r/SwingerNewbies

Hey everyone I’m looking for some advice.

Me and my partner are looking to visit a club in the next few weeks for the first time and I guess I’m just looking for some advice maybe some dos and don’ts, things to be prepared for etc

A bit of background to us we aren’t entirely new to the scene just haven’t been to any swingers events as we’ve mainly just played with couples/people we’ve met over Feeld up to this point so I’m a bit nervous and I’d like to be as prepared as possible to hopefully make it as fun and sexy as possible.

So any advice anyone has would be amazing

Been having these thoughts, mostly cuck, for more than a couple years now. I know my wife and she finds the lifestyle a no no. We’ve seen some documentaries where some guys forced their wives to threesomes or other acts and she just stared at me like it’s gross.
I asked her last night if I had a desire to swing how’d she feel or her thoughts. She was like “kinda gross and kinda hot.” Left it at that.
For those where it seems or seemed heavily one sided, how did you manage to progress the conversation?

So many people wasting each other's time!... many people have told us, "paid apps are the way to go to weed out fakes and flakes". We are trying because flakes/ghosts are RAMPANT here apparently and its exhausting.

Example yesterday: On Kasidie app/site, we had an attractive and experienced older couple REACH OUT TO US saying they saw we were new and would "love to show us the ropes"

We were flattered, and chatted more for a good while. Their messages were longer and well thought out it seemed. They then invited us to either a telegram or 4 way text chat. We agreed and said we'd prefer the group text option since neither of us have telegram set up.

Next message back: "probably not a great fit. Good luck."

What!?!? Why the hell are you wasting people's time? Seems to be a ssuuuuuper annoying fucking theme. Is every app, including paid ones, just a bucket of horny dudes blasting people without checking with their wives first?

Don't get me wrong, you can change your mind and nobody owes us anything... but why in the world do so many people do this time wasting shit? Literally nothing changed between "let's all chat!" and "fuck everything we said all day, get lost"

We don't want to waste people's time and we don't want our time wasted. This is supposed to be fun, but it's starting to feel like the entire world is nothing but a Facebook marketplace posting with a bunch of bored unemployed old guys kicking tires.

Rant over.

Wife was so interested in swinging and we had Instagram profile also and she chatted with few couples and wives too . Suddenly recently with work and study we had less sex then everything is deviated and she seems not much interested now

I have been expressing my interest about swinging/threesome with my wife for about six months. From the beginning, she was always saying no and didn’t want to continue discussing it.

But today, at some point of conversation she was kind of laughing while being shy and saying maybe she will agree but she can't do it with a first meeting with the other person/s. She needs to first mentally connect with him/them. Later she again stopped saying anything about it.

Is this a sign that shows she is also interested but very shy at the same time? Should I still wait for her to be more comfortable?

Hey everyone,I’m a 34-year-old guy, been with my wife for 3 years, married for half a year. Our relationship is solid, sex is regular and good, but the idea of swinging / partner swapping has been growing on me more and more. I’d love to try new experiences, see her from a different angle, and share that excitement together.The issue is she’s not into it at all yet. When I’ve carefully hinted at things like “what if…”, she either jokes it off or says “nah, that’s not for us.” I don’t want to pressure her or put her on the spot — it’s important to me that she actually wants it herself, not just goes along for my sake.Anyone been through something similar? How did you gently introduce the idea to your partner? What steps actually worked (movies, bedroom fantasies, just talking, visiting a club to “look around,” etc.)? And what should I avoid so I don’t mess up the relationship?Would really appreciate honest advice from people who’ve been there. Thanks in advance!

We have done swings before and he's pretty open to it but I really want to have a 3some with him and another woman. Mostly just watching but he thinks it's a trap
Ik my account is new I had to delete my old account.

We've struggled to find play partners that actually commit to doing anything. Lots of flirting and such through messaging, but then they just kinda disappear. Maybe its us? Maybe its flakes?

We kinda hoped if we didn't fit the other couples' vibes perfectly, we may get at least someone saying "we have other friends that may be interested in talking with you" and then put them in contact with us... kinda like a girl might do for her friend "there's a guy you should meet"

Is this a thing that happens once we meet solid people? I know giving contact out without permission would be a huge no, but seems many would like the recommend?

44M37F couple no experience. Just thinking about trying the lifestyle but don't want to jump in with any commitment type meet. Do some couples let you watch with potential for soft swapping?

So, my wife and I have been in the lifestyle off and on for 13 years. We've probably been active 50-75% of that time. We met as singles in the lifestyle and got together. Back in '21, we took a break bc my wife was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's not going to happen anytime soon, but eventually it will be what kills her. Recently, she asked to get back into it and i agreed.

Once she met someone, everything was going well until she proposed swinging with this guy and his gf. They originally set everything up as hotwife. They were playing for a few weeks when she asked if I would be interested in his gf. I said yes and started speaking with her. We met a few times and had a good time playing on our last meet together. I've also been talking to another woman to play alone with.

During all this, I was in my head about my wife playing and we had some very interesting discussions. At first I had a problem with her frequency of play but I didnt think it would be an issue. Turns out it was for me and I was hot and cold for a few weeks. I suggested we shut it down and It was at this time that my wife stated that she didnt want to go back to vanilla and this is what she is doing. I get she was super frustrated with me and didn't really mean it, but I haven't been able to get that statement out of my head. Fast forward a few more weeks and everything is good and we are both setting up meets.

Over the last week, I forgot to message the first girl and set something up this week and when my wife inquired if I had talked to the first girl. I said no, it had been about 5 days and she got super pissed at me. She accused me of ghosting her and said that her relationship with the girls bf was in danger bc I dropped the ball and this was supposed to be a swinger thing. She then reiterated that she didnt want to go back to vanilla and that I better fix it. I did what she asked and am meeting the woman tonight.

I've just had some issues getting back into things and my wife thinks I tried to tank this relationship on purpose with her play partners gf. My problem is in thr beginning, I had not thought about playing with anyone because previously my wife didnt want me to play with anyone unless she was there participating, which is cool with me. I've never really played by myself before and I was super nervous at first but I think I've settled into it pretty well mentally. I guess im going to have to set a reminder to keep in contact witg these women bc all of this is like work.

My wife and I are brand new to the lifestyle and have been talking more seriously about actually meeting another couple.

We’re both excited about it, but I think we each have our own insecurity going into it. I’m an “average-sized” guy and definitely not what I’d call “well endowed,” and my wife is curvy. We’re very attracted to each other, but the idea of being naked/intimate around other people obviously brings those insecurities to the surface a little more.

For those who have been doing this awhile: did you worry about things like this when you started? And once you actually began meeting couples, did you realize it mattered a lot less than you expected?

We’re not looking for reassurance just for the sake of reassurance — I’m genuinely curious how much physical “perfection” matters versus chemistry, personality, confidence, hygiene, etc.

New to the scene question

Hey there!
(I’m sorry if this is not the proper way of going about posting I read the rules and it seemed like this would be fine!)

I am really asking just a brief question to see what the general consensus is. Is it odd / not normal for a couple to go to a swinger club simply to be exhibitionist? I think that is the proper term for it but we were just interested in going to a club simply to he “seen” while in the act; don’t necessarily want to do any swapping with anyone but want there to be others around / have others watching.

We are generally pretty vanilla but have been wanting to spice things up a little bit and this seems to perk both of us up!

If anyone has any recommendations otherwise with this please feel free to send them on over!

Thank you everyone in advance

I know size is a preference and I know most guys aren’t real big. Do many couples seek out big dicks, or are most swinger couples more open to any size?

Reason I ask, is my wife prefers big dicks, and she’s worried the other guys we play with won’t be big enough for her. It’s probably overthinking, but she wants what she wants. I have a big cock and she’s worried I’ll have better swap sex that her if the other guy isn’t big enough to make her come from PIV.

Obviously we both care to vibe with the other couple, but size is important to her. Too many commenters are getting offended over preference.

Anyone have any advice?

How do I (33f) handle this situation? I don’t want to keep him (35m) from fun, in fact I want him to enjoy himself. He’s timid as this would be a first for him. If he’s truly not interested in solo play I don’t want to push it. It would be a MMF situation.

So my wife(23f) and myself(26m) have both agreed we want to join the lifestyle but we aren’t sure how to put ourselves out there. Reddit seems to be full of catfishes or creeps and we aren’t too up to date on local groups. What would be the best way in y’all’s opinion to put ourselves out there and make some connections for this new journey?

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I am thinking about bringing a game with me to the next party. Any suggestions or ideas? Any new games that have become staples at your parties? Please share.

Been hearing about swinger clubs being a good place to feel the waters. My wife and I flirt with the idea a lot.
If you’ve been to a club, how did you manage to both get in there? Did one make the decision to go in or both had that mission? I bring it up because my wife and I drove to an adult store and I got cold feet when we got there haha

How do you guys check the scene in another country when traveling? I just got banned from an r/ for asking if swinging is accepted in that country 😅

Long story short, both 51, married 15 years. Vanilla sex, stuck in a rut. Wife suggested 'experimenting" with swinging and has bought tickets to First timers night (two fridays away). Rules are no taking details, same room only, any threesome has to include other partner, and must use rubbers (me and her) if we connect with any other couples. We both have to agree on anyone joining us. She's already sorted out babysitters, our outfits, hotel room I'm excited but also extremely nervous. She's petite and still pretty so I'm sure she'll get attention. I'm not the 'biggest' guy and short for a man. Hoping this doesn't affect our chances. What's the general age/body shape/race (I'm asian) at these venues? I'm comfortable in my own skin, just don't want to jeopardise her chances.

We are a young couple who have become really keen with the idea of adding a 3rd to our desires. We are both straight. I [M] don’t mind seeing a penis or if they touch by accident but I’m not keen in engaging with another [M] therefore what are some good positions you guys can recommend? Even suggestions on how to start out? Thanks