r/SwingerNewbies

My (43M/37F) wife and I have complimenting kinks that I assume are swingers-adjacent. We both like it when she gets attention, and have dipped our toes posting risque images of her on reddit and elsewhere, and she took well to it.

So with that in mind what would be the Do's and Don't Do's at a swingers club? In essence we're out for a night of her flirting with strangers, and maybe a little petting/oral between us depending on the mood. I won't be primarily there to talk to other women, unless of course the stars align and there's a stunner -to my taste-. I'm more interested in seeing light sexual tension between my wife and other men/women.

My wife and I are planning on attending our first swingers club event. As we have been discussing about boundaries if anything were to happen, we wondered if our expectations might come off as odd to another couple.

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For context a few months ago we have tested the waters where she had danced with the guy whos wife was also there. The wife and I just watched and I went to the washroom for a moment. We both enjoyed the experience however I just felt weird just watching but it wasnt jealousy more so of feeling lame. It was our holy shit moment and we had the best sex after. Nothing really happened, she was just grinding and he was being super respectful and complemented her both verbally and with a boner. It happened in the spur of the moment and we didnt really chat with them before it happened but it was hot nevertheless and his wife and I were cool with it.

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Next week, I cannot wait to see her in her slutty attire again soon and if the opportunity arrisses. We would like for both of us to be dancing the other couple, with no kissing but mutual touching on the dance floor where the ladies can use their hands to feel the excitement in our pants. We know that would turn us both on so much.

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How do we go about it? We dont want people to feel used or be unfair to them by teasing so much but not going all the way. Is this reasonable or are we just weirdos. We dnt have any expectations of anything to happen and are happy just being playful with each other as well and are not ready to have sex with other people

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So we have been married 7 years happily and neither of us were unfaithful ever. We both have been hit on before and we told the other about it.

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We recently had a appliance in our house crap the bed and the repairman has been out to our house twice to fix it. Once to determine the issue and the other was to install the part. My teenage daughter was there and said Mom told her "if I was single I would be all over him, hes cute". She told me he joked and said he wanted update pictures of our newborn. She told him she cant since she doesnt have his number. They obviously didn't share numbers.

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For years I have been having fantasies about swinging and even doing MFF and MFM with her, even FF if I can observe from the cuck chair lol. I think this might be a good opportunity to open the conversation but I dont know how to approach the subject.

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We have sex regularly it's becoming routine. She did offer to take me to a strip club once when we first started dating and I turned it down because I wasnt sure if it was a test or what. My previous ex had bad jealousy issues so I was NOT ready to risk it if she had the same jealousy issues.

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How would you approach your significant other and women what would you recommend to take in consideration that I haven't already.

My girlfriend and I have toyed recently with the idea of opening things up. We’re open minded but also very fit and relatively good looking (so awkward to say) so we would like to play within that range. Is that a thing or are we just being superficial? Don’t be mad at me I’m doing my best lol

Hi everyone, my wife and I (24F, 27M) are looking to take our first weekend trip for our first experience in the lifestyle. We stay in the Central Valley but were just looking for some comparison and contrast between what the scene is like in SoCal vs The Bay, this could be what types of clubs are there, what type of people go to those clubs, 420 friendly or not, and kinda just the general vibe of what the swinging scene in each area is like. We’re not looking to be “introduced” in to any city we go to, and aren’t interested in meeting with anybody from Reddit ESPECIALLY NOT SINGLE MEN OR WOMEN. We do explicitly want our first time to be at a sex club, so please no house or hotel parties either. Thanks yall

Swingers of Reddit, help a man out - how did you convince your gf/wife to swing?

I’ve never thought about this in the past because I thought the jealousy would eat me up but in the last couple of weeks I’ve dove into the community and honestly it’s such a turn on - getting to know someone, meeting them, and then eventually swapping partners or doing solo meets seems so fkn hot

So tell me, how did this conversation go and how did your partner go from reluctant to full on board

I went through my girlfriends phone and saw old messages from a few years ago with her flings - detailing how she rode them, sucked them off, got pounded and honestly nothing has gotten me this horny in a long time

She’s shown distaste towards this before but we had a convo yesterday and she’d be into FFM (I didn’t bring up MMF yet)

Tl;dr - Advice on how to get gf to fuck others

My gf (22f) and I (26m) are interested in going to a nude beach/resort. She’s extremely shy and self conscious but she has expressed interest in this so I’m trying to make our first experience something very relaxed and comfortable for her. We (mostly her) turn heads no matter where we go or what we’re doing so my instinct is to stick to the resorts with private beaches to avoid the creeps. The resort also would be a good starting point because it’s more social than a beach, which I think would diffuse some anxiousness about trying something like this, and if we love it, it allows us to get more and more ‘daring’.

So what would be some good recommendations for first timers? Are the nudist resorts and swinger resorts more or less the same? I also want somewhere that we’re not going to get funny looks at if we just want to keep our clothes on. TIA

My wife and I started dipping our toes into the LS in August 2025, we went on a few dates and made some connections but never really got an opportunity to play until we met a couple around December 2025. We went on a few vanilla dates and there was instant chemistry and connection. We set up our first play date in February and it went great. The were also a new couple and it was all of our first experience. Since then we've had a few more hotel dates, went to a club with them that wasn't really our speed and we all ended up playing at a hotel that night. We all went into this wanted to just soft swap and then potentially full swap.

We all really vibe well and are within 5 years in age of each other, both have young kids and basically just are in the same place in life which makes them super relatable. They've quickly become some of our closest friends. We got to the point where we all have decided that we just want to play with each other, mainly because of how comfortable we are together, and a STD/Safety aspect.

Now its very common for us to play at each others houses and around late April there was talk about potentially full swapping. We all agreed that the desire was there but that we all still needed to have additional conversations before we made the commitment. then around mid May we all finally did it, and its been an absolute blast. So for us, considering our first office play date was in February, it took us around 3 months to go from exclusively soft swapping to full swapping.

That being said, those that started off with only soft swapping that now full swap how long was the transition?

I had an amazing threesome with my partner and a female good friend of hers, who is very open sex positive, good boundaries. We talked after about the possibility of having a threesome with a man and my partner is excited by the idea, but nervous. It's a fantasy of mine to see her fucked by a man.

To be honest we both find much of the "lifestyle" either cheesy or sleazy. We've been hit on by couples, but not the right ones.

I've imagined friends, but we don't have a male version of her unicorn friend. We are traveling to Europe which presents some interesting opportunities away from our small town.

I should add we are in our 50s, but very active, juicy etc. been together a few years

Advice welcome🙏

F47/M47 Newish to the lifestyle… I've noticed that a lot of swinger communities seem very cliquey, and I'm genuinely curious why that is. I’m not sure if this is just in our area (New England) or not. Prior to actively being in the lifestyle we had an easier time meeting swingers than once we decided to jump in.
From the outside, the lifestyle is often described as open-minded, accepting, and focused on connection. But when I've observed local groups, events, and online communities, it sometimes feels like there are established social circles that can be difficult for newcomers to break into.
For example, we went to a meet-and-greet recently, and it seemed like most people already knew each other and spent the majority of the time talking within their regular groups. As newcomers, it felt a little awkward trying to join conversations because everyone appeared comfortable sticking with the people they already knew.
I've noticed something similar in online groups too. It often seems like the same people are always interacting with each other while newer members struggle to become part of the conversation.
I completely understand that trust and friendships are important in a lifestyle that involves vulnerability and safety. But it does make me wonder: if people already have these established circles, what role are meet-and-greets supposed to play? Aren't they meant to be opportunities to meet and welcome new people as well?
I'm not trying to criticize anyone or start drama. I'm genuinely curious whether others have experienced this and, if so, what you think causes it. Is it just human nature, or is there something specific about the lifestyle that tends to create these kinds of social circles?

We’ve been debating if our first full experience should be two newbie couples together just exploring slowly, or if we should try and find an experienced couple so there’s less awkwardness?

What do you all think?

Hey everyone, 42F here (hubby is 44) and we’re total newbies who just dipped our toes in last weekend. We’ve been talking about swinging for over a year reading posts here, listening to podcasts, setting all our rules (condoms always, same room only, etc.). Finally went to a house party through some friends in the lifestyle.

It started with flirty drinks and games. We ended up in a soft swap with another couple around our age lots of kissing, touching, oral, watching each other. No full penetration with the other partners, but it was still mind-blowing. Seeing my husband with her turned me on way more than I expected, and the chemistry with the other guy felt electric. The aftercare and debrief with my hubby that night was the best part we fucked like teenagers replaying it.

Nervous about going further next time, but it felt right. Any other newbies in their 40s who started soft and loved it? What was your first full swap like, and how did you handle any jealousy that popped up?

Looking for a little help I am a male (37) years old and would love to explore something new. I know this maybe the common post on here but I am really confused on where to begin?

I don’t live local to any clubs and wonder what apps are good/bad….

Looking for some honest guidance and I have already read so many threads and feel a bit overwhelmed.

For those that would like to connect I have an athletic build and 6.1. Dark hair and Blue eyes. (If any of that matters…)

When you host is it normal to host at your house with someone you haven't met up with before or is this usually a hotel thing

We did it! Sort of. No actual swapping took place but that was our intention for our first visit to a club.

TL;DR: went to a sex club for the first time, had an amazing experience, only played with each other.

Life has been super busy and we suddenly found ourselves with a free night and decided to go to a local club. Local for us is about an hour away. We decided ahead of time that this was a recon mission and that we would watch, maybe be watched, but otherwise just see what it's like, meet some folks, and just settle our nerves about the mystery.

The club we went to is known as the more laid back and diverse of the local clubs so we weren't sure what to wear. She went with some very sexy lingerie with garters and stockings under a nice, form fitting dress. I wore slacks and a short sleeve black button down. We were happy to find that we were well within the norm but we both got plenty of ideas for next time!

We got an amazing tour when we first arrived. The staff was welcoming, professional, and present without being overwhelming. The space was clean, well decorated, and had a nice layout with a couples/women only area, dance floor, lounge, hot tubs, etc...

We spent the first hour just cruising around, chatting with a few folks, and trying to figure out where we wanted to be. There was a little balcony overlooking the hot tub where we paused to make out and grope each other for a bit. When the next group of new folks on the tour came through, it was a funny feeling to be seen by everyone as we had our hands all over each other! It's hard to kick the "oh no! We got caught!" feeling! 🤣

They did a fairly brief speed dating activity that was fun but a little chaotic. After that, we decided to find a place for some more intimate fun. Our preference was a place where we could enjoy each other, be seen, but not be out in the middle of everything. There are options ranging from completely private to being the center of attention. We opted for a small room with a pocket door and we left the door open enough for one or two folks to watch. We took turns pleading each other orally and while she was giving me head, I could watch a couple of folks at the door watching her which was hot. We ended up fucking until we both came while listening to the folks in the next room moan and scream. Also very hot! 😁

We cleaned up, showered, and then sat and relaxed for a bit. There was plenty to see, including some rope play and impact play, lots of places to just watch people having various forms of sex, and plenty of places to just hang out. We left around 1am, very happy with our experience and ready to go back and maybe broaden our horizons a little more!

Me (F26) wants to watch my husband (M26) fuck other women. How can I tell him? I don’t want him to take it the wrong way but I want to spice it up a bit. I want to swap as well, but I am not sure if he would like that? Can anyone give me advice?

Hey all,

I am sure that has been answered before but I wanted to ask anyways. As a 25 year old single male I had always been intrigued by going to swinger clubs and it’s been something I wanted to give a try. However information seems vague as to which ones are the best ones, have specific age groups etc. So here are my questions.

1.) which clubs in NYC/NJ areas attract majority 22-30 age groups? As well as being the safest.

2.) is there any subreddits for finding potential partner who be interested in tagging along or would this subreddit be good for that?

3.) Are there specific cities that one would recommend to a beginner that lives in the east coast?

My partner and I (M33F30) are brand new to the LS. We’ve been passively referring to ourselves as ENM, but haven’t taken an intentional step towards anything until two weeks ago when we first attended a LS club. It was a bit overwhelming right off the bat (lots of tits and dicks in a short amount of time), but once we settled in, we started loving it immediately. We’ve messed around just the two of us in a more public setting, we’ve started to meet people, and we’ve already been back to the LS club two more times.

Even though we’ve gone out of our way to keep expectations low/nonexistent, we never could’ve expected how warm and welcoming this community is. We’re already wondering why we didn’t get involved sooner! So I guess we’re saying thanks for being such an awesome and accepting group of people.

Wife and I (both 41) have fantasized about swinging and sharing for a while.

My turn ons are sharing her and watching her with other men, however she pushed her luck and got me to agree to meet alone for the first few times.

Wife thought a guy she knows was hot, ended up messaging each other for a week.

He took her out on his boat last weekend and they hooked up.

He ate her pussy and poked her and made her cum a few times, but denied her his cock, so they can meet again.

It was a big leap for the first time, although very hot, we had to navigate a bit of a fight as it was alot more than I originally wanted to start with.

We have had tons of great sex this week, and she has been an extremely good girl for me.

Next she wants to meet to fuck him without me, and she keeps pushing for a sleepover, we will see how she goes about earning that as we explore with other singles and couples.

So very much deep end to start, with a bit of a bump of jealousy etc then overall an extremely hot situation.

My husband and I had been talking about swinging for almost two years before we finally got brave enough to actually do it. At 42, I was worried I’d feel out of place or that my body wouldn’t be “good enough” anymore. But one Friday night we drove two hours to a club we’d heard good things about.

We almost turned around in the parking lot. My hands were shaking as we walked in. The place was nicer than I expected dim lighting, good music, and people who actually looked like… normal couples. We grabbed drinks and mostly watched at first. A sweet couple in their late 30s started chatting with us at the bar. They were newbies too, only on their third visit.

After a while they invited us to join them in a private room. Nothing crazy at first just kissing and touching. I remember my heart pounding when the other woman kissed me. It felt strange but really exciting. My husband watched with this huge smile while her husband played with my breasts. We ended up doing a full swap that night. I was so nervous I almost couldn’t orgasm at first, but once I relaxed it was incredible. Feeling a new man inside me while I watched my husband fuck another woman… it was intense in the best way.

We drove home at 3am holding hands and laughing like teenagers. We’ve been back three times since