Weekend Away Turned Into Something We Didn’t Expect

We live in San Diego, so this wasn’t a big trip — just downtown for the weekend, staying at a hotel in the Gaslamp Quarter to shake things up and do something different from our usual routine.
First night we hit a Spanish tapas spot near the hotel — sangria, live music, good energy. When the club downstairs opened up we went down to dance. At one point I stepped away to grab a drink and just let her dance on her own for a bit. Didn’t take long before guys started circling in — she genuinely hadn’t noticed until I pointed it out. She lit up.
Second night was supposed to be a bigger “game” — deliberately putting her in a position to get hit on at a bar while I watched from a distance. As we got closer to actually doing it, I could feel her nerves rising. She was going through with it for me, not because she wanted to. So I scrapped the plan on the spot and reminded her the whole point of this is us having fun together, not checking a box.
Instead I pulled out some truth-or-dare prompts I’d written ahead of time — confidence stuff, flirting stuff, bringing it back to us. Took the pressure off and got her loose. It spiraled naturally from there into F-Marry-Kill with people at the bar, then guessing games about strangers (swinger? sexless marriage? into BDSM? throuple?). She was having a genuinely great time and I could see her head shifting into a different gear.
A guy ended up in the open seat next to us at the bar — turned out he’s in the lifestyle himself. He picked up on the fact that I was into it pretty quickly, actually — I mentioned the Strictly Anonymous podcast at some point and he connected the dots right away. She’s naturally friendly and curious, so she was asking him a lot of questions as the conversation went on. He knew the area well and took us to a whiskey bar down the street. We ended up on a couch together, her in the middle between the two of us, and things built gradually from there — hand near her, arm along the back of the couch behind her. At one point he checked in with me directly, made sure I was good with where things were headed. At one point while I was gone he asked her out directly.
We wrapped up the night not long after that and headed back to our hotel — just the two of us. He didn’t come back with us; he walked us partway since his car was nearby, then went his own way. Watching another guy work to earn her attention, while I was right there part of it, hit something in me I didn’t expect — genuinely one of my fantasies playing out in real time.
Back in the room after, just her and me, she was glowing — flattered, turned on, and she told me having me right there the whole night was what made her feel safe enough to actually enjoy it instead of just tolerate it. What followed was some of the most intense, dirty, uninhibited sex we’ve had in years. We’ve spent the last day just talking it through — how it felt from her side, from mine, and she’s suddenly got a lot of questions about lifestyle terminology she never asked before.
She’s still got two brand new dresses that never made it out of the closet this trip — already plotting a couple of date nights to put them to use. Open to suggestions.

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u/Local-Goose-9453 — 5 days ago

2nd baby step

We live in San Diego, so this wasn’t a big trip — just downtown for the weekend, staying at a hotel in the Gaslamp Quarter to shake things up and do something different from our usual routine.
First night we hit a Spanish tapas spot near the hotel — sangria, live music, good energy. When the club downstairs opened up we went down to dance. At one point I stepped away to grab a drink and just let her dance on her own for a bit. Didn’t take long before guys started circling in — she genuinely hadn’t noticed until I pointed it out. She lit up.
Second night was supposed to be a bigger “game” — deliberately putting her in a position to get hit on at a bar while I watched from a distance. As we got closer to actually doing it, I could feel her nerves rising. She was going through with it for me, not because she wanted to. So I scrapped the plan on the spot and reminded her the whole point of this is us having fun together, not checking a box.
Instead I pulled out some truth-or-dare prompts I’d written ahead of time — confidence stuff, flirting stuff, bringing it back to us. Took the pressure off and got her loose. It spiraled naturally from there into F-Marry-Kill with people at the bar, then guessing games about strangers (swinger? sexless marriage? into BDSM? throuple?). She was having a genuinely great time and I could see her head shifting into a different gear.
A guy ended up in the open seat next to us at the bar — turned out he’s in the lifestyle himself. He picked up on the fact that I was into it pretty quickly, actually — I mentioned the Strictly Anonymous podcast at some point and he connected the dots right away. She’s naturally friendly and curious, so she was asking him a lot of questions as the conversation went on. He knew the area well and took us to a whiskey bar down the street. We ended up on a couch together, her in the middle between the two of us, and things built gradually from there — hand near her, arm along the back of the couch behind her. At one point he checked in with me directly, made sure I was good with where things were headed. At one point while I was gone he asked her out directly.
We wrapped up the night not long after that and headed back to our hotel — just the two of us. He didn’t come back with us; he walked us partway since his car was nearby, then went his own way. Watching another guy work to earn her attention, while I was right there part of it, hit something in me I didn’t expect — genuinely one of my fantasies playing out in real time.
Back in the room after, just her and me, she was glowing — flattered, turned on, and she told me having me right there the whole night was what made her feel safe enough to actually enjoy it instead of just tolerate it. What followed was some of the most intense, dirty, uninhibited sex we’ve had in years. We’ve spent the last day just talking it through — how it felt from her side, from mine, and she’s suddenly got a lot of questions about lifestyle terminology she never asked before.
She’s still got two brand new dresses that never made it out of the closet this trip — already plotting the next weekend to put them to use. Open to suggestions.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 5 days ago

Another baby step

Sevilla was a hit — 2 min walk, sangria and tapas, live music, then danced downstairs when the club opened. Mixed crowd, good energy. I stepped away to grab a drink and let her dance on her own for a bit — guys started circling in without her even noticing. Pointed it out to her after. She was glowing by the time we got back to the room.
Rooftop was closed Saturday, so we ended up at 5th & Rose instead — better than the photos suggested, social enough to actually talk. As we got closer to doing the full bar game though, I could feel her anxiety climbing — she was doing it for me, not because she wanted to. So I called an audible. Reminded her it’s about us having fun, not checking a box.
Pulled out some truth-or-dare prompts I’d put together (confidence, flirting, bringing it back to us) — broke the ice without pressure. It morphed into F/M/K around the bar, then guessing games (swinger? sexless marriage? BDSM? throuple?). She was having a blast and it clearly got her head in the right place.
A guy ended up sitting next to us, turned out to be in the lifestyle — respectful the whole night, checked in with me before getting close to her, took us to a whiskey bar. She got properly flirted with by both of us at once, which is honestly a fantasy of mine.
Back at the room she was glowing, said having me right there made her feel safe enough to actually enjoy it. It got incredibly dirty and naughty after that. Still processing and talking through it today — she’s got a lot of new questions about the lifestyle now.
She’s still got two brand new dresses she never got to wear this trip — already thinking about the next adventure to put them to use. Any suggestions welcome.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 5 days ago

Another baby step

Sevilla was a hit — 2 min walk, sangria and tapas, live music, then danced downstairs when the club opened. Mixed crowd, good energy. I stepped away to grab a drink and let her dance on her own for a bit — guys started circling in without her even noticing. Pointed it out to her after. She was glowing by the time we got back to the room.
Rooftop was closed Saturday, so we ended up at 5th & Rose instead — better than the photos suggested, social enough to actually talk. As we got closer to doing the full bar game though, I could feel her anxiety climbing — she was doing it for me, not because she wanted to. So I called an audible. Reminded her it’s about us having fun, not checking a box.
Pulled out some truth-or-dare prompts I’d put together (confidence, flirting, bringing it back to us) — broke the ice without pressure. It morphed into F/M/K around the bar, then guessing games (swinger? sexless marriage? BDSM? throuple?). She was having a blast and it clearly got her head in the right place.
A guy ended up sitting next to us, turned out to be in the lifestyle — respectful the whole night, checked in with me before getting close to her, took us to a whiskey bar. She got properly flirted with by both of us at once, which is honestly a fantasy of mine.
Back at the room she was glowing, said having me right there made her feel safe enough to actually enjoy it. It got incredibly dirty and naughty after that. Still processing and talking through it today — she’s got a lot of new questions about the lifestyle now.
She’s still got two brand new dresses she never got to wear this trip — already thinking about the next adventure to put them to use. Any suggestions?

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 5 days ago

Friday/Saturday!

Going to Sevilla tomorrow night for dancing. Hoping wife gets hit on. Saturday going to Pendry rooftop for her to get hit on at the bar, if it’s dead may go to Rustic Root or Altitude. Staying at the Pendry.
She’s got new dresses, jewelry, lingerie, hair/nails done. Only 2nd time doing the bar game. Looking forward to the next baby step.
Thanks to so many of you for sage advice and recommendations.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 8 days ago

Friday/Saturday

Going to Sevilla tomorrow night. Hoping wife gets hit on. Saturday going to Pendry rooftop for her to get hit on at the bar, if it’s dead may go to Rustic Root or Altitude. Staying at the Pendry.
She’s got new dresses, jewelry, lingerie, hair/nails done. Only 2nd time doing the bar game. Looking forward to the next baby step.
Thanks to so many of you for sage advice and recommendations.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 8 days ago

Saturday night plan/feedback please

Nice bar for wife to get hit on?
Staying at the Pendry on the 22nd. Primary spot to play the bar game for the night is The Pool House (rooftop lounge at the hotel). If it’s dead, backups are:

  1. Rustic Root
  2. Altitude Sky Lounge
  3. AKA

Goal: a bar big enough that I can hang back and watch without being obvious, busy enough that she gets approached, but not so loud we can’t actually talk. Anyone been to these recently or have better suggestions for this specific vibe?
Really excited and really hoping she gets hit on.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 15 days ago

Saturday night plan looking for feedback

Bars for wife to get hit on????!!!!
Staying at the Pendry on the 22nd. Primary spot to play the bar game for the night is The Pool House (rooftop lounge at the hotel). If it’s dead, backups are:
1. Rustic Root
2. Altitude Sky Lounge
3. AKA

Goal: a bar big enough that I can hang back and watch without being obvious, busy enough that she gets approached, but not so loud we can’t actually talk. Anyone been to these recently or have better suggestions for this specific vibe?
Really excited and really hoping she gets hit on.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 15 days ago

Pendry Roof top bar?

Going to the Pendry downtown. Has anyone been to the rooftop bar? Looking for her to get hit on, I get lost in the crowd and she has some flirty fun. I’m curious if the vibe is right and it’s a busy enough place for her to get hit on.
Doing that on the 22nd. Going to Sevilla on the 21st to go dancing. Kinda hoping she gets hit on that night too. 😈
Advice for a back up bar?
Thanks!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 21 days ago

The Pendry?

Going to the Pendry downtown. Has anyone been to the rooftop bar? Looking for her to get hit on, I get lost in the crowd and she has some flirty fun. I’m curious if the vibe is right and it’s a busy enough place for her to get hit on.
Doing that on the 22nd. Going to Sevilla on the 21st to go dancing. Kinda hoping she gets hit on that night too. 😈
Advice for a back up bar?
Thanks!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 21 days ago

Bar game round 2!

Since April I have been in here asking advice, recommendations, etc. Our 1st outing was 3 weeks ago. Bet the wife she’d get hit on. It happened in 5 minutes and I won the bet. As the winner, she had to plan a weekend away for us. Well that weekend is the 21-23. Going to the Pendry and dancing on Friday the 21st. Then she wants to do the bar game on the 22nd. She’s still unsure about what she’s comfortable with and is excited to get hit on. I’m beyond excited as well. We have the room booked, dressing being shipped, and plans tentatively set.
Thanks to so many of you for the advice. She and I fooled around talking about it and oh man. So hot.
Have to share my gratitude as you all helped. Looking forward to her black dress, classy sexy, and her having a great time in the bar.
Thanks again all!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 21 days ago

Bar game bet -bar game

Since April I have been in here asking advice, recommendations, etc. Our 1st outing was 3 weeks ago. Bet the wife she’d get hit on. It happened in 5 minutes and I won the bet. As the winner, she had to plan a weekend away for us. Well that weekend is the 21-23. Going to the Pendry and dancing on Friday the 21st. Then she wants to do the bar game on the 22nd. She’s still unsure about what she’s comfortable with and is excited to get hit on. I’m beyond excited as well. We have the room booked, dressing being shipped, and plans tentatively set.
Thanks to so many of you for the advice. She and I fooled around talking about it and oh man. So hot.
Have to share my gratitude as you all helped. Looking forward to her black dress, classy sexy, and her having a great time in the bar.
Thanks again all!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 21 days ago

Bar game/Pendry Hotel

Moved our weekend away to the Pendry Hotel. Looks nice, never been.

We are going to play the bar game on the 22nd. Her getting hit in last time did wonders. I’m looking for best bars in the Gaslamp for that to happen again. She’s going to wear a black dress. Classy sexy, not slutty. So no dive bars. Needs to be big enough for me to observe without being seen, easy enough to talk in without being too loud. The speak easy scene seems to be smaller venues. Too small.
Please help!?!?!?
Recommendations appreciated! Thank you!!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 26 days ago
▲ 10 r/SanDiegoHotWives+1 crossposts

Next baby step

Created this with Claude as a proposal for winning our bet last time out. She’s not a hotwife. She did say she would play the bar game. So hopefully she’ll get hit on again.
Suggestions are welcome for improving or feedback.

u/Local-Goose-9453 — 29 days ago

Dress help?

The wife hates shopping! We are going for bar game pt II.
I’m excited and if I don’t suggest a good website or two for dresses, she will never get around to it. Being the great husband I am, I’m removing obstacles and looking for black dress, v neck classy sexy. Not slutty.
Striking out on my Google searches. Fellas, ladies. Help a dumb guy out to find a few websites to buy a nice dress, but not break the bank. Not looking for cheap, but don’t want to spend $400
Any suggestion are greatly appreciated!

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago

Bar game/bet payup! I won

Need some advice! The short recap. She gets hit on within 30 minutes at a bar. I win. If not she wins. Happened in under 5 minutes. That was a week ago. Full long version is here if you’d like to see.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SanDiegoHotWives/s/97ZlXltW3K

We have discussed it this week. Life, kids, work, etc. I did come up with a few questions. Things I had not asked the night of. Too excited and all.
So I asked how did he start up the conversation. She knew exactly. This was a surprise. She never recalls details like that. I asked a few more things and she was open honest and we just talked. There was no sex or anything going to happen. Just answering my questions.
Then we chatted about my weekend away that she has to plan. She totally up for it. We discussed one night of dancing. (Something she’s always been uncomfortable with) and the other night somehow became she’s willing to do the bar game again. (Utter, completely shocked) The night of she said it’s a one time thing. Ok, no problem or pressure. Her reasoning was that she put in minimal effort, and for it I was in the best mood/excited. Therefore my excitement made her excited and she wants to do it again. She admitted it was fun talking.
So we are going to do one of two things. 1-Bar game, see if she gets hit on or 2-invite a guy to get drinks with us both. The guy and I get to flirt with her together. This one she couldn’t quite get her head around and had to think about.
A lot changed in her over the course of this baby step. So here’s where I’m looking for wisdom:
-Is this common for such changes?
-When we talked about it she lit up?
-What else do I need to know that I’ve yet to think about or help her to think about? Yes we know boundaries and safety. I mean like knowing her anxiety would rise as we were about to go out. So helpful.
Thanks for the wisdom all. I appreciate any tips or insight as we go for another baby step. This is for us to have fun. There’s no pressure.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago

Won our bet, she’s willing to play again

Need some advice! The short recap. She gets hit on within 30 minutes at a bar. I win. If not she wins. Happened in under 5 minutes. That was a week ago. Full long version is here if you’d like to see.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SanDiegoHotWives/s/97ZlXltW3K

We have discussed it this week. Life, kids, work, etc. I did come up with a few questions. Things I had not asked the night of. Too excited and all.
So I asked how did he start up the conversation. She knew exactly. This was a surprise. She never recalls details like that. I asked a few more things and she was open honest and we just talked. There was no sex or anything going to happen. Just answering my questions.
Then we chatted about my weekend away that she has to plan. She totally up for it. We discussed one night of dancing. (Something she’s always been uncomfortable with) and the other night somehow became she’s willing to do the bar game again. (Utter, completely shocked) The night of she said it’s a one time thing. Ok, no problem or pressure. Her reasoning was that she put in minimal effort, and for it I was in the best mood/excited. Therefore my excitement made her excited and she wants to do it again. She admitted it was fun talking.
So we are going to do one of two things. 1-Bar game, see if she gets hit on or 2-invite a guy to get drinks with us both. The guy and I get to flirt with her together. This one she couldn’t quite get her head around and had to think about.
A lot changed in her over the course of this baby step. So here’s where I’m looking for wisdom:
-Is this common for such changes?
-When we talked about it she lit up?
-What else do I need to know that I’ve yet to think about or help her to think about? Yes we know boundaries and safety. I mean like knowing her anxiety would rise as we were about to go out. So helpful.
Thanks for the wisdom all. I appreciate any tips or insight as we go for another baby step. This is for us to have fun. There’s no pressure.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago

She got hit on in 5 minutes. I won. Now what?

My wife and I recently made a bet: she gets hit on within 30 minutes of getting a drink at the bar. She did—in less than 5 minutes. It was electric. The whole night turned into the most open, connected, and passionate we've ever been. You can see more about that night and story last weekend in my posts.

Now I won the bet. So for my prize, we're planning a weekend away. Here's the lineup:

Night 1: Sophisticated dance club. She wants to wear a stunning dress, feel glamorous, and have a night where we can really dress up and own the room. Think classy, not clubby—no sticky floors, strict dress code, great music.

Night 2: Our bar game, round two? She'll be dressed sexy and we're looking for a place with the right energy for her to get approached while I watch from the crowd. Another version may be I invite a guy to have drinks with us and flirt with her. She's not looking to take anyone home—it's about the thrill, the attention, and what it brings back to our room. I can’t promise anything.

What we're looking for:

  1. ⁠Hotel—Something with a vibe similar to the Lafayette Hotel. Historic, stylish, sexy. A great lobby bar where she can be seen and we can start the night right. We want to stay somewhere that feels like part of the experience.
  2. ⁠Bar—A spot with energy like the Lafayette bar. Classy, crowded, good lighting, excellent cocktails. No dive bars. She needs to be able to wear a great dress and stand out.
  3. ⁠Dance club—Upscale. Sophisticated crowd (30s-40s preferred). Dress code enforced. Music that makes you want to move but still allows conversation.

San Diego County—Gaslamp, North Park, or anywhere walkable or a short Uber ride. We're open to moving between spots, but proximity is a bonus.

Thanks in advance for the recommendations. I have a good list of bars from planning our last trip. This time I need to have a similar vibe for 2 nights and more fun

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago

She got hit on in 5 minutes. I won. Now what?

My wife and I recently made a bet: she gets hit on within 30 minutes of getting a drink at the bar. She did—in less than 5 minutes. It was electric. The whole night turned into the most open, connected, and passionate we've ever been. You can see more about that night and story last weekend in my posts.

Now I won the bet. So for my prize, we're planning a weekend away. Here's the lineup:

Night 1: Sophisticated dance club. She wants to wear a stunning dress, feel glamorous, and have a night where we can really dress up and own the room. Think classy, not clubby—no sticky floors, strict dress code, great music.

Night 2: Our bar game, round two? She'll be dressed sexy and we're looking for a place with the right energy for her to get approached while I watch from the crowd. Another version may be I invite a guy to have drinks with us and flirt with her. She's not looking to take anyone home—it's about the thrill, the attention, and what it brings back to our room. I can’t promise anything.

What we're looking for:

  1. Hotel—Something with a vibe similar to the Lafayette Hotel. Historic, stylish, sexy. A great lobby bar where she can be seen and we can start the night right. We want to stay somewhere that feels like part of the experience.
  2. Bar—A spot with energy like the Lafayette bar. Classy, crowded, good lighting, excellent cocktails. No dive bars. She needs to be able to wear a great dress and stand out.
  3. Dance club—Upscale. Sophisticated crowd (30s-40s preferred). Dress code enforced. Music that makes you want to move but still allows conversation.

San Diego County—Gaslamp, North Park, or anywhere walkable or a short Uber ride. We're open to moving between spots, but proximity is a bonus.

Thanks in advance for the recommendations. I have a good list of bars from planning our last trip. This time I need to have a similar vibe for 2 nights and more fun.

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago

Ideas? SD

I won our bet! I need help team!!!
You can see the full recap below.
In short, I bet she’d get hit on at a bar within 30 minutes, she took the bet. It happened in less than 5 minutes.
I win a weekend away and she has
to plan it. There are a few challenges I could use some help with please.
1-I always do planning and ideas. So this will need some suggestions from me. I need to get out of the room for a little fun too. I’m stuck at home bored out of my mind for years and need to get the fuck out to do something sexy fun.
2-there are limitations to work within. She’s not a full hotwife and may never be. I loved watching her get hit on, but doubt she will do that again. It will likely remain fantasy fun for the foreseeable future. That’s okay, no pressure.
However since this is for me I can suggest some things I’d like.
I’m plum out of ideas and could use a little inspiration. Role play? Maybe something that’s another baby step to helping her get comfortable?

Full disclosure. We do use dildos, a sleeve, and often role play. When she’s turned on and horny, she does like the idea of Mfm. She’s gone so far as to dirty talk a MMF. She likes DVP with her dildo. So it’s in there, just not adding a third at this time.

Please help with your wisdom, ideas, creativity?
I appreciate your suggestions.
Thank you!

https://www.reddit.com/r/HotwifeAdvice/s/bX9A4aTCSN

reddit.com
u/Local-Goose-9453 — 1 month ago