u/Far-Bluebird-6470

I’m 26 and working towards med school. I’m planning on applying next year. I’ve never been with a man ever (I used to only like women) but I definitely have a type. Masculine, provider, strong and confident. It was embarrassing at first to admit to myself that I want an energy like that in my life.

I hate to say it, but even though my life is being devoted to becoming a doctor, I have lots of “domestic“ thoughts lately. When I meet a man I’m attracted to, it feels like a deep part of my mind just wants me to take care of him and produce children for him. A thought I literally have when I see a hot guy is “I want to have his babies”. It’s like there’s a new submissive and frustratingly lazy part of my brain that doesn’t care so much about my future plans and just wants to be comfy and cozy under the leadership of a man. It’s a bit disconcerting sometimes considering I always wanted to prove I was better.

I’m just a bit confused on what to do with these thoughts and wondering if they might get more intense over time or lead to something.

I’m 26 and working towards med school. I’m planning on applying next year. I’ve never been with a man ever (I used to only like women) but I definitely have a type. Masculine, provider, strong and confident. It was embarrassing at first to admit to myself that I want an energy like that in my life.

I hate to say it, but even though my life is being devoted to becoming a doctor, I have lots of “domestic“ thoughts lately. When I meet a man I’m attracted to, it feels like a deep part of my mind just wants me to take care of him and produce children for him. A thought I literally have when I see a hot guy is “I want to have his babies”. It’s like there’s a new submissive and frustratingly lazy part of my brain that doesn’t care so much about my future plans and just wants to be comfy and cozy under the leadership of a man. It’s a bit disconcerting sometimes considering I always wanted to prove I was better.

I’m just a bit confused on what to do with these thoughts and wondering if they might get more intense over time or lead to something.

For the past seven years I’ve been fully butch. Short cropped hair, flannels and boots, always the dom in every relationship I’ve had with women. I was confident, in control, and honestly loved being the one on top calling the shots. I never thought I’d want anything different.

A few nights ago I matched with a straight guy on an app. Tall, deep voice, quiet confidence… the kind of masculine energy I’m not used to being around. We grabbed a drink and ended up back at his place. I figured I’d stay in my usual role if things got physical.

The second we were inside he kissed me hard and something just… shifted. I tried to take charge out of habit… pushing him back, grabbing at him… but he caught my wrists, pinned them above my head against the wall, and said low, “Not tonight. You’re going to let me lead.” My knees actually felt weak.

He took his time stripping me down, then asked me to put on this soft black lace lingerie set he had. I felt ridiculous at first, standing there in heels I could barely walk in, but the way he looked at me made me so wet I couldn’t think straight. He bent me over his bed, spread my legs, and fucked me slow and deep while calling me his good girl. I came harder than I ever have in my life, whimpering and moaning things I’ve never said before: “yes daddy,” “please,” begging him not to stop.

For the first time I wasn’t performing toughness. I was soft, girly, dripping, and completely submissive. He held me down, praised me, used me exactly how he wanted, and I loved every second of it. The old butch version of me basically disappeared that night.

I left the next morning sore and ashamed. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. Part of me wonders if I’ve been fighting this side of myself for years.

I don’t know what this means for me long-term, but damn… getting fucked like that felt incredible.