous. i was so turned on i could barely stand still. the whole point is that pull in my stomach when i know a stranger is looking and cant say anything because his girlfriend is literally six feet away picking out jeans.

i bent over to grab my top off the floor slower than any person has ever picked up a shirt. gave it a second. when i stood up he was gripping his phone like it owed him money.

then his girlfriend goes "babe can you find me a medium" and he had to get up and walk past my gap to go do it and i swear he slowed down.

i bought nothing. i left with my face hot and my thighs kind of sticky and i already know im gonna do it again next weekend.

i don't know why i do laundry at 1am but i do. my building's machines are always taken during the day and honestly i like the empty laundromat down the street when it's just me and the hum and that gross green fluorescent light.

except last night it wasn't just me.

there was a guy folding a single load in the corner, headphones in, and i clocked him immediately and then made myself stop clocking him because i was in sleep shorts and a hoodie with no plan to be perceived.

my stuff goes in the dryer. i hop up on the folding counter to wait and scroll my phone. and i feel him looking. you know the difference between someone glancing and someone looking. this was looking.

he takes one headphone out and goes "you always come here this late?" and i should have said something normal. instead i said "only when i want it to myself" and immediately wanted to die because of how that landed.

he smiled. he walked over. the dryers are loud and warm and the whole room smelled like detergent and i swear my heart was going faster than the spin cycle.

it escalated so fast. one second we're doing the where are you from thing and the next i've got my fingers in his shirt and he's between my knees on that counter and the only light is that horrible green hum and i did not care even a little.

we kept having to pause when headlights swept the window. every time a car slowed down we froze like teenagers and then just. kept going. my dryer buzzed at one point and neither of us moved to deal with it.

i left with warm clothes shoved in a bag, half folded, his number in my phone under a name i won't say.

the problem is that's my closest laundromat. i physically cannot walk back in there with a straight face. i'm going to have to find a new one or accept my fate.

ok so i really should not be telling the internet this but i've been thinking about it all week and i need to say it out loud somewhere

so there was this little thing at a friend's place, not even a party really, just like ten people and too much wine, and there were these two guys i'd been low key flirting with separately the whole night. and i kept telling myself i'd pick one. like that's the mature thing, you pick one. i did not pick one.

the first one cornered me in the hallway by the coats and it was so dumb and obvious and i let him do it anyway. we ended up in the spare room and i barely got my underwear off before he was inside me. i told him not to finish in me. i did genuinely say it. and then i was the one who pulled him in deeper when he started to pull out because some broken little part of my brain just wanted to feel it. so that happened. i felt him twitch and i made this embarrassing noise and then we both just laid there and he kept apologizing and i kept saying it's fine it's fine while literally dripping.

here is the part i'm actually ashamed of. like twenty minutes later i'm back in the kitchen acting normal, refilling my wine, and the other guy comes up behind me and says something in my ear and i could still feel the first one leaking out of me and instead of being a normal person i thought oh. okay. why not.

so we go to the same room. the SAME room. and i don't tell him. i let him push into me already messy from someone else and he definitely could tell something was off because he goes "god you're so wet" and i just bit my lip and said yeah you make me like this which was a complete lie. and he came in me too. just gave up on the idea of being good entirely at that point.

anyway i drove home with a towel under me feeling like the filthiest girl alive and the worst part is i'd absolutely do it again. i looked at myself in the mirror before bed like who even are you. and honestly i kind of liked her.