We talk a lot about growth, but what does it actually look like behind the scenes? Let’s explore the how of self-awareness, the methods we use to assess ourselves as individuals and evolve in our roles as Dominant and Submissive, or our spousal roles.
Is this server primarily real life players, role players, or both? + any specific kink/dynamic focus
Both - a blend of real-life players and role-players, with a focus on reflection and education by way of thought-provoking daily questions on aspects of the lifestyle. There is an upcoming rope education event planned, too!
Is it age gated and/or ID verification required?
Yes, 25+ and ID verification required.
Invite link (currently around 100 members):
Moderator Review:
Very welcoming space with moderate activity, the active members clearly have built relationships and know each other well. There are some folks that have more online and role play experience than real life, but every member approaches discussions with an open mind and communicates well even when there are differences. There is some light flirting and seeking is allowed in the space, but I never experienced any disrespect. Overall, I recommend this space for its fun but reflective atmosphere and the lovely members and mod team.
The next few weeks we are going to be reviving some foundational topics that warrant a re-visit from time to time.
Aftercare is the pre-negotiated ritual completed after a scene or D/s interaction concludes. It's intended to reaffirm both spouses' consent and enthusiastic participation in what just happened, and to take immediate steps for any potential drop in either partner.
Drop is what happens when the endorphins and brain chemicals that surge during a scene suddenly dissipate, or "drop." It can show up physically right after (shaking, crying, chills, shock-like symptoms) or mentally, sometimes with delayed onset of hours or even days.
For submissive spouses, drop can often look like standard depression: loss of interest, withdrawal, crying.
For Dominant spouses, drop can often look like a shame spiral, negative self-talk, and/or isolation.
What does aftercare and drop support look like in your marriage? Things to think on as you answer:
Did you adapt something that you had already done as a vanilla married couple to suit D/s or did you complete something totally new?
Do you scale aftercare to the intensity of the scene?
How do you recognize drop in yourself or your spouse, and what do you do about it?
If you don't do aftercare or have never experienced drop... please still read the thread and learn from others' experience. No need to comment that the question doesn't apply to you.
The next few weeks we are going to be reviving some topics that we haven't posted about in awhile! They are all considered foundational topics that warrant a re-visist from time to time.
Aftercare is the pre-negotiated ritual completed after the conclusion of a scene, that is intended to reaffirm everyone's consent and enthusiastic participation in the kinks they just enjoyed and to take immediate steps for any potential drop from either party.
Drop is what happens when all of the endorphins and happy brain chemicals that surge during a scene suddenly dissipate or "drop" from the high they reached during the scene. It can have physical effects right after the scene (shaking, crying, chills, shock symptoms) or mental affects that can even have delayed onset of a few hours or even days.
For subs, drop can often look like standard depression. Loss of interest, withdrawal, crying.
For Doms, drop can often look like shame spiral, negative self talk, and/or isolation.
What does aftercare and support for drop look like in your dynamic? Do you have levels of aftercare depending on the intensity of the scene? How do you identify drop in yourself and/or your partner and what do you do to mitigate it?
Going to go ahead an add - if you don't do aftercare, or have never experienced drop, please read the thread and learn... but no need to update us that question does not apply to you.
My wife and I (also F) have recently shifted to a 24/7 dynamic. We’ve started off really small with only a handful of rules/rituals and plan to add/adjust as we go and see what works/doesn’t work for us.
We both feel like we’re missing something specifically ‘subby’ for me to do daily. Two of my tasks are to wake her every morning so she has time to workout before work, and to make her tea within an hour of me getting up, but these don’t specifically scream submissive to me outside of the fact I get rewards/punishments and go anyone on the outside it’s just me being a supportive/caring wife.
We both loved the idea of having me kneel with my head on her lap/thigh for a certain amount of time every morning/night but in reality it doesn’t work for us.
We have an almost one year old that we co-sleep with, my wife works while I’m SAHM with our baby. I wake my wife around 5am but I go back to sleep until our baby wakes up as I’m usually up with him during the night. My wife usually takes him to bed and sometimes she’ll get back up after he’s asleep, but other times she’ll go to sleep when he does.
So, looking for some ideas or suggestions on a task/ritual that we can add that makes me feel more submissive m.
Are collars part of your dynamic? What is the symbolism as compared to your wedding band, do they have a different meaning entirely or just an added layer of commitment?
All of the communities below have less than 10k members and fill a space in our community. No porn subs, these are all reflective communities that focus on a specific aspect of kink. I hope people find this helpful, and if you know of any SMALL communities I should add to future posts, please comment with them below!
r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out and make the most of our dynamics as well. [THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago, that is working hard to rebuild!]
r/BDSMgrowth BDSM Growth is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s and other BDSM dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships as a lifestyle.
r/PetplayHaven Community-centered space for exploring petplay as a lifestyle rooted in connection, identity, and personal growth. This subreddit is for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. Whether you're an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, or something uniquely your own, you're welcome here. 🚫Strictly No Nudity. No Porn.🚫
r/Dompeptalk Dom pep talk
Welcome. This is a place where submissive people can ask for some support, with a bit of dominant energy thrown in. Tell us what you want encouragement or praise for, and what your limits are—like, what kind of language is okay, and stuff like that. Read the rules for more details. Don't send direct messages to posters. Over 18 only please. No posts from Dom/mes looking for support. Dominants need care too but this space is about subs. Thanks.
r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials
For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.
r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome.
r/BimboficationHub Welcome to r/BimboficationHub, a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone to learn, discuss, and explore bimbofication! Whether you're curious, experienced, or anywhere in between, we aim to provide an environment for discussions on transformation, hyper-femininity, self-expression, and embracing the lifestyle. Share tips, ask questions, and engage in respectful dialogue about bimbo aesthetics, mindset, and personal growth. Join our community and dive in!
All of the communities below have less than 10k members and fill a space in our community. No porn subs, these are all reflective communities that focus on a specific aspect of kink. I hope people find this helpful, and if you know of any SMALL communities I should add to future posts, please comment with them below!
r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out and make the most of our dynamics as well. [THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago, that is working hard to rebuild!]
r/BDSMgrowth BDSM Growth is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s and other BDSM dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships as a lifestyle.
r/PetplayHaven Community-centered space for exploring petplay as a lifestyle rooted in connection, identity, and personal growth. This subreddit is for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. Whether you're an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, or something uniquely your own, you're welcome here. 🚫Strictly No Nudity. No Porn.🚫
r/Dompeptalk Dom pep talk
Welcome. This is a place where submissive people can ask for some support, with a bit of dominant energy thrown in. Tell us what you want encouragement or praise for, and what your limits are—like, what kind of language is okay, and stuff like that. Read the rules for more details. Don't send direct messages to posters. Over 18 only please. No posts from Dom/mes looking for support. Dominants need care too but this space is about subs. Thanks.
r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials
For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.
r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome.
r/BimboficationHub Welcome to r/BimboficationHub, a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone to learn, discuss, and explore bimbofication! Whether you're curious, experienced, or anywhere in between, we aim to provide an environment for discussions on transformation, hyper-femininity, self-expression, and embracing the lifestyle. Share tips, ask questions, and engage in respectful dialogue about bimbo aesthetics, mindset, and personal growth. Join our community and dive in!
All of the communities below have less than 10k members and fill a space in our community. No porn subs, these are all reflective communities that focus on a specific aspect of kink. I hope people find this helpful, and if you know of any SMALL communities I should add to future posts, please comment with them below!
r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out and make the most of our dynamics as well. [THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago, that is working hard to rebuild!]
r/BDSMgrowth BDSM Growth is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s and other BDSM dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships as a lifestyle.
r/PetplayHaven Community-centered space for exploring petplay as a lifestyle rooted in connection, identity, and personal growth. This subreddit is for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. Whether you're an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, or something uniquely your own, you're welcome here. 🚫Strictly No Nudity. No Porn.🚫
r/Dompeptalk Dom pep talk
Welcome. This is a place where submissive people can ask for some support, with a bit of dominant energy thrown in. Tell us what you want encouragement or praise for, and what your limits are—like, what kind of language is okay, and stuff like that. Read the rules for more details. Don't send direct messages to posters. Over 18 only please. No posts from Dom/mes looking for support. Dominants need care too but this space is about subs. Thanks.
r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials
For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.
r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome.
r/BimboficationHub Welcome to r/BimboficationHub, a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone to learn, discuss, and explore bimbofication! Whether you're curious, experienced, or anywhere in between, we aim to provide an environment for discussions on transformation, hyper-femininity, self-expression, and embracing the lifestyle. Share tips, ask questions, and engage in respectful dialogue about bimbo aesthetics, mindset, and personal growth. Join our community and dive in!
This is a promotional post from the owners of this subreddit. If you have another space you would like to recommend, please ask permission first or your comment will be removed.
Collar & Quill is a server focused on the joys and work of maintaining an in person/irl power exchange dynamic. Long distance couples are welcome, but a real-life component must exist in your dynamic to join. We ask that you have been together for 6 months with your D or s type to join, but if you have prior experience before that an dhave not been together six months, you are still welcome to apply. Solo but committed applicants are welcome to join, but we currently do not allow single/unattached Doms or subs to join. We have weekly discussion posts, role specific areas, and a lively gen chat. What sets us apart is that every member is engaged in real life power exchange, not online role play. We do not ID verify but there is an application/vetting process to join. https://discord.gg/9tDf7tAr64
The Submissive Way is a Discord server for submissives only (no Doms, no spectators; switches can only participate from their sub side).
We’ve built a lively, dedicated space for those who see submission as a lifestyle, not just a kink. If you’re looking for connection, growth, and real conversation with others on the same path, you might find your place here.
There is an application process to protect the space, but all submissives serious about growth and understanding themselves are welcome to apply. We do not ID verify, only the application process is required to join. https://discord.gg/MdaQBEGKKa
Participation and engagement are required in both spaces. We hope to see you soon!
Hi all - I love to promote kink spaces here on reddit and on discord. However, a lot of the ones I get requests to promote are not aligned with our goals in this subreddit. This post is to make it clearer on what we will consider when these promotion requests are submitted via modmail.
First and foremost, please have engaged here on the subreddit via comments or posts that match the intention of the subreddit prior to asking to promote your space.
Secondly, please know that I will not promote spaces that I have not personally vetted, but also, I do not ID verify. So, if you want me to promote your space here, you will need to either make an exception on your ID verify rule (just long enough for me to get a vibe check of the space, about 48 hours) or seek another forum to promote your space.
Third, send a modmail that includes ALL of the below info:
IF YOU POST WITHOUT PRIOR PERMISSION FROM THE MOD TEAM WE WILL DELETE AND BAN.
Thanks - SP
r/BDSMgrowth is this subreddit that I am working very hard to grow. It is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships.
r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out, and make the most of our dynamics as well. [EDIT - THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago!]
r/domesticdiscipline Domestic discipline is a lifestyle based on structure, accountability, and agreed-upon roles. This community exists as a learning space to ask questions, share experiences, and discuss the practice respectfully. Content should focus on education and support, not sexual gratification. Posts or comments that drift from this purpose may be removed to keep the community safe and constructive.
r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials
For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.
r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome. (HUGE need for this one in our community and it is growing quickly!)
My Dom and I have been together for 2 years and have had some huge milestones this year: pregnant with our first child, formally collared, and newly engaged!
I am hoping to rely a little bit on this community as we transition from being DINKs with a very kink forward lifestyle to finding ways to continue to have kink woven throughout our life as the focus shifts to becoming parents.
We were living medium protocol TPE on the day to day, but now our entire focus has shifted to becoming parents for the first time. A lot of the rituals we do will still work to support our dynamic, and the bedroom will be fine once we get back to it, but the intentionality and the us factor underneath it all is what I am most worried about.
(ETA more specific questions in this section) To anyone that has become first time parents together while in an established dynamic, I would love to hear what surprised you most about how your dynamic shifted, and what did you wish you'd talked about beforehand? If you don't mind sharing, were you in a dynamic before you had kids and what did that dynamic look like (bedroom only/24/7 or TPE, brat/tamer, etc)? did you do anything specific to prioritize your dynamic or in hindsight is there anything you wish you all had discussed prior to baby coming?
Any other advice welcome and appreciated!
Hi all! Despite being a moderator of this subreddit, I am actually a little different from most of the people here. My Dom and I have been together for 2 years and have had some huge milestones this year: pregnant with our first child, formally collared, and newly engaged! I think most people here were married and then found kink, but we have done the journey in the opposite way: kink first, marriage second.
I am hoping to rely a little bit on this community as we transition from being DINKs with a very kink forward lifestyle to finding ways to continue to have kink woven throughout our life as the focus shifts to becoming parents.
We were living medium protocol TPE on the day to day, but now our entire focus has shifted to becoming parents for the first time. A lot of the rituals we do in the day to day will still work, and the bedroom will be fine once we get back to it, but the intentionality and the us factor underneath it all is what I am most worried about.
To anyone that has become first time parents together while in an established dynamic, I would love to hear what surprised you most about how your dynamic shifted, and what did you wish you'd talked about beforehand?
This will be updated and edited as needed; Titles are links
Community-centered space for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. It’s about connection, identity, and growth within petplay as a lifestyle.
We are not a matchmaking server. If you’re here to find a dynamic, this won’t be the right fit. This space is built for community, conversation, and shared experience.
Whether you’re an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, human pet, or something uniquely your own, you’re welcome here.
Vibe & what makes us special:
Requirements:
✦ ────── ✦ ────── ✦
If you have practical experience with submission, meaning several negotiated scenes or a negotiated dynamic of at least 1 month, please apply to join us!
This isn't a beginner space; it's where you go after you've gotten your feet wet and want deeper conversations with peers who understand the journey. We do not ID verify but we do vet every single member that joins. Participation is required - long time lurkers will have their access restricted and will eventually be booted.
Here is what we offer in our space:
There is an application to join and an intro profile required for access. We restrict access to the NSFW areas to active members only.
✦ ────── ✦ ────── ✦
Where real-life committed power exchange dynamics take center stage. No roleplay, no hookups, no short-term swapping. This is about IRL Dom/sub relationships of 6 + months or more.
Vibe & what makes us special:
Requirements:
✦ ────── ✦ ────── ✦
A brand-new community-centered BDSM space focused on intentional dynamics, meaningful discussion, education, and connection.
This is not a matchmaking server, a hookup hub, or a place for collecting dynamics. The Kept Collective was built for people who want thoughtful conversation, active community, and a deeper understanding of BDSM beyond surface-level interaction.
To us, “kept” is not about one role alone. It’s about the care, structure, trust, responsibility, vulnerability, and connection that can exist within power exchange and kink.
Whether you are Dominant, submissive, switch, pet, Handler, service-oriented, curious, experienced, or just beginning your journey, you are welcome here.
Vibe & what makes us special:
Requirements:
Hey all! It has been 3+ months since I have done one of these, but not a ton has changed. Best news is that one of the communities that was banned has been resurrected in a new form - let's show it some love and grow it! r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out, and make the most of our dynamics as well. [MOD EDIT - THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago!]
Criteria is to have less than 10k members and be bdsm/kink focused with consistent activity but not wholly porn (nsfw posts allowed are OK but not the main focus of the subreddit).
Starting off with a shameless self-promotional plug...
r/BDSMgrowth is this subreddit that I am working very hard to grow. It is a space for thoughtful, mature conversations about power exchange. We focus on reflection, intentional practice, and long-term growth within D/s dynamics. This is not a space for hookup posts or fantasy roleplay. We're here to talk about the real work of building, sustaining, and evolving power exchange relationships. We have an associated discord server for couples to join together, or solo people can join as long as they are in committed dynamics. Collar & Quill. We have AMAs, D&D games, and podcast discussions monthly! Here is the link: https://discord.gg/bsQKa5P8JQ
r/DomSubMarriage A community for people in D/s relationships with their spouse or other committed romantic partner. Integrating D/s with other aspects of love and marriage – such as parenting and managing a household – can present unique emotional and logistical challenges. Here we help each other figure it out, and make the most of our dynamics as well. [MOD EDIT - THIS IS THE RESSURECTED r/marriedbdsm that was unceremoniously banned a few months ago!]
r/domesticdiscipline Domestic discipline is a lifestyle based on structure, accountability, and agreed-upon roles. This community exists as a learning space to ask questions, share experiences, and discuss the practice respectfully. Content should focus on education and support, not sexual gratification. Posts or comments that drift from this purpose may be removed to keep the community safe and constructive.
r/ropetutorials ask, share, and discuss rope tutorials
For requesting and sharing rope tutorials. Constructive discussion and criticism of tutorials welcome. No racism, no politics.
r/ChronicKinksters We are a sex and kink positive community for chronically ill kinksters to commiserate and ask for advice. Here you can share tips, tricks, and adaptions on how to stay kinky while dealing with a chronic illness or condition. Just want to vent? That’s okay, too! All conditions, illness, or disease are welcome. All levels of kink/bdsm involvement are welcome. (HUGE need for this one in our community and it is growing quickly!)
r/PetplayHaven Community-centered space for exploring petplay as a lifestyle rooted in connection, identity, and personal growth. This subreddit is for pets, handlers, and anyone drawn to the petplay dynamic who values emotional depth, structure, and supportive relationships. Whether you're an Owner, Handler, pup, kitten, bunny, or something uniquely your own, you're welcome here. 🚫Strictly No Nudity. No Porn.🚫
r/SofterBDSM Advice, discussion, and ideas for the softer BDSM practitioner. Daddy Doms, Pleasure Doms, Soft Doms etc. and subs of all kinds welcome! Answers to your questions from the perspectives of soft doms and their subs. Gentle BDSM of all sorts welcome.
r/BlackBDSMLounge - this one is new and growing!
BlackBDSMLounge A discussion focused space for Black kinksters to connect, share experiences, and talk about BDSM, fetish, and kink from a melanated perspective. Whether you’re new or experienced, this is a place to explore, learn, and celebrate Black voices in kink.
This one is established but definitely deserves a shout out:
r/BimboficationHub Welcome to r/BimboficationHub, a welcoming and inclusive space for everyone to learn, discuss, and explore bimbofication! Whether you're curious, experienced, or anywhere in between, we aim to provide an environment for discussions on transformation, hyper-femininity, self-expression, and embracing the lifestyle. Share tips, ask questions, and engage in respectful dialogue about bimbo aesthetics, mindset, and personal growth. Join our community and dive in!
So were we, when it mysteriously disappeared a few months ago. We had hoped there was some kind of glitch that brought it offline, and that it would return as quickly as it vanished.
But when it became clear after several months that this wasn't going to happen, we decided to create a new sub for the same community that had suddenly lost their home.
If you're wondering if this is "the new marriedBDSM", that's exactly what this is, and we're glad you found it – especially if you were previously a member there!
Shared this one in the discord, thought it would be a good one to share here too
✨When has petplay made you feel the most emotionally raw or exposed?
✨What about that moment stayed with you?