u/Tripp_555

27m aspiring third, and I'm wondering for couples, what is the first thing that you notice when scouting for potential thirds? I've recently suffered a string of rejections based solely on external factors, such as geography and age and my lack of a physique, and my penis size

Some things I cannot control, other things I can. What I'm wondering is, what is the first thing that you notice externally when looking for a potential third, because I'm trying to narrow down where I am crashing and burning that is causing me to suffer rejections because after a certain number it's more of a statement on me than anything

If the primary characteristic is age then there's nothing I can do, it's just not a game for me at this time sadly, but if it's something like body, it'll take a few years but I can eventually get there. Hoping to hear everybody's thoughts

27m aspiring 3rd here. Trying to seek out my first experience in the lifestyle, and the apps are garbage and Reddit is garbage for this. Then I learned about this event called Splash mocha where it's literally couples looking for a third and it seems perfect for me. It's about as close as you can get to a hot wife convention! Dream come true

At first based on the imagery of it...... I thought you had to be black to go as a single guy but it seems like that's not the case from what I can find on google, so for anyone who is actually been to one of these, I want to know what the qualifications are if there are any, and then what the vetting process looks like for being admitted as a single guy.

Additionally, let's say you get in, do you still have to buy a ticket and book a hotel room the same way on the website?

Im sure there's competition to get in,, so I want to know how selection happens. Mentally and emotionally, I would totally be in the top 1% because I worked to learn these dynamics and know my place as a 3rd is to add enjoyment rather than drama and assist rather than replace. Now, fitness..... is another story but then again I am Young in my 20s...... so my non-saggy skin, knees, and eyesight haven't disappeared yet like some of the 40s/50s geriatric 3rds in the lifestyle thinking they can still fuck properly.

So for anyone who has experience in splash mocha, tell me how it works! Thanks.

27m aspiring Bull here. Trying to seek out my first experience in the lifestyle, and the apps are garbage and Reddit is garbage for this. Then I learned about this event called Splash mocha where it's literally couples looking for a third and it seems perfect for me. It's about as close as you can get to a hot wife convention! Dream come true

At first based on the imagery of it...... I thought you had to be black to go as a single guy but it seems like that's not the case from what I can find on google, so for anyone who is actually been to one of these, I want to know what the qualifications are if there are any, and then what the vetting process looks like for being admitted as a single guy.

Additionally, let's say you get in, do you still have to buy a ticket and book a hotel room the same way on the website?

Im sure there's competition to get in,, so I want to know how selection happens. Mentally and emotionally, I would totally be in the top 1% because I worked to learn these dynamics. Now, fitness..... is another story but then again I am Young in my 20s...... so my non-saggy skin, knees, and eyesight haven't disappeared yet like some of the 40s/50s geriatrics in the lifestyle thinking they can still fuck properly.

So for anyone who has experience in splash mocha, tell me how it works! Thanks.

27M aspiring bull here. This past weekend, I threw my housewarming party and had so many of my friends and Co workers compliment my weight loss progress (nowhere near close to done) and I felt really good about myself.....I guess a little too good.

So afterward, I threw up an ad in a local r4r subreddit and even reached out to some couples who were looking.

Let's just say the confidence I had been building up came crashing down and was replaced by a healthy dose of humility.

And so I reached out to a few friends in real life who are real bulls/stags/hotwives.....really just to ask their advice, and several kept asking me:

"Why do you want this?"

"Would you be equally fulfilled with a FWB or a girlfriend? Why put so much effort in this rather than other types of sexual relationships?"

"What else do you want from this other than sex?"

These questions kind of threw me for a loop because I didn't have an answer.

But.....these questions got me to asking myself.

What's the difference between a bull.....and a guy who fucks women? Internally, externally, mentally, etc.

Want your perspective

27M aspiring bull here. This past weekend, I threw my housewarming party and had so many of my friends and Co workers compliment my weight loss progress (nowhere near close to done) and I felt really good about myself.....I guess a little too good.

So afterward, I threw up an ad in a local r4r subreddit and even reached out to some couples who were looking.

Let's just say the confidence I had been building up came crashing down and was replaced by a healthy dose of humility.

And so I reached out to a few friends in real life who are real bulls/stags/hotwives.....really just to ask their advice, and several kept asking me:

"Why do you want this?"

"Would you be equally fulfilled with a FWB or a girlfriend? Why put so much effort in this rather than other types of sexual relationships?"

"What else do you want from this other than sex?"

These questions kind of threw me for a loop because I didn't have an answer.

But.....these questions got me to asking myself.

What's the difference between a bull.....and a guy who fucks women? Internally, externally, mentally, etc.

Want your perspective

I'm(27M) an aspiring 3rd and really want to explore the lifestyle (assuming I can finish my weight loss and be attractive lol)

I began my journey 3 months ago and started learning all I can about the lifestyle and the dynamics within it and speaking to experienced people. Trying my best to get as much knowledge as I can ahead of time so if I do ever find play partners I can be the best 3rd I can be. I've also spoken to swinger couples and self identified "bulls" in my local kink community

So from what I've seen and what has been apparent viewing the posts on here, there seems to be 2 mentalities mainly between the husbands and the 3rds in the lifestyle.

The first mentality is that this is a couples activity where it's something that couple experiences together. This can manifest as a MFM or with the husband watching. FOR ME personally this feels like the more intoxicating way of looking at it. Being able to experience it with both people and creating a dynamic where you help enrich what they have.....idk it just gives me butterflies tbh, it's like a dream scenario. Teaming up with the husband who can show you what she likes and you both work together to make her feel like the sexiest, most desired woman in the world, it doesn't get better than that.

But on the other hand, some husbands and guy who call themselves "bulls" (but are fake because they don't seem to understand the dynamic).....they view it as something for HER and ONLY HER.....almost like a surrogate sex situation....or just a dynamic where he doesn't directly participate. For example, the husband may stay at home and just wait for her to come back or may just listen but not watch or join in. I don't understand what the point is. At that point it's a hookup, not something you experience together as a couple. I don't get the point and as a 3rd, I feel like it would be less intimate. But again, I'm only aspiring for now so take my words with a grain if salt.

So my question for couples and 3rds, do you view this as a couples activity or exclusively something for the wife and why do you see it that way? For me, I've always seen it as something a couple should participate in together and for me, I'd make sure both were included as much as possible.

So I am 27 and an aspiring third. I have been wanting to get more into the lifestyle ever since I had my first and only MFM experience a year and a half ago. I kind of lucked my way into it but the idea that a couple that I was friends with had trusted me so much that they allowed me into their Dynamic for an evening, and the husband thought that I was a great teammate to make the wife feel like the most desired woman in the world, that connection felt very special to me and it's not something that you get from a vanilla relationship.

I know I'm behind and should have started this when I was like 20.....but I focused on other areas of life sadly.

So my biggest issue here is that it seems that in all of the posts that I have read, most couples are looking for a guy who is built like a Greek God with a lot of experience, the problem is I don't have that experience aside from one time.... but you have to have experiences to get experience, so it's a catch-22 almost. It's like needing two years of experience for entry level job lol. So I have to get started somewhere

So I really want to explore this lifestyle more, but I want to know from everyone, what makes a great third? Now I know if you go look on my profile at my pictures, you're absolutely going to laugh LOL. I don't have the typical body of a 3rd at all but I like to think that I'm working on it by dieting and exercise and getting fit and hopefully I can get pretty trim one day. 50lbs down since october. So the physique is something that I'm working on, but I'm obviously also wanting to approach it from a mental and emotional place.

Obviously I think the most important thing is being able to be emotionally mature and to respect a couples dynamic. Being able to understand what it is that they're looking for and trying to offer the best experience possible. Understanding that youre there for them first and foremost and respecting their relationship. What is it that you find helps spark that level of comfort? What is it that helps you get into the mindset that a third is going to be a safe play partner and will be a great teammate if you're doing MFM or will be a safe guy if the wife is going solo. Other than the physical attraction. I think being able to hold a conversation is important as of course and being able to regulate emotions and understanding that as a third you're a prop for the couple to strengthen their relationship

So any and all advice is appreciated. Additionally any apps or websites or if it's better to meet in person organically, the best method that you have found for meeting thirds and what makes a great profile in order to inform couples that you are wanting to be a third. Thank you!

27M aspiring bull. Currently working on alot of self improvement (50lbs down since october)

Bought my first house last month, got it furnished, so I'm ready to host if necessary.

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So my question is, what's the best way to advertise yourself and put yourself out there so couples who are looking can find you?

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Feeld is garbage, Mayne it's just where I'm at but IF you find a couple (rare) they want unicorns rather than Bulls. Same with SDC, single males are basically rodents

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So that leaves Reddit and going to fetlife events?

There has to be more than that.

I guess there are swinger clubs nearby If you want to pay the ridiculous single guy tax

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So what am I missing? What are the best ways to market yourself to couples who are seeking bulls/a 3rd in general?

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Also in addition to fitness, any other skills to improve along the way or any other advice is greatly appreciated! Here's hoping I can find a place in the lifestyle!

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27M aspiring third/bull here. I have been wanting to get more into the lifestyle ever since I had my first and only MFM experience a year and a half ago. The idea that a couple that I was friends with had trusted me so much that they allowed me into their Dynamic for an evening, and the husband thought that I was a great teammate to make the wife feel like the most desired woman in the world, that connection felt very special to me and it's not something that you get from a vanilla relationship.

​

So my biggest issue here is that it seems that in all of the posts that I have read, most couples are looking for a guy with a lot of experience, the problem is I don't have that experience it aside from one, but you have to have experiences to get experience, so it's a catch-22 almost. It's like needing two years of experience for entry level job lol. So I have to get started somewhere

​

So I really want to explore this lifestyle more, but I want to know from everyone, what makes a great third? Now I know if you go look on my profile at my pictures, you're absolutely going to laugh LOL. I don't have the typical bull body at all but I like to think that I'm working on it by dieting and exercise and getting fit and hopefully I can get pretty trim one day. 50lbs down since october. So the physique is something that I'm working on, but I'm obviously also wanting to approach it from a mental and emotional place.

​

Obviously I think the most important thing is being able to be emotionally mature and to respect a couples dynamic. Being able to understand what it is that they're looking for and trying to offer the best experience possible. Understanding that youre there for them first and foremost and respecting their relationship. What is it that you find helps spark that level of comfort? What is it that helps you get into the mindset that a third is going to be a safe play partner and will be a great teammate if you're doing MFM or will be a safe guy if the wife is going solo. Other than the physical attraction. I think being able to hold a conversation is important as of course and being able to regulate emotions and understanding that as a third you're a prop for the couple to strengthen their relationship

​

So any and all advice is appreciated. Additionally any apps or websites or if it's better to meet in person organically, the best method that you have found for meeting thirds and what makes a great profile in order to inform couples that you are wanting to be a third. Thank you!

27M aspiring bull, I'm fascinated learning about the psychology and dynamics within the lifestyle and i feel the more I learn, the better i can be as a 3rd if this lifestyle has a place for me.

So for cucks, what makes you believe deep down that your wife will come home to you? Does the fear ever creep in that your wife will leave or just lose interest and stop intimacy altogether?

Like especially if you're locked and pussyfree, there's guys on here that can't even see her naked.

I guess denial is a thing some guys get off on but still it feels like it would be hard to maintain a relationship without intimacy.

So what makes you confident that at the end of the day your still her #1 if she has expressed she doesn't want to be intimate with you?

And for any wives, what keeps you committed to your cuck husband rather than running off with a lover? How do you maintain desire and respect for your husband if you don't want intimacy with him? What keeps you in a headspace where you want to come home to him?

Is it just trust? Maybe the thought is foreign to me because I've never had someone in my life I trusted that much.

Thanks for yalls responses. I love learning this stuff because I feel it helps me approach the LS in a much better headspace if this LS has a place for me.

27M aspiring third/bull here.

I've been wanting to get more into the lifestyle ever since I had my first MFM experience a year and a half ago. The idea that a couple that I was friends with had trusted me so much that they allowed me into their Dynamic for an evening, and the husband thought that I was a great teammate to make the wife feel like the most desired woman in the world, that connection felt very special to me and it's not something that you get from a vanilla relationship.

So my biggest issue here is that it seems that in all of the posts that I have read, most couples are looking for a guy with a lot of experience, the problem is I don't have that experience it aside from one, but you have to have experiences to get experience, so it's a catch-22 almost. It's like needing two years of experience for entry level job lol. So I have to get started somewhere

¹

So I really want to explore this lifestyle more, but I want to know from everyon, what makes a great third? Now I know if you go look on my profile at my pictures, you're absolutely going to laugh LOL. I don't have the typical bull body at all but I like to think that I'm working on it by dieting and exercise and getting fit and hopefully I can get pretty trim one day. So the physique is something that I'm working on, but I'm obviously also wanting to approach it from a mental and emotional place.

Obviously I think the most important thing is being able to be emotionally mature and to respect a couples dynamic. Being able to understand what it is that they're looking for and trying to offer the best experience possible. Understanding that youre there for them first and foremost and respecting their relationship. What is it that you find helps spark that level of comfort? What is it that helps you get into the mindset that a third is going to be a safe play partner and will be a great teammate if you're doing MFM or will be a safe guy if the wife is going solo. Other than the physical attraction. I think being able to hold a conversation is important as of course and being able to regulate emotions and understanding that as a third you're a prop for the couple to strengthen their relationship

So any and all advice is appreciated. Additionally any apps or websites or if it's better to meet in person organically, the best method that you have found for meeting thirds and what makes a great profile in order to inform couples that you are wanting to be a third. Thank you!

For some reason the titles have to be under a certain amount of characters but let me clarify what I mean by this question.

What would you say to a person who is not into being a cuck whatsoever, but deep down is afraid that it is the only way they would ever be in a relationship

For context, I'm a 27M aspiring bull, my kink is being a 3rd....it's just what I'm into.

Here's the problem....I'm a virign.

I'm not interested in being a cuck at all, in fact being cucked.....given my background.....would be emotionally traumatizing to me. It's not for me, never will be.

However, last week I was reading some content on Reddit about the hotwife lifestyle and how I'm trying to improve myself and put myself out there into circles where i can meet folks who are looking for what I offer, not necessarily even in a cuck dynamic (though being cucked by a virgin bull might be a cool angle....idk). I also want to try dating as well to get more experience with women.

But after reading that stuff and a few instances in real life where i wanted to ask out 2 girls In run club but they both already had boyfriends...... the thought occurred to me, what if the only way I could be In a "relationship" was as a cuck.....otherwise no woman would want me ?

I'd never consent to that at all......and realistically I'd rather die alone than be cucked, and I'd never submit to anyone....but the thought hit me, what if that was the price I had to pay to have a woman in my life?

Idk. What would you say to someone who would never want to be a cuck but their insecurity about being a virgin made them feel it was inevitable?

So there's many Dynamics Within flr's. Obviously at the core, women lead and make all the decisions. But within this there can the other things like Chastity and cucking.

My question is, what if the male within the relationship revokes consent? How would you or your partner react if you/he did this?

Let's say he comes up one day and says " hey babe, I've had enough of this. I feel unseen and unwanted and I think that it has gone too far. I'm going to take a break. No more chastity, no more cucking, and now we are egalitarian in the decision making. Keys please."

How would you/your partner take this and what would you do? Would you honor it and go back to normal? Would you have a dead bedroom? Would you break up?

Im just curious to see how consent is viewed within a power dynamic because it seems in alot of FLRs both people don't really appreciate the gravity of what is at stake.

Not sure if this question comes from just not knowing how it works so my apologies. But let's say you do an intense scene and get through it and need aftercare.

Well you don't really want your domme to do it because they just got finished beating you and you can't look at them right now until you come down from sub space.

So what would you think about getting a 3rd neutral person who's only job is to provide that comfort that you're genuinely safe again?

What makes you not scared of handing over autonomy? I was shown chastity content without consent by a person I have now blocked ......and I found it triggering

I grew up with a VERY controlling mother who was verbally and physically abusive towards me growing up, so many femdom themes when I see them take me back to a very unsafe place.

So my question is, when you are submitting and willingly hand over your autonomy, identity, and self ownership, how do you know you won't be hurt or abused?

I know safewords exist.....but they are only as good as you trust your partner to honor them.

And people mention aftercare, again what if you are too traumatized to participate in it?

This is a discussion intended for both couples and Bulls. Some important context is I am a 27m aspiring Bull. I had one hot wife experience about a year and a half ago that I kind of lucked my way into but I knew nothing about the lifestyle at the time and now I'm trying to be more intentional about the lifestyle.

So first, what is the best way you've found (apps, sites, pics, etc) to meet people looking for a 3rd? I was wondering specifically what platforms you used to find couples/bulls as well as how you go about advertising your needs/ services. What combination of putting yourself out there offers you the best visibility for people to reach out to you? Like what is the best combination of what pictures to post/ where to post them / where to reach out to people looking for a 3rd?

Do you seek them out or let them come to you?

Additionally if you had any recommendations for common mistakes that entry level Bulls make to avoid and useful differentiating things, Etc. Just looking for advice in general on how to best equip myself for wanting to put the best version of myself out there. I feel like I could be doing a better job of my visibility but I don't know the best way of doing it.

The second part of the discussion I guess is more on the Bulls side. How do you deal with a lack of success and not let it affect your self worth? Obviously with all the competition and with life getting in the way amongst other things and that leads to periods where you just aren't getting any success So what do you do?

Obviously I'm continuing to put myself out there and hit the gym to focus on my physique and always be open to Opportunities when they come about, but inevitably there will be times where nothing is happening. I've lost 46lbs since october and also closed on a house last week and am moving in, going to church and my running club, learning how to talk to women better, so I am making life improvements....but life still feels "empty"

So how do you keep going and not let it get you down?

Thanks so much for the discussion

27M aspiring bull. Obviously with all the competition and with life getting in the way amongst other things and that leads to periods where you just aren't getting any. So what do you do?

Obviously I'm continuing to put myself out there and hit the gym to focus on my physique and always be open to Opportunities when they come about, but inevitably there will be times where nothing is happening.

So how do you keep your life full in the meantime? Obviously working hard at my job, hitting the gym, keeping up with my diet, I closed on my first house last week so I will be doing DIY Renovations and building new furniture for myself. Events on fetlife, running club, trips to the local nude beach with friends....but Idk I feel like during this period of nothing happening I'm just "empty"?

Any advice on how to handle that? How do you let that not affect your self worth?

27M aspiring bull here. So height and dick size are obviously things we can't control. I'm 5"10' in boots and slightly above average in size. Not asking about these things.

What I AM asking is things you CAN control that helped your success rate after you started doing it.

For example, a nice physique always helps, so I started going to a running club and started a new weight lifting routine and I am down 46lbs since october. A little over half way to my goal!

Having lost all that weight, I need to get a new wardrobe because nothing fits anymore.

So having a more built body, better style, learning how to talk and hold a conversation, etc.

I'm asking what are some things you've done and changes you've made that you noticed was helpful in your time in the Lifestyle?

I am an aspiring bull and wanted to know how to get my feet wet in the lifestyle. I was wondering specifically what platforms you used to find couples as well as how you go about advertising your services. What combination of putting yourself out there offers you the best visibility for people to reach out to you? Like what is the best combination of what pictures to post/ where to post them / where to reach out to people looking for a 3rd?

Do you seek them out or let them come to you?

Additionally if you had any recommendations for common mistakes that entry level Bulls make to avoid and useful differentiating things, Etc. Just looking for advice in general on how to best equip myself for wanting to try the lifestyle thanks!