r/SexOnTheSpectrum

He is 37 and I am 39AUD. BF of a year doesn’t take charge of sex. He always asks me if that is my problem. He blames me for not having a sex life but each time we talk about it he is trying to quiz me about if I remember all of the things he told me that turns him on and why I don’t do them. If I don’t do most of the effort and in his way it eventually ends up being a fight. He doesn’t last long either so It is a lot of work with little reward so I am honestly fine without in order to not go through this same rodeo each time.

He is like this about other things like dishes. If I don’t do them they don’t get done. If I say something he turns it against me and denies that I usually do them.

He talks to his therapist about the sex issue. it because he tries to use that against me too. I think it is a deep seated issue from his one relationship of 9 years. She
cheated a lot. When she did have sex it was anytime he was getting money.

I just know that I have never had this issue before. What would you guys do?

IM A FUCKING VIRGIN BUT HOLY FUCK I HATE HOW EVERYONE WHO IS NOT A CIS STRAIGHT MAN IS EXPECTED TO LOOOOOOVVVEEEE PENETRATION BUT IT FUCKING HURTS!! I DONT EXPERIENCE ANY SEXUAL PLEASURE FROM IT AT ALL. IVE TRIED WITH DILDOS AND FINGERS BUT IT HURTS AND IT MAKES ORGASMS WEAKER!! GOD!! DO I HAVE TO ENJOY THIS?? IT FEELS JUST AS INTRUSIVE AND WEIRD AS DOING THE FUCKING COVID TEST THING IN THE NOSE!! DO REAL PENISES FEEL BETTER?? JESUS CHRIST PLEASE TELL ME REAL SEX DOESNT FEEL LIKE THIS. I DONT LIKE THE STABBING PAIN ON MY CERVIX THANK YOU VERY MUCH FUUUUUCK YOU!!

(Afab btw)

Edit: I think I have a really fucking shallow vagina lmao

I have a thing for it, as does the lady.

We were wondering how to protect the mattress if we wanted to do oil wrestling on the bed. (Only shower up til now). I was thinking a tarp first, then a blanket, then plastic sheeting. Or perhaps just a tarp with a kiddie pool on top of?

What material would provide the best sensory experience when oiled up and sliding over it?

So one to one help has been arranged in a group therapy session today and it was brilliant. We now have a room that's been called the clinic room. Its different to the light sensory room and the play room as its small with no windows and private. So I was aloud to sit with my best male friend on the cushion on the floor. We are both mute but I can make sounds. We were not aloud to touch one another but to concentrate on ourselves and given tissues. It wax amazing im feeling good

So long story but I somehow managed to make it to 25 (will be 26 in January) without any sexual experience. In fact the only woman I’ve even kissed was a friend my junior year in college at a party when we were both drunk and we haven’t been on speaking terms for years (for completely unrelated reasons). During the pandemic, I did end up swapping nudes with one person in my year I befriended via social media, but they eventually came out as a trans man and that was basically the end of anything sexual between us (we remained friends for a while before eventually losing touch). College in general was just kind of a bust for me because I lost half my freshman and all of my sophomore year to COVID, and by the time I came back most ppl already kind of had their own friend group from before the plague hit (it was just my luck that I got abandoned by mine right after we got sent home) so I always kind of felt like I was on the outside looking in and never rly found my people.

After graduating college, I moved back in with my parents for a year to look for jobs. The problem with that is they live in the exurbs of Charlotte where everyone is at least 40 and all the ppl I went to high school with left as soon as they could so I was basically by myself. Add to that my parents are very controlling and don’t treat me like an adult so my entire life was on their schedule, they monitored my debit card purchases, and going out to bars or stepping outside my normal routine or comfort zone at all rly (they tend to react very negatively and unsupportively whenever I have a new interest, hobby, or idea they don’t like) wasn’t rly an option.

I eventually tried grad school just to get away from them and that (long story I’m not getting into here) ended up being such a complete dumpster fire I came out of it traumatized, made no new friends, came home to my parents’ house after 2 semesters, and ended up working 11 months in a shitty job as a line server in a nearby college dining hall. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting laid or any female attention while that whole shitstorm was happening.

Now, I’m trying to get a job in Colorado where my sister and cousins live (I’ll have a support network and family around but they actually treat me like an adult) so I can escape my parental overlords and be around people who aren’t either Boomers or ultraconservative Christians. The problem is even with a change in scenery I feel like it’s going to be a while before I get laid. Even when I’m around women my age, I’m fairly average looking and stopped growing at 5’5” so while ppl aren’t usually repulsed by me, I’m used to being essentially invisible to women my entire adult life and don’t even rly remember what genuine sexual interest from a woman even looks like or when I last experienced any.

Also I have very, VERY niche interests thanks to the ‘tism (history, certain video games, geography, this entire fictional universe I’ve built in my head (long story, there’s a book in progress), Star Wars, Avatar: The Last Airbender, elections, and leftist politics mostly) that make it hard for me to connect with ppl who aren’t into those things. It also kind of feels like there’s this sort of wide, unbridgeable…gulf between me and neurotypical ppl that makes me struggle to befriend them on a deeper level. I’ve noticed almost all the genuine friends I’ve had in my life I either knew were neurospicy when I met them or later revealed to me they were neurospicy.

The one thing I guess I have going for me is that even though I wasn’t getting any, I’ve stayed very sex positive philosophically throughout my adult life. Things like sex work and ethical non-monogamy that make a lot of even otherwise progressive ppl shit themselves never bothered me (one of the few ppl I knew from high school I reconnected with later in life actually ended up as a fairly successful lesbian OF model), I never fell for the weird moral panic about porn that seems to be everywhere these days, and I avoided anything trying to push incel crap on me like the plague.

So once I move out of this hellhole, what do I do? I just feel like I’m invisible to most women and incompatible with even more of them. Also PLEASE no Manosphere crap

So im autistic level 2 and educational challenge. I posted about doing sex as im a virgin. Ive had councillors today and they have said its not something to do at the moment as I have a catheter. They said that in the future may be possible but to just enjoy what I do. They said im fine as I am so will do as they ask.

Ive got level 2 and allso learning challenges. I have never been with a girl. Also im live in care home site im frustrated and wud love to be naked with a girl who is also not clothed. Ive talk to manager but nothing opportunity thanks

I've never experienced any form of sexual or romantic attraction to another person yet keep thinking about exploring sex. (Male, 25)

But in my naive, autistic imagination, sex (or what I might find desirable about it) depends to a great degree on being physically desired by another person.

So if I am unable to develop desire towards another individual but would expect exactly that from them, could that ever lead to a healthy relation?

NB: Relation could be anything like a traditional couple or just a hook-up. You see, I'm really starting at the very beginning what I would actually want, and I am desperately hoping for your experience 😅

As my title says how do I communicate to my(41F) husband(45M) exactly what I want during oral? Some backstory, we’ve been married almost 22 years. His sex drive was extremely high in the early years, but medications have changed that for him in the last few years. I would say my drive was extremely low back then but it potentially could have been higher if my husband would have cared more about my pleasure but that’s in the past and he has since changed. I started HRTs early last year and had a total hysterectomy in October last year. Since starting HRT and having the hysterectomy my sex drive has gone through the roof! I’ve noticed over the last few years that reaching orgasm through oral and fingering has basically stopped and is taking a lot longer than it used to!

My husband and I have been in couples therapy for communication and connection which has been amazing! I am finally being able to communicate what I want sexually with my husband. During oral sex I get very close and then he changes pace, pressure, speed and I lose out and have to rebuild back up to it. At some point my hubby brings out the vibrator and gets me off that way. I have been telling him after sex what was working and that I was close but that I lost it. I’ve told him what I like and what I don’t. I’ve told him I want less pressure, no flicking of the tongue etc. He’s asked that I let him know verbally when I’m close with a “yes” “that” or something. I have tried this but I have to concentrate to actually get there and me talking sometimes causes myself to lose the orgasm or when I say something it causes him to pause because he’s trying to hear what I’m saying which means I lose the orgasm because he pauses and changes what he was doing.

I’ve tried talking to him about what I want before hand to remind him I want slow, soft movements, he tried a teasing thing which I absolutely loved and told him that was awesome, however, he’s hasn’t done it since that time even though I’ve communicated this with him. I’ve even tried using my fingers on his arm to show him how light I want the pressure to be, I’ve used my tongue on the palm of his hand. He tells me he can’t feel a difference when I do this but that he thinks he understands. I’ve also told him while he’s down there, less pressure, show down etc, but he replies I thought I was doing less pressure. I’ve also told him sometimes I think he’s too close in proximity to me which makes him give too much pressure.

The last time we were intimate I told him a few times less pressure, and tried moving away from him slightly but he just peeled me right back closer to him, then he tried using the vibrator but it hurt and I said ow, so he put the vibrator down and tried to go back to oral sex but at that point I was over stimulated mentally and physically and I called an all stop. I then told him I felt like he wasn’t listening and that I’m not sure how to communicate with him or to get him to understand what I actually want which is frustrating me more. Honestly I haven’t told him but it’s starting to get increasingly frustrating to the point that I’m not really exposed to have sex because my needs aren’t being listened to and it’s causing me physical irritation as well.

So I’m reaching out to you because I’ve tried everything I can think of and have seen others suggest on how to show him or tell him what I want and I’m at a loss on what else I can do. I know my husband is open to listening and trying, I also know he isn’t trying to be an asshat and not listen because he really does focus on my pleasure and has been willing to try pretty much anything I bring up. I plan on trying to have a conversation with him again this evening so I’m hoping I can get some advice on ways to help me communicate what I really want, or positions that could potentially help.

Im a 29 year old woman with autism and social anxiety and ive had many relationships throughout my 20s, yet im still a virgin. Had my first relationship at 19 and realized that no matter how attracted I had been to my first boyfriend I still couldnt get myself to sleep with him, I just kept saying I needed time. Then I met the man who became my second boyfriend and really loved him deeply, we grew together a lot and it was a very important relationship for me to this day. Him and I broke up months later and stayed friends, we were very close best friends but eventually our feelings for each other became so mixed and confusing and created conflicts that we stopped talking for 3 years. During those 3 years and after I dated other guys, got extremely attached to some, dated one on and off for 4 years, but never gained any sexual experience.

This year ive gotten closer to my second boyfriend from 10 years ago again. We reconnected as friends during the pandemic, started hanging out sporadically 2 years ago, and this spring and summer began getting closer. Ive never really gotten over him even though we both have our issues but that doesnt change my feelings. He's wanted me back as a girlfriend a few times in the past but i've always rejected him, due to circumstances and expectations ive felt forced upon me, not feelings. As we've gotten closer this summer I eventually asked him out but he replied we can go as friends, when I questioned why he said that he has strong needs sexual and emotional so he cant be with me in a relationship. I figured he must assume I lack sexual needs and on top of that struggle greatly with emotional intimacy as well... I have had many people refer to me as nice but cold and impossible to read or get close to... Im a very avoidant person. I panicked and I told him that of course he has those needs and the problem is only that ive not been certain of the direction we're moving in so i've been holding back, and then I told him I have feelings for him. That changed everything. We went on a date and ever since we've pretty much dated, we cuddle and hold hands and he has tried to escalate sexually a few times... But everytime I have stopped him.

I am prude though I wish not to be. I have a hard time seeing sex as something other than emotionally detached and 'bad'. I am not asexual, in fact my ex was asexual and that made me very frustrated and I felt he was only lying about being in love with me since he didnt seem to desire me at all, he didnt call himself asexual but he was extremely avoiding of intimacy. Its more of a mental blockage I have and I dont know how to remove. I realize I am often sending a lot of mixed signals.
Recently he asked me if I will never be open to anything sexual. Hes not expecting sex right away, its more for example touching on and under the clothes... Which we have but only on his initiative. For me I have only touched a mans penis 1 time and that was his not too long ago and I found it overwhelming and strange sensorywise, but I believe I have processed that experience now. He then asked me if I dont want him seeing other women so I said no. I feel like I probably demand a lot if I expect exclusivity but wont offer a full relationship. Ive already 10 years ago kept telling him when we were a couple then that I just need time... And then broke up with him which I remember really hurt his feelings, it took some time before we could be friends. I wouldnt want to hurt him like that again and after being with my ex last year who never showed any desire for me I actually know what it feels like now to be on the side of feeling undesirable. He has told me several times that its good if we can talk about this and that he wont judge me no matter what, but I still havent actually opened up and told him how everything feels to me.

He is very physically affectionate, he touches me a lot. I would definietely say theres a lot of chemistry and the thing holding me back is this mental blockage. Like if I let anything sexual happen I go to the bathroom and shame myself for it. Genuienly when we went back to his place after the date we had when i'd told him I have feelings for him this summer I felt so attracted to him, we made out quite a lot but still everytime it started going further I - almost against my own will - stopped him, and then went home even though it was the middle of the night and I couldve just stayed over. I dont know what my problem is. Ive always been curious about sex, my libido may not be so high but its certainly not extremely low either. I dont want to stay like this forever. I was wondering if this sounds familiar to anyone else and if anyone overcame it and how.

I M26, am autistic and for many years this instrumental, boring, generic, instrumental song has given me an erection and made me aroused specifically feeling an urge to procreate and desire to reproduce, it’s so embarassing and confusing I don’t know why a boring weather channel local forecast song would do that, 2 of my autistic male friends relate as well so maybe it’s a sensory or somatic thing it’s so embarrassing I want to know if I’m not alone can any of you relate specifically guys with autism I’ve posted a link to the song I want to attempt to reproduce whenever I hear it, I get that urge and I feel erect and think of sperm and reproduction and want to procreate on a primal level for a minute when I hear it and get very erect does it make any of you feel that way? It’s so cringe because it’s not a hot song it’s so embarrassing I hope I’m not the only one maybe it’s the rhythm I don’t know it’s a boring song tho the still use it sometimes I think